Finding My Way Home (8 page)

             
“Oh my God.”  I know I’m not dreaming so whatever I’m seeing has to be there.  I shut my eyes once again and plead with her to go away. 

             
“Don’t be afraid my Princess.  I came to say goodbye and to ask for your forgiveness.  I need you to know that whatever I did was for your own good.  Don’t sell the house my baby girl because you will need a place to come back to.”  My eyes are still closed but I can now feel her right beside me and I’m totally freaking out.  I open my mouth to scream but no sound comes out. 

             
“I will always love you sweetheart and I pray that you will find happiness.  You’ll always be in my heart.  Be happy.”  I wait for what feels like hours before I get the courage to open my eyes.  I’m all alone, the fog all gone.  The image from the mirror is no longer there; instead I can clearly see three words drawn into the steam: Please Forgive Me.  I run to the door and unlock it with shaky hands.  Noah is by my side in an instant and grabs me by the shoulders.

             
I sob and stretch out my arm behind me to point at the mirror. 

             
“What is it Bren?  I don’t see anything.”  I turn around and to my shock the mirror is clean.  No words, no images, no shadows. 

            
 
“It was there I swear,” I cry out.  Noah rocks me and tries to sooth my cries. 

             
“Shh it’s ok. I believe you.  Whatever it was it’s gone now.  Come on, change into some warm clothes and we’ll go to my place.”  I don’t argue with him.  I don’t even care that he’s in the room. And so I dress right there in front of him, trying to put my underwear on without giving him too much of a show, using the towel to keep me covered as much as possible.  Jeans and an old sweater follow then without bothering with socks I shove my feet into my boots.  I almost run out of the room and I’m thankful that Noah is not laughing at me for being so terrified of something that’s not even there.

             
He locks the door and we walk into the night, crossing the dark street to his house.  I keep looking behind, trying to see if there’s anything following us, and Noah pushes me in front of him using his body to protect me from whatever it is that I’m scared of.  His house is cold and he rushes to turn on the heater then covers me with an old blanket moving his arms up and down my back to warm me up.  What he doesn’t know is that the chills are not from the cold. 

             
“She came back,” I whisper finally.  “Something bad is going to happen and I’m really scared.”

             
“Just don’t think about it tonight, ok?”  He takes me to what I think is his room and gently pushes me on the bed.  “I want you to rest and not worry about anything. We’ll figure it out tomorrow, I promise.  I won’t let anything bad happen to you.”  He covers me with the heavy comforter but I can’t shake off the chills.  As he’s about to leave I grab his hand with both of mine.

             
“Please don’t leave me alone,” I cry.  He only nods then takes off his shoes and lays next to me on top of the comforter.  I get as close as I can, put my head on his shoulder and he wraps his arms around me.  I close my eyes and try to rest but can’t seem to be able to stop thinking about what I saw. The minute I close my eyes, my grandma’s image reappears and it doesn’t matter how many times I blink; she’s just there waiting for me.  I used to hear stories about ghosts and they weren’t always good ones.  I don’t know how much of it I believed but the truth was that this was not normal.  Noah holds me closer as if he can sense what I’m thinking.               Eventually my eyes get heavy and I finally fall asleep, engulfed into the dark. 

I did not dream that night and woke up more refreshed than ever.  There is
only a sliver of light coming through the closed blinds, enough to get me to open my eyes.  Noah is breathing softly next to me, deeply asleep.  I look up at his gentle face and fresh tears are threatening to escape.  He has been my rock for the past few days; without him I probably would’ve been back in Boston the very first day. I know it will be hard to leave him but it’s inevitable.  I’m thinking of going back to sleep when my cell starts ringing inside my pocket, waking Noah in the process. 

             
“Sorry about that,” I whisper and reach for the phone.  I try to get up as gently as I can but it’s obvious that neither one of us will go back to bed.  Noah yawns and stretches his arms above his head making the simple white t-shit he’s wearing raise up and reveal a smooth and strong stomach.  I look away and busy myself with putting on my boots. 

