Finding My Pack (11 page)

  Even though I'm not surprised by his words they still hurt. He thinks I'm after their money. I could see why he thinks that but...that's just not me. Maybe the others don't think that because they actually took the time to know me. He hasn't. And he's seen them spend money on me.

  "Jace...I'm not here for money, or the things that you could buy me. I'd rather earn the things I have than have them given to me. Everything the others have given me, or done for me, I'll pay them back. Do you think I don't know every piece of food I've eaten here? That I haven't added up in my head the cost of being under Kellan's care? I have! It might take forever to do it, and it might not always be cash payments, but my debt here will be repaid in full." I'm close to tears and I hate it. The weight of their hospitality is pressing on me. I know the sooner I leave the less debt I'll keep racking up here. The thought of leaving breaks my heart, though.

  "So that's how it is then? You plan on paying them in kisses and what… Your body too? I didn't think you were like that. I guess enough money thrown in a girl's face can turn anyone into a whore." My mouth drops open. NO. HE. DIDN'T.

"Are you serious?!" I scream at him. I hear footsteps running in the hallway, but I pay them no mind. "I'm a friggin virgin Jace! I've never...and I mean NEVER! Sold my body. Not for food, or a place to sleep or ANYTHING! And I never will. I was asked to stay here. I didn't beg or crawl on my knees for any of you. I want to stay because for once in my life I felt wanted. Do you have any idea what that means to me? Huh, Jace? Of course you don't!" I walk to him and shove at his chest. He barely moves.

   I bring my face as close to his as I can with him being so much taller than me. "I'm sure with your good looks and charming smile and obvious wealth that you have never been denied. Am I right? The whole world just welcomes you with open arms huh, Jace?" I shove him again. His face is a hard mask, the blue of his eyes darkening with anger.

  Arms go around my chest, pulling me back. I can tell its Remy. I'm not done, though. "Can you understand that I have never had anyone? That I stayed because for as long as I was wanted here...." I sniffle, the traitorous tears streaming down my face. "...I didn't have to be alone. For once I was living, not just surviving." I choke on a sob, my voice finally giving out. Remy gets a better grip on me, pulling me from the room.

  My head spins as I'm guided down the hallway. Jace called me a whore. Reed kissed me. Did he do that because he thought the same? He did have me on his lap...Oh God! I've slept in their beds. Of course they think that of me, all of them do. I struggle to get away from Remy. He just holds tighter as I fall apart in his arms.

  "Get off me!" I shout at him.

  "Calm down Kitten. Whatever you are thinking, stop. Stop right now."

  He places me on the couch in the living room. I bring my knees up to my chest, wrapping my arms around my legs.

  "Wait here," Remy says in his commanding voice. "Do NOT try to leave this house. Not right now. I'll be right back."

  I don't answer him. I bury my face in my knees. I've been so stupid. You know what? I don't care. I've enjoyed being here. I liked spending time with the guys, even if they thought I was a whore. I can't stay now, but I won't regret it. I'll walk out of here with only what I had when I came in. I'm sure someone knows where my clothes are.

  Several pairs of footsteps walk into the room. I don't know which ones are here or if all of them are. I hope Jace isn't. I'm sure, in his mind, he was just protecting his family, but that doesn't make it hurt any less, or make me less angry with him.

  Remy's voice is short and clipped. He's obviously mad. "I called this family meeting because Mr. Rotherstone here thought it was a great idea to tear Kitten to shreds." I hear several growls at his words.

  "What the fuck, Jace?!" Ash roars.

  "Quiet," Remy shouts. He's lost his normal control. "You will explain yourself right now, Mr. Rotherstone." I don't look up. These family meetings are so stupid, now I have to listen to this all over again.

  "Explain myself? Why don't you explain yourself, Remy? Why is she here? Why are you all acting like it’s okay that she knows about us? Don't you see what's happening here? You brought home a stray, a homeless little girl with nothing to lose. She can out us! You're just giving away secrets that we've worked our whole lives to keep hidden. You've given her the power to blackmail us all, and for what? A girl who acts all innocent? Who kisses your cheeks and blushes on cue? Please. It’s not any of us has ever had problems picking up women, we don’t need her."

