First and Only: Callaghan Brothers, Book 2 (15 page)

Ian wasted no time heading out after that, leaving Jake and Taryn to tend the bar.  He didn’t care who saw him, either; he was beyond that.  All he knew was that he needed to see Lexi with his own eyes.  Needed to know that she was safe.     

It had been a shock to find her room empty, her bed completely untouched.  After checking the few eateries still open at this time of night, Ian went to the only other place he could imagine her going.  No matter what she said, Ian could tell she truly loved her grandmother’s house.   

His approach was silent out of habit, but he wouldn’t have wanted to startle her anyway.  He made a sweep around the perimeter, stopping briefly at the patch of raspberry bushes.  The sweep was more for his benefit than hers.  No one had probably stepped foot on this property for years, but you never knew.  Ian had learned a long time ago not to trust in the innate goodness of human nature; he’d seen too much of the other side.  Maybe that was one of the things that drew him to her so strongly.  Lexi had a goodness, an innocence about her that was completely outside his own reality.

* * *

L
exi was in the kitchen of the old stone cottage, sitting in the large bow window seat, looking out at the moon.  Her knees were drawn up to her chin, her arms wrapped loosely around her legs as she leaned against the panes, her mind millions of miles away.  Several candles burned on the counters, bathing the room in a dim, warm glow. 

It seemed a fitting way to spend her last night in Pine Ridge.  Tomorrow she’d be gone, and she would not be coming back.  Things had come full circle, in a way.  It seemed appropriate that one of her last memories of this place should be the same as some of her first.

How she had loved sitting here when she was little.  Back then, her grandmother had stitched a soft cushion for her, perfectly contoured to the window seat.  Here she would perch for hours, reading, drawing, playing games while her Greek mother and Irish grandmother cooked or baked or quilted.  It always smelled so good when they made their homemade bread, pies, and cakes.  She smiled to herself.  Maybe that’s where her love of cooking had begun all those years ago. 

Her heart ached.  How she wished they were still here.  They would know what to do. 

She began singing softly, the same melody her grandmother used to sing to her all those years ago.  Lexi didn’t understand all of the words, but she didn’t have to.  Even back then she knew her grandmother was singing of something very special. 

Once Lexi had asked her mother about the song, and her mother simply said that it was the song her husband used to sing to her back in Ireland.  It was haunting, and filled with so much love that just singing it made her feel like her grandmother was right there in the room with her again.  As she sang, she felt a familiar presence, and despite the torrent of emotions roiling within her, everything calmed.

* * *

I
an watched her from the doorway, listening in stunned silence as the long-forgotten melody filled his heart and soul.  Lexi had a beautiful voice, low and lilting, perfect for singing ancient Irish lullabies.  And he could envision it so clearly – Lexi sitting in the window, singing their child to sleep as he looked on silently...

His heart began to hammer in his chest.  The image was so clear, so perfectly defined, he had to blink several times before he convinced himself it wasn’t real.

“My grandmother used to have the most beautiful lilies right outside this window,” Lexi said quietly, breaking into his vision.  “Bright yellow ones, and white ones with streaks of pink in the middle.  I could stare at them for hours sometimes, daydreaming that instead of flowers they were fierce dragons, and I was a fairy princess, stuck in her tower, waiting for someone to come and rescue me.”

It took him a moment to realize she was talking to him.  She continued to gaze out the window, still and unmoving.  Ian was sure he hadn’t made any noise, yet she had known he was there.

“Come sit with me,” she said, patting the area beside her.

Ian crossed the room silently, sitting beside her in the huge seat.  He held his hand out to her.  Lexi smiled at the handful of juicy black raspberries cradled in his palm, then looked directly into his eyes.  In that moment, Ian felt like he had given her the moon.

He reached for her hand and gently rolled the berries into her palm, frowning when he saw the tight bandage covering it.  She took one raspberry and lifted it to his lips before taking one for herself, repeating the gesture until they were all gone.  It was all done without a word, without a touch, but it was one of the most intimate things he had ever shared with anyone.

“I miss them so much,” she said finally, looking out the window once again.