             
“Why don’t you stay here and call back that boyfriend of yours and I’ll go make us breakfast.”  His voice is hard and I can tell he’s clenching his teeth.  I wait for him to leave the room then check to see who the missed call is from. I’m surprised when the screen shows Joe’s number; I take a deep breath the dial his number back.  He answers on the first ring.

             
“Good morning love.  How are you?”

             
I wish I could be one of those mean and terrible people who can use swear words like it’s nobody’s business.  That would really help me tell him just how I’m feeling right now.  Three days and no call from him and yet he’s voice shows no compassion. 

             
“Good morning Joe.  I’m surprised to hear from you.”

             
“Don’t be like that, you know how busy it’s been at work lately.  Even as we speak I am getting ready for a meeting but I wanted to check up on you and make sure you’re ok.  Have you decided when you’re going to be coming back?”

             
I’m slowly counting to ten in my head, over and over again.  There is no point in getting upset.  As my nana used to say, you made your bed now lie in it; she was so right.  I picked him and he was the way he was.  I never once complained before so how could I start now?

             
“Joe I’m not sure when I’ll be back.  I am going to meet with the lawyer today and see what he has to say.  I have no idea what the will says, or even if there is a will at all.  So how are you? Besides busy?”

             
“I’m good but I miss you babe.  You need to hurry so we can have our life back the way it was before.  Sorry I have to let you go.  The meeting is about to start.”

             
He didn’t wait for me to say goodbye or anything else and I found myself simply staring at the black screen. Was this the extent of our conversation? Once again it reminds me of a Twilight Zone episode and I’m smiling to myself like the unstable person I’ve become.  Moving to the window I open the blinds and look straight ahead at my grandparents’ house.  The street is deserted at this hour and even the wind has ceased to run through the half empty trees.  The shadowy figure at the attic’s window catches my attention and every fiber in my body clenches with fear.  That’s how Noah finds me and he snaps his fingers in front of my eyes to get my attention.

             
“Oh sorry, I spaced out for a moment,” I force a laugh. 

             
“Well, welcome back.  I made us something to eat.”  I follow him out of the room but not before glancing back to the window.  There’s nothing there but my body is still tense.  Why am I seeing her more and more often now?  What is she trying to tell me? The small kitchen smells like fried eggs and bacon and my stomach turns but not in a good way.  I’m not hungry but force a piece of bacon down with what feels like a gallon of coffee. 

             
“So did you tell your boyfriend that you’re going home tomorrow?” Noah asks and I avoid looking at him.  He doesn’t need to know my personal problems.  It’s enough that he got caught in this whole thing with my nana and he’s probably counting the days until I’m gone so he can have his own life back.

             
“Do you think you can take me to the lawyer today?” I ask instead of answering his question.  He shakes his head and I’m wondering if he’s going to refuse to go with me.

             
“Yeah sure.” He stops me as I try to get up and clean my plate.  “Leave it like that.  I’ll get it done when I get back.”  I notice how he didn’t say when
we
get back and I make a mental note to look for a hotel on my way back since there’s no way I’ll be spending my last night here at nana’s house.  I’ve had enough paranormal activity to last me a few lifetimes.  Noah walks out of the room and I busy myself cleaning the table then fill the sink with hot soapy water and put the dirty dishes in there to soak. 

             
“I told you to leave it.”  His voice takes me by surprise and I jump up.  I dry my hands and take out the jacket he’s holding for me.  We walk in silence towards my house and I’m already getting goose bumps before we walk inside.  I stay close to Noah as my eyes roam around each crevice of the old house, looking for anything out of place. 
Why don’t you let yourself be seen by Noah?  What is it that you want from me?
She doesn’t answer nor does she appear before my eyes like I’m half expecting her to do.  I am so ready to get out of here and I decide to forget all about the letters and the promises I’ve made.  Instead I pack the few things I brought with me on this trip and ask Noah to lead the way to the lawyer’s office.  We go in separate cars that way I will not be forced to come back here.  There’s nothing left for me here. 