  So it's as I thought. He thinks he's protecting them from me. Normally that thought would be laughable. "Jace, I would never tell anyone about you. I have a natural aversion to padded rooms for one, but also because I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to the rest of the guys." I say the last part pointedly, looking straight at him.

  "As I stated earlier, someone like you could never understand someone like me. Tristan cooked for me. Gave me food like it was the most normal thing in the world. To you it probably is, for me it's the proof that kindness exists in the world. Sure... I've eaten before. I've had food. But it's never been as good as his and I've had to work my ass off for every bit I've ever had. He made it for me and just handed it over. That's no simple thing.

  "Logan brushed my hair. To you that's probably silly, to me it's someone taking care of me. Did your mother brush your hair as a child Jace? Mine didn't. No one ever has except me. It MEANS something to me. Don't you get that? Not only would I never do anything to endanger them, but I'd give my life to protect them. Just for those stupid insignificant things that you probably laugh at."

  Jace deflates at my words. I think he finally gets it. To me, there are no small acts of kindness. "I'm sorry Kitten, I just thought..." He trails off, running a hand over his golden hair.

  "I will make sure that Mr. Rotherstone does more than say sorry. I'm not defending his actions, so please don't think that, but I think he was just looking out for us." Remy says.

   I nod. "I know that."

  Remy looks shocked. "You do?"

  I sigh. "Yes, and as much as I want to hate him for what he said... I can't. His thinking was wrong, but his heart was in the right place. I don't blame him for trying to eliminate a perceived threat to his family. As I said, I'd want to protect you guys too."

"You're such a fucking ass, Jace," Logan says.

  "I think you can see you were way off track about Little One, right Jace?" Jace nods his head, his eyes now trained on the floor. I wouldn't want to face Ash and his rage right now either if I was him.

  "Now that we're all on the same page here, the meeting's over. Kitten...would you like to follow me, please?" Remy says, holding out a hand to me. I don't take it, standing on my own, and follow behind him to his office.

  I curl up in the leather chair in front of Remy's desk. Remy surprises me when he moves the matching chair in front of me instead of sitting behind the desk. "Listen, Kitten, I'm sorry for what happened..."

"No" I cut him off. "You didn't do anything Rem, don't apologize. I don't really feel like talking about this again anyway."

  He raises his eyebrow, sitting up straight in his chair. "If you had let me finish, I was saying that I'm sorry for what happened, but I think we should move on." Heat colors my cheeks, whoops.

  "Sorry," I say sheepishly.

  "Jace can be a little....abrasive at first. In his time as a human, he was the son of a Duke. It's true that he's used to a life of privilege, he was born into it and has continued to live as such. That's not to say that he has not had his own challenges. In his day, women flocked to wealth and power. It's what drove them." I nod. Everyone has bad times, I'm sure being turned into a werewolf isn't a pleasant experience.

  "I'm not sure what you want from me here Rem. You want me to forgive him? I already did. Twice actually." I throw my arms out in an I-give-up gesture.

  "I wanted you to come in because I'm worried about you. About what's running around that pretty little head of yours. Jace was wrong to call you a whore or imply that you have ulterior motives for being here. He knows that you are not experienced in that manner. I'm sure he was just picking out a weakness of yours." I don't have a clue what he means by weakness but wait...back up.

  "And how would he know that I've never...that I'm...inexperienced?"

Remy's face flushes a little. "We can sense it, Kitten."

  "How?"

  "To put it mildly, we can smell the innocence of you. Our wolves have a strong sense of smell."

  "Well then." I have no idea what to say to that. It's creepy as all get out, but I won't say that out loud.

  "I hope you don't see this incident as a reason to leave. We took a vote as a family to ask you to stay. Jace agreed at that time as well. I think he's just worried how quickly his brothers have taken to you." Remy says sympathetically. I wonder if he worries about that as well.

  "Remington...I don't get any of this. Friendships, relationships, whatever this is. What's wrong and what's right according to society is something I have little to no knowledge about. Moving too fast or making the wrong move....who decides that? I've read countless books, most of what I know comes from that. Or simply seeing people out in public when I chose to pay attention. I...just don't know what I'm doing anymore." I slouch in my seat.

Remy reaches out, taking my hands in his. "I know Kitten, everything will work out. Jace is sorry. I know that as a fact. You'll get into a routine here with us; it won't be so stressful then. You said you felt wanted here right?"

  "I did, yes."

