Firefly Run (19 page)

"Let’s quit for tonight. You’re exhausted."

"That’s what makes you a good cop. You’re observant."

But now that she’d stopped walking, she didn’t think she could start again. She stared at her cabin and decided she just might lie down and sleep in the grass. Reed stepped across the tree and scooped her up into his arms.

"Put me down before you drop me." She made a half-hearted attempt to free herself. When Reed didn’t budge, she sank against him, more tired than she could ever remember being.

Reed didn’t set her down until he entered her bedroom. He lowered her to her feet beside the bed, helped her pull off her dirty clothes then lifted her into the bed.

"Reed?"

"Shh." He touched his forefinger to her lips. "Get some sleep."

He tried to pull away, but she grabbed his hand. "Don’t leave."

After the night before, the thought of sleeping alone again nearly made her cry. Words of love sat upon her lips, but she didn’t speak them, afraid that voicing them would doom her to a life of fear for yet another man she loved. And that they’d only drive Reed farther away. She thought he might leave despite her plea, but he just sighed before removing his sawdust-covered shirt and jeans. When he slid into bed beside her, she finally relaxed. With his arm draped over her, she closed her eyes and welcomed sleep.

****

Reed listened to Shelly’s deep breathing as she slept. He hadn’t mastered words enough to describe how wonderful she felt in his arms. Despite her assertions, guilt still plagued him. Would she look at him with the same expression of yearning and welcome him inside her when she found out he was responsible for Troy’s death? He didn’t think he could stand watching her turn away.

He’d hated practically ignoring her all day, but they’d had no chance to be alone. And if they had, he didn’t think he’d know what to say. She might not have realized it, but her body language had spoken to him each time she moved. The purposeful steps, averted eyes and tight facial muscles had painted a picture of the increasing tension between them. Whether she’d been angry or hurt, he couldn’t tell. No matter how many women he’d dated, he’d never been able to figure out their moods.

The thought of all those countless dates seemed a lifetime ago. Now, he couldn’t imagine ever holding or kissing any woman other than Shelly. God, what was he going to do?

He fell asleep somewhere in the middle of questioning himself but woke in the early morning hours. It took his groggy mind a few seconds to realize what had awakened him. His eyes shot open when Shelly’s hand skimmed over his chest. His body reacted instantly, straining to join with hers. With a pained sound, he pulled away and rose from the bed.

She lifted herself to a sitting position. "What’s wrong?"

He ran a hand through his hair. "I can’t do this."

"I could have sworn differently."

He walked across the room, feeling the past close in on him from all sides. "You don’t understand."

"Then tell me."

He stopped pacing and stared at her. "I’m afraid to."

"Why? You never used to be one to run away from things."

A battle raged in his head. Did he tell her and risk losing this time with her? Or did he keep it to himself and live the rest of his life with guilt slowly eating him alive?

"I’m afraid you’ll hate me."

"I could never hate you."

Sweat popped out on his forehead and his heart thundered in his ears, making him dizzy. The moment of truth stared him straight in the eye. He took one last look at Shelly, so beautiful and understanding, so damn sexy and, miracle of miracles, wanting him. He inhaled a shuddery breath.

"Even if I tell you it’s my fault Troy was killed?"

She couldn’t hide the shock, and he wished he could recall the words. He knew he couldn’t stand it if she hated him.

"What are you talking about? He was shot by a drug dealer."

"A dealer I insisted we go after."

"You’re a cop. You go after bad guys."

"Yes, but it was my idea to target Victor and all his cronies. Shelly, I had a very personal reason for going after him, and I took Troy along with me."

Shelly scooted back against the headboard of the bed and drew her legs up to her chest. She seemed poised to listen to his explanation, no matter how long it took. He sank onto the corner of the bed, his forearms propped on his thighs.

"Did Troy ever tell you about my sister?"

"He said she died when she was a teenager."

"Did he tell you how?"

"He said she overdosed."

"Kate died when she was fifteen." Reed’s heart squeezed with the old pain. "Some friends were experimenting with heroin. There was this guy she really liked. She thought it would impress him if she joined in. She probably didn’t even know how much would cause an overdose."

