Finding Madelyn (20 page)

He glanced to the back door. “Don’t let her try to run out.”

He smiled at Maddy rolling her eyes.

Aunt Vicky slowly walked Maddy to the door.

“I want to tell you about Ben.” She started.

“Who’s Ben?” Maddy had a flash of Frank on the dock, talking about Ida.

“He was my Galen.” The little woman looked up at Maddy. “He went to war but I was sure he was gonna come home. He didn’t.”

A lump formed at the base of her chest. “Aunt Vicky…”

“I never told you before because I figured Galen would go and I didn’t want you to know that I had loved once. Now sweetie,” Vicky brushed her hair out of her face. “don’t be looking sad for me. He didn’t die. He found some cute little French girl and married her. And I wrote men off from that point
on
. I’m telling you because you have to understand that yours came home. With only finding you on his mind.”

Maddy slipped into her coat. “Why didn’t you find someone else?”

“Oh
,
there have been men, I just send them home. You
,
though
,
need him. You always have.”

“I’ve been doing just fine on my own.” She slipped on the hat, trying to stop the lift in her tone.

“I’m sure you have been. There’s also been lookers
,
I’m sure
,
but you won’t be happy with any of them.”

Maddy yanked on her gloves, bent down, and kissed the old woman. “I love you.”

“Tell him that.” Vicky called as she went out the door.

Madelyn was upset when they pulled into the funeral home. Why
,
though, was the question. Vicky had only given her opinion. She didn’t need anyone though. She owned her own busine
ss and a home. It was her wants
which would end up getting her in trouble.

Galen opened her door before she realized he’d even gotten out, he even offered his hand. Once her hand was in his
,
he clasped onto it and leaned down to her.

“If you need me, I’m here.”

His hand slipped from hers as they entered the double door. The mortician led them back to a room filled with chairs and a white coffin with bouquets standing on either side.

She stopped just inside the doors as they banged closed behind Galen. She’d prepared for this for the last six years. Yet, her stomach churned, her heart stopped, and her head spun from just standing there.

“No one will be here for a bit. You have all the time you need, even if we need to start late.”

She nodded not trusting her voice
.
T
he lump in her throat would have stopped anything she’d tried to say. Slowly she stepped forward, testing her knees with each step. At the front row, she sat her handbag and hat on the corner chair and rested her hand on the back to steady herself.

Taking a step forward, she inhaled deeply and stopped again. She started saying her ABC’s backward to keep her mind busy. When she was on U, she stepped forward. As she made it to M, she laid her hands on the coffin. By L, Galen’s arms were on either side of her holding down the lid.

“You don’t want to do that. She no longer looks like Mama, she’s
…
been gone too long.”

The tear splashed like an icicle dripping on the froz
en river, running down the shin
y surface.

“How do you know,” she trailed off. “He could have lied.
Maybe it isn’t
my
mama in here.
”

One of his hands lifted from the coffin and disappeared behind her, the other stayed firm
—the one still wrapped in gauze
. Coming back around he held an envelope. “Open
this
instead.”

Her hands shook so much she didn’t think she’d get it open. On the fourth try, the seal gave way and gleaming jewelry slid into her hand. Mama’s golden cross on the chain and her wedding ring
sparkled in the overhead lights
.

Galen was good to his word and held her steady as her knees gave a bit. Her hand squeezed around Mama’s personal items as she bit back the tears. One tear was enough
;
she would not breakdown. Not for those who would come for her mother, no
t
for those who would come just to watch. She wouldn’t even cry for Galen, though he probably expected her too.

He helped her over to the chair and took the seat next to her.

“I still want to look.” She slid into the cradle of his arm keeping her eyes on the closed casket.

No you don’t, Madelyn.”
The soldier inside had said it. The one who’d seen too many bodies and far too much war.

Galen opened the doors to the room ten minutes before they
were expected to
. She stayed in the chair and stared at the white box that contained the earthly remains of Mama. It was still a shock to know for a fact she was dead, though she’d said her goodbyes long ago.

That was something she’d done on her dock back in Maine during her Sunday morning communions with God. She’d said goodbye to several people she assumed were dead. Peace was made with her father. It was where she’d decided to fold and go on a date with Frank.

The dock was where she wanted to be now. She wanted to be curled up in a blanket watching the sunrise and be alone. In her mind though
,
Galen was there,
wrapped in his arms, head on his shoulder.

She turned to see the room slowly filling up. Galen had refused to make her stand and greet the people who came in and she didn’t push to do it. He was more gracious than she was these days. It all needed to go away so she didn’t have to deal with it.

She was perfectly happy in Maine with no past. No people
there
that knew Mama had disappeared. No people who knew anything about her more than she choose for them to know. Of course, if she’d shared more, she wouldn’t be h
ere. She wouldn’t know Galen came
home.

Galen hugged Harland by the door and kissed Rita on the cheek.

The only thing that had not been happy about Maine was missing Galen. Of course, if he hadn’t shown up at her diner then she would have continued to miss him and think he had gone the way of Mama. She cleared her throat fighting the urge to let a tear fall.