  "You are. Don't let this little setback ruin that feeling for you." His eyes are imploring me to believe him. I want to. I do but...

  Remy sits back again, blowing out a breath. "Let me ask you something Kitten. Why did you kiss Tristan's cheek in the kitchen the other day?"

"I...I don't know. It just felt right I guess. Like that's what he wanted and would make him happy." Remy runs his hand under his chin, looking thoughtful.

  "And when you offered to let Reed sleep in the bed with you? When you used Logan's toothbrush? Or when you pressed your face into my neck earlier today, what about then? Did you do all of those things because they just felt right?"

I look to my lap. Where's he going with this? "Yeah, it just felt right. I didn't think about what I was doing before I did those things."

  Remy's eyes shine a bright silver. "Our wolves are a lot like that too. It's a lot less complicated in wolf form. We act on impulse, instinct if you will. We are the same person, we are one with our wolf, but, for the most part, we just do what we feel is right at the time. I don't ever want you to be ashamed of what you do Kitten. As long as it feels right to you...do it. If there was ever anyone that understands that, it's us. Do you hear me?"

  My heart feels a bit lighter having Remy tell me that I've done nothing wrong. I nod my head yes, my lips lifting a little in the corners. Remy smiles broadly at me, using our joined hands to pull me up with him.

  "Good. Glad that's settled. Will you please join me for bed Kitten? I believe I have not yet had the privilege."

  He's asking me to sleep in his room? With him? Jace's words float through my mind, along with Adam's. Calling me a whore, implying that I use my body in gratitude. Long, warm fingers pull my lip from my teeth, tilting my chin up.

  "Does it feel right? You coming with me now? Letting me comfort you, you reassuring me that you're still here, tucked into me, does it feel right to you Kitten?"

  Without overthinking my answer, I nod. "Yes, it feels right."

I
follow Remy down a hallway on the first floor that I haven't yet explored. His room has double doors that look like they're made of solid oak. He pushes them open, standing aside to let me pass. His room is as immaculate as he is. Slate gray walls, mostly bare except for the tribal designs spanning from floor to ceiling. His walls have tattoos? Makes more sense than marking your skin I suppose. The floor is made of shiny black stone, I can see my reflection in it. The space itself is smaller than other bedrooms I've been in, but unlike the others it appears that Remy only sleeps in here. I guess most of his time in the house is probably spent in his office.

  Facing the door, in the middle of the room is the biggest four-poster bed I've ever seen. The canopy? Whatever, the top is made of the same black stone as the floor, but it looks like some sort of puzzle with zigzag patterns running throughout the bottom of it. Hanging from the sides are panels of flowy looking silver silk, I can't help but run my fingers over it. It feels as smooth as it looks. On the end of the bed is a fur blanket. I turn, giving Remy a look in question as I run my hand over the black fur.

  "It's from a black bear," He answers my unspoken question.

As he shuts the doors I notice that the inside of them are made entirely of mirrors. Weird. I look tiny standing at the foot of this massive bed in the reflection of the mirrors.

  Remy brings me a long sleeved button up shirt from his dresser. “Put this on and jump in, I'm going to take a shower. I watch him walk into the attached bathroom, leaving the door cracked a little ways. I do as he says, quickly changing into the over-large shirt, pulling the blanket back and sliding in.

  He only has one pillow, which I think is weird, so I use it to prop my head up as I mentally trace the patterns on the shiny canopy. I wave at my reflection, letting out a small laugh at my own stupidity. I lay there for what seems like forever. I'm not tired, but I am relaxed. Finally, I hear the shower turn off and Remy moving about in the bathroom. I think about pretending to be asleep, but somehow I think he'd know.

  "Is the bed to your liking Kitten?" His gruff voice asks.

  "I love it, but you're asking the wrong person if you want an unbiased opinion." Remy just smiles slightly, shaking his head. His copper colored hair looks darker when it's wet, taking most of the red out of it. He's dressed in a plain white tee and silky black pants. Pulling the covers back on the other side of the bed, he climbs in next to me, leaning over and flipping a switch to turn the lights off. Well, most of the lights. Several dim ambient lights shine from the bottom of one wall, making his room seem magical.

  I expected a guy like Remy to keep his distance, but he surprises me by laying his head right next to mine. I suck in a breath at the closeness.

