Fire & Ice (The Locklaine Boys #1) (18 page)

I felt the anger swelling inside of me, swirling around in my belly like a toxic poison. Prying myself out of his grip, I shot to my feet, hands propped on my hips as I glowered at him. “You fucking chickened out! You’re a coward!”

He stood from the couch and reached for me, but the look I shot him was enough to stop him. Good thing, too. “Pepper—”

“No!” I slashed my hand through the air. “It’s bad enough that you chose my own
brother
over me, but then you didn’t even have the balls to tell me!”

“Baby—”

“Don’t call me that!” I shouted, completely lost in my fury.

“Just calm down.” Griffin’s strong hands clamped around my forearms and held tight as I tried jerk away. “Please,” he pleaded. “Just calm down.”

I pulled against his hold. “Don’t touch me, you asshole!” The more I fought, the tighter he held on until he finally drew me into his chest and wrapped his arms tightly around me, pinning my arms at my side.

“I’m sorry,” he said in a genuine voice. “I’m so fucking sorry, Pepper. You’re right. I was a coward.” Against my will, my body stopped struggling at his apology. “You have to believe me, I’ll regret hurting you as long as I live, sweetness. I’m so goddamned sorry.”

I had no clue what to think… or feel. There was one half of me who believed everything he was saying, that he was really and truly sorry. Then the other half was angry with myself for being weak enough to cave so easily. “What are we doing here?” I asked against his chest. I had to battle against the threat of his scent trying to suck me under the longer I stayed in his embrace.

“I don’t know.”

That answer just wasn’t good enough for me. I stepped out of his hold and looked up into his concerned blue eyes. I didn’t know what we were doing either. We agreed it was just sex, but I felt myself spiraling further down every time we were together. I couldn’t be there. As long as he was looking at me how he was right then, I’d never clear my head enough to figure out what the hell I was doing. All I knew was that it was a struggle to breathe whenever he was around. It was like being weighed down my rocks, unable to reach the surface no matter how hard I tried.

“I have to go.”

Something flashed over his expression that I couldn’t get a read on. “No. Pepper, you’re not leaving. Just stay. We can figure this out.”

God, I wanted to believe him, I really did. I just couldn’t. “No,” I whispered.

I watched as his face morphed into a determined frown. “I’m not letting you leave,” he insisted stubbornly. “We can work this out.” His voice was almost desperate as he reached for me again and I felt my heart crack in my chest. “You aren’t leaving.”

“I am,” I answered, tugging my hands from his. “I just need—”

“Don’t say time,” he growled. “I swear to fucking God, Pepper. Don’t say it.”

“I’ll call you, okay? Just… give me a few days.” I didn’t wait for him to say anything else. Walking down the hall to his bedroom, I ignored the photo he had of me on graduation, refusing to think that maybe it was there because
I
was in it. PJ was laying sprawled out on the bed without a care in the world. I changed my clothes and grabbed my purse, calling for a cab before leaving the bedroom. I didn’t want to go home, but one thing was for sure. I needed to get out of there.

I left Griffin’s house without a backward glance, because I knew if I did I wouldn’t make it out the door.

WHAT THE FUCK WAS
I doing? I’d been sitting on my ass all day long, waiting for my phone to ring like a goddamned idiot. I’d let her walk out the door without putting up any kind of fight. “Son of a bitch,” I cursed at myself, running my fingers through my hair in agitation for probably the millionth time.

Even PJ, having sensed my mood was darker and far more dire than ever before, was smart enough to keep her distance. I was granted a reprieve from her claws for the evening. That was something, I guess.

I stood and began to pace, moving from the living room to the kitchen. Back and forth. Back and forth. Just remembering the pain shining from her jade eyes as she looked at me was like a straight punch to the throat. “Christ, I’m a fucking idiot.” I couldn’t stay cooped up in my apartment, waiting, doing nothing in an attempt to get her back. She said she’d call me, but I wasn’t going to bet everything I had on that. I’d screwed up one too many times. The longer we were apart, the more likely she was to realize she deserved so much better than me. I was a selfish bastard. I couldn’t let that happen. I knew what I had to do. I had to go after her.

“
YOU SURE YOU DON’T
want to stay, puddin’ pop?” Tomas asked as he gently ran his soft fingers from my scalp to the very tips of my hair. His off-the-wall endearments would normally make me laugh or cringe, depending on how bad they were, but as I lay there with my head in his lap, I couldn’t bring myself to laugh.

“You have a date tonight,” I reminded him. “I’ve already taken up enough time, crashing in on you earlier. I’m not gonna play third wheel to whatever gay love-fest you have going on here tonight.”

