Fighting Silence (23 page)

I WAS ECSTATIC WHEN I heard the unexpected knock on my apartment door. But when I opened it, I felt a deep sense of disappointment when I found Derrick standing on my welcome mat. He’d brought Chinese food to apologize for having to dash after our date the night before. Little did he know, but that had been my favorite part of the entire date. My manners won out and I invited him in.

We’d hung out and talked for a couple hours. It had been a fine evening. Not great. Just fine. When I made the excuse that I was getting tired, he took the hint. I offered him a chaste hug at the door, but he had other ideas. His lips softly brushed mine, and instead of feeling the spark of excitement that should precede a first kiss, I cringed. He didn’t seem to notice, so with promises of a date the next night, I hurried him out.

Derrick was a nice enough guy. He was charming and all that crap, but there was no chance in hell we would ever turn into more. He was no Till. I was afraid no one ever would be though.

I was lying on my couch, fighting my hands as eyes flowed from the charcoal, when yet another unexpected knock at the door startled me.

“Um . . . who is it?”

“It’s me.” Till’s voice shook on two simple syllables.

I snatched the door open, praying that it would be the moment I’d been waiting for, but his feet never even shuffled forward.

“I’m ready to let us go,” he announced abruptly.

Never in my life had I felt a pain so deeply.

My heart seized.

My bones ached.

My soul withered.

“What?” I squeaked.

“We’re not the same anymore. I get it. It’s my fault. I’ll own it.” His eyes were as hollow as my chest felt. “Eliza, I can’t do this anymore.”

Eliza. Oh, God.

Every nightmare I’d ever had was playing out in front of me.

“Stop.” I choked out around the lump in my throat.

“I’m sorry.”

“Is this because of Derrick? Nothing happened, Till,” I rushed out.

“No. It’s not that. I should have done this a long time ago.”

“Why are you doing this?” I cried, barely holding myself together.

Then it happened.

The most unlikely one-sided smile grew on his mouth, breathing new life into his empty expression.

“Because I’m ready for a new reality . . . with you.”

With one sentence and two steps, forever began. Till Page walked through my door for the very first time.

My mouth gaped open as I blinked rapidly, expecting the visual in front of me to vanish. I should have been elated, but I was so fucking confused
.

“I don’t know how to react right now. Are you coming or going?”

“Both.” He folded me into his chest.

I went willingly, needing the comfort and strength I knew his arms could provide.

“I’ve been fighting for years to keep us inside the safety of my comfort zone, but during that time,
everything
changed. You changed, the world changed, our situations changed, our desires changed. But I wasn’t willing to change with them. I’m sorry. I’m an idiot.”

“You really are.” I sucked in a shaky breath.

“So I’m giving up on that part of us. I quit. I want to start over with a new relationship, preferably one where I get to touch you. Naked. A lot.”

I laughed through the tears.

“I love you, Eliza Reynolds, and if I had my way, I’d lock you up in a room and keep you all for myself. But if you insist on doing that whole ‘living a real life’ thing, I want to go with you.”

“Kidnapping and imprisonment. So romantic.” I sniffled, and it was Till’s turn to laugh. I took a deep breath, filling my lungs with the promises that infused his words. Then I leaned away and looked into his eyes. “Are you really serious about this?”

“Absolutely.”

“Are you freaking out about this?”

“Absolutely,” he exhaled, causing us both to laugh.

“What if I said I don’t want you anymore?”

His smile fell and his eyes narrowed causing my eyes to narrow in return. A classic stare-off ensued.

Unblinking, he slid a hand down and squeezed my ass. “Then you’d be lying to us both.”

I held his hazel eyes, unwilling to look away, but I was scared that, one day, I wouldn’t have a choice. His grand entry through the door had been amazing, but it hadn’t cured my anxiety.

“I need you to swear to me that this isn’t one of your impulsive, half-assed decisions, because I can’t handle that, Till. I need this to be real.”

Leaning forward, he lost the staring match as he captured my mouth. It was a
really
good kiss, but it wasn’t an answer. I tried to move out of his grasp, but his arms tightened around me.

“She was terrible,” he whispered.

“Who?”

“My wife.”

My head snapped back. “Excuse me?”

“Her name was Natasha. She talked all the time and was addicted to shoes. Flint and Quarry hated her, but that was okay because she hated them more. She bit her nails, so it didn’t feel very good when she scratched my head. Her boobs were a decent size, but there wasn’t a single freckle on them.” He sucked in a dramatic breath before playfully choking out, “She didn’t even know how to make those cheesy potatoes. It was torture.” He smiled then grazed his teeth across my neck.

“What the hell are you talking about?” I snapped, not even remotely amused by his little story.

“I spent the last hour envisioning the nightmare I would eventually find myself in if I didn’t get my shit together and actually wake up. It was easily the worst hour of my entire life. It’s just . . . I’ve been trying to keep this overwhelming need to have you separate from our friendship for so long, Eliza. But the lines are all blurred, because our friendship is why I fell for you so hard in the first place. See, I love these.” He brushed the back of his hand over my peaked nipples.

I gasped.

“And this.” He slid his hand down to my ass. “And I especially love this.” He slipped a hand into my pajama pants and lazily glided a finger through my folds.

I sucked in a breath, and he groaned as he dropped his forehead to mine.

“But even if all of that was suddenly gone, I would still be madly in love with you. I wanted to spend forever with you at thirteen. Nothing has or ever will change that. Eliza, I love you. And I am unquestionably serious about spending the rest of my life with you.”

They were really good words.

But Till Page was saying them . . . to me.

They were
perfect
words.

It was the truth.

All of it.

“I love you too,” she said with tears rolling down her cheeks.

I wanted to wipe them away . . . but . . . my hand was still moving in her pants. It was a serious conundrum.