Harland bent down and hugged her. “How you doing
,
kiddo?”

She nodded
,
forc
ing her lips together. The warm reception was more than she expected.

A sad smile graced his face and his hand pulled Rita down the
a
isle as she tried to say something.

“
Honey
,” Rita whispered as they took seats leaving an empty one by her, “I was just going to say my condolences.”

“I’m sure you were,” He kissed her forehead. “but I don’t think that’s what she needs right now.”

Rita still looked like the spoiled brat she always was
,
but she listened with the scowl set firm on her face. Perhaps the obey part of the marriage vows was doing well by her. Maddy hadn’t even thought about marriage in years.

Galen slipped into the seat next to her and the preacher took his spot at the front. As the service started
,
everything blurred. The man was talking about live and afterlife. Saying beautiful scriptures and Maddy couldn’t concentrate even
on
her own thoughts. Just staring
at the white box.
Wondering just why it had to end this way.

Vicky stood and talked about Cassie as a child, a mother, and a wife. Anecdotes that made people laugh. The sadness of losing her for both Vicky and Maddy had a few sniffling. Still
,
Mad
dy felt numb. This wasn’t real;
Cassie had been gone too long for this to be real.

The preacher told them they would finish the service at the cemetery. Galen stood and offered his hand. It took a few seconds and she took the offer, not sure that she could walk on her own.

She settled into the back of the stretched car with Vicky, Galen, Harland,
and Rita. She wasn’t thinking, S
he didn’t
even
believe
she was feeling
,
but the tear dropped. The handkerchief came from Galen before she even realized she was crying.

No one said anything as she leaned into him. Her breath coming
in gasps. Something about the closed in car made her feel like she was the one trapped in a coffin. No matter how much she tried to breathe, she couldn’t. Mama was trapped in a small space
, alone,
and she couldn’t shake the thought.

Galen pulled her tight. “It’s alright. Cry
all you need but please breath
e
.”

She shook her head, no words could slip out past the gasps.

Rita joined in her tears. “Harland do something.”

“I don’t know what to do.”

Aunt Vicky sniffled, “If she passes out she’ll breath
e
.”

“Crack the windows.” The desperation in Galen’s voice didn’t go unnoticed.

His arms were tense as he held her tight,
the top of her
body lying in his lap, he leaned over her. His lips pressed soft against her wet check as the cool air from outside hit her.

“Just breath
e
, baby.”
He w
hispered down on her.

The tears dropped harder though breathing seemed easier. It was Galen’s voice that whispered to her but she heard Mama.

“It will pass, baby. The pain will go away. The memories will stay.” Lips skimmed her cheek as he spoke. “Keep hold of all those wonderful memories.”

Harland’s voice came from across the car, “Why is it once one woman starts crying they all do?”

“I feel for her.” Rita sobbed. “I might not know what she is going through but I can still cry for her.”

“Too bad you can’t breath
e
for her.” Galen loosened his hold
,
sitting up to give her a bit more room.

She could make out the form of Harland and Rita with his arms wrapped around his wife they looked to be one big wavy mass.

Maddy took a deep breath. Mama and Pa had once been like that. A combined entity that felt for the other
. W
hen the funeral was over
,
her mama would be free to rest with him. They would be together again, never to be apart.

Her hands clasped over Galen’s arms as another huge breath came. She needed that feeling. She needed to feel what Galen did. Not just know how he thought, not just feel for him, she needed him to be part of her. More than just the rhythmic moving of pleasure she needed to trust him with her every emotion.

Another large inhale and he was whispering again.
“That’s better.”

She held tighter.

“We only have a few minutes until we pull into the cemetery.” Vicky was tucking her handkerchief back into her sleeve, then cleared her throat.

Galen tried to sit up and she dug her fingers in, bringing him back down over her.

“If you hold any
harder
you will leave bruises.”

“Sorry.” Hiccupped out between breaths.

He kissed her head. “No it’s fine. I was hoping to make you laugh. Are you feeling better now?”

She nodded and squeezed once more before she had to release him. All vows to stay strong and not let anyone see her cry had left and all she wanted to do was stay curled safely in his grasp.

She sat up slowly, concentrating on inhaling and making the people around her stop swirling.

“Oh Maddy
,
you look like you’ve been crying.”

She looked at Rita like she’d lost her mind.

“Let me fix your makeup.” She was already fishing items out of her handbag. “Good thing about not wearing much make-up is you don’t have it smeared everywhere.”

Rita gently touched up her face then turned the mirror on herself. “You do have those glasses I insisted on.”

Maddy nodded and cleared her throat
,
not believing she
what
was about to say to Rita James
—
Rita
Langley she corrected herself. “Thanks
,
Rita.”

Galen helped her out of the car and then Vicky. Each of them took an arm to escort the elderly woman to the gravesite.

“I don’t need an escort.” Vicky stated.

“No ma’am but you are keeping me steady.” Maddy took a good deep breath of fresh cool air.