Finding You (30 page)

She looked up at him staring into his beautiful eyes.  “Because when I tell you what I have to say, I’m afraid you will.”

Ian tensed immediately. 

With one last deep breath she forced herself to talk.  “Ian I am so sorry but…I’m…pregnant.”  She dropped her head immediately fearing the words he would say.

“What?” he said.  “You’re pregnant?”

She pulled her knees to her chest and buried her face against her knees.  “I’m sorry Ian.  I know this has never been in our plans.  I think when I was sick and took that antibiotic it may have affected my birth control. I also didn’t take my pills for a few days because I was so sick. I must have forgotten them”

“Do you want this baby?” he asked.

His words almost shattered her.  “This baby is me and you Ian.  How could I not want it?”

Before she knew what had happened Ian had her flat on her back with his weight on top of her.  She couldn’t bear to open her eyes and see his expression.  Instead she started sobbing.

“Nova, look at me.”

Reluctantly she opened her eyes.  “Did you think I would be mad at you?”

She couldn’t speak.  She just nodded yes.

“Oh my God Nova, you have just given me the best news of my life how could you possibly think I would leave you over this?”

What?
  “You’re not mad at me
?”
she asked still afraid to push it too hard.

“Why would you ever think I would be mad at you for this?”

“I saw the look on your face that day in the barn when Henry was talking to me about having children Ian.  You had a horrid look on your face.”

“Wait, that’s not…”

“No Ian.  I saw your face.  I came to your office the other day to tell you when I found out.  I heard you talking to John.  He asked you about us starting a family and you told him you liked things just like they are.”

“Fuck Nova.  That look in the barn was because I had specifically given word to both my mom and Henry not to probe you about the wedding and children. I had no idea what your feelings on children were.”

She had no idea what to say.

“If you had stuck around long enough to hear the rest of the conversation John and I had you would have heard me finish that sentence with, but having a child would make our lives even better.”

“What?”  She was dumb struck.

“Nova, you have no idea how happy I am.”

“Oh my God Ian,” she said wrapping her arms around his neck.  “I was so afraid of what this might do to us.”

“Then you should have talked to me.  How long have you known?”

“I did try to talk to you.  I came to tell you after I found out but when I heard you and John talking, it almost knocked the wind out of me.”

“Oh naughty girl.  If you weren’t pregnant I would stripe your pretty little ass fire red for keeping a secret from me again.”

“I wasn’t trying to keep it a secret Ian. I came to tell you.”

“Nova I am so sorry that is what you heard of that conversation.  I even told John that if he thought he was ready he should consider it.”

  “Ian I am so sorry.  I just couldn’t handle you being upset with me or worse, leaving me over this.  You and I have never discussed children.  I was terrified that since you lost Brandon, children would be too hard for you.”

“Too hard for me,” he asked?

“Your mom showed me your room.  She told me you wouldn’t let her pack any of it up and when you decided to move into this room you left everything as it was except for taking your clothes.”

“Did she tell you why I wanted things left as they were?”

“No,” Nova admitted.  “She said I needed to ask you that?”

“Oh baby.  For you to be so smart, sometimes I could kick you for being so ignorant.  I wanted our room left like it was to share with my own child one day.  I wanted Brandon to be a part of their life and with him gone the only way I could do that was keeping his memory, our memories in that room.”

Nova wasn’t sure if it was the relief that still had her crying or if it was how foolish she had acted.  It wasn’t that Ian hadn’t given her a reason but she should have confronted him regardless instead of running like a scared rabbit all the way to New York.

“Nova, I love you and I will love this baby just as much.”

“Ian, I am so sorry.  I have been scared to death.  I don’t have a clue how to be a mother.  What if I’m no good at this?  What if I screw up like my mother did?”

In her words she realized it wasn’t just Ian that she had doubted, she doubted herself.

“Do you love this baby Nova?”

Her heart ached immediately.  She had no idea how quickly she could love something that she hadn’t yet seen but she would do anything to protect this baby.  “With everything in me Ian.”

“Well babe, that puts you so far ahead of where your mother was.”

Wiping her nose, she laughed at him.

“Are you saying my mother was a self-absorbed bitch who didn’t love her own child?” 

“I didn’t say that babe, you did,” he said pulling her for a kiss that melted her heart.  Ian lifted her shirt and gently caressed her belly.  “This child is going to be the luckiest kid in the world Nova.  Do you know why?”

“Why Ian?”  The feel of his hand gently rubbing her belly completely soothed her.