Ian knew how it felt to lose his mother at an early age, but he’d always had his father and brothers around him.  He couldn’t imagine what it would have been like without them.  Wishing he had words that could help, but knowing he didn’t, he gently put his arms around her. 

Thankfully, she didn’t resist.  She curled into him like a kitten against his chest.  He closed his eyes, letting the warmth of her body soak into him.  A sense of peace, of rightness settled over him as he rested his chin on the top of her head and breathed in that familiar orange and honey scent.

“Why did you come here, Ian?” she asked several minutes later, breaking the silence. 

“I was worried about you,” he answered honestly, though there was so much more to it than that. 

“Why?”

He’d been wondering the same thing himself, and he wasn’t sure she wanted to hear his theories, especially after his earlier vision still had him a bit shaken.  “You shouldn’t be out here all alone,” he said finally.  It was the truth.  Sort of.

“I’m used to being alone, Ian,” she said against his collarbone, sounding weary.  There was no anger, no malice in her words, just simple truth.

“Not anymore,” he answered.

* * *

I
t felt so good to be in his arms, she could almost believe him.  Almost.  She’d dreamed of hearing him say things like that for years.  But she knew he was talking about right now, and in her dreams, he’d been talking about forever. 

That was the great thing about dreams.  They were yours and no one else’s, custom-fitted to what you wanted most.

Dare she hope?  No.  She might be tired, but she wasn’t a fool.  There were a million reasons why she could never have the kind of relationship she wanted with Ian; wishing for the impossible held nothing but the promise of heartbreak.

As if her heart wasn’t already broken.

She briefly considered bringing up Kayla again.  That would definitely put a damper on things, but she really didn’t want to.  It felt too good to be close to him like this to waste it on silly things like pride or a broken heart. 

His hands caressed her arms so tenderly, his chest was so warm and solid against her back.  His scent – clean and male and dark – filled her with a sense of completeness and made her feel safe.  What was wrong with pretending for just a little while?  To sit here in the dark, feeling the thrum of his heart.  To live her dream for just a few minutes more.

“Tell me about them.”  His voice, low and hypnotic, vibrated against her. 

Lexi wasn’t a woman who liked to talk about herself, but she was suddenly sharing childhood memories with him.  It felt so natural to do so.  She told Ian things she’d never even told Kieran or Aidan.  Being here, in this house, brought back so many memories that she had long since forgotten.

“I’m sorry,” she said apologetically as she realized that she’d been going on for a long time.  “I don’t know what came over me.”  She sniffed and started to pull away.  “Bet you’re sorry you asked, huh?”

“On the contrary,” he said, keeping his arms loose but refusing to let her go, “I can’t remember when I’ve enjoyed an evening quite so much.”  His eyes glittered.  “With the possible exception of our dinner together, that is.”

Lexi blushed.  It wasn’t the dinner he had enjoyed so much.  But she couldn’t blame him for that.  She’d be a hypocrite of the highest order if she did.

“But I think we should get you back to your hotel,” he said.  “You can’t sleep here.  It’ll be dawn soon, and you need some rest.”

Lexi sighed and nodded.  He was right.  She’d talked for hours, reliving her past.  Now she felt drained. 

Ian helped her blow out the candles and lock up, walking her out to his truck.  Much to her surprise and pleasure, he held her hand the entire time, almost as if he was afraid to let go.

“Are you going to tell me about this?” Ian asked, tapping her wrapped hand lightly. 

Lexi hesitated only a second or two before answering.  “Nothing to tell.  I got distracted while slicing and cut myself.  You’d think a chef would know better, huh.” 

* * *

I
t wasn’t the whole story, he was certain of it, but she was already pulling away from him, and he wouldn’t allow that to happen again.  He’d find out the truth soon enough.  Kieran was not as invincible as he pretended to be.  In the meantime, Lexi was well enough, and more importantly, with him.  He was not going to screw that up by pushing her unnecessarily.

“No more sneaking out?” he asked as he took her key and inserted it into the hotel room door.

She stiffened.  “I wasn’t sneaking,” she said defensively.

“You didn’t tell Kieran what you were going to do.” 