  "You didn't really think I'd let you steal MY pillow, did you?" I can hear the smile in his voice.

  "You'll have to settle for sharing then," I reply playfully.

  "I have a much better idea," He says as he yanks the pillow from under my head. I almost laugh, that is, until he tugs on my arm, causing me to roll right into him. I end up splayed over his chest. His very firm chest. I blink at him. What is he doing?

  "I use my pillow and you can lay your pretty head on me." His gray eyes sparkle with something unknown. "Wait," He says, pushing me up gently. I sit on my knees, waiting.

  Remy's hand slides up my neck slowly, making me shiver. My eyes close of their own will. That weird feeling in my tummy is back again. He turns my face to the side, his hands now in my hair. I feel a soft tug before my hair falls down my back in waves.

  "Much better." His voice is that rumbly tone, which makes that feeling in the pit of tummy flutter. "Kitten, open your eyes," He commands.

  I slowly open my eyes, finding his silver pools swirling in his heated gaze. "Lay down Kitten." I do as I'm told, laying back down on Remy's chest, my face pressed into his shirt, my arm around his stomach, I slide my leg over his for good measure, trying to lay exactly how he had moved me before.

  I feel, more than hear, the rumbling growl that comes from him. "Good girl." I think my insides turned to liquid. I practically melt myself into him. He smells wonderful, like spice and cinnamon. "Go to sleep now Kitten, I'll be here when you wake up," He says as he drapes his arm across my back, pulling me even tighter to him.

  I wasn't tired before but as I close my eyes, the rise and fall of Remington's chest lulls me to sleep.

Someone is shaking me. Not roughly, but enough to pull me out of a good dream. It starts to slip away from me before I can remember it. How come the nightmares get etched into my brain forever yet the dreams never last? I sigh deeply, taking in the amazing aroma of cinnamon as I do. The smell makes me feel content. Someone tries to move my leg but I clamp it down. I don't want to move, why can't they just leave me be?

   My face vibrates. That's cool, I didn't know it could do that. I snuggle my head into the pillow and it does it again. I giggle, still keeping my eyes closed. The sleep lifts as time passes and I finally figure out that my face cannot, in fact, vibrate. My eyes fly open and I push myself up with both hands. My hands vibrate. Because they are pressed into Remington's chest, where my face used to be and he's laughing at me.

   I narrow my eyes at him and he laughs harder, making us both shake. I feel something pressing against me between my legs. It's a different kind of feeling, pleasant even. It's then that I realize that I'm straddling Remy, my knees on either side of his hips. I scramble to get off him, but his hands clutch at my waist, not allowing me to move. I try to wiggle out of his hold, but it's no use, besides I'm no longer sure I want to move. My brain says I should while my body begs me to stay put. They must have gone to war while I was asleep.

   Remy is no longer laughing when I look back up to him. The heated look in his eyes from last night has returned. I know my eyes are the size of saucers.

  "Remy..." I whisper. My voice is deeper, it sounds odd to my ears.

   Remington doesn't answer me. Not that I know what I was even asking. Instead, he pushes his hips upwards. I gasp at the sensation coursing through my body. That was the most amazing feeling ever. Like lightning shooting through my veins, starting at my core and exploding out toward my limbs. His hips pull back and I whimper at the loss of pressure. What the hell is going on with me? I grind myself against him instinctively, my hands vibrating again as Remy groans deep in his throat. I bite my lip, willing my body not to move a muscle. Is this okay? What am I even doing?

  "Kitten!" Remy commands my attention. His hands on my hips are gripping and loosening. 

  "Does this feel right?" He moves again and I moan quietly.

  "I have no idea," I answer honestly.

  "I'm going to move you, Kitten...God...I need you to move. If you want me to stop just say so."

    He doesn't wait for me to say anything else. Remy tightens his grip with one hand, almost painfully, but I like that too. His other hand slides to my behind, just above where my leg meets my butt. He grips me there, pulling me further into him, using the hand on my hip to push me back. I moan louder this time, feeling his growl before I hear it. Remy moves me faster and I lose myself in the sensations. My head falls back, my mouth open in a silent plea for something, I don't know what. A minute-hour later I feel myself panting, feeling like I'm about to fall over the edge of something. Confused and a little scared by this feeling, I bring my eyes back to Remy's.

