Finding Hope (Love's Compass Book 2) (15 page)

She had to talk to him. She would wait until they got back to her apartment, because the thought of riding for five hours together after that was more than she could handle.

Exhausted in every way, she tried to focus on the fireworks. On the way back to the hotel, she made small talk about the different booths and costumes.

When she escaped to her hotel room, she collapsed onto her bed in tears.

The moment Lexi opened her eyes Sunday morning, dread turned her stomach into knots. She worked to pack all of her things back into her rolling bag. How was she going to tell Lance?

No matter what she came up with, all she could picture was a look of hurt in his eyes. That alone made her want to cry. Again.

It would be worse, though, in another week or a month. Each day she spent with Lance made her feel more whole and safe than the day before. She was losing her heart to him.

She had to tell him they needed space. Convince him that there was someone else out there for him who could give him everything he needed in a family.

Even if it meant breaking her own heart to do it.

When she had her bag ready to go, she squared her shoulders and took a deep breath. She could do this. She could get through the next five or six hours.

Lexi was the last of their group to arrive for breakfast. Lance had saved her a seat and a blueberry muffin.

“I noticed you had one yesterday and this was the last. I figured I would grab it for you.”

Why did the man have to be so perfect?

“Thank you, that was thoughtful.”

She got herself a glass of apple juice and sat next to him to eat her muffin. Conversation was light and soon they were getting in their vehicles to drive back home again.

Lexi wasn’t sure if it would be easier or harder to be alone with him now.

Lance checked his mirror, merged onto the highway, and cast a smile her way. “I think that was good for Dad. I haven’t seen him so happy in a long time.”

“He seemed to enjoy himself. Your whole family did. I think it’ll be good for all of you to make this a yearly tradition.”

“So do I.” He reached over and took her hand. “Who knows, maybe you’ll be there with us next year, too.”

She was trying to figure out how to respond to that and took too long. He squeezed her hand gently. “What’s up?”

Lexi rubbed her face with one hand. “I’m exhausted. Do you mind if I close my eyes and take a rest for a few minutes?”

“Of course not.” He kissed her knuckles and released her hand.

She willed herself to fall asleep. If only her heart would stop aching in her chest.

~

By the time they got back to Kitner, everything in Lance told him something was wrong and Lexi wasn’t talking about it. As he pulled to a stop in front of her apartment, he noticed tears in her eyes before she got out of the Jeep.

He retrieved her bag and carried it to her door.

“You’re worrying me, Lex. What’s going on?”

“Lance, this weekend was great. You’re amazing, but…”

He wasn’t about to let her finish. “No, no, no. Honey, what happened? I thought everything went well. Did my parents say anything to you? My sisters?” He put his hands on her shoulders and desperately tried to figure out what might have happened over the last day and a half.

“No, they were great. Your family’s wonderful.” She lifted her eyes to his, a tear sliding down her cheek. “You’ve become my best friend, Lance. I am thankful for that and it hurts to think I might have ruined it.”

“You haven’t ruined anything. Lex, I lo…”

“Don’t.” She placed a hand on his chest, tears chasing each other down her face. “Don’t say it. I’m not the right woman for you. You’ll meet her someday. And when you do, you’ll know I was right.”

She might as well have thrust a knife into his heart and turned it. There had to be a way he could fix this — convince her she was the only one for him. That his life wasn’t complete without her. “Let’s go inside and talk.” He reached for her hand and turned towards the door.

“Lance, you won’t change my mind. I hate myself for dumping this on you now after all you’ve done for me. But I think you should go. I think it’ll be better for both of us if you do.”

Lance was feeling a sense of panic rise in his chest. He reached for her hand. “Don’t push me away, Lex. Talk to me.”

“Good night, Lance.”

The half-smile she gave him was full of regret. She disappeared into her apartment, leaving Lance feeling as though he’d had a hole punched into his chest.

~

“Do you have a minute?” Tuck’s voice at the shop door startled Lance and he turned the sander off, setting it down.

“Sure.” He stood. “What’s going on?”

“First, you canceled our breakfast yesterday. Then I find out Lexi is upset and won’t tell anyone why. What’d you do to my sister?” Tuck’s face was about as serious as Lance had ever seen it.

Lance stood and held his hands out to his side. “Man, if I knew what was going on I would tell you. Things were great and we had a lot of fun at the renaissance fair. That night she was acting a little odd but I thought she was tired.” The whole thing replayed in his head like it had a thousand times in the last day. His chest hurt. “She was upset when I took her home on Sunday. She insisted she wasn’t the right woman for me and that was all I could get out of her. Now she won’t return my calls.”

Tuck stared at him for a moment. “I’d thought you guys had moved past the kids thing.”

“I thought we had, too. This is killing me. I wish she would talk to me.”

“I tried to catch her this morning and she’s not talking to anyone else, either. This is about Lexi, Lance. She can be incredibly stubborn. Which is a good trait to have when she’s trying to accomplish something or fight cancer. But it makes it really difficult to convince her when she’s wrong. Trust me, I know. Don’t blame yourself.”

“It’s hard not to.” He pointed an accusing finger at Tuck. “And you’re scary when you’re trying to figure out what’s going on with your sisters. I wouldn’t want to be on your bad side.”

Tuck laughed and gave him a friendly shove. Determination replaced his smile. “What are your intentions towards Lexi?”

Lance blinked at him. “Look, I…”

“Answer the question.”

“I’m in love with her. Maybe I always have been. I can’t imagine living the rest of my life without her.”

With a quick nod, Tuck showed his approval. “Don’t let her pull away from you.”

“I can’t even get her to see me right now.”

“Find a way. She’s been through a lot lately and maybe it’s all caught up with her.”

