Authors: S.J. Laidlaw
“We have no place to keep it.” She hissed something at Aamaal in their language. Aamaal stuck out her lip. Her eyes filled with tears.
This just kept getting worse. How could I have been so stupid as to think Noor might like me when I couldn’t even connect with kids from my own culture?
Shami said something to Noor in their language. Whatever it was, it didn’t help. She responded, clearly annoyed at him as well.
“What did he say?” I asked, not really expecting she would tell me.
“He also wants a rabbit.”
I wished I hadn’t asked.
“I got called to the principal’s office yesterday,” I blurted, though the hope that I could confide everything was dying fast. “They think they figured out who pretended to be a boy and sent my naked picture all over the school, but they’ve got the wrong girl. Madison, the girl they’ve accused, didn’t do it. It was her best friend texting me. And now the friend is making a play for Madison’s boyfriend.”
Noor cocked her head. I wasn’t sure if she’d understood. Her English was really good but I’d been speaking quickly. I gave her a few minutes to respond. I don’t even know why I continued when she didn’t.
“I overheard the two girls talking when I was checking out my Hater Wall. It’s this wall where everyone who hates me writes about how much they hate me. I think these girls are the ones who started it.”
I paused. I couldn’t believe I’d told her all that. What possible interest could she have in my pathetic little problems?
“I’m sorry,” I said. “I don’t have anyone to talk to.” I blinked back tears and hung my head. It was mortifying.
Suddenly a tiny pair of feet were next to mine. I looked up and was eye level with Shami’s unwavering gaze. He clambered into my lap and rested his head on my chest. I glanced at Noor. She smiled sympathetically, which only made me want to cry more. As usual, I’d messed everything up. I was supposed to be the one helping her, not the other way around. I put my arms around Shami.
“Can I ask you a question?” I asked.
Noor immediately looked wary. “What?”
“Did I do something to upset Parvati?”
“No.” She shook her head. “Why do you ask?”
“I expected her to be with you. Why didn’t she come?”
Noor took a napkin out of the holder in the center of the table and leaned over to wipe Shami’s face. She took away the straw he was blowing through. Spitting on the napkin, she used it to wipe his sticky hands as well. She kept up a running commentary to him the entire time. Even without the translation I knew she was telling him off, but her voice was gentle, and he watched her as though she was the center of his universe. When she finished he slid off me, crawled onto her lap, put his thumb in his mouth and closed his eyes. I could still feel the warmth of him on my empty lap and couldn’t help but feel
envious. There wasn’t a person in the world who would choose me first if they had other choices. I wasn’t being self-pitying, it was simply the truth. Even my parents would have chosen my charming, successful brother if they’d had to choose just one of us. Heck, I’d have chosen him over me. I didn’t blame them.
“It’s not you,” she said, returning to our conversation. “Parvati has a problem so she could not come today.”
“Is it something I can help with?”
“It is a big problem. I am telling Parvati to speak to Chanda-Teacher but she will not. She also will not like it if I tell you.”
I tried not to feel hurt. “Is it a secret?”
“Yes, it is
her
secret. If she wants you to know, she must tell you. I think perhaps you also keep secrets for your friends.”
“I would, if I had any friends.”
“I think you have a secret with Vijender Patel?”
“He’s more of an acquaintance. He’s nice, but we’re not that close.” I suddenly realized what she was getting at. Of course I was keeping a very big secret for VJ.
“Would you tell me what really happened when you returned to school?” I asked. “I’ve been worrying about you.”
“Everyone was kind to me. My best friend Gajra told everyone we must treat each other the same. It does not matter who your parents are, or what caste you’re from.”
“Can I ask you something else?”
“You may ask. I may not answer.”
I scanned the café and noticed several people watching us. It confirmed the suspicion that had been growing in me. “Why did you choose this café? It’s a long way from where you live and it doesn’t seem like … your kind of place.”
Noor gave me an appraising look. She also glanced at the nearby tables. You could almost see the other patrons leaning in, trying to eavesdrop. We were the definition of colliding worlds: not east and west, but rich and poor. This café was a bastion of the rich. The people in here may have shared nationhood with Noor, but they were my people.
Noor stood up, shifting Shami onto her hip. “Do you want to see my home?”
“I thought you’d never ask.” I jumped to my feet. “Time to go home, sweetie.” I extended my hand to Aamaal, who took it as though holding my hand was the most natural thing in the world.
When we got out on the street my first impulse was to flag a taxi. I stopped myself just in time. Noor was showing me her world, so we’d do it her way.
Twenty minutes later I was seriously regretting my decision. Not taking a cab in brutal heat, when you have more than enough cash in your pocket, is just stupid. It had to be worse for Noor. She hadn’t put Shami down once. Nor had she shown any of the annoyance I’d felt on the multiple occasions we’d had to walk in the street because everything from livestock to makeshift stalls had taken over the sidewalk. Several times I’d had to stop walking and jump out of the way to avoid becoming roadkill.
“Are we almost there?” I asked for the third time.
“We are close,” said Noor, as she had the previous two times.
Finally we turned into a quieter lane, though that was mainly because it was so congested with people and animals that the cars could only inch along. I walked carefully, watching the ground, but had to look up occasionally to avoid collisions.
There was filth everywhere. Even the walls of the crumbling cement buildings were cloaked in a layer of grime. I knew, from my previous visit, that we’d entered one of the narrow lanes of Kamathipura, though being later in the evening it was busier and somehow different from before.
Though it was teeming with people, women were scarce. A few burqa-clad women fluttered quickly from stall to stall making their purchases before racing off. In contrast, the other women, in neon-bright saris, with fake jewels sparkling in their noses and ears, lounged in doorways or strolled slowly up and down the lane shouting out to passing men.
