Finding Home (21 page)

“Just stop.  Please.”

“What are you afraid of?”

She placed a hand on her stomach, his
words physically hurting her.

“I don’t want to talk about this,
Colt.”

“Why?  Doesn’t it bother you
that the parents you love so much knew that there was a family out there
desperately missing you and yet they did nothing about it?”

“Stop it!  Why are you doing
this?”
            “Because you
need to face the facts, babe.  Jesse and Linda Sauter or whatever the hell
their names were, were not the good people you think they were.  And I
know that sucks, baby, but you’ve got to face the truth.  They weren’t the
ones who stole you from your family but they sure as hell didn’t turn you over
to the authorities once it was clear what their daughter had done.  And
they didn’t do that because they were covering Sherry’s ass!  Can’t you
see that?  Didn’t Charlotte’s pain mean anything to you?”

Tears started pouring down her cheeks
and she struggled to get away from him but he wasn’t letting her go.

“Let me go,” she pleaded.

“I’m not trying to be mean here but
damn!  You’ve got to start seeing the Sauters for what they really
were.  They took Proof of Life pictures of you every year.  Why? 
Don’t you want to find out if they were giving those to someone?  Because
I sure as hell do.  Your kidnappers were never found.  Now that the
Bainbridges have found you, I’m scared that the kidnappers will come after you
again.”

Her eyes were wide and she was
trembling.  She hadn’t thought about the kidnappers possibly coming after
her again.  That was unsettling.  But, she really didn’t want him
putting her parents down like that.  She didn’t think they were as bad as
he was making them sound.

“Please let me go,” she whispered.

“Baby,” he began but stopped when she
stiffened.  “Look, I’m sorry.  I know I’m being a bit harsh…”

“A bit,” she snapped.

“But, I’m worried that you aren’t
seeing the wrong that was done to you.  Just because your parents didn’t
mistreat you doesn’t excuse them.”

“They were my parents!”

“Yeah, but they shouldn’t have been. 
Buck and Charlotte are your parents.  You were stolen from them. 
They didn’t give you up.  They
wanted
you.  They have loved
you every second of your life for the last nearly twenty-seven years.  The
Sauters “came to love you” but only because they lost their own daughter. 
It sucks, but that’s the truth.  They kept you in poverty when you could
have been living like a princess.”

“I don’t care about the money,” she
snapped.

“I know you don’t.  I just…God,
baby, I want you to see what they did to you, and what they did to the
Bainbridges.  All these years, all the pain they went through…the Sauters
could have stopped that and they just didn’t.  They selfishly kept you to
themselves because they didn’t want their precious Sherry to go to jail. 
And then when they suspected that something had happened to her, they continued
to keep you to themselves.  They kept you a prisoner, Sarah, don’t you see
that?”

“No!  That’s your
interpretation.  Mom even said in the letter, they didn’t know who I
belonged to.  Maybe they were afraid that they would have been accused of
taking me had they turned me in.”

“Stop making excuses for them! 
Everything they did,
everything
, they did it for Sherry, not for
you.  They may have grown to love you, but they kept you in hiding for
her.  They loved
her
.”

“They loved me too!” she yelled.

“Did they?  Did they
really?  If you love someone, don’t you want the absolute best for them? 
The Bainbridges could have given you so much more than what the Sauters
could.  Wouldn’t you want that for someone you loved?”

“What are you saying?  That they
didn’t really love me?”

“Don’t you think that’s what it seems
like?” he asked.

“I think I’m done talking about this
and you’ve got two seconds to let go of me.”

“Or what?” he asked, halfway sounding
amused.

“Let go of me, Colt.”

“No.”

“Excuse me?” she challenged.

“You heard me,” he replied.

Sarah saw red.  She tried to
wrench her arm free but she was no match for Colt’s strength.  He wasn’t
even holding on very hard, but it was enough that she couldn’t get free.

“Let go!” she snapped, pushing on his
shoulder.

“You’re going to hurt yourself,
Sarah, stop.  Now.”

“Only because you’re hurting
me.  Let me go, Colt.  I mean it,” she said, her free fist pummeling
his chest. 

Still holding her arm, Colt stood,
towering over her and took a step closer to her.  Sarah felt a shift in
the air around them, a warning of sorts but she was so angry she ignored it,
hitting him again.  His hand tightened and his eyes narrowed and truth be
told, he looked downright scary.  This was the face that she imagined he
showed the enemy in his Ranger days.

“Hit me one more time,” he said, his
voice soft and bitterly cold.  “See what that buys you.”

“Let. Me. Go,” she ground out through
clenched teeth, still trying to free her arm.

“You need to stop, and you need to
stop now,” he warned her.

“And you need to let me go!” she
shouted, shoving him.

Colt growled, dipped down, put his
shoulder against her belly and lifted her in a fireman’s hold, carrying her
inside, her head down his back.

“Put me down, Colt!!!” she screeched.

