Authors: Andrea Simonne
***
After dinner when most everyone
has left and there are only a few people still relaxing over coffee, Declan
gives me a tour of the house. It’s quite large and I still haven’t seen the
whole thing.
“You’re lucky to be a part of such
a big family,” I say, following him upstairs. “It was so different for me when
I was growing up. I always felt like there weren’t enough people.”
“That’s hard to imagine. I love my
family, but they can be overwhelming at times. Sometimes I think it’s helped
our relationship that I’ve moved so far away.”
“At least you know they’re always
here for you. I think it would feel nice to be overwhelmed.”
We walk down the hall into a room
a few doors away from mine. It’s about the same size as the one I’m staying in,
except one wall is covered with floor to ceiling shelves filled with colorful yarn
that belongs to his mom. There’s a twin bed that appears hastily made and an
old David Bowie poster on another wall.
“What is this place?”
“My bedroom.”
I look at him in surprise. “I
thought you were showing me the house.”
“Come here,” he pulls me towards
him, “I figured this is a good place to begin.”
He leans down and kisses me, his
mouth hot on mine. I grip his forearms, startled by his sudden passion. My hands
slide over his broad shoulders and up behind his neck. He tastes like the wine
from dinner and his body feels deliciously hard and solid against mine. In some
ways I still can’t believe this is happening. After denying the attraction
we’ve had for so long, I’m almost afraid to let myself experience it. I know if
I let him, Declan will take me places I’ve never been before.
“I’m going crazy,” he murmurs, his
mouth moving down my neck. His teeth sink into me briefly and I gasp from the
pleasure of it. “Every time I look at you I want you. I have a permanent case
of blue balls.”
“Why haven’t you come to me at
night?”
He groans. “I want to, believe me.
It’s been torture knowing you’re only a couple of doors down and that you’d let
me in your bed.”
“Then why haven’t you snuck in?”
He pulls back slightly. “It’s not
my house. It’s my ma and Martin’s and I want to respect their wishes.” He lets
out a deep breath. “I know how lame that sounds, but I gave them such a hard
time when I was younger. Does that make sense?”
“Yeah, though don’t you think they
already assume you’re sneaking into my room at night?”
Declan chuckles softly. “They probably
do, but there’s another reason I haven’t come to you.” He pushes a lock of hair
off my face. “I don’t want our first time together to be some quick tumble in
the dark. I want to take my time with you, Kate. I want to taste you, and feel
you, and hear all the sounds you make when you lose your mind.”
I shiver and try to keep my breath
steady. “You keep talking like that and I’m liable to lose my mind right now.”
“That’s all right. I’d enjoy a
preview.”
And then his mouth is on mine
again and we’re all over each other. Somehow we make it onto the bed and his
hands are pushing up the fabric of my dress, sliding underneath until I can
feel them on my ass. The room is on the chilly side, but the heat between us is
enough to warm the whole house. I run my hands over his back, taking in the
strength of him. He feels so good, smells so good, and it’s more exciting than
I imagined. It’s Declan with his quick wit, complex mind, and thorough ways. Declan
with his beautiful smile.
“Come with me to a hotel
tomorrow,” he says hotly. “Let’s finally experience each other.”
“All right....” Though there’s a part
of me that wishes I could experience him right now.
“We’ll get a room then?”
“I don’t care where we go as long
as we’re together.” I surprise myself with how honest I’m being. Usually in
relationships I try to keep a certain distance, an aura of mystery. There’s a
little voice in my head telling me that I’m going to miss out on an amazing experience
if I play games with this man.
“You’re killing me,” he brushes his
lips over mine, “telling me everything I want to hear.”
I suddenly remember what happened
at dinner. “What did that Irish I said earlier mean? You never told me.”
Declan smiles enigmatically. “I’ll
tell you later.”
“I could always find out without
you.”
“I know.” His expression grows
thoughtful. “But don’t. Let me be the first person to explain to you what those
words mean.”
The next day is
St.
