Final Score (7 page)

Her heart fluttered wildly in her chest as the door slowly opened, her stomach doing that same old dip and dive as she looked up and saw him standing there. He was wearing faded, battered jeans and a dark t-shirt, his hair a little longer than he usually wore it, and the only thing she could think about was burying her fingers in it and messing it up as she lay underneath him.

‘I need you,’ she whispered, unable to do anything about the zillion and one butterflies that had just started flying around inside her.

He smiled the same smile that had reeled her in and dragged her into his world over twenty years ago. That same smile that could do it all over again, because she’d let it.

Closing the door behind her she looked at him, letting every memory of this man wash over her. Every beautiful kiss, every tiny touch – every heartbreaking goodbye. They all came back to visit, all at once, making her twice as confused, but it didn’t matter. They could stay there, embed themselves in her brain on a permanent basis and she knew she still couldn’t walk away from this. He was too much a part of her, and even if he broke her heart a million times more she was always going to love him. So, what did that say about her? What did that say about Amber Sullivan – that feisty, strong, independent woman who’d once thought she could take on the world. What did that say about her?

She walked over to him, taking the glass he was holding out of his hand, their eyes locked together. Reaching out to touch his mouth with her fingertips, she felt an altogether different kind of shiver engulf her as his hand rested lightly on her hip, pulling her just that little bit closer to him. Once more, the invisible cord she couldn’t seem to cut had brought her back here, back to him, and there was nowhere else she wanted to be.

Standing up on tiptoes she closed her eyes as her lips touched his, so gently they just brushed over them at first, but it was enough to cause those goosebumps to break out, that wave of confusion to be washed away by something far harder to understand. And as his arm snaked around her waist, pulling her against him, his mouth pressing down harder on hers, she shut out everything else – Ryan, Ronnie; even Rico. She shut them all out, because she wanted nothing to spoil this. She wanted nothing to get in the way of what she was about to do.

They were never going to make it upstairs, she knew that. They were never going to make it that far. It was going to happen right here, but it wasn’t going to be the quick and harsh encounter they’d shared earlier. She didn’t want that. She wanted to feel him properly, to take in every touch of his fingers on her skin. She wanted to sink deep into his kisses, feel him move inside her as their bodies once more became one. She wanted all of that. She wanted
him
.

Stepping back slightly, she smiled as he leaned back against the wall, folding his arms, his eyes on her as she slowly stripped. And all that did was heighten everything she was already feeling, turning her on even more as all those things she was trying to push to the back of her mind slowly started to fade away.

‘Leave the boots on,’ he said, his eyes still boring into hers. ‘Jesus, baby, please leave those boots on.’

She couldn’t help smiling as she walked back over to him, now wearing nothing but black, knee-high boots, pressing her naked body against his still fully-clothed one.

‘I’d forgotten how much you kill me, Amber.’ His voice was low and oh-so-sexy as his mouth rested on hers. ‘What you do to my head, honey, it’s crazy.’

‘I shouldn’t be here,’ she whispered, slowly pulling his t-shirt off over his head, flinging it aside like a used rag.

‘Then why are you?’

‘Because I need you.’ She began pulling the belt away from his jeans. ‘I already told you that. Because I can’t get you out of my head, no matter how much I try.’ She ran her thumb over his cheek, his stubble rough beneath her fingers. ‘And because I’m weak.’

He took hold of her hand, bringing it up to his mouth and kissing it. ‘I can’t stand here and promise I won’t hurt you again, Amber…’

She shook her head. ‘Don’t say anything, Jim, please. Just… just don’t say anything.’

His hand tightened around hers, their eyes still locked together. ‘I don’t
want
to hurt you…’

‘It’s too late for that.’

He finally broke the stare, but only for a brief second. ‘I’m glad you came. I didn’t think you would.’

‘Oh, you knew I would, Jim. You knew I would come.’

He bowed his head, once more breaking the stare. And when he finally raised it he said nothing, just wound his fingers into her hair and pulled her forwards, kissing her slowly. And Amber felt herself falling again, faster and faster, deeper and deeper into that web of pain and heartache that she couldn’t stay away from. It was almost as if everything he put her through was a turn-on.

