Finding Home (6 page)

She knew exactly what had happened, didn’t need much of an explanation to Þ gure it out. Bentley had wanted to get home, it was that simple. He’d been worried about her. She’d learned when she got him about the herding instincts of his breed, about his need to be aware of his herd at all times, how it was his job and was in his blood. After so long without her, he must have been a nervous wreck, feeling like he’d failed her. Her idiot brother had probably forgotten to latch the door properly, a bad habit he’d been guilty of since they were kids, and it wouldn’t have taken long for Bentley to push his way through. The fact that Sarah had Bentley’s collar tucked into her purse—Ricky had taken it off one night because Bentley was scratching and it made too much noise—only served to make her grind her back molars.

Her brother was lucky she hadn’t throttled him then and there in their parents’ kitchen.

In the past twelve weeks, she’d become used to living completely alone, so she didn’t feel the emptiness blast her the second she walked in the door without Bentley, and that surprised her. She’d left at the end of February. It was now the Þ rst week in June and things had changed for her, just as she’d hoped. She felt stronger. She felt slightly more in control of her life. She

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felt a little less vulnerable. Once she’d gotten past the idea of how much Karen would like the lush New Zealand countryside with its thick green forests and rocky, gorgeous beaches, she was able to push her ex into a dark corner of her mind and leave her there. To be honest, she hadn’t even thought about Bentley all that much. She’d forced herself to focus on the job at hand and she’d done so quite well.

She dragged herself off the couch for the sole purpose of opening a bottle of wine—a nice, hearty red. Though gin and tonic was her cocktail of preference, she’d been surprised to Þ nd her latent enjoyment of wine brought to the fore during her trip.

The wineries in New Zealand were really coming into their own and making big bucks, and Sarah had partaken of many, many wonderful Chardonnays and Sauvignon Blancs during her stay.

But the climate there wasn’t all that helpful when it came to growing the grapes needed for a good red, and though the vintners were working diligently on them, Sarah found herself missing some of the delicious Napa Valley Zinfandels she’d grown so fond of over the years. She poured herself a generous glass and admired the deep crimson color of it as she returned to the living room and sat down with a world-weary sigh.

Remarkably, Sarah had called Karen only once while she was away, and though she’d hung up like a coward the second Derek had answered, she was pretty proud of herself. She’d thrown herself into her work and—when she’d been able to sneak away without Patti knowing—she’d picked up a drink on occasion and a warm body once or twice. Yes, the trip had been very good for her, just as she’d hoped. She’d felt like she’d Þ nally recaptured some of the control and direction of her life that she’d somehow misplaced after her breakup, like she was Þ nally on her way back to being a woman she at least recognized.

It depressed her to understand that losing her dog made her feel uncomfortably like she’d taken a backward slide since returning home to upstate New York. She wasn’t sure what to do with that.

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FINDING HOME

v

Sarah’s return to work a few days later wasn’t so much work related as welcome back related. There were ß owers and cookies and balloons, and an overall feeling of celebration. She was genuinely touched by the thoughtfulness of her coworkers and they spent the majority of the day asking her questions, both business and personal, about the exotic country of New Zealand, what she’d learned, whom she’d met, what she’d eaten and drunk, and what it was all like. Having gone a little crazy with the digital camera she’d purchased speciÞ cally for the trip, she hesitantly showed them some of her pictures, all the while being painfully cognizant of the possibility of becoming a tourist stereotype, boring people to tears with endless photographs and stories. At least she wasn’t subjecting them to a slide show.

Patti was excited to share her adventures with the staff and did so in the shy, somewhat uncertain way she did most things.

Sarah’s previous secretary had retired a little over a year ago, an old battle-axe of a woman who took no prisoners and practically Þ nished Sarah’s sentences, and Sarah had hated to see her go.

She was replaced by Patti just as Sarah’s relationship with Karen was reaching critical mass, her life spiraling out of control.

