Fifth Gospel (28 page)

THE BEARER

J
oseph of Arimathea stood at the gate of his garden rubbing his beard. The people called this place ‘the paradises’ because it was not far from where stood the tomb of Adam and the shrine of Jeremiah. Its verdant lushness also separated Jerusalem from the harsh desert, and that hill of the gallows, used by the Romans for their crucifixions.

The day was not yet woken from sleep and in the cool airs Joseph bent to remove a weed.
He was a wealthy and prominent member of the Sanhedrin and an Israelite, deemed worthy to represent the people of Israel, but if the truth were told he was more at ease in his garden with his weeds than at the temple.

‘Wh
o would know him from an ordinary man?’ his wife would say to her neighbours. ‘He wears old clothes and old sandals and when he’s not digging in his garden he is visiting the Essenes! Anyone would think he has no family!’

Joseph sighed
now to think on it. Over the years he had been designated a ‘friend’ of the order, which meant that he was given generous hospitality at any of their houses, whether they be monasteries in the desert or fraternal houses in the towns.

‘He gives those
ascetics everything, while his family must cope with crumbs!’ his wife would say, ‘even that house in Jerusalem he owned with Nicodemus has been given over to them! It’s no small wonder they love him so!’

Joseph passed a hand over his brow. He knew the Essenes did not love him only for that house, which th
ey had made their own, but also because he had entered into their teachings with energy and with vigour and had withstood many trials and passed many tests.

He paused to take in the aroma of his garden, the fragrant scent of dew and wet grass
, and his mind turned from his wife’s nagging, to that time not long ago on the banks of the Jordan when he had seen something remarkable. After witnessing the Baptism of Jesus he had gladly neglected all his duties at the Sanhedrin, and yes, he had left his family and friends to follow Jesus from place to place, town to town, in order to listen and to learn from him.

O
ne evening, as he was near to falling asleep, Jesus came to him and said, ‘Joseph of Arimathea, wake up, my brother! You should return to your home, for the time is near reached when you must prepare your grave.’

He must have seen the apprehension on his face for Jesus said, ‘
Don’t be fearful, Joseph…death always comes, and when it comes, it is better if there is a grave. Go now, before it is too late!’

Remembering
his sadness for his oncoming death, he paused at the threshold of the great walled vaults of his sepulchre and peered into the darkness of it. He knew his grave contained enough niches to house thirteen bodies, and so it was grand by normal standards, with even an anteroom, and two further rooms beyond it. The work was near finished and still he did not feel ready, God forgive him! To think on it made big tears fall from his eyes to the dirt at his feet. A gasp escaped his mouth and he fell then, with his knees on the wet, fragrant dirt outside the grave.

He
kissed the dust and cried, and kissed it again, and cried again. ‘Dust dust! How stiff-necked and stubborn you are! How shameless you are that you consume all the light in the world and then grind it into nothing! How impertinent you are that you will take Joseph into your bosom to eat him up when he is not ready!’

But
a bird flew overhead and his eyes were directed to the heavens, to the gold-gleaming of the waning moon making its slow descent towards the west. He saw something in the moon’s dark shadow; in that great disc dimly visible above the shimmering vessel there was something so faint as to be only a whisper of the eye…

He remained
upon that impertinent dust, looking up to the heavens long after the moon had set and the sun had risen and the day had begun. When his stonemason found him, he sent one man to Joseph’s wife and another to the physician, for he thought that Joseph had collapsed from some strange malady. But no one knew what was wrong with him.

They did not understand that Joseph was not ill at all, but merely overwhelmed with a feeling of veneration
, which had, for a moment, seized his limbs and made them like stone. For he understood what he had seen in that black disk within the gleaming gold sickle of the moon: It was a word written in the cosmic script…a name…

Joseph.

WHO AM I?

T
hey were near the coasts of Caesarea Philippi and Jesus walked ahead of the large group. Young John bar Zebedee walked beside his brother James, and Philip and Simon-Peter, and they talked amongst themselves. These last weeks had been difficult. Many of those that in the beginning had followed the master willingly with love in their hearts, those that had been healed or saved from evil spirits had been turned away from him by the sermonising of the Pharisees.

Numerous d
eputations had come from Jerusalem to lure Jesus with questions that worked like traps, seeking always for answers that transgressed the laws of Moses, or that spoke ill of the Romans, answers that could be used to brand his master either a blasphemer or an insurgent. But Jesus, time and again, saw beyond all their tricks and answered their questions eloquently and skilfully.

Others came to discourage him, telling their master that Herod Antipas was seeking to
kill him. To these men he said,

‘Tell that fox that a prophet do
es not die outside of Jerusalem. When I am ready to die, I will come to the city and offer myself up to be killed!’

