February Or Forever (10 page)

The traffic slowed near the turn-off to the tiny township of Tarrin's Bay Hills, and as cars filtered out, probably leaving the fair behind, more cars filtered in along with her. She passed a group of rowdy teenagers with football jerseys getting into a car. Perfect timing; as Drew had said, many locals would be off to the footy.

‘Look, Mum, a huge slide!' Kai pointed to the right as they turned into the street alongside the reserve where the fair was held. A humungous yellow plastic slippery slide stood proud in the corner, and Chrissie spied a couple of kids slipping down the length of it, no doubt grinning all the way down. Maybe Kai would forego his strict itinerary and opt for a few slides before the pony rides.

Chrissie pulled into one of a few available parking spots and had barely put the handbrake on before the kids had unbuckled their seatbelts, clambering to get out and into the fun.

‘Whoa, hang on kids.' Chrissie tugged on Kai's t-shirt. ‘Here you go, keep these in your pockets. It's got my phone number on it in case of emergencies.' She handed them each a scrap of paper. She really should get one of those ‘mother cards'. ‘Also, let's organise a special spot to meet up in case — and I don't mean it would be likely to happen — but just in case anyone gets lost.' The reserve was large but not too expansive, but the lack of barriers surrounding it meant that it would be easy for kids to wander off. You could never be too careful.

‘How about the big slippery slide?' Kai asked.

‘Great idea. Why don't we head over there now, and remember, if you get lost, go straight to the slippery slide. Okay?'

‘Okay,' they echoed.

The queue was almost as long as the slide itself, clearly the attraction of the day. Luckily, it moved quickly as it took mere seconds for someone to slide down the thing. It reminded Chrissie of cooking — spending ages preparing a meal, only to have it wolfed down in minutes. So unfair. Especially when it was met by an ‘I'm still hungry' comment from a growing child.

‘Are you having a go too, Miss?' asked the slide attendant, a short chubby man of about fifty.

‘Oh, um…'

‘Yes, you go too, Mum! We'll see you at the bottom.' Kai curled around behind her and pushed her forwards, then scooted in front of her again. Whatever happened to ladies first?

‘I guess I am,' she said to the man.

‘Here you go.' He handed each of them a mat to sit on. ‘Only two at a time, kids, take a spot near the red markings.' He pointed to two places at the top of the slide. ‘Sit on the mat and lean back a little. Steve will give you a little push.' He pointed to another man, younger, who stood at the top of the slide.

‘You ready, boys?' Chrissie asked.

‘Yep.' They took their places and Kai's eyes lit up on looking down.

Whoosh! They both slid down the wavy slide, Sam tipping slightly sideways and for a moment Chrissie thought he might topple off the mat. When they reached the bottom, Steve ushered her and a child behind her to the two allocated spots.

What am I doing?
It'd been years since she'd been on one of these. Maybe it would be good for her to do something fun and childlike. Maybe it was just what she needed to loosen up and deal with…

Whoosh!
Whoa!
Fresh air pushed past Chrissie's face and lifted her hair from her shoulders like a cape. She couldn't help but grin, and the air had helped pushed her mouth back into a wide smile too. She slowed to a stop at the bottom, Kai cheering from the sidelines.

‘That was awesome fast, Mum, how come you went faster than me?'

Because I'm a tad heavier than you, my darling.
‘Who knows?'

She handed her mat to the attendant and adjusted her pants.

‘Ooh look! There are the ponies. Let's go on them!' Kai pointed, then tugged Sam's shirt.

‘Stay with me, boys, don't run off.'

Sam slowed down and walked alongside her, obviously conscious of being a ‘good boy' so he could get his extra ice-cream tonight.

They walked to the cordoned off riding area, the ponies appearing to move in slow motion compared to the speed of the slide.

‘Are you going to go on one too, Mum?' As was the case with an only child, Kai always expected his mother to be his playmate.

‘No, I think I'm too big. I'll just watch you two.'

Sam and Kai were helped up onto the back of the calm animals, and a guide held onto a rope attached to the reigns and led them around the circle.

‘I'm a cowboy,' said Kai as he rode past Chrissie. He turned back to Sam riding the pony behind him.

