Finding Forgiveness: Poconos Pack, Book 1 (3 page)

Ben felt the blood drain from his face. He’d felt the migraines, known the pain Dave was in. “You said I made them worse.”

Jamie nodded. “Yeah. Stress is one of Dave’s triggers.”

Triggers. Like Ben had shot him. “What other things trigger Dave’s migraines?”

“Sodium nitrates seem to be one of the main culprits. Hot dogs, lunchmeat, red wine—they all contain sodium nitrates. Dave can’t eat them at all or he runs the risk of getting sick.”

Ben nodded. He’d see to it that Dave never touched another fucking hot dog as long as he lived. “What else?”

“We’re not sure. Even eliminating most of the sodium nitrates from his diet doesn’t seem to have lessened the severity of the migraines. Common triggers can be controllable things, like reducing stress levels, avoiding certain foods like alcohol and aspartame. Or they can be uncontrollable, like weather changes. With the severity of Dave’s migraines the most we can hope for is to reduce their frequency and the intensity with which they strike. All I know for certain is he’s got to be under more stress than he’s letting on.”

Ben felt that right down to his soul. “Which means it’s my fault he’s in the hospital right now.” He’d done more than stress the Beta out. He’d essentially pointed the gun at Dave’s head and pulled that particular trigger.

“Damn straight,” Rick growled.

Ben accepted that. He closed his eyes, the pain of what he’d forced his mate to suffer washing through him. “This has been going on since he was fifteen?” When the doctor nodded again Ben damn near moaned like a wounded animal. “When can I see him?” He had a lot of making up to do. It would serve him right if Dave wanted nothing more to do with him. He’d treated the man like shit for all the wrong reasons, when he should have been trying to help him through his suffering.

Damn it. Once again the memory of his father had tainted something that was supposed to be good. How could he have been so stupid?

“Dave doesn’t want you at the hospital, and I agree with him.” Ben accepted the doctor’s words. He’d have to wait until Dave returned to begin making amends. “You could inadvertently add to the stress. Right now I’ve got him on tranquilizers, pain relievers and anti-nausea medication, and we’re monitoring him due to the increased risk of stroke. He’s been rehydrated intravenously.”

Thank God he was sitting down, because he was shaking so badly there was no way his legs could have held him. “What do you mean, stroke?” His voice was shaking. Holy hell, this was a lot more serious than Rick and Belle had let on.

“Dave’s official diagnosis is
status migrainosus
. The blood vessels in his brain are dilated, which increases the risk of stroke.”

He put his head between his knees. In about two seconds he’d be joining his mate in the hospital.

“We’ve got things under control but I don’t need his treatment disrupted. He’s calm, the pain is manageable and he’s conscious.”

“Are you sure I can’t see him?” If anything happened to Dave (
anything more,
his conscience growled) he’d never forgive himself.

“He specifically requested that you be kept away.” Ben winced, his wolf howling in despair. “I’m sorry, but you two aren’t mated. From what I understand you’ve denied the mating several times already.”

“My father was an alcoholic. A rotten one. I thought…” He sighed. “It doesn’t matter what I thought. I should have known.”

“You should have asked.” Rick sat behind the desk, the fury gone from his face, replaced by concern. Rick was one of the few who knew about Ben’s childhood. One of Rick’s first official acts as Alpha had been to Outcast Walter Malone.

Ben could already feel the soothing balm of Rick’s acceptance, knew the Alpha had begun to forgive him. The way Belle was studying him, he knew he’d have more explaining to do to the Luna and the rest of the Pack leaders. How would he explain to them about the hell his father had put him through? There were few scars on his skin, but there were more than enough scars on his soul.

“We’ve been doing what we can to keep Dave healthy, but you need to stop pushing him.”

“Yeah. I get that.” He scrubbed the back of his head before sitting up. “What’s his treatment going to be? How do we get this under control other than diet and stress reduction?”

The doc shook his head. “I can’t share that with you.”

“Because he told you not to?”

“Because you’re not his mate, so doctor-patient privilege applies.”

Ben took a deep breath and leashed the growling wolf within. “I’ll be rectifying that situation as soon as possible.”