Patti was the niece of the founder of the company, but despite the obvious nepotism, she had promise. She just needed some intense training in the ways of Corporate America and a little polishing in the department of Business Savvy. Sarah’d had no qualms about taking her on as an assistant because she could see the potential shimmering just below the surface. Unfortunately, she’d barely had the energy or the willpower to drag herself from home into her ofÞ ce. There was no way she was up for endless hours of training with her support staff. Karen’s departure had completely drained her, and poor Patti had been dropped into a position where her boss was preoccupied a good percentage of the time. To her credit, she’d managed to teach herself a lot of things

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and she’d kept herself and Sarah aß oat while Sarah had worked on recovering. For the Þ rst time in a year, Sarah entertained the idea of actually thanking her admin for hanging in there when she was certain many others would have thrown in the towel.

Back in the present, Patti was going on about some park she’d discovered on her own one Sunday when Sarah “didn’t answer her phone for some reason.” Only from months of practice was Sarah able to school her expression and keep from looking as guilty as she sometimes felt about evading the poor woman, but it wasn’t easy.

Thank God for Caller ID
, she remembered thinking more than once during the last three months.
Whoever invented that
was a friggin’ genius.
Then she felt guilty again.

It wasn’t until the day was coming to a close that she Þ nally had a chance to sit at her desk in her own empty ofÞ ce. She was suddenly bone tired with the annoying beginnings of a killer headache gnawing at the outer reaches of her awareness. As she spun in her chair and fumbled in the top drawer of her credenza for the trusty bottle of Motrin, her gaze landed on the framed 8x10 perched on the mahogany surface. Stopping the search for ibuprofen, she simply looked, her eyes running over every curve of Karen’s smiling face, the sun-kissed bronze color of her skin, the way the sun caught the red highlights in her hair.

Next to her was Bentley, his tongue lolling out of his mouth, the expression on his face as close to happiness as a dog’s could get.

Sarah remembered the day as clearly as if it had been yesterday and not three years earlier. They’d been on a walk through the park. Bentley was just a puppy, but that was the day they realized how smart and obedient he was. Against Sarah’s wishes, Karen had taken him off his lead and thrown a tennis ball for him. He ran, fetched it, and brought it right back to her over and over and over, as if it never once occurred to him to run off into the nearby woods to explore or sprint up to the other visitors in the park and jump on them to get some attention. Sarah had been experimenting with a new camera and had snapped dozens of

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FINDING HOME

photos, but this one had been the best. It was as if she’d caught them both unawares, Karen hugging Bentley with such pride and love, and Bentley looking like he was actually smiling. Sarah had immediately had the snapshot enlarged and professionally framed, and here it had sat ever since.

Chewing on her bottom lip, Sarah ran a Þ nger along the glass, tracing Karen’s face, then Bentley’s ear, certain that if she concentrated hard enough, she could actually feel the texture of each. Then she blew out a breath of utter exhaustion and shook her head.
What the hell am I doing? They’re both gone.
Long ago, she had vowed to stop being one of those pathetic people who wallowed, who couldn’t let go, who refused to move on from their heartbreak, and she was disgusted with herself for taking even one step down that path. Despite a detailed list of every pound and organization her parents had contacted, Sarah had contacted them all again, hoping against hope that somebody had her dog. Every avenue had led her to a dead end, with no sign of Bentley. She knew she had to try to convince herself that he now had a good home with somebody who loved him. It was the only thing that brought her even a modicum of peace. With a growl, she quickly tossed the picture into a drawer and pushed it shut with a slam, wishing there was some way she could close the door on her past once and for all.

“Everything okay?”

The voice startled Sarah and she ß inched in her chair before spinning back around to face the front and the concerned visage of her boss, Regina Danvers, who stood in the doorway. As always, Regina was impeccably dressed in a chocolate brown pantsuit, her auburn hair pulled back into a French twist.

“Yes.” Sarah pasted a smile onto her face. “Everything’s great.”

“Your Þ rst day back go all right?”

“Fine. Just Þ ne.”

“Well, we missed you around here, but word is you did a fantastic job overseas.” Regina tossed her a genuine smile and

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Sarah suddenly felt like a third grader who’d just pleased her favorite teacher. “It seems like the Sarah Buchanan we know and love might actually be back, hmm?”