As he gently lowered her down onto the stairs she felt a tiny twinge of reality nip at her conscience, the image of her beautiful baby boy swimming before her eyes and she squeezed them shut, pushing that image away. Rico was fine, he was good. He was safe and he was loved and he would always come first in her world. Always. And yet, how could she say that, when she was here? When she was about to do this and reopen every old wound Jim Allen had ever inflicted.

‘Are you okay?’

She opened her eyes, stretching her arms up above her head. ‘I’m fine. I was just thinking, that’s all.’

‘About what?’

She took a second or two to look at him. He was naked now, as he stood there in front of her. For a man of his age he still had the body of someone twenty years younger; tall and lean, toned and hard, and every memory of the first time she’d seen him like this came rushing forwards, flooding her brain, making her almost breathless. She could feel her chest rising and falling, faster and heavier than it had done just seconds before, her heart beating wildly against her ribs, her fingers entangling themselves in her own hair. ‘About why I shouldn’t be here.’

He lowered himself down over her, the heat of his body as it touched hers almost burning her skin and she breathed in deeply, letting him pull one of her hands away from her hair, his fingers intertwining with hers.

‘I thought we weren’t talking,’ he whispered, his mouth moving closer to hers.

‘We aren’t,’ she breathed, her chest now rising up to touch his as her legs pulled up around him, keeping him close.

‘Okay…’ He kissed her slowly, and she stretched out more as she felt his other hand slip between her legs, touching her gently, checking she was ready for him. ‘No more talking.’

‘No more talking,’ she repeated, opening her legs wider now, letting him in, inviting him to do whatever it was he needed to do.

As the kiss got deeper his fingers played harder, touching her, sinking into a wetness he’d created, and she found it difficult to hold back, to stay quiet, because what he was doing to her was everything she’d dreamed of him doing since the day he’d told her it was over. It had only been a few months ago, the last time he’d broke her heart, yet it seemed like an eternity had passed. She’d missed him so much, and although she hadn’t always been aware of that – the months leading up to Rico’s birth had given her more distractions than she’d been able to handle – she knew that the second her son had been born, that was when reality had kicked in. That was when she’d realised things had never really changed. That was when she’d realised it was this man she needed to be with. He just hadn’t wanted her. He’d pushed her away. But was all that changing now?

His mouth was still resting on hers as his fingers slid slowly inside her and she moaned quietly, bucking her hips up as she pulled him in. And it felt good to have him back there, to feel him where she needed him to be. Everything else felt wrong. Only he’d ever felt right, despite everything. Despite it all. Only he’d ever felt right.

Moving his head down, he covered one of her nipples with his mouth, flicking his tongue over it, causing her to moan out loud again as she buried her fingers in his hair. He was making her dizzy; her head was spinning with a hundred different reasons why this was wrong, but still she didn’t want to be anywhere else. She didn’t want him to leave or stop doing this; she didn’t want him to go.

He let go of her hand, pushing her legs a little further apart, and as he slowly pulled his fingers out of her she gasped, closing her eyes as she prepared for what was going to happen next, the anticipation both exciting and terrifying. But when he finally made that move, gently pushing into her so carefully, the complete opposite of the sex they’d had earlier, she felt nothing but a wonderful warmth spread through her entire body, from the tips of her toes to the top of her head. An incredible, mind-blowing feeling of warmth and safety. Yet she was anything but safe. Jim Allen was the epitome of danger as far as relationships were concerned. But she was trapped, in a world she wasn’t willing to leave.

Pushing her hips up to meet his again she took him deeper, angling her body so he fell into her, and he held onto her as though his life depended on it as they moved together in an erotic dance, their rhythm perfectly synchronised.