‘Me too,' said Sam. ‘I'm Cowboy…Cowboy Warrior!'

Kai laughed. ‘I'm, um…' he let go of the reigns with one hand and tapped his chin. ‘…Cowboy the Great!'

Chrissie laughed and plucked her phone from the small knapsack she'd strung diagonally over her body for easy carrying. She clicked a few pictures, one of Sam with a ‘thumbs up' sign and Kai with his fist powering into the air.

‘That was cool,' Kai said on dismounting the pony.

‘Way cool,' said Sam.

‘Where are the lucky dips, Mum?'

Chrissie scanned the fair; people dawdling along, kids licking toffee apples, chirpy sideshow music filling the air… ‘Um, should be somewhere over there I think.' They walked in the direction of stalls selling arts and crafts. She eyed her surroundings and homed in on a group of kids standing near one of them.

Lucky Dips ~ $2 each or three for $5,
the sign said.

I think one will be plenty.
Chrissie remembered the boxes of Kai's toys she had yet to unpack at the beach house. ‘Two boys' lucky dips, please,' she asked the woman behind the stall, handing her four dollars.

Kai and Sam crouched in front of the large box on the ground, eyes moving all over trying to ascertain which wrapped package would contain the most desirable prize.

Kai plunged his hand in and rummaged around.

‘Maybe this one.' He pulled one out, feeling it with his fingertips. ‘Nah.' He dropped it, picking up another. ‘This one instead.' He ripped the paper and revealed a yo-yo with a smiley face on it. Fantastic. A toy he'd probably struggle to learn to use. Might be one for Victor to teach him, as Chrissie didn't know if she had the patience.

‘Cool,' Kai remarked, clearly unaware he'd scored something almost as tricky as the Rubik's cube.

Sam chose his prize and unwrapped it, holding up a silver whistle on a ribbon. ‘Oh, a whistle!' he said, hanging it around his neck and wrapping his mouth around it, releasing a loud blow. Kai blocked his ears.

I bet Sarah will be over the moon with that.
Chrissie chuckled.

‘Here, Kai, I'll keep the yo-yo in my bag so you can try it out at home.' She took it from his hands.

‘Can we get a toffee apple?' Kai pointed to a display of glossy red things on sticks.

‘How about we wander around a bit first, go on a few more rides, and then we can sit down and have one, yeah?'

The kids agreed and they spent the next hour or so enjoying the sights, amusements, and activities on offer, including petting the cute baby animals.

Chrissie headed over to the public toilets and waited at the entrance of the men's for each child to go, then ushered them into the ladies bathroom. ‘You boys wait right here, okay? I'll just be a couple of minutes.' It was hard knowing what to do with a growing boy when it came to public bathrooms. When Kai was younger she'd bring him into the cubicle with her, but now he was older it was a bit weird, and even now, if she left him waiting near the sinks some women would scoff at her for letting her male child be in the ladies room. What was she supposed to do? She wouldn't dare leave him outside, vulnerable to being taken by some weirdo. At what age was it okay to start doing that? She couldn't bring him in with her forever. She wondered how fathers of daughters managed, it would be even trickier to have to bring a female child into a male bathroom with the risk of seeing a lot more than one should at a young age.

Chrissie finished up and washed her hands, then peered around the corner to where she'd left the boys standing near the entrance.
Oh no.

She dashed outside. ‘Kai? Sam?' Her heart pounded and blood pumped rapidly through her veins. ‘Kai! Where are you?' she yelled.

‘Boo!' Chrissie jumped as Kai leapt from behind the toilet block and flashed one of his award-winning scary faces, Sam giggling.

‘Kai!' She crouched and pulled him in close. ‘Don't you ever do that again! I didn't know where you were. When I tell you to stay put I expect you to stay put, young man.' She held a hand to her chest to steady her heart, and glanced at a guilty-looking Sam.

‘I'm sorry, Mrs Chrissie, it was Kai's idea.' Ha, the consequences of ratting out one's mate were obviously nothing compared to not getting any ice-cream.

Chrissie looked at Kai.

‘He's right, it was my idea. I thought it was a good one.'

‘Well it wasn't. At home maybe, but not in public. I need to know exactly where you are at all times.'

Kai hung his head. ‘Sorry, Mum.'