“No. You won’t.” Rick leaned forward. “The doc said no stress, so I’m telling you. You will
not
stress out my Beta any more than you already have. I find out you’ve pushed anything on him or forced him into something, and I swear to God I will Outcast you so fast you’ll bounce down the mountain.”

Ben swallowed hard. Each and every person in the room blamed him for what was happening to Dave. Including himself. “The headaches started when he was fifteen. Why has it taken so long to figure out what’s wrong with him?”

Rick leaned back with a sigh. “You remember how much of an isolationist my grandfather was.” Rick’s grandfather, the old Alpha, had been unwilling to even discuss going outside the Pack for anything. Maybe if Rick’s father had lived it would have been different. Rumor had it Roger Lowell could talk his father into just about anything. But Roger and his mate had died in a car accident while Rick was still a baby, and Rick’s grandfather had completely closed the Pack off from the outside world.
“
He thought simply shifting back and forth would solve Dave’s problems. No way he’d let Dave go see a doctor no matter how much Dave’s folks pleaded with him. Hell, I got punished more than once for trying to get the old man to relent. He was convinced channeling his wolf would fix everything that was wrong with Dave.”

It hadn’t. The headaches had grown worse over the years. That was one of the reasons Ben had been so certain they were hangovers. That and the fact that he’d caught the man drunk on a few occasions. Thinking back he realized he could count on the fingers of one hand the times Dave must have
truly
been drunk. Could those strange, floaty times when Dave’s head pounded and he seemed so disconnected have been associated with the migraines?

“Now that we have access to a doctor we’re finding out more and more about what’s wrong with him. It never occurred to me to take the man’s hot dogs away.” Rick winced, because Dave did love his hot dogs. Come summertime you could find him with one in his hand and a can of soda in the other, laughing and having a good time.

Despite everything Ben had done to shove Dave away the other Wolf had remained a decent human being, playful and fun-loving. He’d caught Dave’s wistful looks, the longing there plain to see, but he’d turned away from it over and over again.

No more. Dave was his mate, and he was hurting, and it was past time for Ben to do something about it.

“That’s all I can tell you without permission.” Jamie shrugged. “Until the two of you resolve your mating issues, there’s nothing more I can do.”

“And I’m telling you to stay the fuck away from him until the migraines are under control. Got it?” Rick glared at Ben again. “In fact, I’m thinking I might send you into New York for a few days. The Coyotes want to negotiate a pass-through treaty and I’m inclined to send you and Chela to deal with it.”

A pass-through treaty would grant each Pack the right to enter the other’s territory without the need to stop and make nice. It would mean more Coyotes spending time at the lodge, even becoming regular customers if it worked out. It also meant that Ben would more than likely be gone until after Dave came home and had a chance to settle in. It would also give everyone’s temper a chance to settle down.

As plans went, it wasn’t a bad one. The urge to go to his mate’s side despite the doctor’s warnings and Rick’s threats was damn near overwhelming. Having the time to come up with a way to make things up to his mate would be appreciated, and knowing he was earning back his Alpha’s approval would calm his wolf. “I’ll go.” He stood, his hands shaking. “But you have to promise me that all bets are off if Dave is in any danger.”

“Ben—”

“No.” He glared at his Alpha, who snarled back. “If it was Belle, what would you do?”

“I did what was right.”

Ben’s jaw clenched. Rick
had
done what he’d thought was right, leaving his wounded Luna in Halle despite the fact that the mating hadn’t been completed. Belle had needed her own doctors and the hospital in Halle to heal the damage she’d received defending a Pridemate from a stalker. Now that the Halle Pride leaders had agreed to allow the Pack to use their facilities, Rick could allow his Packmates to go back and forth to see one of the few shifter doctors in the area. Hell, with the coming treaties with the New York Coyote Pack, odds were they’d have access to more and better facilities than even Halle had. Ben bet the Halle Pride would have their own representatives talking to the Coyotes. Cats might be lazy by nature, but Max Cannon, the Pride’s Alpha, wasn’t one to let grass grow under his feet.

Ben eyed Belle. “Will Max have anyone at these talks?”

She shrugged. “Maybe. He doesn’t inform me of his plans.” She smirked. “But he does know to keep your ass away from Dave.”

Of course he did. Belle and the Halle Puma Curana, Emma, were friends. Ben resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “I give you my word, I will not approach Dave until he’s returned from the hospital. I won’t give you any promises beyond that.”

