Feeling her anxiety, Tristan reaches with his other hand and turns the music back up. He knows how music comforts her. Calandra’s nerves start to calm instantly. They pull into the driveway of Calandra’s house and Tristan turns to her, confused.
Trust
“Um, this is your special place?” he asks, slightly dumbfounded.
“No, not the house. Are you ready to explore?” she says, more as a dare than a question.
Tristan nods and gets out of the car. Walking around the vehicle, he opens the door for Calandra.
Calandra had learned early on in their relationship that Tristan was raised to believe in chivalry. She wasn’t allowed to open her door when he was with her. The one time she had decided to open the door and get out on her own, he actually made her get back in and wait for him to do it. Most of the time, it actually seems a bit ridiculous in her mind for her to have to wait, despite being perfectly capable of opening the door on her own. Regardless of her own opinion on the door ordeal, she knew it was important to him for whatever reason. Because of that she humors him with it. He wraps his hand tightly around hers and waits for Calandra to lead the way.
After walking a ways through the woods, Tristan stops and turns to Calandra. “So, what? You just happened to stumble into this place in the middle of the woods?” he asks with an eyebrow raised.
“No …” Calandra says as she looks at the ground. “I found a picture of my mom with her grandmother, and after a lot of coaxing, Dad finally told me that it was from somewhere out here,” she explains, continuing to look at the ground.
“How long did it take you to find it?” Tristan asks as Calandra takes his hand and leads him down another winding path.
“Not long at all actually!” She smiles proudly. “I found it on my first shot thank you very much!” Calandra resists the urge to stick her tongue out, realizing just how childish it would be.
Puzzled, Tristan looks at her. “How exactly did you manage that?”
Calandra blushes and shrugs her shoulders. “We won’t go there,” she says simply, and walks faster down the path that is growing more narrow and grown over. No matter how supportive and nonjudgmental Tristan is about her experiences, she finds herself unable to tell him that a daydream of her mother is what led her to the place she now considers to be her sanctuary.
Tristan lets go of her hand and quits walking. “Why is that?”
“I just—” Calandra isn’t sure how to finish. “Come on, let’s just keep going.” She turns and starts walking again.
Tristan grabs her arm and stops her, making her turn to face him. He steps toward her and stands with his body just far enough away from hers to not touch her. “Cal, what is it?” he asks.
“It’s nothing.” Tristan narrows his eyes at her to push her to tell him the truth. “It’s just that you probably wouldn’t believe me. I don’t wanna talk about it.” She hesitates between every word.
“Wouldn’t believe what?” He runs a single finger down the side of her face.
She knows exactly where this is going to lead, so she quickly makes herself look down. Tristan’s eyes have a hold on her, a control over her. He knows exactly how to break through her walls, and she isn’t ready to let this one down yet, which means that she can’t risk gazing into his eyes. Tristan puts two fingers under her chin and tries to lift her face up to meet his. She pushes against it and leaves her gaze focused on the ground. Tristan brings his face next to hers, so they are cheek to cheek. His mouth rests just in front of hers, close enough that she can feel the words he speaks land on her skin. He cups his left hand against the other side of her face gently. “You trust me, right, Cal?” he whispers softly.
Calandra’s breath unsteadies and her heart jumps erratically in her chest. She feels as if she can’t find enough air to talk, so she simply nods her head once against his face.
“Nothing you say is going to push me away.” He speaks a bit louder this time, but draws the words out enough that they linger on her skin. “I love you, and you can’t change that no matter what. You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but either way, I need you to believe that, okay?”
Calandra doesn’t realize that her eyes are closed. She breathes in through her nose to take in every detail of the moment. “Okay.” She breathes out, and the word rushes out faster than she intends.
She feels Tristan’s face slowly pull toward the front of hers. Their skin brushes together as he does, and she opens her eyes just as his eyes meet hers. The world stops. Her heart suddenly has no rhythm to its beating. Her skin pulses. She looks deep into the baby blue oceans that stare back at her and nothing else matters anymore. She is safe, she can feel that. He is telling her the truth, she can see it; and she never wants to look away.
Tristan moves back further, still holding her gaze as he does. He smiles wickedly, knowing fully well the control his gaze has over her. He takes her hand in his and runs his fingers slowly against her knuckles.
“So, shall we continue?” he asks. Calandra shakes herself out of the trance he’s somewhat intentionally put her in and turns back toward the path, deciding not to say anything. Tristan chuckles quietly as she takes him down the remainder of the pathway.
