Fighting (17 page)

"Stop
laughing, you idiot.  We could have been caught!" 

I
pulled back and we released each other.  "Not the first time, won't be the
last," he said simply.

I
thought about it for a second and said, "Yeah, I guess."  I looked at
his bike and said, "Nice ride."

"I
used to ride a bike in college before coming here.  Missed it.  Never should
have sold it."

Judging
by just how badass he looked riding in on it, I'd have to agree.

"Where'd
you find it?" I asked.

"Alley
behind a bar."

"Risky,"
I said.

"Tell
me about it.  Got shot at," he said.

My
eyes bugged out.  "Really?" I breathed.

He
watched me for a second and then smiled.  "Nah.  I'm just fucking with
you."

My
face shut down and I punched his arm.  Hard.  "That was a bitch move,
Buttercup."

His
smile grew and he slung an arm around my shoulders, directing me to the cabin. 
"You didn't win the bet Lex, so you can't call me that."

My
eyes flashed and I hesitated to respond. 
Lex?
  No one had ever called
me that before but I liked it immediately.  I mentally shrugged and rolled with
the punches.

Even
though it felt remarkably good being pulled into his side, I remembered my
boundaries.  Faced with the choice of either moving away from him or sliding my
arm along his back so we would walk in sync, I chose to move away. 

I
twirled out from under his arm and said lightly, "I'll take you up on it
next time we race.  Which, by the way today went with the cops, will probably
be a long time from now.  But just you wait.  You'll get another opportunity to
lose to me," I taunted to distract from my evasive maneuvering.

His
eyes scanned my body as I talked in a
where are you going
kind of way,
but I ignored it, hoping he got the hands off message.  I liked carefree,
touchy-feely Ethan, but I couldn't handle that and have feelings for him at the
same time, so I had to draw the line there.

Completely
exhausted from the race and/or chase that day, we skipped training that night
and zoned out to a movie with the others instead.  I purposely sat beside
someone other than Ethan at dinner.  He sat beside of me for the movie, and the
length of our thighs pressed together.  I discreetly shifted so that my legs
were crossed on the ottoman in front of us so that I wasn't touching Ethan at
all, and he definitely noticed.  He didn't touch me again until the next
morning to train.

It
kind of broke my heart.

The
following morning, Ross was being an ass again during training.  My blood
pressure was probably through the roof with all of the effort I was making to
keep from lashing out at him.  He was teaching me grappling techniques to get
my opponent off his feet and onto the floor.  Or he was trying to. 

"You're
not reacting fast enough!  You keep putting your arm in the wrong spot."

I
tried to correct myself but it didn't work.  He came at me again and took me
down to the mat.  I tried the defensive maneuver he explained to me but it
didn't work.  Again.

"Your
arm is in the
wrong spot!
" he semi-yelled at me for the twenty
thousandth time.

I
finally,
finally
snapped.

I
flew to my feet and got in his face.  "You keep repeating yourself over
and over and over again!" I shouted at him, arms flailing.  "It
doesn't help!  It makes it worse!"

I
felt restraining hands on my arms pull me back away from Ross, who looked both
confused and angry at the same time.  Idiot.

"You're
not telling me what I'm doing wrong.  You're only telling me I'm wrong!"

"I'm
trying to help you!" he said once there was space between us.

"Well,
you're really bad at it," I returned scathingly.

I
was pulled tight against a solid chest, and I assumed it was Ethan, but then
Ethan was in my face.  I fought against the arms anyway.

"Calm
down," Brooks said from behind me. 

Ethan
lowered his face near mine, and I let loose my glare on him out of sheer
frustration.  "Lex, breathe," he ordered in a low voice.  He
flattened a hand under my throat at my collar bone to regulate my breathing and
I stilled and took deep breaths.

"Ethan,"
I ground out.  He removed his hand but stayed close.  "I can't do this
with him anymore."

He
nodded and flicked his eyes between Brooks and me.  "That's okay.  'Cause
you're working with me now."

"What?"
Ross piped up.

"You're
caught up enough to join the rest of us and you train with me every evening,
anyway."

"
What
?"
Ross repeated, slightly more agitated.  "You train with him every
night?"  Like it hurt his feelings.

I
turned still angry eyes toward Ross and said, "Yes."

"Why?"

And
Ethan knew me well enough to know that I'd say something I'd regret when I was
like this, so he cautioned me with a low, "Alex."

I
reined it in and sagged against Brooks.  "Because he's fucking excellent
at everything he does."