“Because we are going to spend our lifetime giving it all the love that you and I weren’t lucky enough to have.”

Ian pulled her next to him and rubbed her belly while she dried her tears.

“Ian I promise you I will never be the heartless person that my mother was.”

“And I promise you that I will never be the fucked up man my father was.”

“Always love me Ian.  I don’t know how I could ever face life without you.”

“Nothing could ever make me not love you Nova and if you think I would ever let you walk away from me, I dare you to try.”

“Will you still love me if my ass gets really big?”  It was all she could do not to chuckle out loud.

“Just more ass to spank babe.”

“Ian, you wouldn’t,” she said exasperated by what he said.

“Keep another secret from me and just see what happens.”

“No way sir, I will have a ‘no ass spanking’ pass until this baby decides to come out and meet us.”

“Fair enough,” he said pulling her to her feet.  “Now pack your bag babe, it’s time to go home.”

Ian did confess on the trip back to Boston that his mom called him after I had gone to bed.  She wouldn’t tell him what was wrong but she did tell him I needed him.  Mom was a wise woman.  In running from Ian, she knew the only person I needed was the one that I had somehow let myself doubt.   

Ian finished up with the acquisition and we spent the weekend in my most favorite place.  Our den, with Ian in his jeans and no shirt and me tucked right next to him.  That is unless I was eating.  I had Roberta revamp our grocery list including all the nutritious foods that baby would certainly benefit from instead of ice cream sandwiches and cookies but baby wanted Mexican for the moment so she cooked several different dishes for me before the weekend and I made Ian take me to Taco Bell not once but twice.

Ian kept his hand on my belly any time we were next to each other.  His love for our unborn child made me realize even more what a wonderful man he was.  He was so excited that I felt guilty yet again for having doubted him.  His enthusiasm and meticulous planning for our baby made for an interesting weekend.  Ian chose my doctor after searching for the best obstetrician in Boston.  He wouldn’t have anything less for me and our baby. By Sunday he had already decided our child would go to Harvard and then work at I.S.C.  Instead of trying to refocus him on the fact that this child was probably no bigger than the size of pea, I enjoyed every minute of his excitement. 

We also decided which room we would use as the nursery which was a little premature considering I hadn’t officially been to the doctor yet but considering how far in the future of this child’s life that Ian was looking I saw no harm in it.  The room across the hall from ours had a beautiful window that overlooked the back yard.  Of course we had already decided where we would put the crib in our room because we both knew there was no way we would let the baby out of our sight. 

Standing in the official nursery I saw myself imagining a swing set and a yard full of toys.  It was funny how quickly this baby had encompassed every part of our lives but neither of us would have had it any other way.  I made a commitment to myself looking out that window that I would give my baby a mother that was deserving of its love.  I wanted to be all the things that my mother never was for me.  Knowing me as well as Ian did he reassured me that together our house would be full of love and none of the things that we experienced growing up.  We looked at this baby as our chance to give all the things that we never received.

On Monday, Ian and I both returned to work agreeing that we would wait to announce our surprise until we went to the doctor, which we were doing that afternoon.  Another perk of having Ian’s wealth, you got an appointment when you wanted one. 

Waiting in the lobby was a little unsettling.  All the pregnant women surrounded me, some big, some small.  Some looking like they could go postal at any minute and others who sat patiently rubbing their growing bellies.  I had no idea where I fit into this overwhelming group of women.

“Are you sure you are still going to love me when my belly gets so big I can’t see my feet anymore?”

Ian snickered obviously thinking the same thing as he eyes all the pregnant women in the room.  “Even if your ass is that big too babe.”

Nova smiled and then they called her name.

Ian waited in the hall while she peed in a cup.  She had no idea what was next and she truly hoped she wasn’t going to have her feet in the stirrups in front of Ian but she had a feeling that was where this visit was heading.

“Alright Ms. Strong, if you will remove your clothes and put on this gown, the doctor will be in with you shortly.”

Ian snickered looking at the pathetic excuse of a paper gown.

“You wouldn’t be laughing if you were the one putting this on,” she said stripping down.

Nova turned away from him to place her clothes in the chair.  Looking back she saw Ian completely focused on her ass.  She couldn’t resist and gave him a little shake.

“Oh babe,” he said pulling her against him.  “Certainly you haven’t forgotten who you are dealing with?”

“No Sir,” she said nibbling the skin just above the collar of his starched white dress shirt.

“Get that gown on and your ass on that table before you get more than you bargained for, sweetheart.”

A knock at the door came just as she settled on the table.

“Mr. and Ms. Strong, I am Dr. Whitten.”