As time passed
, temple guards, as well as other soldiers at the behest of Herod, were sent to seize him and to take him away for questioning, but they did not know him from his disciples and were forced to turn back. Amid these vicissitudes his master led them over the land like hunted men, fleeing over the sea one moment, or to the farthest reaches of Palestine the next to escape the clutches of those who would do him harm.

Some days previously
, a report had arrived of John the Baptist’s beheading at Machareus and this had caused great mourning and anger among the disciples. Afterwards, Jesus spent many a day deep in prayer. Young John and his fellows wondered what their master would do next, feeling afraid for their own safety, desolate and alone for the absence of the one whom they had followed even before Jesus.

Even so,
John sensed the beneficent presence of John the Baptist, as if his spirit were paused over them in blessing. He tried to tell his brother and the others of it, but only Peter would acknowledge it. The others turned their grieving ears more and more to Judas.

This day
, as the sun sat close to the margins of a sky scattered with cloud, John walked with the others across a great plain of reed and marsh. Judas was speaking to them and to the greater following that trailed behind, with his dark eyes and his soft rasping whispers.

Hi
s talk made John low in spirits since it began to shape the thoughts of his fellows and turn them against his Lord. As the sun descended, even his own mind turned to his sore and aching feet and to something to eat and a cool place to rest, and he too began to wonder if his master were considering their exhaustion and their need for comfort.

He was full with relief when, having come to a place where there were a number of Essene herders, his master made a sudden pause and gestured to a great tree
atop a grassy knoll where they would spend the night. The air had been hot all day and now there was the rumble of thunder. John thought it a shame that it was not yet night, for he loved to see the lightning chase the skirts of the clouds. He ate their cheese and drank their milk, grateful for food, and was lost in his thoughts when Jesus’ voice disturbed him,

‘Compare me to something
, and tell me what I am like.’ His voice was light and in his eye the look spoke of a riddle. John liked riddles and he looked around the circle and the others were all looking at him. His smiled waned and he was full of uncertainty.

‘You are…’ he began.

But Philip, who had been chewing on his cheeks, broke in. ‘Some say you are inspired by what comes from Elijah or what lived in other prophets…they say you are a messenger!’

‘Would you call
Elijah, a Son of Man?’ he said to John again.

John felt his face flush
. A long time he felt it, and then he harnessed his courage to say, ‘You are…’

But his brother interrupted,
‘We have learnt from you that John the Baptist was a Son of Man, as was Elijah, Jeremiah and the prophets. They were the elect of the Earth, for they had pure souls.’

Jesus nodded, ‘Yes
…that is what I have said of them, but what do you say of me?’ He looked at John again.

‘Some say you are a wise philosopher,’ Matthew Levi
broke in, looking at the others for support.

Jesus raised a brow
, and looked about the circle, ‘Do they? They say that I am a wise philosopher?’

Thomas, seized by enthusiasm
, turned his crossed eyes to Jesus and said, ‘Teacher! My mouth is unable to say what you are!’

Jesus let his benevolent regard fall upon him, ‘That
is because your mouth is full!’

All of them laughed.

‘Have I not told you, Thomas, I am not a teacher, and yet you continue to call me rabbi? Can your eyes not see more than this body? From whence comes the power in me?’ he said to them, ‘Do any of you know?’

John faltered again under his vigilant eye. He wanted to say that he thought him like a
priest, the highest priest of all, but he was uncertain again. His brother too did not speak, only Simon-Peter had the courage to say something.

He said to him, ‘I have seen
that your power comes from the light of the world! The priests call all those souls who are purified, Sons of Man. But in you, lives more than a purified soul. In you, lives the Son of the living God, who has come down from the cosmos! I have seen the light of Christ in you with the eye of my heart!’ He looked to the others, ‘I have seen it!’

Jesus seemed full with pleasure. ‘You have seen it,
Simon-Peter. Yes, I know that this is so, and blessed you are for it! One day you will help to carry my cross…you will be the rock that grinds the wheat into bread…the rock upon which my church shall be built. A community, faithful to my teachings, against whose truths even death shall not prevail.’

Simon-Peter was flushed and happy with himself
, but a moment later he seemed sick to the stomach with worry. ‘A new community! And I shall be its leader? I am no leader, rabbi…I am only good at two things, catching fish and eating them.’

The others laughed again and
Jesus laughed along with them, for Peter’s child-hood, ‘It will take time but you will find your footing, even in a storm. It shall not be smooth sailing but a toil and you will have to cast your net far and wide into the world, and like the good fisherman that you are, you will catch many men. Andrew, your brother, will also help you.’

Simon-Peter remained unsure, ‘But, rabbi,’

Jesus raised a hand.

‘I mean, master,’
Simon-Peter corrected himself, ‘all fish do not swim together, they swim only with their own kind…and they eat each other up, the big fish eat the little fish, and so on!’

