Festival of Shadows (17 page)

“Give me your arm,” Theo said.

“Keep dreaming, teddy!”

“I said give me your arm.”

Ludwig laughed, but Theo moved quickly. He grabbed Ludwig’s arm, yanked it off and hit him over the head with it.

“Thanks.”

Ludwig tried to get up, but the big baby stomped over and sat on him.
 

“Baby doesn’t like you,” the halibut said.
 

Ludwig struggled under the baby and then groaned.
 

Theo plucked off Ludwig’s pointer finger and threw the rest of the arm back at him. “Change of heart.”

He left the bar as everyone cheered at him.
 

~ Continue.
 

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“Tweedle-dumming tweedle-dweeb?” the halibut asked. “Well, it’s certainly not the worst insult I’ve ever heard. It’s good enough for Baby.”

The big baby laughed so hard that he fell off the bar.

“We have a winner!” the halibut yelled, holding up Theo’s hand.
 

“I want a rematch!” Ludwig said, stomping up and down.
 

“Give me your arm,” Theo said.

“Keep dreaming, teddy!”

“I said give me your arm.”

Ludwig laughed, but Theo moved quickly. He grabbed Ludwig’s arm, yanked it off and hit him over the head with it.

“Thanks.”

Ludwig tried to get up, but the big baby stomped over and sat on him.
 

“Baby doesn’t like you,” the halibut said.
 

Ludwig struggled under the baby and then groaned.
 

Theo plucked off Ludwig’s pointer finger and threw the rest of the arm back at him. “Change of heart.”

He left the bar as everyone cheered at him.
 
 

~ Continue.
 

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“One key down,” Theo said, approaching the circus grounds.
 

The circus grounds were unkempt—weeds grew everywhere and the carnie stands were in disrepair. The funhouse, a huge purple box with an angry mouth painted on it, was in need of paint, and the building looked like it was going to fall over any minute.
 

Theo paused when he spotted Verona sitting on a stump near the funhouse and playing with a lighter.
 

“We’re the keys to success,” she said. “What was the password? Ooooh, I can’t remember!”

She stood up and did a ballet pose—“Ta-duuuuuh . . .”—then lost her balance, fell off the stump and hit her head. “I just can’t remember.”

She pulled a slip of paper from her pocket and read it. “Oh, that’s it! How could I forget? It’s—oh yeah, I shouldn’t say it out loud in case someone is listening.”

I need to get that piece of paper.

Theo grabbed a rock and threw it. It thunked off the funhouse.

“Yeeep!” Verona shouted, jumping three feet into the air. “Who’s there?”

The breeze blew and rustled some leaves. Verona sat on the stump chattering her teeth.
 

“L-Ludwig? That you? You know how I hate when you play tricks on me. You better not be hiding inside the funhouse with a handful of insects like last time. I hate insects!”

She pulled a flashlight from her pocket and approached the funhouse; Theo tip-toed behind her and turned the Whatsamadoozle into a giant claw. He aimed it at her pocket just as he stepped in a patch of dry weeds. They crackled, and Verona started to turn around.

“Who’s there?”

Theo turned the Whatsamadoozle into a:

~ Giant daddy longlegs
.

~ Giant kissing cockroach.

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The daddy longlegs was twice Verona’s size. It skittered toward her, but she laughed.
 

“That doesn’t scare me,” she said with a long face. “Who’re you?”

Theo turned the spider into a slingshot, and he aimed it at her. “Empty your pockets.”

Verona dug into her pockets and pulled out many things—a goldfish bowl, a light bulb, a computer mouse, a miniature Christmas tree—but not the slip of paper.

“How do you fit so much in there?” Theo asked, flabbergasted.

Verona shrugged, and then she pulled out a bazooka. Before Theo could react, she fired, and the explosion sent him flying.
 

“Leave me alone, stupid!”

Theo landed in a dark alley.

“So much for that,” he said.

Nearby, there was a mansion on a hill overlooking the town. It was German-looking, with a brick and half-timber exterior. He had never seen such a huge mansion before.

He snuck toward the manor and came to a wrought-iron gate blocking the way. Grabbing a barrel from the alley, he climbed on top of it and threw himself over the gate.
 

The front lawn was manicured, and there was a fountain with a statue of a laughing clown’s face; water streamed from its eyes, but it was smiling.
 

He snuck around the side of the mansion, peeking in the windows as he went. There was nothing of interest inside—just fancy rooms with expensive decorations.
 

As he rounded the side of the house, bright light and heat suddenly surrounded him. Theo found himself standing in a library stacked wall-to-wall with old books.
 

How did I get in?

He stepped back and saw that the rear exterior of the mansion was missing, exposing the rooms. Here and there, teddy bear butlers moved throughout, dusting, cleaning, spraying, and waxing.
 

