Finding Libbie (10 page)

Libbie’s face fell. She had so hoped they’d get married right away.

“Hey?” Jack caressed the side of her face, and she lifted her eyes to his. “It’s only a year. It’ll go fast. Besides, I know you wouldn’t be happy just running off and getting married. I’m sure your mother will come around, like your dad said, and you can have the wedding of your dreams. Don’t you want that?”

“I just want you, Jack. So much could happen in a year. What if you don’t love me a year from now?”

“That could never happen,” Jack said. He drew her close and kissed her softly. “I will always love you, Libbie. Always.”

Libbie nodded and Jack drove her home. She knew he was right and that they should wait, but she was eager to start her life with Jack. If her mother continued to protest their marriage, the next year would be hell.

CHAPTER TEN

Abigail stayed in her room for five days, the longest Libbie could ever remember her hiding away. Libbie was worried about her, even though her father said she’d be fine. She felt guilty, since it was her fault her mother had taken to her bed. Also, graduation was on Saturday, and Libbie didn’t want her mother to miss it. On Friday evening, Libbie knocked softly on Abigail’s bedroom door, and when she didn’t hear a response, she tentatively opened it. Gwen had just left for the evening, and her father was down in his study, reading.

“Mom? May I come in?” Libbie looked inside the room. The lamp on the bedside table glowed softly, and her mother was propped up in bed on a pile of pillows, but she looked to be sleeping. Libbie rarely visited her mother in her bedroom. Her parents had separate rooms, which hadn’t seemed odd to Libbie until she grew older. She’d asked her mother once why they didn’t sleep in the same room, and her mother had looked embarrassed by the question. She’d explained it away as her father not wanting to disturb her sleep when he rose early in the morning. Libbie had thought it made sense at the time, but she knew now that she never wanted to have separate bedrooms once she and Jack were married. What would be the point of being married if they couldn’t sleep in each other’s arms every night?

Just as Libbie was about to turn and leave, her mother’s eyes opened.

“Libbie? Is that you?”

Libbie walked over to her mother’s bed. “I just wanted to check on you, Mom. Are you feeling any better?”

Abigail slowly pushed herself up higher in the bed. To Libbie, she looked like a frail old woman twice her age. It was as if she’d aged decades in the last five days. Libbie’s heart broke. Her mother could be difficult, but she still loved her. She hated seeing her mother so sick.

“I’m doing better, dear,” Abigail said. She reached out her hand and touched Libbie’s arm. “I’m happy you came in to see me.”

Libbie was unnerved by her mother’s touch. Abigail rarely showed signs of affection. Libbie had never taken it personally—her mother rarely touched anyone—but when she did, it always took Libbie by surprise. Libbie moved closer and bit her lip. “I’m sorry you’re sick, Mom. I feel like this is my fault.”

Abigail nodded. “Don’t worry, dear. I’ll be fine. Come, sit awhile.”

Libbie sat carefully on the edge of the bed. She noticed that there were empty glasses on her mother’s nightstand and bottles of prescription medicine there, too. Libbie wondered why her mother would need medication when she was just upset about her marrying Jack. When she turned and looked into her mother’s eyes, she thought they looked odd. Her pupils were dilated, and they looked glassy.

Abigail ran her hand up and down Libbie’s arm. She attempted a smile. “You know that I only want what’s best for you, don’t you, Libbie?” Abigail asked. “That’s why I was upset. I want you to have everything I’ve had and more.”

Abigail was slurring her words. It frightened Libbie to hear her talk this way. She wondered if it was because of the medicine. “I know you do, Mom. I’ll have everything I need. I love Jack and he loves me. We’ll be happy together.”

Abigail dropped her hand to her side and sighed heavily. “Oh, baby girl. If only love were enough.”

Chills rippled through Libbie’s body. What did her mother mean? Love was everything.

“Dear, I was young once, too. I know that first love can be exciting and you think that you can live on love only. But there is so much more to life, and it can be much harder than you think. Security is the most important thing a woman can have. Otherwise, all the love in the world won’t do you any good.”

Libbie stared at her mother, trying to understand what she was saying. Hadn’t her mother married her father for love? Or had it just been because he came from a family with money?

“Jack will take care of me, Mom. I can count on him. He comes from a good family, and they are all hard workers. They have all they need, and love, too.”

Abigail sighed. “Oh, Libbie. I hope you’re right.”

“Will you be able to come to my graduation tomorrow afternoon?” Libbie asked hopefully. “I’d miss you if you weren’t there.”

Abigail nodded. “I’ll be there. I wouldn’t miss it. And we’ll take you out to dinner for a celebration. How does that sound?”

Libbie smiled. “I’d like that, Mom.”

“Let me sleep now. Tomorrow I’ll be better.”

Libbie nodded and left the room. As she went to her own bedroom, she worried about what she had seen on her mother’s nightstand. Libbie knew that Gwen would know, but she didn’t think her sister would tell her. Those types of things just weren’t discussed in their house, so she decided not to say anything. She was just relieved her mother was going to make an effort to come to graduation. And maybe, after a time, her mother would get used to the idea of her marrying Jack. Then everything would be fine.

Libbie’s mother kept her promise and showed up for graduation along with the entire family. Jack’s family was in the stands, too, and Libbie felt so proud to walk across the stage and accept her diploma. They were all adults now, and soon everyone would be going their separate ways. She felt excited and scared, all at once.

And, just as Libbie’s father had promised, her mother finally came around and accepted that Libbie was marrying Jack.

“Well, it looks like we have a wedding to plan,” Abigail said one morning at breakfast, as she sipped her coffee.

Libbie stared at her in disbelief. “Really, Mom?”

