That’s when I heard it—the anguish in her tone. The sick feeling in my gut increased, and I took a few breaths to keep from hurling.
“Mom…” I didn’t want to say it, but I felt it.
“Alec has been in an accident. Please… just hurry.”
The phone slipped out of my hand and hit the ground, breaking to pieces. Everything else slipped out of my arms and followed the phone. It was bad—really bad. I heard it in her voice, I felt it in my soul, and the pain was unbearable. I swayed on my feet and would’ve hit the ground if Logan hadn’t caught me.
“What happened, Lexi?”
I tried to respond. My mouth kept opening and shutting, but I couldn’t form the words.
Logan pulled out his phone and called my mom. “Oh shit,” he said before sweeping me into his arms and racing to his car.
As soon as we got to the hospital, I threw up in the parking lot. I kept hacking even when my stomach was empty. It felt as though I were purging my connection to my brother. I didn’t want to go in. I knew my brother wasn’t in that building, and I was afraid to face that fact.
My mom met us in the hallway with a grim look, tears pouring down her face, and shaky hands. I turned and began to walk away before she said anything.
“Alexis,” she called after me. I couldn’t handle it.
“No.” I continued to take the path back to the exit, but she caught up, spun me around, and hugged me.
“He was gone instantly. He never felt anything.”
“No. No. No.” I screamed as pain exploded in my chest and traveled through every cell in my body. I tried to push her away, but she wouldn’t release me. I didn’t want to hear this. My mother’s tears wet my hair as I buried my head in her chest and panted for air. I felt like the life had been sucked out of me.
It was my fault. He was coming to get
me
. And in an instant he was gone. What was I supposed to do? He was part of who I was. So who was I now?
Logan pulled me over to a chair, and I was too numb to even care about his presence. We could have sat there for a few minutes or hours. My head couldn’t calculate time anymore. My world ended with my twin.
A big man with bloodshot eyes came up to us and gave his condolences. Then he confessed he’d been speeding. It was raining, and the road was slippery. Alec stopped short in front of his semi, and he couldn’t stop in time.
It was the ugly truth, laid at our feet at a time when the details no longer mattered. He got to confess his part in Alec’s death, only to make our burden heavier with the gruesome details of my brother’s last minute.
I hated confession. Everyone just took their pile of shit and buried it into the open wounds they’d caused.
Chapter Two
Ryder
Sea of
Grief
“What are you doing here, Ryder?” My dad stepped out of his house, pulling the door shut behind him. This was the second time I’d been here since we stopped speaking, and each time he shut the door to keep me away from his new family.
It had been five years since I walked away and left him at this doorstep. He had tried to contact me, but I was too angry to respond. But something kept tugging at me and pulled me here.
I worked my ass off my whole life for this championship fight. And every time I thought about the road that led me here, I saw my dad teaching me kickboxing, Tae Kwon Do, and everything to do with fighting. He’d been there for every fight. Every win, every loss. He was my one constant, but we were at the point where I couldn’t even call him Dad anymore. He was just David to me.
His abrupt departure from the family had been painful, and I hadn’t been able to forgive him for it. It took two weeks to convince myself to invite him to the championship, but I was uncertain again. He was definitely not happy to see me here. Surprised? Yes. Happy? I wasn’t seeing that.
Fuck it, I’d driven all the way up here for a reason. “I came to invite you to the championship on Saturday.”
“Oh.” He looked bewildered. Like he never thought I’d extend the olive branch. “I’d love to be there.”
I let out a breath I didn’t know I was holding.
“But I can’t. This is not a good time for me to leave town. Vanessa—”
“Forget it, David. Forget I asked. I almost forgot your wife and her kids come first.” The disappointment was instant, but I didn’t want him to see it. I turned to leave, but he grabbed my arm. I looked down at his hand, then back at him. He removed his hand when he saw how close I was to lashing out.
“Listen, Ryder, Alec was in a car accident. He… didn’t make it, and… I can’t leave now. Please understand.”