With
that, I wrenched out of Brooks' arms and stalked away from everyone, needing
some time to calm down.  I retreated to my room and paced around, failing to
calm myself.  My eyes twitched to the emergency bag I left packed, but I
dismissed that idea almost immediately.  There was a knock at my door and I
instantly reconsidered.  Ethan cracked open the door and looked in at me with
understanding eyes.  That usually helped, but right then it made it worse. 

"What?"
I snapped.

He
held up his hands in surrender and took a single step inside the room.  "I
was just coming to make sure you're okay."

"Of
course I'm okay.  But I don't have your patience when it comes to this
shit," I said, still pacing the length of my bed.

"Yeah,
I know.  'Cause I'm excellent at everything I do," he said with laughing
eyes.

I
glared at him, so far from a laughing mood that it wasn't funny.  "Shut
up."

He
dropped his hands and walked farther into the room.  He watched me a few
seconds longer and then pulled me to him by my shoulders so that we were face
to face two feet apart. 

"Calm
down," he said.

"No,"
I returned instantly.  I wasn't in the mood to respond to his quiet voice right
then.

"Yes,"
he said in a stronger tone.

"No,"
I said stubbornly, removing his grip from my shoulders and pacing again.  Left
unbalanced, I did what I knew; I turned my anger on him.  "And what are
you doing here, anyway?   You're not my keeper.  You're not my fucking
boyfriend
,
coming to magically save the day with a kiss and a pep talk," I spat at him. 
"I've never had anyone like that.  I don't even
want
that.  I just
want to be left alone to ride this out."  I stopped to stare at him
meaningfully.

He
looked angry and I could tell he wanted to let it loose on me, but he reined it
in like I did with Ross earlier.  Only Ethan didn't need anyone to remind him
to do it.  He simply did it, I suspected, for me.

He
took a step back from me and said, "I'm leaving."

"What?"
I asked, thrown by his subject change.

"I'm
going on assignment for Brooks.  I'll be back in a few days," he said.

"You
came to tell me this now?" I asked incredulously.

"I'm
leaving in an hour, right after lunch.  I was going to tell you then, but you
obviously need some time alone," he gritted out with a tight control.

He
turned to leave and curiosity momentarily overcame most of my anger. 
"Where are you going on assignment?"

He
gave me a withering glare over his shoulder.  "Why does it matter?  It's
not like you're my keeper.  You're not my fucking girlfriend to miss me while
I'm gone," he snarled.

He
thundered out and slammed my door so hard that it rattled the frame.  I growled
with frustration and turned around and punched my bathroom door.  Thankfully I
was still wearing my gloves because a hand injury was
just
what I needed
right then.

I
could have taken a long hot shower or gone for a run to expel my anger, but I held
tight on to it because it felt good.  I pissed around doing nothing in my room
until supper time, letting Ethan leave for his trip with both of us still angry
and without a goodbye.  I marched down the stairs and into the kitchen.  I made
my plate in a stony silence and sat down, feeling Ethan's absence like a slap
to the face.

I
knew exactly why I said those things to him earlier, and I just didn't give a
fuck.

No
one spoke to me during supper, letting me stew in my resentment and I was glad
because I knew that it would lead to nothing good.  I ate my entire plate and
then rinsed it out and placed it in the dishwasher.  I left without sparing
anyone a glance but Brooks stopped me halfway down the hall.

"Alex,
I know Ross isn't your coach anymore and that Ethan is taking over, but he'll
be gone for a few days."

"I
know."

"So
why don't you take a few days off until everything settles down and Ethan
returns," Brooks finished.

"Sure
thing," I said, turning on my heel and walking away rudely.

I
slept in the next day until twelve thirty, which was a new record for me.  But
that's just how shitty I felt about my behavior from the day before.  My mind
and body apparently needed the extra sleep to recharge and cue the guilty
feelings that swamped me upon waking.  My anger and frustration had dulled to a
low roar, but I wasn't looking to take it out on anyone anymore.  I rolled over
in bed and stared at the ceiling, thinking about Ethan.

God,
I had been such a bitch.

I
would have just called him on the phone and apologized, but he didn't take a
cell phone with him for various reasons, the most obvious being that he could
be tracked with it.  He would just have to spend his trip thinking the worst of
me until I could right that wrong.