Her eyes narrowed dangerously. “Ben.”

“No. It’s the best we can hope for.” Rick’s hand slid across Belle’s hip. “It was what I could promise you, after all.”

She shook her head, but Ben knew the memory of her mate’s claiming had soothed her. Rick had marked her within an hour of her arrival at the Red Wolf Lodge, making her both Pride and Pack. He’d then handed her Lowell’s Restaurant, the Lodge’s steak house, to manage, fulfilling her dreams of owning and operating her own restaurant.

“Ben? Go pack. You’re out of here as of tomorrow morning. You too, Chela. And don’t fuck this up. It could mean big things for both the Lodge and the Pack. Got it?”

“Got it.”

“Sure thing, boss.” Ben sighed and left the room. He debated going back to his office, but fuck it. He was taking the rest of the day off to pack and plan. Watching his Alpha with his Luna never failed to cause him pain and pride. Pride, because Belle really
was
the best Luna, despite her feline handicap, the Pack had ever had. Pain, because he didn’t think he could have that kind of closeness with his own goofy mate. The man was a perfect foil for Rick’s stern Alpha persona. People spoke to the Beta in a way they did not with the Alpha, more comfortable with Dave’s easy-going ways and hidden strength. Everyone revered the Alpha pair, but they all
adored
Dave.

Even him.

He remembered one of the few times he’d allowed his guard down around the Beta. They’d been bringing Belle home to Rick, her wounded hip still bothering her from what he could tell. She’d been in therapy for months before the Pride doctors had released her for what she called Lunatic duty.

He snorted, amused, and threw on his lightweight suede jacket. He could still hear the sound of Dave’s laughter, his jokes, even his taunts. He strode out of the main lodge and headed for the back cabins reserved for “employees”. Little did the paying customers know that these cabins were the nicest homes in the area.

Belle had tried not to laugh as the lodge’s sign came into view. “Red Wolf Ski Lodge and Spa, hmm?”

Ben had grinned, still tickled by the name Rick’s great-grandfather had picked for the place. Talk about throwing their presence in the oblivious humans’ faces!

“Like it?” He chuckled when she snorted. “Most of the big ski resorts around here shift into water parks for the summer, but people mostly come here from New Jersey, New York and Philadelphia for the skiing. Recently we upgraded some of our facilities to be more wheelchair accessible.”

Dave had started filling in the gaps, the love he had for the place clear in his voice. Ben wouldn’t have admitted it, but he loved the lodge all the more when Dave spoke of it. “We have a full gym, a day spa, babysitting services offered by some of the Pack females, and even a small golf course. All of it sits on about three thousand acres, a third of which is forested. Hiking and horseback riding are popular in the spring in this area. We just warn the humans to beware of wild animals. Right now, our only guests are shifters; Rick arranged it that way because…well, you’ll see.”

The Red Wolf Lodge was a huge wood and stone building. It looked like a mountain cabin on steroids. It was long, two stories high, with a vaulted, dark gray roof barely visible under the snow. The doors of the hotel rooms could be seen through the railings of the huge deck that ran all around the second story. Belle had stared through the front windshield with wide, disbelieving eyes. “Where are the cabins?”

Ben took one hand off the steering wheel and started pointing. “The cabins are around the back. If you follow the road to the right, it leads to them. Follow the road to the left, and it takes you to our banquet facilities.”

She turned back to Dave. “Banquet facilities?”

As the event coordinator for the Lodge, Dave was intimately familiar with all the Lodge’s party facilities. Ben was the money man, his sole job to keep the Lodge operating in the black. The two frequently butted heads over Dave’s more extravagant ideas. “Winter weddings are pretty popular up here. Wait until you see the room. With the fairy lights lit, it looks like a winter wonderland.”

Ben had flicked a glance at Dave, and the urge to tease his mate had been overwhelming. He’d gone with it, hoping it would also soothe his new Luna’s nervous energy. “Damn, Dave. You’re such a girl.”

Belle had covered her mouth, but not before Ben saw her smile in the rearview mirror.

“What?” Dave had been shocked, not just by the comment. Ben
never
teased the other man, preferring to avoid him whenever possible.