Lance leaned against one of the support beams and let out a forceful breath of air. Tuck might be right. “I guess we all have a breaking point.” He stared his best friend in the eye. “I’m not giving up on her.”

“Good.”

~

Lexi’s last couple of days had been rough. Add that it was Wednesday and normally she would have seen Lance for lunch, and it made the day even worse.

When she pulled up to her apartment and saw his Jeep parked out front, she wanted to turn around and leave. Instead, she took in a deep breath, squared her shoulders, and walked to her door.

Lance stood from the spot where he’d been sitting. “I hate to ambush you like this, Lex, but you wouldn’t answer my phone calls.”

“This isn’t a good time. I’m coming off back-to-back shifts.”

“You tell me when we can talk and I’ll be there.”

She passed her hand over her eyes, willing herself to think through the pounding in her head. “I don’t know.”

Her phone rang and she pulled it out of her pocket. It was Tuck’s number and she promptly answered it. “Hey, Tuck. What’s up?”

“I only have a minute, Lexi. It came over the scanner a moment ago. There’s a fire at Mom’s house. I don’t know how bad it is. I have to go but wanted to call you first.”

“No! Okay. Go. I’ll see you there.” She hung up the phone to find Lance’s concerned gaze on her. “Mom’s house is on fire. I have to get over there. What if someone’s hurt?”

Lance took her elbow and steered her towards his Jeep.

“I’ll drive.”

Lexi started to object, but he cut her off. “You just said you got off after working a double shift. You’re in no condition to drive over there. Please, let me take you.”

She nodded her agreement. He was right. She could barely think, let alone drive, right now. She rode in the passenger seat, leaning forward, her body tense.

Lance kept telling her about how it might be a minor fire and how they shouldn’t jump to conclusions. She knew he was right, but couldn’t make herself voice any of what was going through her head.

~

Lance drove to the Chandler house as fast as he could, his hands clenching the steering wheel — a close comparison to how his stomach was feeling at the moment. He tried not to think about the four people who lived in that house and where they might be right now.

The fire engine out front indicated they’d reached their destination before he ever saw the house itself. It was a relief to see the front was intact when he’d worried the whole thing would be engulfed in flames.

He could tell Lexi had spotted her family and she had released her seatbelt as he put the Jeep in park. She was running to them before he’d gotten out of the vehicle himself.

Lexi was hugging both Patty and Grams by the time he got there. “I’m glad you’re both okay. What happened?”

“I don’t know.” Grams’ face was creased with worry. “It started in the kitchen. I had made dinner fifteen minutes before. I don’t know if it was something I did or forgot to do.”

“Now, Mom. Don’t blame yourself. We don’t know anything yet.” Patty put an arm around Grams.

Lexi cast furtive glances around her. “Where are Serenity and Gideon?”

“They weren’t here, praise God. We ran out of milk and they ran to the store.” Patty kept one hand on Grams’ shoulder.  “Mom, you need to sit down for a while.”

Lance held a hand out. “I’ve got it.” He jogged around to the back porch. Smoke was still seeping through the broken windows and he spotted firemen inside. He grabbed two folding chairs off the deck and carried them back up front. After he set them up, he helped Grams take a seat. He offered the other to both Patty and Lexi. The Chandler women turned him down. “Have you seen Tuck?”

Patty nodded. “He’s around here somewhere.”

Oh good, something he could do. He hated feeling helpless.

“I’ll go locate him and see what I can find out. I’ll be back as quickly as I can.” He gave Lexi’s arm a squeeze and headed for the fire engine. He found Tuck on the other side, talking to three firefighters.

Tuck gave him a grateful nod and waved him over.

Lance joined him as the firemen moved away.

“What happened?”

“They’re going to investigate further, but it looks like one of the stove burners was on. Paper towels ended up on the burner or near it. They caught fire, it spread to the dish towel, and it continued from there.” Tuck ran his fingers through his hair. “It was an accident, plain and simple.”

“Praise God no one was hurt.” Lance studied the house. From the front, you wouldn’t know anything had happened. “Can we go inside?”

“Yes. They said we can go in and see the damage, but no one can stay in it until the smoke dissipates. It could take several days, so we’ll need to get some things for everyone. Thankfully, it was just the kitchen that was damaged by fire or smoke.”

Lance nodded. “It could have been much worse. Have you called Serenity?”

“Her phone went right to voicemail. I’m thinking it’s dead. I need to go by the store and find…”

“Tuck! Tuck!”

The voice behind them drew their attention to the object of their conversation. She was running towards them, Gideon in tow.

“Serenity, everyone’s okay.” Tuck reached out to take Gideon’s hand.

“What happened?”

Lance nodded towards the others. “We were about to go back and let them know.”

The four of them joined Grams, Patty, and Lexi. The ladies listened as Tuck repeated what he had told Lance.

Grams and Patty were both silent, tears streaming down their faces.

“I left that burner on,” Grams said, her voice barely above a whisper.

Patty put an arm around her. “No. I cleaned up after lunch. I put the paper towels on the stove while I was wiping off the counters. Why didn’t I check to make sure the burners were turned off?”

The two women went to hug each other, their tears flowing.

Lexi reached out and gently took each of them by an arm, turning them to look at her. “It was an accident. An unfortunate one. But that’s all it was. It could have happened to any of us. Taking blame and reliving it won’t help. No one was injured and that’s what we need to focus on. The rest of the house was spared. We need to move forward.”

They regarded each other and nodded.

“Good. Now, Tuck said they told us we could go in. Let’s go take a look at the damage and put together a game plan.” She smiled at Gideon and ruffled his hair. “No one’s staying in a hotel. Between Tuck and I, there will be places for all of you to sleep.”