Before Sarah could respond, her intercom buzzed and Patti’s voice came on the line. “Sarah?”

“Yes, Patti?” She shot an apologetic look at Regina, who simply smiled knowingly.

“A bunch of us are going to happy hour across the street at Joe’s. Want to go?”

Sarah forced herself to wait a couple seconds to give the impression she was at least thinking about it. “You know, Patti, I’m really tired. I think I’m just going to go home tonight. But thanks.”

“Oh.” Patti tried unsuccessfully to hide her disappointment.

Then she perked right back up. “Well, I guess I’ll have to be the one to talk about being a Kiwi for three months.”

“You do that,” Sarah said, pushing the button to end the call. She turned her gaze back to her boss. “Sorry about that. She forgets to check and make sure I’m not with somebody before she starts talking. We’re working on that.”

“Is she driving you nuts?” Regina’s eyes twinkled in amusement.

Sarah shook her head and smiled good-naturedly. “No. No, not at all. She’s doing Þ ne. Just needs some Þ ne-tuning.”

“As I was saying, word on the street is that you went above and beyond overseas.” As she turned to look toward Patti’s empty workstation, she added, “And I imagine you did the majority of the work single-handedly.”

Sensing Regina’s disapproval of the way Patti had gotten her job, Sarah tried to defend her admin without sounding like she was doing so. “Actually, we worked quite well together.”

“Well.” Regina focused on Sarah with such intensity, Sarah had to Þ ght the urge to squirm. “Nicely done. The managers are impressed. I wanted you to know that it’s nice to have you back.”

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FINDING HOME

Certain that the line held a double meaning but too tired to ask, Sarah inclined her head once in gratitude. “Thank you, Regina. I appreciate that.”

“Now, go home. You look exhausted.” Regina waved a hand at her as she turned away. “And stop worrying about your ex. You can do far better. It’s her loss.” With that, she was gone, her heels clicking a staccato rhythm down the hall until they faded away completely.

Sarah sat blinking, replaying the last three minutes in her head.
Her loss, huh?
Though Sarah certainly didn’t hide her sexuality in the workplace, she’d never realized that Regina Danvers paid even the slightest bit of attention to the personal lives of her employees. That she not only knew about Sarah’s preferences but seemed up to date on the status of her relationship made her feel something she couldn’t put her Þ nger on. Flattered?

Proud? Embarrassed?

Seems like the Sarah Buchanan we all know and love might
actually be back, hmm?

Sarah knew she didn’t have the energy to analyze exactly what Regina was saying. Truth be told, it wasn’t all that hard to Þ gure out considering Sarah had spent a good six months of the last year as a shell of her former self. Now she felt like she might actually be taking some baby steps toward the tough, successful woman she’d once been.
Finally.
Were other people noticing as well?

Regardless, Regina was right about one thing. It
was
Karen’s loss. And it was high time Sarah started thinking that way, too.

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FINDING HOME

CHAPTER SIX

The long July Fourth weekend was upon Sarah before she even realized it, but she was relieved, which was very unlike her. In the past, she’d never looked forward to time off, had never planned vacations ahead of time. Karen had always tried to get her to be more spontaneous, but her attempts were fruitless most of the time. Sarah wasn’t one for surprises. She needed to be fully aware of everything going on around her. But here she was now, alone. She had three days off and she was free to do whatever she wanted. Her parents were having a cookout on Saturday and she would go to that, but otherwise, she had nothing planned. It was a fact that would have freaked her out completely less than a year ago, because back then, she was a woman who had to have each day planned down to the second, and most of it involved work. But when Karen left, Sarah found herself to be a woman with no plan, and that had scared her to death.

Now the quiet pleasure she felt at the idea of having time to herself surprised her. Maybe she’d go see a movie. Maybe she’d go shopping or hit the Memorial Art Gallery. Maybe she’d lose herself in a good book. The possibilities were endless, and for the Þ rst time in as far back as she could remember, she was looking forward to just playing it by ear. It was a very different feeling