‘Okay, well you're forgiven, as long as you've learned your lesson.' She eyed both the boys.

‘Yes,' they agreed.

Sam held up his whistle. ‘Would you like to keep my whistle? You can have it if you want.'

She smiled. Prepared to give up his whistle for a shot at extra ice-cream. This kid might have a serious case of dairy-dependence.

‘No, that's okay, Sam. But thank you, it was kind of you to offer.'

Sam let the whistle fall to his chest.

‘Okay, now that you've learned your lesson, let's get back to the fair.'

‘You mean we can still have fun? We're not going home early for punishment?' Kai asked.

Chrissie feigned seriousness. ‘Well, it did cross my mind, but as long as you promise to be extra good we can stay a while longer. Deal?'

‘Deal.' The kids held out their hands and Chrissie shook them, sealing the agreement.

‘Now, who wants a toffee apple?'

‘Meeee!'

Chrissie paid for the teeth-rotting sweet treats and took them over to a seating area to watch some side shows. There was a juggler, a ventriloquist, and,
oh no
. Not one of those things. Chrissie looked at the transparent tub filled with water and the tall structure with a seat on it. One of those ridiculous dunking games. ‘Dunk a firefighter!' the sign read. Apparently if you could hit the button hard enough with a rubber hammer it would let the clasp loose and the victim would fall into the water below. All this to raise funds for the Rural Fire Service. Couldn't they have taken donations instead? Or made a raunchy calendar, surely that would bring in the big bucks? She'd buy two copies, one for her, one for Melinda as a Christmas present.

‘Can I have a go at that?' asked Kai, pointing to the firefighter sitting atop the chair.

‘Ah, no, I think we'll leave that one, it's a bit tricky.'

‘I'll just watch then.' The boys licked their toffee apples and focused on the dunking game. A teenager with hammer at the ready hit the button. Nothing. He hit it again, and still nothing. He gave it one final enthusiastic hit, and suddenly the man had dropped through the gap and a flurry of water whooshed around him in the tub. His arms and legs flailed, and although he was putting on a show, Chrissie's heart raced.
Come up, come up,
she chanted to herself. The man rolled around under the water, his body visible through the clear tub apart from the froth created by his movements.
Oh God, just get out of the water!
Heat crawled across Chrissie's back and her chest tightened. She clutched at it, twisting her top into a knot. She swallowed a heavy lump in her throat and as the man surfaced with a big grin on his face she let go of her top, forcing herself to take slow deep breaths.

It's okay, it's just a game. He's okay, no one can get hurt here, it's not deep enough.
She kept bringing her thoughts back to reality. Just because she never saw Danielle resurface didn't mean that every person who ventured underwater would be destined to suffer the same fate. But still, it was easier, safer, not to take the risk. Humans didn't need to swim, it wasn't a necessity for a full life. She knew how of course, had learnt as a child, but so had Danielle, and that hadn't saved her.

‘Are you still angry at us, Mum?' asked Kai, eyeing her with concern. It was only then Chrissie realised her turmoil must be apparent to the youngsters and she forced a smile and casually leaned back in the seat. ‘No, I'm not angry. Everything's okay. I'm just a bit puffed out from all this fun!' She ruffled his hair and Sam's concerned expression relaxed.

‘As soon as you're finished eating those apples, how about a few more goes on the slippery slide before we head home?'

‘Yes!' Kai said, then munched on his treat at twice the speed. ‘Mum, you could watch us at the bottom of the slide and tell us who goes faster.'

‘I will.'

And she did, making sure they both got equal opportunity to be the Slide King to avoid any disappointment.

As they walked to the car, happy yet tired, Chrissie's mind went over her near panic attack at the dunking game. She couldn't risk those things happening when she had children under her care. Not that anything bad would happen, except a bit of hyperventilation, but she didn't want to scare them, and certainly didn't want to risk Sarah not allowing Sam to play with Kai on the impression that his mother was a complete basket case. She'd have to get around to going back to therapy with a new practitioner. Or be stricter with her techniques and use that hypnosis CD the psychologist had given her to deal with her fear of water. Maybe living near the ocean would eventually help her desensitise and come to grips with it. Either that, or make things ten times worse.