             
Mr. Simon, as everyone calls him, has been my grandparents’ lawyer for as long as I remember. He is a short and plump and loves to wear his pants all the way up to his chin; well not really that high but you get the idea.  His office is located in one of the largest buildings downtown and it’s as old as he is. The inside smells funny, kind of old, like mothballs or something and I try not to breathe through my nose.  If Noah notices the smell, he makes no comment about it.  Instead he walks by my side, his face a blank canvas. The receptionist writes down my name and asks us to take a seat.  There’s no one in the waiting area and that makes me happy; we’ll be done here in a matter of minutes and then I can finally say goodbye this town. 

             
“Mr. Simon will see you now, if you’ll please follow me,” the little lady tells us in a singing voice.  She knocks softly on the door then opens it wide for us to enter.  Mr. Simon is sitting behind his large oak desk, his small glasses lowered down on his nose.  I walk in first with Noah just a few steps behind and the lawyer stands to shake my hand.

             
“Miss Hamilton what a nice surprise.  I didn’t expect to see you so soon. I am so sorry for your loss.  You know your family has been very dear to me and your grandparents were more than just clients to me.”  His hand is soft and damp, making me think of a slimy toad. When I finally have my hand back, I wipe it casually on my jeans and hope he doesn’t get offended.  He is too preoccupied with the piles of papers on his desk to notice my gesture. 

             
“Thank you.  I know my grandfather only had kind words when he spoke of you. Mr. Simon I am returning to Boston tomorrow so if possible I would like to get everything settled today.  Did my grandmother have a will?”

             
Mr. Simon continues to look through his files until he finally pulls a thin yellow folder that has my name printed on the label.  He opens it and glances through each page; I’m too anxious and my leg starts shaking involuntarily.  Noah touches my trembling knee and looks at me with warm eyes. 

             
“There is it.  Oh yes dear.  Both Sonia and Donald had wills and while they were not millionaires, they left everything they owned to you.  I believe you will be quite happy.  Well as happy as you could be considering the circumstances.”  He pushes his glasses back up his nose and then returns to the file without another word.  I feel like everything is moving in slow motion.  I try to be patient and tell myself that this is that last time I’ll have to deal with him. He takes out an old looking paper and addresses me once again.

             
“Ready Miss Hamilton?” he asks.

             
“As ready as I’ll ever be.”  The will is short and to the point going over my grandparents’ assets and who they should go to.  As expected I get everything with the exception of a few things that are left in Noah’s name which surprises us both.  The biggest thing on the list is the house and I am already making a note to contact a realtor and put it up for sale. A few weeks ago I couldn’t even fathom the idea of parting with the old place, the home I grew up in, the one that held so many memories.  Now that house is just an empty place filled with secrets.  Mr. Simon hands me several documents to sign and just like that another chapter in my life is closed and stowed away. 

             
“Do you have any questions?” he asks and I just shake my head in response.  Do I have questions?  Heck yeah I do but I know he is not the right person to ask.  Maybe one day when I’m braver I’ll be able to get all the answers.    Mr. Simon then turns to Noah and goes over the things that apply to him and I take that as a sign that it’s time for me to leave. 

             
“If there’s nothing else you need from me, I think I’ll head out.”  Noah’s eyes move from the papers in his hands to meet mine and I know I should probably stay and wait for him but I’ve never been good with goodbyes.  I shake the lawyer’s hand and thank both of them for everything.  I’m almost out of the building when someone calls my name; I turn slowly to see Noah running towards me. 
There’s nowhere to hide little girl
, my conscious mocks me.

             
“Well at least you didn’t start running when you heard me calling,” he mocks. He’s breathing heavily from running and he puts his hands on his knees trying to catch his breath.

             
“Sorry I have to get going if I’m going to make it home tonight.” 

             
“We both know you’re lying.”  I’m fidgeting with the tassels hanging from my handbag and try to think of a better excuse but he doesn’t have any of it. 

             
“Can you at least stay for lunch?  We can call Gigi and ask her to join us.  I know she’s going to want to say goodbye.” I hesitate but he doesn’t give me a chance to argue. “Just lunch; I’ll even trust you to drive your own car to the restaurant.  What do you say?  For old times’ sake?”  He’s smiling now and he looks just like he did when he was sixteen and I was nothing but a scrawny teenager; he pushing the swing in my grandparents’ backyard, me looking at him with eyes filled with love.