“Was I supposed to?”

Ian chuckled.  “You know he would never have let you go over there by yourself.”

“First of all, Kieran left before I even decided to go.  Secondly, I don’t need his permission.  I am a grown woman.  And I told you, I’m used to being alone.”

“And I told you,” he said authoritatively, stepping into her room behind her and sliding the deadbolt lock in place.  “You’re not alone anymore.”

Golden-amber eyes flashed up at him.  Dare he hope that he wasn’t imagining the desire in those depths? 

Her tongue peeked out as she licked along those perfect pink lips. “Does that mean you want to stay?”

“I’m not leaving.”  It was a statement, spoken without arrogance, but daring her to contradict him.  For the first time in his life, he felt connected to a woman – really connected.  The things she’d shared with him, whether she’d known it or not, had captured his heart.  He’d felt her pouring into him, lighting him from the inside out with her trust.  He didn’t want that closeness to end.  It couldn’t.  Not yet.

Her eyes widened just a little as he took off his shoes.  Then they widened a little more as he began to remove his shirt, his pants.  They were like saucers by the time he slid beneath the cool sheets of her bed, naked.   

“Come on,” he said, patting the bed beside him.  “Or are you going to make me get out of bed and undress you myself?”

She bit her bottom lip, shifting her weight ever so slightly as she considered her options.  He could have told her not to bother.  Self-denial was no match for the hunger, the want he saw in her eyes.  But perhaps a little assurance might help her come to terms with it.

“I won’t do anything you don’t want me to,” he said quietly.  “But I need to feel your body against mine.  Just for a little while.  Please, Lexi.” 

It wasn’t a lie.  He needed the contact so badly it bordered on pain.  He wasn’t quite sure what he would do if she refused; he wouldn’t let himself even think about that.

Thankfully, she didn’t.  His eyes burned with intensity as she removed her clothing piece by piece.  He held up the covers for her as she slid in beside him.  He sighed in relief as she slipped into his arms and the ache was replaced by her soft, silken warmth. 

“You never answered my question,” he said softly, wishing he could capture the feel of her against him and hold onto it forever.

“What question?” she asked, her breath feathering across his neck as her hair cascaded over his arm. 

“Did the reality come close to the fantasy?”

Ian felt her entire body tense, heard the sharp intake of breath.  He flexed his arm and pulled her closer, just in case she had any misconceptions that he might allow her to pull away from him.  Within moments, though, her body relaxed, and a stream of air brushed along his skin as she exhaled. 

“No,” she said honestly, but so quietly even his acute hearing could barely pick it up.  His heart stopped, pausing for a second as the pressure built in his chest.  “It didn’t.  The reality was infinitely better than anything I could have dreamed up.”

The floodgates opened in his soul and everything poured out in a rush, only to be filled again with her light and warmth.  Along with the blinding truth he must have been an idiot not to see before. 

Everything in him stilled.  No.  It wasn’t possible.  He couldn’t have been her first.  But the more he thought about it, the more he realized it probably was.  With startling clarity he recalled her impossible tightness, the sound of her cries and the feel of her nails digging into his back when he first penetrated her.

He should have heeded his first instincts.  On the bus it had taken him all of about two seconds to form the opinion that she was a virgin, or at least someone of extremely limited experience.  But then, in her hotel room, that theory was blown right out of the water when she put her hand on him so boldly.  No innocent, he reasoned, could have held such complete power of him from such a simple caress.

“Why didn’t you tell me, Lexi?” he asked, stroking her back, once he was able to speak again.  “Why didn’t you tell me you were a virgin?”

“I wasn’t.”

It didn’t feel like a total lie, but it wasn’t quite the truth, either.  It took him a few moments to put the pieces together.  No, maybe she hadn’t been a virgin in the true sense of the word.  But she
was
innocent.  He closed his eyes, sure that he was right.  He didn’t know the details, wasn’t sure he even wanted to.  But he knew with every fiber of his being that he was the first – the only –
man
she’d ever been intimate with.

“I was your first, wasn’t I?”

She tensed again and tried to pull away, but Ian held her tight.