They turn down a few more small trails before coming to a patch of trees that stand out from the rest. They are oaks, just like the majority of the trees in the wood, but these are brighter, more vibrant, and the leaves are at least twice as big as the ones on the rest of the trees. Calandra stops, inhaling the air. The trees give off a musky, wood scent that somehow makes Calandra feel more alive. She lets go of Tristan’s hand and motions for him to follow her. The unique oaks start to thin out and get further apart from each other, eventually opening up into a beautiful, randomly shaped, treeless area. Calandra immediately walks into the center of the clearing and lies down amongst the flowers. She closes her eyes, exhaling audibly as the remnants of the vision finally leave her.
Tristan still stands at the opening as he takes in the scenery. There are thousands of vibrant blue flowers that are unlike any he has seen before. They look like some type of lily; they cup at the bottom and then open up wide and invitingly at the top. The grass is greener than he thought was possible. However, what really takes Tristan’s breath away has nothing to do with the scenery. He’s never seen Calandra look so peaceful. She lies in the grass with her eyes closed. She is relaxed, and has the most serene look he’s ever seen on a person on her face. Her hair is spread across the grass around her head in an unnaturally perfect way. The sun shines on her skin and makes it appear to have a slight glow. Slowly, he walks over to her, standing just beside her and looking down at her.
Calandra squints one eye open and sees Tristan smiling over her. “What do you think?” she asks quietly.
“I think you’re breathtaking.” He matches her volume and continues to stare without blinking.
Calandra giggles and blushes. “I meant what do you think of my little area here, but thank you.”
Tristan kneels down next to her. “I’m serious, Cal. This place brings something out in you. I’ve never seen you more beautiful than you are right now.”
Calandra opens her eyes at that, and small black dots catch her attention at the edges of her peripheral. As soon as she tries to focus, they dart off and out of her sight. Tristan’s fingers lace into hers and a tingling sensation shoots through her. Closing her eyes again, she takes comfort in the moment. The serenity of her favorite place mixes with Tristan’s touch and makes the earlier experience seem as if it never happened.
Tristan lies down on his stomach beside her and props himself up with his left elbow. He slowly runs his fingers through her hair, which is sprawled out on the ground in front of him. The air around them smells sweet. Calandra breathes it in slowly and relishes in the emotions it sends through her. She feels Tristan move her hair, stretch his arm out in front of him, and lay his head on it as he faces her.
“I love you,” he whispers softly in her ear, close enough that she can feel the words touch her skin before she hears them. Smiling sweetly, she tightens her grip on his hand and feels his fingers slowly brush her cheek. Tristan turns her face to the side to meet his. She feels his breath on her lips for several intoxicating moments before she opens her eyes. When Tristan’s lips meet hers, the world around her vanishes.
Ruined
The sun slowly disappears into the horizon and turns the sky numerous shades of orange, pink, and blue. Tristan holds Calandra close, arm in arm, as they walk leisurely back through the woods. Neither of them can seem to fathom when enough time has passed for the sun to set. Calandra’s mind is still fuzzy as they head back to her house. Her whole body feels lighter than usual. The blood seems to pulse through her veins with more energy than normal, and her smile has yet to falter. One of the many things she loves about her and Tristan’s relationship is how good it feels to just be together. They don’t have to do anything, most times they don’t even talk. Some of her favorite times have been from just sitting together and enjoying being in each other’s presence. Today had been one of those times of simply being together that she knows will be remembered as one of her favorite moments with Tristan.
She repositions her arm and unhooks it from Tristan’s to hold his hand instead, swinging their arms enthusiastically as they walk. Calandra begins to hum lightly, and she notices Tristan’s smile widen when he hears her start humming. She turns her head to give him a curious look, but trips over a branch in the path. Just before she hits the ground, she feels Tristan’s arm wrap around her hip and pull her back onto her feet.
“Oops!” she chuckles.
Tristan laughs at the silly face she makes as she says it.
“At least I have someone to catch me.”
Tristan’s smile turns daring as he leans over and picks her up. He cradles her against his chest, with one arm at the small of her back and the other under her knees.
“Oh, and someone to carry me! That’s even better!” Calandra wraps an arm around Tristan’s neck and settles into his hold.
“Well I can’t have you coming home cut and bruised. Chase wouldn’t like that very much.” He smiles.
Calandra scoffs at the mention of her dad. “At least he leaves tomorrow,” she says as her smile fades a bit.