I
crawled out of bed and down to the kitchen to make myself a sandwich.  The
others were in class now, so even though I had lost my attitude and wouldn't
mind seeing anyone, no one appeared.  I took the sandwich and drink back to my
room and lounged on my bed.  After I finished eating, I swiped my tablet off of
my desk and picked up reading a book I was in the middle of.  I don't know how
long I read for, but eventually my eyes left the tablet and settled on my open
doorway, remembering how it shook when Ethan stormed out.  I could see the
inserts for where the steel bolts would slide into if the alarm were tripped. 

Just
like Brooks said, I was constantly thinking, and one of the things I was
contemplating was what would happen if the alarm were tripped and we were
really in emergency lock down.  I knew that we would either stay in the
building until the situation was under control or we would escape.  But the
question was, what would we do once we escaped?

I
got up to take a shower and finally get dressed for the day, and then I grabbed
my emergency pack and went to the gear room.  I flipped on the light switch and
looked around in awe, having never inspected its contents in detail before.  I
walked over to the shelves and picked up an LED flashlight that was the size of
my index finger.  I flipped it on and off before dropping it in my bag.  Same
with a packet of zip ties, a lock pick tool kit, a wrist watch that looked more
masculine than the one I already wore, a pair of earpiece communication buds,
and a gun.  I dismantled the gun and put the pieces in the very bottom of the
bag, hidden under my piles of clothing. 

I
looked around at all of the other items in the room.  I liked to travel light,
especially if I were on the move, so while there were some seriously cool items
on the shelves, I didn't take any because anything else I'd need could be
homemade or easily stolen. 

I
towed my bag back to my room and set it in the corner for easy removal.  By the
time I was done, it was supper time so I sucked up my pride and ventured out to
the kitchen.  Oliver, Spencer and August were already at the table, having just
started eating.  I made a plate and sat next to Oliver.  They didn't say
anything to me and I knew I'd have to be the one to breach this particular
barrier that I raised.  I hadn't yelled at any of them, but they sure as hell
saw me go off on Ross and then heard me fight with Ethan.  They were treating
me like a pressure sensitive bomb no one wanted to touch.

"So
. . . " I hedged.  "How did class go today?"

They
all looked at me and then each other.  Okay, seriously, give me a break.  I
wasn't a super bitch about to rip their heads off. 

"Fine,"
Ollie said.  "Missed seeing you across the room."

"I'll
be back as soon as Ethan gets back," I said.

"Are
you sure?" Spencer asked.  "'Cause he was royally pissed when he
left.  He didn't even speak to the rest of us when he ate lunch.  He just
stared at the doorway like he was waiting for it to transform into a genie who
would grant him his wish out of this place."

August
directed an ethereal laugh at Spencer then looked at me.  "More like he
was waiting for you to walk through that door."

"Exactly
like you're doing right now, waiting for him," Ollie pointed out.

I
snapped my focus from the empty doorway back to him and asked,
"What?"

"I
know you want to take back whatever you said," he said.

"What,
you think you know me or something?" I teased.

"I
don't have to know you to see the regret written all over you face," he
returned, not taking the bait.

I
scowled at him playfully.  "You
are
Brooks' nephew," I said.

"That,
I am.  It's my burden to carry," he joked.

I
smiled and shook my head at him.

"I
heard that," Brooks said as he walked into the room.

My
smile dropped as Ross followed him into the room.  Funny how I felt immensely
burdened by my fight with Ethan but I barely even thought about Ross and what I
said to him.  Jeez, I wonder why that is.

I
avoided Ross' eyes and ate my food in a silence that wasn't overwhelmed with
any particular emotion, except maybe remorse.  I was welcome back into the
living room to play video games with the others and the distraction made me
feel a little better.  I didn't think Ethan would forever shun me, but the way
he treated me could change and I didn't want that. 

The
following day, I didn't train because Ethan was still gone, but I did wake up
early and go to the gym like I normally did.  After I ran for an hour and
worked my way through the weight machines, I had some time to kill before lunch
so I went back to my room and showered before I went to the kitchen to help
Gwen with lunch.  The atmosphere was pretty much back to normal now that they
weren't walking around on shards of glass around me, so laughter filled the
room like usual. 

Only
problem was I kept glancing over to share my smiles with Ethan only to find
empty space where he normally sat.  I never realized how often I reflexively
checked in with him like that, and now it was just another painful reminder of
how I ruthlessly abused what we had in favor of pushing him away.  Ollie was
right, I wanted to take back everything I said to him in anger.  The bitch of
it was that I wasn't even angry with Ethan in the first place and when he came
to selflessly comfort me, I lashed out at him and it had nearly cost our
friendship.