“Of course. We can’t have our daughter marrying without a big celebration, can we? We’ll get started on the plans today, dear.”

Randall smiled and winked at Libbie, and she squealed, jumped up, and hugged her mother.

“Oh, thank you, Mom. I’m so excited!”

“You’re welcome, dear,” Abigail said.

“Well, try not to put me in the poorhouse with this wedding, okay, ladies?” Randall said as he stood to leave for work. He laughed, and Libbie smiled brightly at her father. She was so happy that her parents had accepted her engagement to Jack and wanted to give her a nice wedding. She couldn’t wait to tell Jack.

“That’s wonderful,” Jack said when Libbie drove into the gas station later that morning to tell him. “I told you they’d come around. Let’s set the date.”

Even though Libbie was anxious to get married, she settled on waiting one year. They picked the first weekend in June of the next year, June 6, 1970. Libbie was thrilled—she finally had a wedding date. What she didn’t realize was how many problems would arise when planning her wedding.

Her mother insisted the wedding be held at their own church, the First Lutheran Church of Jamison. All the prominent people in town attended that church and many would be invited. She also wanted the reception to be at their country club on the lake. Libbie was worried at first about the choice of the church until Bev set her mind at ease.

“We’re Lutheran, too, dear. The only difference is we go to the smaller church on this side of town. I’m sure your church will be lovely,” Bev reassured her.

Libbie spent the summer making wedding plans, choosing her bridesmaids, and trying to narrow down the wedding guest list. Her mother thought two hundred people would be fine, but that number made Jack gasp.

“Two hundred people? Is she inviting the entire town? Only about twenty of those will be my relatives.”

Libbie promised she’d try to talk her mother into a smaller guest list, but as the summer wore on, it continued to grow larger. Her mother wanted to invite out-of-town relatives, business associates, and, it seemed, everyone they’d ever met. As always, changing her mother’s mind was proving to be very difficult.

Libbie had chosen Carol as her maid of honor, and Jan would be a bridesmaid along with Barbara and Jean. Jack picked Larry as his best man and Ray as a groomsman, but still had to come up with two more friends to balance out the wedding party. The larger the wedding became, the more nervous Libbie grew. She felt like things were slowly spinning out of control, and it made her anxious.

As Jack worked his jobs and saved money for school and their future together, Libbie picked out napkin colors, flowers, and bridesmaid dresses. Even to Libbie, it seemed out of balance. She felt like she should be contributing more to their future but wasn’t sure how. She’d never before considered finding a job or going to college, even though she’d earned good grades in high school. No one had ever encouraged her to plan a future other than getting married and having children. And even if she’d wanted to find a job, she had no idea what she’d want to do. Her parents had always provided for her, and now Jack had promised to take care of her. It was all she’d ever known—after all, her mother and sister had never worked; in fact, most of the women Libbie knew didn’t work. Yet she still felt strange about not helping Jack by earning money, too.

This summer wasn’t like the summer before. Libbie didn’t spend much time by the lake with her friends, choosing instead to go out to the farm when she and her mother weren’t working on wedding plans. Libbie loved spending time with Bev and had learned to cook and bake even more since the previous year. Libbie also hung out with Jan, but not as much as before. Jan was sixteen, and she’d found a part-time job at the Dairy Queen so she could save money for a car. Libbie was kept busy between planning the wedding, cooking with Bev, and being around Jack as much as possible.

Libbie loved the nights that she spent alone with Jack. They’d sneak away often to her uncle’s cabin and spend hours exploring each other’s bodies and making love. After that first night together, Jack had driven to another town fifty miles away where no one knew him and bought condoms at the drugstore. Libbie had found that funny, but she knew why he’d done it. Their town was small and people would talk. He didn’t want anyone to say a bad word about Libbie. She loved that he protected her that way, and she loved their evenings together.

“I can’t wait until we don’t have to sneak around anymore,” she told him one evening as they lay on the sofa bed in the cabin. “This wedding is getting so complicated that I sometimes wish we could run away and get married.”

“I know,” Jack said, running his fingers through her silky hair. “But it will be worth the wait, I promise you.”

In August, Gwen announced that she was expecting another baby, and Libbie thought she didn’t look very happy about it. Gwen already had a busy toddler, and Lynn would only be three years old when the new baby arrived the following summer. In addition to that, Abigail had been taking to her bed more often than before, and Gwen always took it upon herself to care for her. Libbie was never asked to take care of her mother. If Gwen couldn’t come and help her, Randall would do it. Libbie thought it was strange that she was never asked, yet she was relieved, too. She didn’t understand why her mother fell ill for a day or two and then was better. She’d never questioned her mother’s illnesses as a child—it was just a fact of life—but now she wondered about it. Yet she was still afraid to ask Gwen or her father about it. It just wasn’t discussed. So Libbie tried putting it out of her mind to focus on her own future instead.

Fall came, and Jack went back to school and worked some evenings with his father and weekends at the gas station. Larry and Carol were in college and busy with their own lives. Many of Libbie’s other friends had either gone away to college or were working at their parents’ businesses. Even Jan was busy in her junior year of high school and with her other friends. Libbie felt restless. She spent less time with Jack than she would have liked, and she had very little to do. Even when she did spend an evening with Jack, going to a movie or just sitting in his truck under the stars, he was usually distracted and would even sometimes fall asleep.

“Is this how it’s going to be when we’re married?” Libbie said one evening as they sat on the sofa at the farm watching TV. Jack had fallen asleep, and Libbie had angrily poked at him to wake him up. “Are you already bored with me? I might as well go home and be alone than be with you.”

Jack apologized profusely, but it didn’t seem to make a difference to Libbie. Thank goodness the rest of Jack’s family was busy in other parts of the house and hadn’t heard her complain.