He gave her backside a resounding
slap as he carried her through the house.

“I’d advise you to keep your mouth
shut at this point,” he snapped.

“Go to hell!”

He struck her again.  She began
pounding on his back with her fists, which only succeeded in making him spank
her with every step he took until he reached his room and threw her down on his
bed, then covered her with his big body before she could scramble up.  He
caught her wrists in one big hand and pinned them over her head, his other hand
closing over her chin, applying just enough pressure to force her to look at
him.

“Do you really want to push me on
this, Sarah?”

“You’re an asshole!” she snapped.

“Keep it up.  You’ll be over my
knee so fast your head will spin.”

“And that would be different from
what you just did to me, how?”

“You’ll be naked when I put you
there.”

She glared up at him.  He was
turned on; she could feel his arousal pressed against her.  And, truth be
told, his manhandling of her was exceedingly sexy and she was just as turned on
as he was…but that still didn’t mean she liked why he was doing it.

“I want to go home,” she said
sullenly.

“Baby,” he said, leaning down so that
they were nearly nose-to-nose, “you
are
home.”

“I need space, Colt.”

“No, you don’t,” he said, the hand on
her chin slowly trailing down her body, pausing to cup and squeeze her breast
on its way down to the waistband of her pants, tugging on them.

“Stop it,” she snapped.

“Uh uh,” he said, burying his face in
her neck, running his tongue along her throat. “You know that old saying, you
mess with the bull, you get the horns.”

“Colt.  I am
not
kidding.  Let. Me. Up.”

His hand slid inside her pants, his
finger dipping down to stroke her, causing her to groan, which in turn caused
him to groan.

“Tell me you don’t want me,” he said,
trailing his lips over hers.  “because your words are saying one thing but
your body is saying something else entirely.”

“I always want you,” she whispered,
kissing him.

“Then what’s the problem?”

“You aren’t listening to me.”

“Yes, I am,” he said, his lips now on
her ear, his finger stroking her into nearly losing her train of thought.

“No, you aren’t,” she insisted.

He ripped her pants farther down her
legs and she felt him working the zipper of his jeans, freeing himself. 
Still holding her wrists above her head, he raised himself up to see her face
fully, studying her.

“You want this?”

“Colt,” she groaned, looking away
from him.

“Eyes to me,” he growled.  A
shiver ran down her spine at his demand, and even though she really didn’t want
to, she cut her eyes back over to him.

“Tell me no and I’ll let you
up.”  She looked up into his eyes, seeing herself in their now warm
depths.  Her heart was pounding and she knew they were at a crossroads. 
She could say no.  She could.  And then lose something that, even
though she was seriously upset with him, was too precious to risk. 
Because even though she was irritated with him, and what he’d said hurt, she
wasn’t prepared to lose him over it.

Colt felt the fight leave her. 
Her body had been rigid and then suddenly, she took a deep breath and then
relaxed underneath him.  He leaned down and pressed his lips to hers and
she responded fully, so he released her hands and wrapped both his arms tight
around her, kissing her deep, plundering her mouth.  Her hands buried
themselves in his hair, holding him to her while her legs freed themselves from
her pants so she could wrap them around his waist.  He loved when she put
her hands in his hair, loved the feel of her fingers on his scalp.  He
knew she hadn’t forgiven him for making her face the facts about what had been
done to her; that this was just a temporary respite, but he’d take her however
she wanted to come to him.

“Lose the pants, Harris,” she told
him, pulling on his lower lip with her teeth.

“Yes, ma’am,” he said, kissing her
before standing and pulling off his shoes and pants.

She kept her gaze on him, watching
his every move.  When he stroked a hand over himself she groaned, lifting
up to her elbows.

“Want something, baby?” he asked,
watching her watch him stroke himself.

She was still mad at him. 
Furious, actually.  But she could no sooner turn away from him now than
she could cut her own arm off.  She wasn’t sure what that said about her
and at this point, she really didn’t care.  All she knew was that she
wanted him.  Right then.

“I want you, Colt,” she said,
reaching out to him.

He placed one knee on the bed and
came to her, growling when her hand reached out to cup him.  She squeezed
his sac, just hard enough to get his attention, and he reached out and grabbed
a handful of her hair, pulling so that her head was tipped back and she was
looking up at him.

“You really wanna play that game,
babe?” he asked.

She bit her lip then gave him a sly
smile.  “Just getting your attention.”

“You have it,” he said.

“Don’t pressure me about all of this,
please,” she told him, still holding him firmly.

“We’re not having this conversation
right now.  Not while your hand is where it is.”

“Seems to me this is the perfect
time.”

“You intend to follow through on your
threat to hurt me if I say something you don’t like?”

“I never threatened,” she countered.

“Your hand squeezing my balls right
now says different.  You really want to hurt me like that?”

She stared at him a minute, then
another smile touched her lips.  “I’m not stupid enough to think you would
actually let me, Colt.”

“That would be wise.”