Stephen’s Day. It’s another holiday in Ireland, but Declan somehow manages to
pull us away from the house. I’m currently standing beside him at the front
desk of The Clarence, a fancy hotel in Temple Bar, the very one owned by Bono
and The Edge. And even though I know I’m being silly and there’s no way we’d
see them here, I’m still looking around the lobby expectantly as if Bono is
going to magically appear. I can see him so clearly—his pale blue sunglasses, the
Edge is beside him and they’re performing an unplugged version of “One”, my
favorite U2 song. As I’m lost in reverie…
Bono is motioning for me to come
closer now, wow—I think he wants me to sing with him
…I hear the desk clerk
say “Thank you Mr. and Mrs. O’Connor” while he hands Declan the room’s card keys.
“Mr. and Mrs?” I question as we
walk towards the elevators.
“Trust me, it’s easier this way.
You have to remember this is a country that didn’t legalize divorce until the
mid-nineties. We’re still prudish in our own way.”
As we stand inside the elevator,
Declan and I both watch the numbers light up and I feel my stomach fill with
butterflies. I could barely sleep all night thinking about being with him
today.
Watching the floors go by, I’m
overcome with my own insecurities. What if we’re not meant to be a couple? What
if sleeping together is a mistake and we’re ruining an incredible friendship?
“I’m nervous,” I blurt out.
He grins. “Me, too. It’s good being
nervous though.”
A few minutes later we’re at our
door and Declan is opening it with the card key. Stepping inside I find that
the room is beautifully decorated with a gorgeous view of the River Liffey. My
first impression is that it’s far too nice and expensive for a short afternoon
tryst, which is what I tell him.
“A short afternoon tryst? I plan
to spend the rest of the day here with you and well into the night.” He moves
closer and wraps his arm around my waist, his voice low in my ear. “You don’t
really think one afternoon together will satisfy us, do you?”
I feel his fingers brush my hair
aside, and then his mouth is on the back of my neck, kissing me and taking
little bites. His hands slide down slowly over my body.
“I want you so much,” he whispers.
“And I’ve waited so long.”
Desire floods through me and my
breath comes out shaky. I’m trembling as I lean into him. Something inside me already
wants it hard and fast because that’s how I get when I’m turned on, but I can
tell Declan is not having any of it. He’s going to make me wait—take his time,
just like he said.
He pulls away from me and shrugs
his coat off, throwing it over a chair, then sits down on the edge of the bed,
watching me.
“Come here, Kate.” His voice is soft,
but there’s a command in it.
For a moment I hesitate, but then I
go and stand before him. When I see the lust in his eyes it rocks me, but then
I notice something else in them too, something soulful. Declan doesn’t only
want me because he thinks I’m pretty or sexy. He wants
me
. Declan understands
me in a way that no one ever has. He gets me.
He’s still watching me in that way
he does sometimes, contemplating.
“I want you to take your clothes
off,” he says, his eyes steady on mine.
I stare at him, surprised by the
request. I’m reminded of the last time someone asked me to strip. It was Ben
out on his deck, but this is so much different. That was just fun and games. It
didn’t matter like this does.
“I’ve fantasized about this for a
long time,” Declan says, when he notices my hesitation. “Do it for me. Let me
see you.”
And so I do as he asks. I take my
clothes off. I don’t go into a strip tease or turn it into anything silly, and
yet I don’t do it perfunctorily either. Instead I take my time. Working from
the outside in. I take off each item of clothing in a slow and thoughtful way.
First my sweater and then my shoes and socks, then finally my jeans. When I’m
down to nothing, but my bra and underwear, I stop and look over at him.
His eyes on me are intense, taking
in everything. I watch as they flicker over my face, before moving heatedly down
my body and then back up. I reach around and undo the back of my bra, sliding
it off my shoulders. My panties come next. I push them down, barely noticing
the pile of clothes on the floor around me.
Unlike that time on Ben’s deck
where it was nighttime and the light was dark and flattering, it’s currently
the middle of the day. It’s cloudy outside, but there’s plenty of light to see
everything. Every flaw, every dimple of cellulite, every imperfection. I have
no choice but to claim it all. I glance towards the window and it occurs to me
that I’ve never felt so naked in my entire life. Or so brave.