Ian stood to shake his hand.  Nova couldn’t help but giggle inwardly over Ian’s thorough interrogation of the doctor.  He handled himself well answering all of Ian’s questions finally settling his eyes on Nova.

“Well Ms. Strong, your pregnancy test result is positive.  Do you have any idea the date of your last period?”

After telling the doctor that she hadn’t really missed a period but that the last two had been short and spotty he told her that it wasn’t uncommon and that there should be no reason for concern.

After a quick exam, the doctor applied some cold jelly to her belly.  “Let’s see if we can pick up a heartbeat,” he said applying a small wand to her belly. 

Ian stepped to her side noticing that she had become fidgety.  He felt the same way.  In what seemed like just a second the sound of a fast beating heart filled the room.  The sound of the most incredible thing I could imagine brought tears to both our eyes.

“That’s really fast,” Nova commented.  “Is it supposed to sound so jumbled like that?”

Dr. Whitten moved the wand around her belly.  “Rest assured that it is very normal.”

He removed the wand and wiped the cold jelly from her belly.  “Nova I am going to send you down the hall for an ultrasound.”

“Is something wrong,” she asked trying to sit up.

“We need to do an ultrasound to determine how many weeks gestation you are.  Then we can determine your due date.”

She felt relief wash over her.  She saw Ian’s shoulders relax too.

The ultrasound was uneventful.  She had no idea that a vaginal ultrasound even existed but the technician told her it was standard since she wasn’t very far along.  She printed a few pictures, tucked them in her folder and walked them both back to Dr. Whitten’s office.

Sitting in front of his desk made Nova giggle when she brought the desk to Ian’s attention.  Fortunately neither of them had a chance to say anything before the Doctor came in.

“Well, the ultrasound looks good,” Dr. Whitten said walking in holding her folder.

“It appears you are about twelve weeks so that should put your due date around March 7
th
.”

Dr. Whitten pushed a folder over to her.  “This folder discusses various safety concerns during your pregnancy as well as a recommended diet.  I also have a few books I could recommend if you would be interested?”

She felt Ian flinch.

“Thank you Dr. Whitten. If you don’t mind writing them down for me on the folder.”

Ian gave her the “your ass would be in so much trouble if I could only spank you” look which was followed by the “don’t even fucking think about it,” look.  This visit was more fun than she thought it would be.

“We will need to go ahead and schedule your next appointment.  We will do another ultrasound in about four weeks.”

Ian spoke up.  “Is it too early to tell what sex the baby is yet?”

Dr. Whitten smiled, “It’s typically around twenty weeks gestation before everything is fully developed enough to determine the sex.   However this situation is slightly different in nature so I want Nova to have another ultrasound at sixteen weeks.”

Nova felt her heart sink just as Ian pushed himself to the front of his chair.  “Dr. Whitten I thought you said everything looked fine?”

“Everything does like fine, your situation is a little different because there isn’t one baby, there are two.”

Nova felt her eyes bug out.  “What?” she asked completely shocked by what the good doctor had just said.

“Do either of you have twins in your family?”

Nova turned to Ian who was for once in his life completely speechless.  The look on his face was priceless.  “I’m a twin,” Ian finally replied. 

“Well, congratulations to you both.”

Neither one of them knew what to say so they didn’t.  They both sat staring at the doctor.

“I can tell you that the babies are identical so no chance of having one of each.  It’s either two boys or two girls.”

Back in the car, Nova and Ian sat for a moment in silence.  Neither had considered even the remotest possible of there being more than one baby.

“Ian, are you going to be alright?” she finally asked

“Nova don’t mistake my reaction for being upset.  I just had no idea.”

“Well frankly I am relieved,” she said putting on her seatbelt.

“You are relieved,” he asked puzzled by her announcement.

“I have been eating like a horse.  At least now I know it was for good reason.”

Ian unbuckled her seat belt and pulled her over on his lap.  Ian proceeded to kiss her with such emotion it brought tears to her eyes, yet again.

He rested his forehead against hers.  “Nova I never considered that I would have anything good in my life. I thought I had everything when I married you until today.”

The sincerity in his eyes melted her.

“Ian,” she said wiping the tears from her eyes, “I hope these babies bring you all the love that you lost when Brandon died.”

Ian ran his thumb across her quivering bottom lip.  “And I hope these babies bring you all the love that you never had.”

She smiled at him staring into his beautiful brown eyes, “I love you so much.  Finding you was the best thing that has ever happened to me and these babies are going to make our lives even more perfect.”