Jesus
leaned his head towards him, ‘Look around in our circle…many of you are not related, but are here because destiny has brought you together. There are big fish and little fish among you, but you do not eat one another. This is a new community. You see, Peter, it is not enough just to have the light in you. As fish swim together, so should you join with others who are the same as you, who also have the light. Such a community will be bound to me by destiny, on earth and in heaven…this you will tell men after I am gone.’

‘
You speak of the end of your life, without concern.’ Matthew Levi said, ‘yet it concerns us all a great deal.’

‘We worry for it,’ said Andrew.

Jesus looked at them, grave-serious. ‘In the same way they killed John, so will they kill me, but this is my destiny, and you must get used to it. The spirit of God that lives in me, shall be delivered up as has been foretold by the prophets. That is why I am preparing you, so that you can withstand the end when it comes, for I will need witnesses in the world, and you are the eyes and ears that shall see and hear and proclaim it.’

Simon-Peter said
, with great emotion, ‘God forbid this should happen to you, master!’

Jesus’ eyes
were full of disappointment, ‘What now Peter? A moment ago you spoke so righteously, you understood? This is not the light in you that speaks, but only what is dark…this darkness inspires you to disdain suffering, and death as something that must be shunned! This darkness is Satan, who tempts you and bends your soul to his delusion that only earthly life and comfort are of value. I say to this being that deludes you: get thee behind me Satan!’ When he said it he spat at the ground.

John
felt chastised, for he had thought the same. Above, the clouds gathered and a flash was seen, and a rumble shook the circle as if to put a seal on their master’s words.

‘What will we do when you are gone? How shall we manage when we are only poor fishermen and shepherds and day labourers…?’ James said, because night was falling and he too seemed to be falling into his old melancholi
a.

‘Love one another like brothers,
love another life as if it were your own life,’ Jesus told him.

‘What did he say?’ asked Andrew.

‘He said, “Love one another!”’ Simon-Peter shouted.

‘So that is all?’ Judas said from his
standing position, leaning on a tree. ‘You have had us follow you these many months for this? So that when you are gone we shall know to love one another?’ He left the tree now and came to stand nearer the circle. ‘What of the trials of Israel? What of the salvation of her people? The storm gathers about her and yet you do not seek to find shelter for her!’

Jesus regarded Judas as if he were an aberrant child that must be brought into line.
‘You think what I tell you is a simple thing, Judas, and yet I tell you there is nothing harder. To love another truly, selflessly one needs to know oneself first. If Israel knew herself, she would realise how full of faults she is, then she would not think herself so high and mighty. She would love even those who did not belong to her and she would not need to seek shelter.’ Jesus said to him. To the others he said, ‘When I am gone you must remember…learn to know yourselves, so that you can love others truly.’

‘
But why must you die? How can the world benefit from losing you? What shall your death accomplish?’ John asked, because he was of a sudden full with sorrow.

‘Yes…’ James, his brother
joined in, ‘The Pharisees will be happy to kill you, and then they will continue to teach the old ways and to send men to their ruin!’

There was seen another flash and it was accompanied by the tearing up of heaven in a thunderclap.

Jesus looked at all of them. ‘Courage, my brothers, courage! Do you see the thoughts of the gods in the heavens? This lightning is like the thoughts that flit about in your heads…but what of the thunder? Do you not hear the thunder in your hearts; listen to your hearts, my Sons of Thunder!’ he said to John and to James, ‘It resounds the truth for all who can hear it, it is only by dying that I can save the world from death!’

Phi
lip scratched his head, ‘But how can a dead man do anything, much less save the world from death?’

‘Phi
lip, you soft head!’ Simon-Peter said to him, exasperated. ‘Didn’t you just hear me say a moment ago that Jesus is not just a man? That he is also Christ, a God in a man!’

Phil
ip waved a hand at him in a sour mood.

‘Listen
,’ Jesus called their attention to him. ‘My death will be different from any other death before me. It will be different because no god has ever died an earthly death.’

‘Well then…
I shall die with you!’ said John, overcome with love.

‘And I!’ said James his brother.

Andrew cocked his head, ‘What did they say they would do?’

‘For the love of
Abraham, Andrew!’ Simon-Peter said. ‘They will die with the master…that’s what they said!’

‘Oh! And so shall I then! I shall die with him also
, and then I will truly know him!’ Andrew said.

The men were arguing as to the martyrdom they would each be prepared to suffer
, when Judas spoke out.

‘Listen to you lot!
Trying to surpass each other in your martyrdoms! You are like children!’

Jesus raised a hand
. ‘Listen, you do not need to die to see who I am. I tell you, that if you become like children in your hearts, if you let go of your doubt, some of you shall know me, even before natural death itself!’

The others did not
know his meaning, and they talked amongst themselves trying to fathom the depths of these words. John, however, was filled with a sudden peacefulness. He considered what it would be like, to be one of those who could see the Son of God. How this might come about he could not presage, but even so his soul was full of hope that he might one day be among them. In this mood he surrendered himself to his master and to God, and soon fell asleep.