“Kate, you’re beautiful,” Declan
says hoarsely, breaking the silence. “Even more so than I imagined.” There’s a
note of wonder in his voice and when I turn to him, I see that he means it. He
really thinks I’m beautiful. For some crazy reason tears well up and I swallow hard,
trying to push them back. When our eyes meet I understand that it’s not like it
was with Ben and all his criticisms, looking at me, but always looking for the
flaws. Declan is looking for the good stuff and, judging by the aroused expression
on his face, he’s finding plenty of it.
He gets up and comes to me as if
he’s been holding back and can’t wait any longer. I’m surrounded by his
scratchy sweater and coarse jeans. It feels erotic to be naked while he’s still
fully clothed. His warm hands are all over me, rough and certain, but it’s not
enough, not nearly enough. I pull his mouth down over mine and we’re connected,
kissing hungrily.
“I know that wasn’t easy for you,”
he murmurs, his hands on my breasts, cupping them and then rubbing his thumbs around
my areola. “I wanted to see you like this though. I’ve wanted to see you naked
for so long.”
He bends his head down and takes
one of my nipples in his mouth, drawing it in, while working the other. The pleasure
is almost painful and all I can do is grab his head and gasp. I have this
overwhelming need to feel Declan everywhere—on me, around me, inside me. I wish
I could absorb him through my skin.
He pulls me over to the bed, but I
stop him.
“I want you to take your clothes
off too.”
Declan grins then pulls his
sweater overhead. I immediately put my hands out and run them down the front of
his chest, feeling even more turned on. He has a strong solid body. His chest
is covered with light brown hair and he looks even better than I remember. When
he goes for the zipper on his jeans I step in closer.
“Let me.”
“All right.” Our eyes meet. His
gaze is as intimate as a caress and I see everything in their blue depths. His
arousal, his need, the anticipation that’s been building between us for so
long. I run the zipper down and before I know it my hand is finally wrapped
around him. My breath catches again, though not for the same reason as before.
Declan’s cock is big and hard and heavy. And did I mention it was big?
I pull back slightly and blink
down at him in surprise. “How come you never told me?”
“What?” Declan’s seems confused.
But then he grins with understanding. “That I have a big dick? Em...it’s not
exactly dinner conversation.”
“No. I guess it isn’t.”
“It’s not...a problem for you or
anything I hope.”
I hear the concern in his voice,
but when I stare down at this gorgeous cock in my hands my mouth actually
waters in anticipation.
I swallow. “No,” my voice comes
out hoarse and I swallow again. “It’s not a problem. It’s...fantastic.”
Declan smiles. “Words every man
loves to hear.”
I run my hand over the length of
him and his eyes go dark with pleasure.
“That feels good,” he breathes as I
continue to stroke him.
We kiss again and his hand slides
down between my legs, so we’re both stroking each other. When he slips his
fingers inside me I let my breath out. Sensation is pooling low in my belly.
Somehow we make it over to the bed
with Declan lying over me. He kisses my neck before sliding down to my breasts.
I grab him, restless and unable to calm myself. I feel absurdly aroused and
it’s everything I can do not to beg him to take me.
When he gets down between my legs
I think he’s going to put his mouth on me and I can’t wait, but instead he
takes one of the pillows from the bed and tells me to lift my hips as he slides
it underneath my ass.
“Spread your legs. I want to see
you here too.”
If I was less turned on I’d
probably feel shy about this, but I do exactly as he asks.
He bends down and slides his
fingers gently between my legs, opening me. His face is flushed and when he
speaks his voice is rough, the Irish strong. “Kate, you’re so lovely... all swollen
and wet for me.”
I begin to squirm. And then his
mouth is on me, softly at first, tongue and lips. I push against him, but he’s
not having any of that and begins licking all around my clit, occasionally
flicking against it to the point where I’m moaning and moving my hips against
his mouth. It’s the sweetest torture I’ve even known.
“Declan...,” I say breathless.
“Declan....”