"Oh, Reed, I’m so sorry."

"Drug dealers don’t care who they kill. Adults, kids, it doesn’t matter. Eddie and his family are some of the worst I’ve ever seen. They have no conscience whatsoever. Drugs brought them out of poverty, and nothing was going to stand in their way of everything that drug money could buy them."

"Is he the one—?"

Reed shook his head. "I don’t know. I never found out where they got the heroin. The kid who bought it had no idea who he bought it from. It was his first time to buy, and he was scared to death when he did it. He didn’t look too closely at the guy’s face."

Reed paused, tried to slow his skyrocketing heart rate. He unclenched his fists to find marks left by his fingernails in his palms.

"It was my idea to go after the Victors."

"That still doesn’t make it your fault Eddie killed Troy. I’m sure Troy dragged you out on cases just as dangerous."

"Yeah, but I’m not the one who got killed." He looked up at Shelly. "But I should have been. I should have been out on those steps by him, but do you know where I was?"

She shook her head.

"I was inside flirting with one of your bridesmaids, and I can’t even remember her name. I was trying to pick up a woman who didn’t mean anything to me while my best friend was being murdered in my place. If I’d been where I should have been, Eddie would have shot me first, and Troy would have had time to get himself and you out of harm’s way."

"You don’t know that."

"Yes, I do. I know in my gut and in my heart that I’m responsible for Troy’s death."

Shelly vaulted from the bed and crossed the room in a handful of long strides.

Reed watched her, his heart aching. "I can’t tell you how scared I was when I found out Eddie had been released. I knew he’d come for you because your testimony was the most damaging. I had to get here, to protect you even if it cost my own life. I owe you that much. I owe Troy that much. I didn’t protect him, but by God I can protect you."

She turned toward him, and her voice wavered when she spoke. "Is that the only reason you came, to pay a debt?"

"No. I’ve always cared about you. You’ve been a good friend."

Shelly crossed her arms. "A friend."

He hated the hurt burning in her eyes. God, he couldn’t do this, sacrifice his feelings on some imaginary altar. "Shelly, I’m not sure what I feel. I’ve never been good at all this feelings stuff."

"Well, I’ll tell you what I feel is a lot more than friendship. I haven’t felt this way in more than two years. I care about you, Reed, but right now I think you’re about the stupidest person I’ve ever met."

Her words slapped him as surely as if she’d let fly with her palm against his cheek. He sat paralyzed, unable to do or say anything in response. All he could do was listen to her voice rising as she walked toward him, pointing her finger in accusation.

"I cannot believe you’ve spent all this time blaming yourself for something done by a man with no conscience. Troy wasn’t helpless or brainless. He was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. It wouldn’t have mattered if you had been beside us that day. Even if Eddie had shot you instead, the day would have been just as awful. Only Troy would be the one mourning the loss of his best friend."

"But you would have had your husband."

"Maybe. But, God help me, Reed, I cannot stand here now and say I wish Eddie would have killed you instead." Her voice cracked, and tears suddenly spilled down her cheeks.

Unable to remain apart from her any longer, Reed stood and took her in his arms. He held her close and rocked her as she cried against his chest. It took some rapid blinking to keep his own tears from falling.

After several minutes, she quieted. "Reed?"

"Yeah," he said, his lips at her temple.

"I think we’ve both grieved enough."

He pulled back far enough to look down into her bright eyes. No matter how old he lived to be, he’d never tire of staring into her eyes or holding her next to his heart. He bent to kiss her. In her response, he found not only passion but forgiveness—and the possibility that life could begin anew.

They made love, slow and full of unspoken feelings. He poured his soul into her, knowing there would never be another woman for him. Each time she called out his name, his heart swelled so much he knew it must burst. And if it didn’t, when he left her it surely would.