“Alec… What? What are you saying? No. No.” I shook my head, running a hand over my face. A knot formed in my throat as I fought back the quick rush of emotions in my chest. Hurt, anger, and regret swiftly bubbled up inside me. David and I had problems we may never fix, but Alec used to be a good friend. Before David ruined everything, we’d been like family. Me, Alec, and…
“Alexis? Where is she?” I didn’t need to ask how she was because I was certain she’d be devastated.
“She’s been closed off in her room since last night. Before you got here, she finally came out. She wanted to sit out on the beach like she used to with Alec. If you want, you can go and see her.”
I wanted to get in my car and leave, but I was compelled to see her. “I don’t think she’d want to see me.”
“You used to be close.”
“Until I cut them both out of my life. I don’t want to upset her.” Alexis and Alec had tried to reach out to me so many times, but I didn’t want anything to do with them. I knew it was unfair to blame them for something that surprised us all, but I needed distance from David. And I couldn’t do that and keep them in my life.
“I’m sorry about Alec.” I turned back to my car and willed myself to drive away, but I couldn’t. All I pictured was Alexis alone and hurting. I glanced over my shoulder at the pathway running along the side of the large home and leading to the private beach behind it. I slammed the door of the car and decided I’d just get a quick glimpse of her, then leave.
The breeze was cold as I walked down the path, making the winter temperature seem lower than it actually was. The ocean roared as the strong winds blasted the water onto the shore.
As I peered at the beach from the side of the house, I saw her. The sharp angles of her face were highlighted by the moonlight, but she was too far for me to see her expression.
The wind whipped her long dark hair around as she sat on the sand, gazing into the turbulent water. Her legs were tucked in, and her chin rested on her knees. I felt like I was invading a private moment, but I also felt the urge to go unravel her from the protective ball she’d curled into and make it okay for her.
She rose, and I took a step back into the shadows of the darkened path. If she turned around, I knew she’d see me watching her, and I wasn’t ready to face her again. I took the path back to my car with a hurried jog. As I reached the top of the hill-like path, I glanced over the railing to see how close she’d gotten, but she disappeared. I scanned the beach but didn’t see her anywhere.
She couldn’t have gotten back to the house that quickly.
When I looked back to the spot she’d been sitting, I saw her in the distance. She was trudging into the frigid water.
What the fuck is she doing? The temperature of
the water must be below freezing.
I leapt over the railing and landed hard on the cold sand. The drop was steep, and my shoulder took the brunt of the fall. I knew immediately I’d dislocated it. The pain was intense, and I clung to my shoulder as I rotated my arm until it snapped back in place. The pain was excruciating but I managed to pull myself together as raced toward the sea despite the ache in my joint.
“Hey!” I screamed, but she didn’t glance back.
The water seeped into my shoes first, but then a huge wave crashed against me. It felt like someone threw a sheet of ice against my body. The waves kept pushing me back, and she had a good head start. I dove in and began swimming against the current, all the while cursing the weakness in my arm. Propelling my weight against the tide was the only chance I had of catching up to her.
“Alexis!” I hollered at her when I came up for air. She looked back, then began to move faster.
Fuck!
We’re both going to die in this water
.
I couldn’t feel my hands or toes, but I kept moving. A wave pushed her back. I dived over it and finally made it far enough to grab hold of her arm. Then another wave crashed into us hard enough to pull us both under. I lost my grip on her arm, and when I resurfaced, I didn’t see her anywhere.
Panic gripped me. I dove under but couldn’t see anything in the ocean’s pitch-black glacial depths. I came up for air but got slammed by another wave. I felt the cold seize my body. I needed to get the fuck out, but I wouldn’t leave her. I just couldn’t
fucking
leave her.
I looked toward the house. It was way too far. If I screamed for help, no one would hear me. I turned back around and saw something. The moonlight reflected off her white sweater a few feet away. It felt like it took forever to reach it, but when I did, I saw her floating just below the surface. I pulled her lifeless body toward the shore, but it took much too long. Her weight felt like a ton to pull with my seizing muscles and numb hands. When we hit the sand, it got even colder—if that were possible.