“Hmm, you’re gonna need a big, strong manly man to protect you this summer.” He smiles. “Besides, you know you shouldn’t be happy about your dad leaving the country for four months, Cali.”
Calandra rolls her eyes. “Where do you suppose I could find one of those manly men?” She smiles and decides to ignore the last part of his statement.
Tristan isn’t in anyway the guy that you would look at and think of the word manly or macho. He’s too kind and gentle, and it always shows clearly on his face, even if he tries to hide it. The wind rushes in and makes his hair swoop down over his forehead. As usual, he doesn’t seem to care much, but Calandra sweeps the hair away to keep it from hiding his eyes. The smile that crosses his face as she does makes her wonder if he actually left it there on purpose. Tristan is what Calandra refers to as an emo jock, which is of course a bit of a contradictory description, but it fits him perfectly.
Tristan scoffs as her comment hits him and he starts to drop her. Not wanting to let go, she holds tightly to his neck, and hangs with her feet off the ground smiling innocently at him.
“Protect me from what anyways?” she asks. “The boogey man?
“
Calandra!
” Chase’s voice booms from the back porch.
Had it not been for him yelling at them, she wouldn’t have noticed that they were out of the woods and in her backyard now. She immediately put her feet on the ground and steps away from Tristan, turning to look at her dad. She wonders how long he’s been standing there. If the look of anger on his face is any sign, he’s seen more than enough.
“Yes, Father?” she responds, only slightly tinting the words with an attitude.
“Inside
now
!” he says before he goes back into the house and slams the door behind him.
Calandra looks sheepishly at Tristan. “I could probably use some protection from that.” She pouts.
Tristan cups her cheek in his hand. “I wish I could help you there, babe. I’ll catch a ride home from Phillip. Chase will only be worse on you if I come in.” He gently brushes his lips against hers for a tender, all too short, moment before he turns and walks away.
Phillip is Tristan’s best friend, who conveniently enough lives across the street from Calandra. It was thanks to that convenience that Tristan and Calandra had met so many months ago. Phillip didn’t like Calandra too much, and because of that Tristan no longer goes over just to see him anymore. Ever since they started dating, Tristan always comes to Calandra’s first, and maybe stops by to visit Phillip before he goes home.
Calandra pouts for a moment before taking a few deep breaths to try and prepare for what is to come. She drags her feet as she walks into the house and shuts the door behind her. Chase is pacing a circle in the living room. Calandra looks at the ground as she walks to the couch to sit down. A few very awkward moments pass while she waits for her dad to say something, anything. “I’ve decided that you need to stay at your grandmother’s while I’m gone,” he finally says. He breathes heavily and his voice sounds a bit beyond hateful.
“Or not!” Calandra squeals.
“I’m sorry, I don’t remember saying this was a discussion!”
“No, of course not! Nothing ever is when it comes to you, Dad!” Calandra yells as she stands up off the couch.
Calandra’s grandmother, Chase’s mom, Gwendyll, lives two states away in an uptight neighborhood. She’s even worse than Chase; everything must be totally prim and proper, and go by some sort of etiquette book that must’ve been written by an old woman who obviously had her Cheerio’s peed in every day of her life. Calandra sometimes wonders if it was possibly even Gwendyll herself that wrote said book.
“I’m not getting into this with you. The decision is made and you leave tomorrow, end of discussion.”
“Absolutely not!” Calandra says louder, and harsher, than she intends. “I’m staying here, just like you said I could six months ago when you found out about your stupid trip!”
“That was before
him
.” Chase says the last word with a few extra doses of hate.
Calandra rolls her eyes and stomps a foot on the ground. “His name is Tristan and I’m staying here.”
“Why, so you can spend your whole summer running around with him and doing who knows what? I think not, Calandra!”
“Yeah, that’s exactly it, Dad!” Calandra scoffs. “You know, if you took the time to actually get to know Tristan at all, this wouldn’t even need to be a discussion in the first place!” Calandra stomps up to her room.
She sits on her bed and crosses her legs in front of her, fighting to hold back the tears that threaten to break through the tough, angry front she wants to wear. Calandra hears Chase pacing the living room below her. He’s trying to let his anger simmer down, but it usually just stews until it reaches its boiling point and everything blows up in both of their faces.
Chase tends to act like Tristan is some disrespectful guy, probably because he has never even put in an effort into finding out who Tristan really is. If only Chase knew that Tristan respects and holds the boundary line of their relationship up just as highly as she does, possibly even higher, then Chase might not have to worry so much about leaving. A blue dragonfly circles around her room and she finds the buzz from its little wings comforting.