His moans merged with hers, soft and quiet yet loaded with an intensity that circled around them, filling the hallway, turning up the heat on an already burning atmosphere as bodies crashed together and feelings were torn apart under waves of confusion and pain. But Amber wouldn’t have it any other way. She didn’t want to feel anything other than what she was feeling now as he thrust in and out of her fast, then slow, keeping that rhythm going, holding out for as long as he could but he was sinking quickly, she could tell. His breathing was heavier, his body tensing up as he got ready for that final push, and Amber almost held her breath as she waited for the inevitable to happen, wanting it yet dreading it, because she didn’t want this to end. She didn’t want to end this closeness. She didn’t want to let him go. But she couldn’t stop that rush of beautiful, white-hot pain that flooded her body as he spilled out into her with a cry so loud it seemed to shake the room. And when he reached down to touch her, to help her to her own climax before he’d finished his, she thought she might pass out with the sheer weight of feelings he was making her experience in the space of those final few seconds.

And when it was over, all she felt was a crashing emptiness that seemed to wash over her at breakneck speed.

‘Stay with me,’ he whispered, stroking the hair from her eyes, which she didn’t want to open just yet, in case he disappeared the second she did. In case this was just a dream. She felt sixteen all over again, and she wasn’t sure she liked it. It made her feel vulnerable, out-of-control, when she should be grown up and strong.

‘I… Jim, I don’t know…’

‘Stay with me.’ He took hold of her hand, gripping it tight, his eyes now staring deep into hers. ‘Please. Because I can’t let this go… I can’t let
you
go. Not yet.’

She wanted to hear him say
not ever
; that’s what she wanted to hear him say.
Not yet
signalled that he was willing to let her go at some point. And once more she could hear those alarm bells ringing. ‘What are we doing, Jim?’

‘I need you, Amber.’

‘For what? For a few days? A couple of weeks? For sex and nothing else? Forever? For what, Jim?’

He sat up, pushing both hands through his hair, letting out a quiet sigh, but Amber could see the weight of the world right there on his shoulders. ‘I can’t do this. Not with Ryan still here. That constant threat…’

She sat up beside him, slipping her hand into his, kissing his shoulder lightly. ‘He isn’t a threat, Jim. He never was, not really.’

He looked at her, smiling a small smile, but even she could see it hadn’t reached his eyes. ‘You say that, but then something happens and he’s there, back in your life. And now you’ve got Rico… Amber, you and him, you have a child together.’

‘I’m not in love with him, Jim.’

‘But he’s always going to be a part of your life. He’s always going to
be
there.’

‘And I can’t help that. I can’t. He’s Rico’s dad, and that’s a job he’s got for life.’

Jim looked down at their joined hands. ‘It still tears me apart that I couldn’t give you what you wanted. That you had another man’s child when I… when I loved you so much it broke my fucking heart every day to see you… to see you carrying his baby. You were my wife, Amber.’

‘And
you
divorced
me
, Jim.’

He let go of her and dropped his head into his hands. ‘Because I just couldn’t face losing you.’

‘Baby, that doesn’t make any sense. You were the one that left
me
. I didn’t want to go anywhere.’

He raised his head, his eyes tired and heavy with tears, and Amber didn’t know what to do. This was a side of him she’d very rarely seen, if ever. ‘But you might have done. You were pregnant, with a baby that wasn’t mine. Pregnant to a man who meant something to you, Amber. You say you’re not in love with him, but, Ryan Fisher – he meant
something
to you. Once.’

She got up, finding his t-shirt that she’d thrown on the floor. And he watched as she pulled it over her head, watched as she covered that beautiful nakedness with his own clothes.

‘I’ll go get us something to drink,’ she said, heading off into the kitchen, a fresh wave of confusion sweeping over her now.

She found a bottle of brandy on the counter and pulled two clean glasses from the dishwasher before filling them both with a generous measure.

‘We really do need to talk, Amber.’

She turned around, unable to stop a sharp intake of breath as she looked at him standing there, dressed only in jeans that hung low on his hips, his hands in his pockets. ‘When did you get so paranoid, Jim? When did you let anyone get in the way of anything you wanted?’

‘You aren’t just
anything
, Amber. You’re not just a winning football score or some defender I desperately want before the transfer window closes. You’re my whole fucking world, and the thought of you…’ He trailed off, turning his head away for a second. ‘We need to talk.’