Many women greeted Noor, and she paused each time to exchange a few words. Her whole demeanor changed as she wove her way down the lane. Gone was the girl who’d perched uncomfortably on the edge of her seat in the coffee shop. Noor was at ease here. It was home.
At first I wasn’t concerned when a boy, perhaps eleven or twelve, popped out from between two parked stalls and grabbed Noor’s arm. She spoke to him as if she knew him, but her tone wasn’t the same as the one she’d used with the women. She wasn’t happy to see him. Had Shami not been asleep in her arms I felt certain she would have shoved the boy away.
“Is everything all right?” I asked.
The boy smirked at me. “My name Adit,” he said in a heavy accent. “What is your name?”
I ignored him. “Is he bothering you, Noor?”
Noor looked pointedly at the boy’s hand, still gripping the arm that was cradling Shami. He let go.
“Adit is a friend from when he was a child.” It wasn’t clear if she was telling me or reminding him.
“I am not child,” said Adit.
“You think because you are a bully you are a man?” asked Noor in English, perhaps to put him at a disadvantage.
“I am telling Pran-ji where is Lali go.”
“You tell Pran and you will be sorry, Adit.” Noor spoke calmly and added a few words in Hindi; threats, I suspected.
Adit puffed out his chest but his eye twitched. I wasn’t sure if it was nerves or a permanent condition. He spoke back to her in Hindi, throwing in a few English swearwords having to do with the female anatomy. She waited until he ran out of steam, replied curtly in Hindi and turned to me.
“My house is a little more down the street. We cannot go inside at this time but I will show you.” She continued walking and I followed.
“Who’s Lali?” I asked.
“Lali ran away from our house.”
“Does Adit want to harm her?”
“He says he knows where she is. Probably he is lying.”
Aamaal was still holding my hand, which by now was sweaty and not just with heat. I glanced down at her. She stared back with round eyes.
“What if he’s telling the truth?”
“We must hope he is not,” said Noor.
Noor stopped and pointed across the road. It wasn’t clear which building she was pointing at. They were all narrow and tightly packed, sharing walls, like ramshackle row houses from a bygone era. Most were fronted by shops or workshops, though they were all so drab and cluttered it was difficult to figure out what many of them were selling.
“Which one’s yours?”
“The entrance beside the car-fixing shop.”
I looked skeptically across the road. There was a guy on the street with some kind of loud power tool that he was using on metal. None of the various pieces of metal strewed in haphazard piles nearby looked as though they’d come out of a car, but it was the only thing in sight that might have fit her description. It did have a darkened, open doorway to the left of it. It also had bars extending out from the second-floor windows like cages. There was a woman sitting in one of them looking out over the street.
“It’s like she’s in a cage.” I hadn’t meant to say it out loud and immediately wished I could take it back. What if Noor mistook my meaning?
“Yes.”
“Why doesn’t she come out?”
“Some women are not allowed outside.”
“They aren’t allowed outside … ever?”
“Lali was not allowed out.”
“How old was Lali?”
“Older than me, younger than you.”
I gasped.
“Do you have a phone, Noor?”
“I have Parvati’s phone but I am not using it. I am keeping it safe for her.”
“But you could use it, if you had an emergency, if you needed me?”
Noor looked at me strangely. “Needed you?”
I didn’t know how to explain my fear. Perhaps it was the young boy’s aggressiveness, or the horror of a world where young girls were locked away, only to be taken out to be played with like
toys from a cupboard. Noor had explained that her mother had chosen not to force her into prostitution, but for how long? She’d also said that her mother believed there was nothing wrong with sex work, that it was even expected for the women in their community.
“Do you know Parvati’s number? If you give it to me, I’ll put it in my phone and then ring you. Then you can save my number.”
“It is very kind of you but I am not needing help, Grace.”
“Then do it for me, so I don’t worry.”
She reluctantly gave me Parvati’s number. I rang it immediately.
“When you turn on her phone, you’ll see my number as a missed call.” I hoped I wasn’t insulting her by explaining that.
She leaned over and hugged me with her one free arm. I was so startled by the gesture I welled up. It was ridiculous to be so emotional. I really didn’t know what had come over me lately. Since my public shaming, I seemed to choke up at the slightest provocation. It was no wonder Noor doubted I could help her. I was barely coping with my own life, and my problems were nothing compared to hers. But in that moment I vowed to myself that if she ever was in trouble, I wouldn’t fail her.
Over the next couple of days I almost put Madison’s comments out of my head. While Noor and I hadn’t talked about Madison, other than my brief rundown of Madison taking the fall for Kelsey, seeing Noor’s life had put my own in perspective. I thought less about my own troubles and more about Noor. I found my mind wandering to daring if unrealistic scenarios in which I rescued her entire family from poverty. I still checked out my Hater Wall every morning but there had been no new comments since Madison had been suspended, and I no longer felt the need to reread the old ones.
I felt only a little nervous arriving at school on Friday morning. Madison would be back from suspension. I hoped, like me, she was ready to move on, but I feared she might still be looking for payback. The frustrating thing was that I did feel guilty. While I wasn’t responsible for getting her in trouble, I’d let her take the fall for something I knew she hadn’t done.
Thirty minutes into the day I received a note to report to the principal’s office. I wasn’t at all surprised to see Madison when I was ushered into the conference room. Mr. Smiley and the counselor were the only other people there. I was directed to the seat across from Madison’s.
“Thank you for coming, Grace. We wanted to give you and Madison a chance to clear the air before she resumes classes.”
Madison and I avoided eye contact.
“Who’d like to go first?” asked Mr. Smiley.