****

Shelly lay in bed the next morning watching Reed sleep, wondering where this day and the ones beyond it would take them. Part of her wanted this uncertainty about Eddie’s whereabouts resolved, but another part hoped that as long as Eddie was unaccounted for, Reed would stay by her side. If he stayed in Bobcat Ridge, she wouldn’t have to miss him, worry about him, fear for his life once Eddie was no longer in the picture.

That was selfish. If she were honest with herself, she’d admit she only wanted him to stay with her if he wanted to, not because he was fulfilling some self-imposed obligation.

She wondered whether what they had shared really changed anything. Most likely, when Eddie was no longer a threat, Reed would return to Dallas. And no matter how much she loved him, she didn’t think she could go back there. It wasn’t just the memories of Troy’s murder. Since her first educational program two days before, she’d tasted fulfillment of that need to share her love of the natural world. And she’d never felt more at home that she did in the back yard of the Smokies. Even if she could return to the preserve where she’d worked before, it wouldn’t be the same. She felt more alive here than anywhere else.

Perhaps preventing such a move more than anything else, however, was the fact that if she went back she’d have to face loving another man who put his life in danger every day he went to work. Of course, there was crime in her slice of the world, but nothing like a city as large as Dallas. If anything were to happen to Reed, she was certain she wouldn’t be able to recover a second time. It had taken too much effort, determination and prodding from her mother to overcome her first bout with debilitating grief.

She stared at Reed’s face. She’d loved Troy with all her heart, but she’d forgotten how intense being in love could feel. She didn’t want to give up that intoxication, but she couldn’t ask him to stay and give up the life he’d built for himself. If Reed was destined to go back to Dallas, could she allow herself to continue to grow closer to him? She rolled onto her back and closed her eyes, worrying that she was analyzing the situation to death. Maybe the best course was to take it one step at a time and see where those steps led.

Her mind traveled back to all those different women Reed had dated and wondered if he was the type of man who could even fall in love. His words the night before, however, indicated he might be. When he stirred beside her and snuggled closer with his arm draped over her, she dared to hope. To dream of what might be the impossible.

The loud ringing of her phone interrupted their lazy morning. "Hello?"

"Shelly, honey, I just saw on the news about the storm. Are you okay?" Her mother’s voice was even more strained than the last time Shelly had talked to her.

"Yeah, we’re all fine here."

"Is there any damage?"

"A few trees uprooted, but we’re about to get it all cleaned up."

Her mother sighed in relief. "That’s good to know. I wish we were there to help out."

"It’s okay, really. Reed even pitched in."

"That was nice of him."

Shelly looked over at Reed, who was awake and watching her, making her bare skin tingle. "Yeah, it was. He’s a nice guy."

"Listen, honey, I’ve got someone here who wants to speak to you."

As her mother transferred the phone, Shelly worried that the person might be a doctor with bad news.

"Hey, Sweet Pea," came a weak voice.

"Dad?" Her throat nearly closed, and her eyes filled with tears, only this time ones of joy.

"Yep, it’s me. Can’t keep us Wynns down." He sounded tired and a bit winded, but it was oh so good to hear his voice.

"How are you feeling?"

"Like I was dropped off the ridge."

Shelly wiped away a tear. "It’s so good to hear your voice."

"It’s good to hear yours. Looks like you had a good size storm yesterday."

"Yeah, but everything’s okay." There was no power on Earth that was going to make her worry her father in his current condition. "I’ll be up there as fast as I can."

"No, honey. You stay there. There’s nothing to do here but sit and get bored out of your mind. Besides, we gotta have at least one family member running the place. I know you can handle everything." Her father’s confidence in her made her heart swell with pride.

"Have they told you when you can come home?"

"Maybe by the 4th of July. Although I think we might have to rent a U-Haul to get all these flowers and balloons home."

Shelly smiled. "People don’t know what else to do, but they want to do something. That’s how florists stay in business."

"I guess. But there are flowers here from people I don’t even know. Guess they’re friends of yours. Hell, I got a big bouquet of roses from somebody who didn’t even put their name. Card just said, ‘From a friend in Texas.’"

Shelly’s heart nearly stopped, and her bare skin went ice cold. Her hand shook on the phone. "What color are they?"