“Help!” My throat burned as I screamed the word. As I laid her down on the sand, I realized the charm from her necklace was caught in my hair. I grabbed it at both ends and ripped it off her neck, leaving the rest of it tangled in my hair. I began to pump at her chest, silently thanking Uncle Drew for making me take those CPR classes. Her face was extremely pale, lips bluish purple, and her hair clung to her face like a black blanket.
“You’re not fucking dying on me.” I tilted her head back, placed my icy lips against hers, and blew air into her lungs. I began to pump her chest again, and I saw a woman racing our way.
“No! No! Alexis, baby, please!” Vanessa dove onto her knees on the hard sand and began pulling Alexis’s wet hair off her face. Alexis sputtered, then coughed. I pulled her head to the side as she coughed saltwater out of her lungs. Her eyes fluttered open, and she looked at me for a few short seconds before she began hacking again.
“Ryder.” David was next to me. I didn’t know how long he’d been there because I hadn’t even seen him come out of the house. “What happened?”
“She walked into the fucking ocean, that’s what happened. She just… she just… She wanted to die, didn’t she?” I dragged a cold hand over my face as I battled with how close I’d almost come to losing Alexis.
An ambulance siren rang in the distance, and Alexis's mother huddled her in her arms, rocking back and forth and whispering into her hair. David pulled me aside as the paramedics came down onto the beach with a stretcher.
“You know how close she and Alec were. She’s been so disconnected since she found out, but we never thought…” He ran his hand over the back of his neck like he used to when he was worried I had a concussion after a fight. “Let me get you inside and warm you up.”
“I’m fine.” Actually, I was so fucking cold I couldn’t even feel my balls, but I didn’t want David acting like a doting father.
“Ryder…”
“I have a sweatshirt in my car.” I watched as they carried Alexis off the beach. “Will she be okay?”
David put a hand on my shoulder and pulled me to face him. “You saved her life. What you did tonight… I can’t explain to you how much it means to Vanessa and me. Thank you, son.”
I nodded before leaving him on the beach. I made it to the car, but just barely. My stubborn pride wouldn’t let me admit my shoulder hurt like a bitch from that fall. I struggled to pull the sweatshirt over my aching arm. Halfway home, I pulled over and called my friend Ty to pick me up. Even with the heat at full blast, my body was convulsing from the cold and my arm felt like it wasn’t attached to my body. I leaned my head back and closed my eyes, knowing I’d totally fucked up my chance at the championship fight that was less than a week away.
I arrived at David’s house, thinking the championship was the biggest thing that ever happened to me, but that night, on that beach, a dark-haired angel pulled me into her sea of grief, and I would have died before I let her drown in it.
Chapter
Three
Alexis
I’d been in the hospital for two days, and the constant check-ins were wearing on me. Each time I tried to get some sleep, the door would open. When the door opened for the tenth time that day, I kept my eyes closed and pretended to sleep. Maybe the nurse would take the hint and fuck off. Let me wallow in my sorrow for once. I didn’t want to talk about my feelings. I didn’t want to eat. I didn’t want anything but Alec.
A shadow fell over me, silently watching. A strange sensation crept under my skin. I opened my eyes, and Ryder was standing over me. His dark hair had loose waves and reached his shoulders. His eyes were startling blue. I remembered looking into those eyes when I woke up spitting saltwater. He was dressed in all black and his right arm was in a sling.
Not good.
“Did I cause that?” I asked, nodding toward the sling.
“It got dislocated when I jumped over the railing, and they think I aggravated the injury when I pulled you out.”
“Sorry.”
He shrugged like a dislocated shoulder wasn’t a big deal for a fighter.
“Will you be able to fight?” David had told me about the championship. I knew that fight meant everything to Ryder.
“Doesn’t look like it, but there’s always next year.”
“Great. I’m fucking up everyone’s life.”
“It wasn’t your fault. I didn’t run into that ice-cold water so you could find something else to regret in life.” He pulled something out of his pocket, opened my palm against the bed, and placed my chain into it.