After climbing into the cab outside of Griffin’s house, I wasn’t sure where to go. I could have gone to Navie, but I wanted to pull as few mutual friends into our mess as possible. I could have called or FaceTimed Harlow, but that would have required going home for such a personal conversation over the phone. I wasn’t ready for that. Luckily, when I scrolled through my contacts, Tomas answered and just happened to be at home.

I’d been at his place most of the day; wallowing, crying, venting, you name it. I’d run the emotional gamut. The only downfall to him being my go-to in this particular crisis was the fact that Tomas went through men like water. Always the dumper, never the dumpee. He’d been a fantastically-dressed shoulder to lean on, but not much for advice, seeing as he lacked the experience.

“Oh, sweetiekins. You’re always welcome here, you know that.”

“I know,” I muttered, “But I’ve had the pleasure of walking in on something that only ever belonged on the Discovery Channel once before. I don’t think I could handle it a second time.”

“Jealous,” he shot back with a grin.

“Terrified,” I replied, finally smiling for the first time since leaving Griffin’s house.

I sat up and brushed a few loose strands of hair from my eyes, knowing it was time to call it a night. When I’d arrived at Tomas’s apartment, I’d been thrilled to discover he still had a pair of my lounge pants and a t-shirt from one of the drunken slumber parties we’d had in the past. I quickly traded out my day-old clothes from the comfy outfit before diving in and telling him everything that had happened, starting from twelve years old to just a few hours ago.

“Thanks so much for letting me dump all my shit on you today.” I leaned in and wrapped him in a hug. “It means a lot that you let me snot all over your Gucci shirt.”

“Don’t you worry you’re pretty little head about it. Dry cleaners work miracles, honey,” he told me as he stood from the couch, taking me with him.

I stood on my tip-toes and planted a kiss on his cheek. “Love you.”

He kissed me back. “Love you too. You sure you’re all right to get home?”

“Positive,” I answered as I grabbed the bag he’d leant me to carry my discarded clothes and heels in. I slipped on the flip flops he let me borrow and turned back to him as I opened the door. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“All right, sweetheart. You call me if you need anything. I’m always here. Chicks before dicks, always. Present dick excluded.”

I giggled as I stepped over the threshold. “Always. Now go pretty yourself up. We wouldn’t want you looking anything less that the best for your flavor of the week, would we?”

My giggle turned into full-blown laughter when he flipped me off and shut the door in my face. As I left the apartment building and entered the muggy night air, I felt a tad bit better. Tomas had been the right choice. The man always had been able to make me laugh without much effort.

The weather was comfortable enough, and despite the sandals being too big, they weren’t too uncomfortable, so I decided to walk the blocks between my apartment and Tomas’s, hoping that maybe the walk would do me some good. My mind grew a little clearer with each passing block, and by the time I slid my key into the deadbolt, I was feeling a lot better.

Then it all went to hell.

Before I even had a chance to twist the key and unlock the door, it swung open, revealing a tall, sexy Griffin standing
inside
my apartment in all his insanely hot glory. “Oh come on!” I shouted. “Now we’re breaking and entering? That’s low, Griffin. Even for you.”

Taking me by the elbow, he pulled me into the apartment and closed the door behind us. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he replied, crossing his arms and leaning casually against the door. “Your neighbor, Mrs. Nesbit was kind enough to use her key to let me in when she found me sitting out on the stoop waiting for you. Lovely woman.”

“Oh my God! You’re using your charm to con little old ladies now? Mrs. Nesbit’s like, ninety! I’m pretty sure she’s senile.”

“Well, she was with it enough to tell me ‘how happy she is to have such a sweet, handsome boy watching out for our Pepper’ when I showed her my badge. And that’s a direct quote. Just an FYI.”

“You flashed her your badge, too?!” He didn’t show a single ounce of remorse. Since arguing about all the ways in which he manipulating poor Mrs. Nesbit was just wrong seemed pointless, I dropped my bag on the sofa, let out a sigh and asked, “Why are you even here?”

“Because I want to be with you. I don’t know what the fuck I’m doing or what’s going to happen a week down the line, but I
do
know I want to be with you. And I’m not just gonna sit on my ass at home and wait for you to text me that you don’t want this.” He waved a hand in the space between us. “Because I know that’d be bullshit. You want me too.”

I opened my mouth to deny it, but he moved too quickly. He was right in front of me in a heartbeat, his hand covering my mouth to block my objection. “I fucked up with you four years ago, I know that. I won’t make the same mistake this time, Pepper. I
want
to be with you, and that feeling is stronger than my concern that Dex could end up hating me.”