It’s a doll house.
 

He could hear Andersen in a bedroom on the second floor, snoring on his bed.
 

Theo entered the library again and listened at the door leading out. Hearing nothing on the other side, he opened it and snuck into the hallway. The shiny wood floor was slippery under his feet, and portraits of toys, painted in oil, hung unevenly along the walls. Beneath each portrait was a caption in plated gold.

One portrait showed a serious-looking futuristic robot with a star on his chest, crawler treads for feet, and a laser gun in both hands. The caption underneath the photo read (FORMER) MAYOR ROBO. A knife had been stuck in the painting where the robot’s face was.
 

He saw another portrait of a jack-in-the-box with legs. Its caption read (FORMER) MAYOR JACK, and a knife was stuck in his face, too.
 

All down the hall were portraits of different mayors with knives stuck in their faces, except for one at the end of the hall—Andersen’s.

In his portrait, Andersen stood against a black background with his arms folded like a gangster, half his face covered in shadow. Next to his picture hung a portrait of Stratus. Only his eyes were visible. The caption below read MAY HE LIVE FOREVER.
 

This place is creepy.

Theo climbed the stairs. Reaching the top, he heard a sound and hid behind a sculpture of a kazoo.

A portly teddy bear butler was waxing the floor by hand. He wore a black tuxedo with long coattails. He wasn’t an Ursabrand, and Theo despised him on sight.
 

“Oh my,” Oxley said. “I must have missed a spot.”

He inspected the top of the stairs. A bit of mud marked the otherwise shiny floor.

That’s from me.

“I must trace the source of this most unfortunate speck, lest the master chastise me.”

He followed the trail of mud that led toward Theo, but Theo pushed over the sculpture and hit Oxley in the head, knocking him out. He dragged the butler into a nearby closet, shut the door, and wedged the kazoo against the door so the butler couldn’t escape.
 

Andersen’s room should be down the hall.
 

Theo crept down the hallway, and as he did, he heard snoring; it was so loud that it shook the portraits on the walls.
 

He opened the door to Andersen’s room. The clown was sprawled across his bed. Snot hung from his nose, and it rose and fell with each snore.
 

Theo hid in the closet, thinking of his next move, when Andersen suddenly startled and burped in his sleep. A golden key flew out of his mouth and clattered across the floor.

“Darn it,” Andersen said, swiping up the key. He held it over his mouth like an anchovy and he swallowed it whole. Then he fell asleep again, snoring louder than before.
 

Great. How am I supposed to steal the key when he’s keeping it in his stomach?

There was a key ring on the desk next to Andersen’s bed, with several different shaped keys on it. Theo picked it off the desk and wrestled a bronze key off.
 

He crawled under the bed and waited for a huge snore. When Andersen sucked in air, Theo punched the bottom of the bed. The noise startled Andersen so badly that he burped the key onto the floor.
 

Theo grabbed a baseball that was under the bed and threw it in the direction of the door.
 

Andersen shot up and ran to the door. “Huh? What? Who?”

Theo snatched the real key off the floor and replaced it with the bronze key from the ring. Then he slipped under the bed again.

Andersen opened the door and looked out. Seeing no one, he yawned and grabbed the old key without even noticing the switch. He swallowed it and fell asleep again.
 

Theo snuck out of the mansion without being seen.
 

Theo returned to the jail where Gasket was still sleeping.

He unlocked the padlock with Andersen’s key. Then he used Ludwig’s finger on the fingerprint scanner, and it beeped and unlocked.
 

The microphone activated and shot in front of Theo’s face. “What’s the password?”

Theo’s eyes widened; Gasket woke up and looked at him curiously.

“What’s the password?” the microphone asked again.
 

Crap.
 

Alarms sounded, and Theo ran out of the building and hid in a nearby barrel.
 

Within minutes, Andersen and Verona hobbled up to the building.

“Where’s Ludwig?” Andersen barked.
 

Verona shrugged.

“He’s useless,” Andersen said. “Completely useless.”
 

“Who do you think it was, boss?” Verona asked. “You don’t think it was the gypsy caravan, do you?”

Andersen glanced around the square. “Don’t know. But let’s move him, just to be sure.”

They went into the jail and led Gasket out in chains. Andersen kicked him to spur him forward.
 

“C’mon,” he growled.

Theo ran from behind them and leaped onto Gasket’s neck. He turned the Whatsamadoozle into a sword and cut Gasket’s chains.

Andersen jumped three feet into the air at the sight of Theo. “Hey!”

Theo whispered into Gasket’s ear. “I know you don’t believe me, but I’m here to save you. Bethany sent me.”

Gasket perked up at the mention of Bethany.

“So you’re the one sneaking around,” Andersen said.