The tears are just about to win the battle and break through when she hears Chase start to stomp up the stairs. She swallows the urge to cry, puts her angry front back on the best she can, and braces herself for what’s about to come. Her door swings open, and she immediately knows from the look on Chase’s face that his anger certainly hasn’t died down during his pacing and praying session.
“What are you doing up here?” she asks as hatefully as she can make it sound. “Get out of my room. I just want to be—” She breaks off as she battles with the best way to finish the sentence. “I just want to be!”
“I won’t stand idly by and let that boy take you down with him,” he yells.
“Take me down? What are you even talking about right now, Dad? The only place Tristan wants to take me is to church, which should make you of all people happy!” She emphasizes the word dad and gives it a slight touch of disgust as she says it.
“He will destroy you, Calandra. You may not know it, but I do! I know it all too well!”
The anger boils inside of her, ready to explode. She tries to fight it back down, but it’s no use. “What? You mean like you did Mom?” She hadn’t meant to say it, but there was no turning back now. She didn’t even know why she said it. It wasn’t like she actually knew anything about her mom, let alone the story behind their love. All she knows is what she has seen in her little daydreams, and after her latest one she really doesn’t have the slightest idea of what to think of her mom.
Chase never talks about his relationship with her mom, or her death … or her at all really. It is a topic that is just never brought up; a topic that Calandra has always left buried away somewhere secret, until now. The curiosity burns inside her when she realizes, by the look on Chase’s face, that there must be some kind of truth in what she said. His skin turns blanket white, and his forehead is clammy. There’s something in his eyes, something she’s never seen. Before she can try and figure out what it is, he blinks and it instantly switches back to anger.
“You know what, Calandra? I’m done! You obviously have your mom and Echo in you even though I’ve tried to stomp it out.” He stands there and stares at her.
“Why didn’t you defend my claim to you ruining Mom? What does that mean?” she squeaks out. She can’t focus on anything other than the fact that he had said nothing to her accusation.
Chase turns and walks out the door. “You’ll find out soon enough I suppose,” he yells as he slams the door behind him.
The tears break through then, but they aren’t just sad tears. They are anger mixed with confusion, angst, betrayal, and desperation for answers. Before she knows what she’s doing, Calandra finds herself throwing a duffle bag on her bed and she begins to fill it with clothes. She storms into her bathroom and fills her arms with hygiene necessities and jams them into the bag. Unplugging her phone charger from the wall, she throws it in before she forces the zipper closed. Tossing the bag over her shoulder, she wipes the tears from her eyes.
Before exiting her room, she stares at herself in the mirror on her vanity, which is right next to her door. Her hair is blonde with small red and orange streaks throughout. She is slender and of average height; her skin is on the extra pale side, which only makes her eyes stand out more than they already do. Her eyes are bright and tawny colored, but what makes them more than a little unusual are the tiny streaks of orange in them. Calandra has never exactly fit into any category for looks. She’s always stood out, which is what Tristan says makes her beautiful, but she doesn’t buy into it, to her it just makes her a freak. Her face is currently red and puffy from crying, but there isn’t anything she can do about that now, so she takes a few deep breaths and walks out of her room.
Without a second thought, she walks right past Chase, who is sitting on the couch, and turns toward the front door. The hallway has never seemed as long before as it does at this moment. Calandra anticipates the noise of Chase’s footsteps behind her before she actually hears them. “Just go away, Dad!” Calandra sucks up her tears and refuses to let her voice break as she says it. “I don’t want to talk, I just want to go.”
“Go where?” he yells.
“What do you care?”
“You are still my responsibility!” Chase hesitates before he says it, cutting the knife even further into Calandra’s chest.
“Are you going to tell me what your silence up there meant about Mom?” The tears become harder to hold back and Calandra knows she has to wrap up and leave or she won’t be able to hold them off any longer.
Chase stares back at her blankly. He opens his mouth, but closes it again before any words make it out. He looks down at the ground before turning and walking back down the hall.
Calandra’s eyes sting against the tears as she turns to watch him walk away. “So that’s it?” she asks, mixing her shock and hurt into her tone.
“You’re asking questions you probably don’t actually want to know the answers to, Calandra. Despite what you may want to believe, a lot of times, the truth has a tendency to hurt,” he says as he walks the rest of the way down the hall and leaves her standing at the door alone.