“I like it when you say my name.”
“I can’t take it anymore...it’s
too much.”
“Mmm, you taste as good as I thought
you would.”
“Please.”
He slides his fingers gently over
me. “Please what? Tell me what you want Kate. Say the words.”
“Make me come,” I whisper.
He nods slowly. “I could do that...but
this is so much fun.”
He puts his mouth on me again and I
think he’s going to go back to torturing me, but instead he’s firm, doing it
just right and moments later I’m swept into the current, my whole body
trembling. I hear someone scream with pleasure and then realize that it’s me.
I’m grabbing his head, my thighs locked around him as each wave rolls through
me. Finally I go limp and Declan moves up over me quickly, shoving the pillow aside.
“Christ, I can’t wait any longer,”
he says, his voice ragged.
I wrap my arms around him, still
reeling, and feel him push into me inch by inch, rocking his hips, though I can
tell that it’s costing him to go slow. When he’s finally inside me I feel full,
but it’s not anything my body can’t handle. As he moves, I start to move with
him, taking in more of him. We’re both groaning with each stroke and it’s so
exquisite that I feel completely lost, as if the rest of the world has ceased
to exist and it’s only the two of us.
His movement slows. When our eyes
meet something passes between us—something so intimate that I can only feel the
wonder of it. I realize then that this is what it feels like to make love.
Those words have become a cliché, but in this moment with Declan I understand
them in a way that’s entirely new. He isn’t just inside my body, but my heart
too.
“I’ve never wanted anyone like this
before,” he whispers. “You’re everything.”
His words sink into my soul and
before I can respond tears are flooding my eyes. “It’s the same for me,” I
finally manage to whisper back.
He gets a thoughtful expression on
his face and I think he’s going to say something about the tears. I hope he
isn’t spooked, but he puts his thumb up and gently wipes one of my cheeks then
kisses it. “You’re even pretty when you cry.”
Through this tangle of emotion and
passion I smile, and when Declan smiles too, I know I could drown in it. He
kisses me again, lush and hot, and a fierceness takes hold of us. Suddenly
we’re grabbing each other, lost in the storm, until I’m crying out, climaxing
again. Declan watches me, trying to hold himself back and making it last a long
time. It’s so good I want it to go on forever, but then he lets out a low groan
and I watch his face change and know that despite his good intentions he can’t
hold back any longer either.
Afterwards we’re both sprawled on
the bed with the room spinning. I close my eyes trying to ground myself. It
occurs to me that this is the most intense sexual experience I’ve ever had. My
face is still wet with tears and I’m embarrassed for crying, but then I push that
thought away. I decide right there that I’m not going to feel embarrassed for
being passionate in any way ever again. If Declan can’t handle it then too bad.
When I turn to him, I find that he’s already studying me.
“What are you thinking about? You
almost look angry.”
I smile sheepishly and tell him
that I decided I wasn’t going to be embarrassed for crying.
“That’s nothing to be embarrassed
about. Come here.” He pulls me in close and I put my head on his chest so we’re
wrapped around each other. “You don’t ever have to feel embarrassed with me
Kate, don’t you know that?”
“I don’t?”
“No, I want you to be yourself
always”
I let his words wash over me and
to my disbelief there’s a flood of fresh tears. I start laughing. “What the heck
is wrong with me? I can’t believe I’m crying so much! This is hardly the way I
imagined it would go this afternoon.”
Declan grins and rolls me onto my
back. “What can I say? I’m obviously
that
good.”
I punch him in the shoulder.
“Puh-lease.”
“Oh really? So I’m not that good?”
“Well...I don’t know if I’d
describe you as that
good exactly. I’d say you were more like
almost
mediocre.”
Declan lets out a laugh. “High
praise indeed!”
“Don’t let it hurt your feelings
or anything,” I continue. “I know we can work on it. By the time I’m done with
you, I’ll bet you’ll be
almost
good.”
“I look forward to that. Shall we begin
those lessons now?” Declan slips his hand lower, cupping my breast. He kisses
my neck and then slides his mouth down to my décolletage.