I pressed a soothing kiss to her mouth and whispered against her lips, “You have to stop crying. I can’t put the moves on you if you’re bawling.”

She laughed, but cried even harder. It was an easy decision at that point.

With two hands, I scooped her off her feet and carried her to the couch. She clung to my neck as I sat down with her on my lap.

“You swear this is real, Till?”

“Well, I’m not exactly an expert on reality.”

She laughed into my neck.

“But, Eliza, it’s absolutely real to me.”

Lifting her head, she stared into my eyes. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” I gently took her mouth in a slow kiss.

Although it started out slow, Eliza took it deeper as she moved to straddle my lap. Then, dropping her hands from the hold on my neck, I lost her mouth as she murmured, “Show me.”

In one fluid movement, she peeled the T-shirt over her head, revealing her lack of a bra, and my cock instantly grew between us. “I could touch you all day long and it wouldn’t even be close to showing you how I feel.”

She sucked my bottom lip into her mouth, releasing it on a sexy sigh. “Well, I think you should try.”

I absolutely agreed with her. She stood from my lap as I dragged her pants down. I wasn’t happy until she was completely naked—just the way I imagined her every night before I fell asleep. But even as she stood in front of me, I couldn’t picture anything except Derrick’s hands on her every curve.

She settled back on my lap, her breasts swaying from the movement.

I dipped a finger between her legs. “Did he touch you here?”

“No.”

“Here?” I glided a hand up to squeeze her breast.

“No.”

I trailed the tip of my finger up to her neck as she tilted her head to the side, her eyes falling shut. “No,” she breathed.

I gently rubbed my thumb over her bottom lip. “Here?”

Her eyes popped open. She didn’t respond, but that was answer enough.

“Never again.” I kissed her. “No one ever touches these again.” I teased my tongue over her bottom lip before sucking it into my mouth. “Yeah?”

“Yeah,” she agreed, brushing her nose against mine pleading for more—more that I absolutely planned to give her. “Now, lets see what we can do about that kiss.”

I roughly pushed a hand into the back of her hair, causing her to gasp. Then, while her mouth was still open, I took it in a hard, unapologetic kiss. Our tongues tangled as I used her hair to control the pace. She was hurried, but I was steady. There was no rush in eternity.

“Forever.” I moaned into her mouth while she rocked against my cock, which was unfortunately still tucked away in my jeans. “Say it.” I demanded, lifting my hips to increase the pressure.

“Why aren’t you naked?” she groaned, taking my mouth in another hard kiss, as her hand traveled down to the button on my jeans.

“Because I’m erasing where that asshole touched you. Then we’re spending the rest of the night rewriting it the way it should’ve been. I may’ve been the first, but this time when I make you come I want to know I’ll be the last. Now, fucking tell me it’s forever.”

A slow, sexy smile crossed her lips. “You’ve always been forever for me.”

“No matter how bad I fuck things up, we make this work. Forever.”

Her smile grew. “Stop freaking out and start rewriting.”

“Eliza . . .”

“Till, shut up.” She peppered kisses over my face. “Forever. Forever. Forever. I swear to love you, Till Page. Even if you fuck it up. ” She leaned back to catch my eyes. “Better?”

I blew out a relieved breath. “Much. Now, just so you know, I want to be the one to tell Bailey to fuck off.”

“No way! You’ll kill him,” she said so seriously that it made me laugh. “You let me handle, Derrick. He’s coming over tomorrow night. I’ll break it to him kindly then.”

“Fuck no you won’t! He’s not coming over here ever again.”

“Are we really fighting over Derrick Bailey while I’m sitting naked on your lap? This seems like a gross misuse of time.” She reached down and drew her fingernail over my cock. “Let me tell him tomorrow, and then you can say whatever you want next time you see him at the gym.”

I rumbled a groan and pressed my own hand between her legs.

“Can we go back to rewriting now?” She circled her hips against my fingers.

“Yeah.” I smiled, then began looking around the room. “Where do you want to start? Couch sex has its merits, but I think I’d like to lay you out on that table.”

Her eyes heated but she released the sweetest giggle when she answered, “Both.”

“Good plan.” Standing up off the couch, I slid her down my body until her feet landed on the ground. I began to push my jeans down my thighs, but paused to pull a long strip of condoms from my back pocket.

“Thank God!” she exclaimed, shoving me down on the couch.

I laughed as I fell, but Eliza made quick work of dragging my jeans off my feet as I tore the shirt over my head. She climbed onto my lap while I rolled the condom on between us, and within seconds, she sank down on my cock.

“Fuck.” I cursed as she began to ride me.

I wanted to kiss her, but I couldn’t drag my eyes from her body. She must have noticed my hungry gaze, because she asked, “You like to watch?” as she slid her hands up over her breasts and into her hair.

“My cock’s inside you, Eliza. I could watch this every fucking day for the rest of my life.”

“Good. Because you might have too.” She quickened her pace.

“That’s not exactly a hardship.” I leaned forward only long enough to drag my tongue over each of her nipples then reclined against the back of the couch.

Licking my finger, I slid it between us. On every down stroke, I gently tapped her clit, making her go wild on top of me. It was an unbelievably sexy sight.

She reached down and guided my hand to her breast. “No hands. I’m close.”

“Come on, baby. Give it to me. This isn’t the only time I’m making you come tonight.” I stared down as I once again found her clit.

“I mean . . . I don’t think I need your hand,” she panted and my eyes flashed to hers.

“No hands?” I questioned in shock.

She shook her head as she tightly wrapped her arms around my neck and continued to move over me, searching for her release.

No. Fucking. Hands.

I sat up, shifting to the edge of the couch, and began fucking her from the bottom. I could feel her muscles tense around my cock but I couldn’t keep up a pace in that position to make her come.