She tightened her grip slightly and
he stiffened, then reached down and took her hand in his.  He applied just
the right amount of pressure to get her to release him, then pinned her beneath
him, entering her on a fierce, powerful thrust.  She cried out and sank
her nails into his shoulders and scraping them down his back to cup his
muscular butt, loving the feel of his muscles as he moved.  He captured
her mouth as he moved, taking complete possession of her body, and she knew he
took possession of her soul, too.

There were tears in her eyes when her
climax came.  She clung to him while he continued pounding into her,
holding him as tight as she could, crying her release.

“Look at me, Sarah,” he growled as
his end was coming near.  “Now!” he commanded.  When she opened her
eyes and met his gaze, he kissed her then looked directly into her eyes. 
“I love you.”  She tightened her hold on him but didn’t speak. 
“Sarah,” he growled.  “I love you.”  He watched a tear roll down her
cheek and let out a vile curse.  “You can’t say it, can you?”

“I…” she began but her voice trailed
off.

He closed his eyes and pressed his forehead
to hers, his thumbs stroking her cheeks, wiping her tears away. 

“You said you were falling in love
with me before all this hit.  Has that changed?” he asked gruffly.

She reached up and cupped his face in
her hands.  “Look at me,” she said.  When he pulled back and looked
down at her, she smoothed her hands over his face and brought him down to give
him a tender kiss.  “Nothing has changed as far as my feelings for you are
concerned.  Even after all that happened earlier, I’m right here in your
bed.  I just need some time, Colt.  My life is upside down right
now.  I don’t know if I’m coming or going, what is up or what is down…but
through all of that, I do know that you are right here with me. 
Just…please…give me a little bit of time.”

His eyes searched her face, then he
placed a kiss to her forehead. 

“I’m not a patient man, babe. 
Never have been.”

She touched his bottom lip. 
“OK…but then, has what you wanted ever been worth waiting for?”

He nipped her finger.  “Point
taken.  So, now let me address one last thing before we get up to get a
shower.”

“Sounds serious.”

“Listen really good, babe, because
I’m only going to say this once.”

“Okay,” she replied, giving him a bit
of a wary look.

“You hit me again like you did
earlier, your ass won’t be sitting down for a week.  You got me?”

Sarah narrowed her eyes, looking up
into his suddenly serious face.

“You have got to be kidding me.”

“I assure you, I’m not.”

“So, you can spank me, but I can’t
shove you, or pound on your back when you’re spanking me?  Hello? 
Pot, meet kettle!”

“Did I hurt you?”

“No.”

“Just don’t hit me, Sarah.”

For some reason, this struck her as
funny and she started laughing. 

“Think that’s funny, huh?” he asked,
nuzzling her ear.

“Hilarious…and just FYI, threatening
me with a spanking?  Not much of a deterrent.”

He chuckled, “Yeah, I got that you
liked that.”

She twined her arms around his neck
and pulled him down again, kissing him.

“I really did…I like everything about
you, Colt,” she whispered.  It wasn’t exactly what he wanted to hear, but
he decided in that moment, it was good enough.

Later, after an amazing shower and
snuggling together to watch TV in bed, Sarah lay against Colt’s side, listening
to his heart, tracing her fingers over his tattoo.  He was asleep but she
was wide awake.  She knew she’d nearly blown it tonight, more than once. 
Her emotions were all over the place after the last few days, she hadn’t lied
to him there.  Meeting him and growing closer to him than she’d ever been
to anyone in her life was something straight out of a book or a movie.  He
was everything she’d ever dreamed of.  He was gorgeous, financially set,
had a heart of gold and wasn’t afraid to show it.  He was perfect. 
The only chink in his armor may be that he was so take charge; she wasn’t
prepared to deal with it.  But that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing either,
she thought as she remembered him carrying her over his shoulder and spanking
her as he took her through the house to his room.  That had turned her on
unbearably.  But then, everything about Colton Harris turned her on.

Except, if she were honest, the way
he was pushing the Bainbridges on her.  That didn’t turn her on. 
That frightened her; because she could see herself caring for them.  Tag
and Viv were everything she could have ever wanted in siblings.  She knew
she was viewing them through the rose-colored glasses of not having grown up
with them, but to her, they were perfect.  Buck and Charlotte, however,
quite simply terrified her.  She could feel their love for her in their
every action, their ever word.  And while she knew her parents, the
Sauters loved her, what she sensed from Buck and Charlotte felt
different.  Because it
was
different.  It was pure.  She
had no doubt that even now, with them only knowing her for a few days, that if
something were to happen to her, each one of them would trade their life for
hers.  While she was being honest with herself, she didn’t think that
would be the case with Jesse and Linda.  She’d said so herself to Colt;
she knew they loved her, but she knew they loved each other more. 

She sat up and raked her fingers
through her hair.  When she did, Colt’s hand fell away from where it had
been resting against her breast and the movement woke him up.