  The look on his face almost sends me over that mysterious edge. Remy's intent and blissful look transforms into understanding, he doesn't slow our movements though. "It's okay Kitten, just feel it. Feel me." With his last statement, he pulls me down hard as he pushes himself up, causing me to cry out his name.

  "Good girl Kitten. Oh yes....My good... fucking girl." He rumbles out. His voice sends me crashing, or falling or friggin flying for all I know. My fingernails rake down his t-shirt covered chest, trying to hold onto to something, anything. I feel my hips still moving, but I see nothing and everything at once. Suddenly I stop, at the same time hearing a drawn out growl from Remy.

  Releasing his tight hold on me, his hands slide up my back pulling me down to him, my chest to his. The lightning in my body quiets, leaving smaller spasms. My face ended up near Remy's neck and I inhale deeply. I should probably move, or ask questions or something but I but my body feels heavy, and I don't really want to do either. I might never move again.

   All too soon my lethargic state completely fades. Leaving me confused and scared and embarrassed all at once. With his hands making small circles on my back, under my shirt, I'm certain he feels my body stiffen.

  "Don't you dare feel bad about what just happened. You were beautiful Kitten." I relax some, I'm still not sure I can ever look at him again, though.

  As if reading my mind he says. "Look at me Kitten." I shake my head, burying my face further into his neck.

Remy smacks my butt. HARD. I gasp in shock. Sitting up straight instantly. He looks as smug as ever. "You cheated!" I accuse.

  That causes him to laugh. "At what?" Well...I have no idea. He definitely tricked me though. Since I don't have an answer I clamp my lips shut and glare at him instead. He just smiles.

  Bringing a hand up, his thick fingers caress the side of my face, making their way into my hair, smoothing it back. "Do you trust me?" He asks, voice low. I nod, chewing on my lip. "Good. I would never force you to do anything you didn't want to do. If you never want to do anything like this again, it changes nothing about your status in this house. Or with me. You understand?" He says firmly.

   I move my head yes. He raises an eyebrow. "I understand Rem," I whisper.

  "I didn't mean for this to happen. I woke up to you draped over me like the most beautiful blanket, I tried to move you, but you clung to me. I felt your heat and nature took over. I still feel you..." He trails off, closing his eyes. "Are you okay?"

  "I think so, that was..." I don't know how to describe what happened so I don't try to. His fingers press against my lips and I kiss them on instinct. That makes him smile again. I like seeing him like this.

   "Alright, off you go," Remy says, placing me next to him on the bed in a kneeling position. He quickly pulls the blanket over his lap, putting an arm behind his head. "Sorry, if you didn't move soon I don't know if I could have stopped myself." From what? I tilt my head at him.

  "You are so adorable. You've never had that feeling before?" I shake my head. "I knew you were untouched, but not to what degree. What you felt is called an orgasm, sweet girl. Or climax, or, my favorite, cumming." He smirks. "It felt right didn't it? Like you should and you wanted to right?" I nod, smiling a little. "No regrets now that your mind has cleared?" I shake my head no. None what-so-ever.

  "Okay, but uh...was that... did we have...sex?" That was a lot harder to ask than it should have been. He looks like he's holding back laughter. Not cool, so not the moment to laugh at me.

  He manages to keep it in as he answers. "Not exactly, no. What we did pales in comparison to the real thing."

  "Whatever," I mumble under my breath. I can't believe he just insulted me after having the best feeling of my life. He's experienced though, probably has women lined up to do anything he dang well pleases. Women who know things, who are good at this stuff.

  "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings. Trust me, I enjoyed myself immensely. I wouldn't change a thing. Watching you fall apart at the seams was an exquisite site." I glance up at him, seeing he's sincere in his words.

  As I'm about to ask another question there's a knock on the door. I instantly panic. Oh my God! They're going to know! Jace will know. I just proved him right, didn't I? He'll hate me for sure now. Without my permission tears form and fall from my eyes. I cover my face and start to ugly cry with great, wracking sobs.

  Before Remy can get up to get the door, it flies open. I hear someone inhale deeply so I look up, hoping it's not Jace, here to gloat and call me a whore again. That thought makes me cry harder as I spot Ash, stopped a few feet from the bed. He looks angry, really freaking angry. He reaches out to me as he steps closer. I flinch, naturally scared of angry people.