First and Only: Callaghan Brothers, Book 2 (23 page)

Aidan smiled slightly.  “Yes.  But not in the way you think.  She is family to me.  And she is in love with another man; I have always known this.”  He paused briefly.  “I always wondered what kind of fool would let a woman like that go.  Now I know, don’t I?”

“I never knew.”  But he had, hadn’t he?  If he was honest with himself, he had to admit that some part of him knew.  Some part of him recognized her feelings for him, and capitalized on them without reservation. 

Aidan shook his head.  “That makes you even more of an idiot then, doesn’t it?  Even now you
still
don’t get it.  Lexi risked her life
. 
And for what? 
To spend a few more days with you
.
”

* * *

L
exi heard their hushed low voices through the haze.  She’d been drifting in and out of consciousness over the past day or so, her blood chemistry finally returning to some semblance of normalcy.  Her body still felt like she’d been the bulls-eye for a freight train, but at least she was breathing on her own, so technically, she’d been worse, a lot worse.

She hadn’t been able to work up the courage to face any of them yet.  Only Michael knew.  He’d asked lots of questions.  Lexi explained what had happened in the woods, but that she’d already been in pretty bad shape by then.  That yes, Ian had caused some of her injuries, in a way, but it wasn’t his fault.  Michael had to understand that without her meds, even a jostle in a crowd was the bruising equivalent of a blind-sided tackle.

She left out many of the details, but Michael was smart.  He’d already pieced most of it together, and his exams were thorough.  His expression had remained calm, his blue eyes caring, his touch gentle, but she could sense his discomfort every time he looked at her injuries.  She didn’t have to go into graphic detail for him to figure out exactly what had happened. 

She would have expected to feel more ashamed than she did.  As it was, her biggest concern was defending Ian, stressing the fact that he hadn’t known, that he was always careful with her.  It was hard to determine if Michael really believed her, but she did her best.

“Aidan.”  Aidan looked into familiar golden eyes as they opened.  He felt the weak squeeze of her hand in his as she forced out the words through her parched throat.  “I knew you’d come.”

“As if I would be anywhere else,” he said tenderly, leaning over to kiss her forehead.

“Are you alone?” she rasped.

“For the moment.  You really scared me this time, Lex,” he told her as he poured a glass of water.  He gently placed one hand behind her back to support her and held the cup to her lips.   

“I’m sorry, Aidan.  You always get stuck taking care of me, don’t you?  Sucks for you.”

Anger flashed quickly across his features before he smoothed them back into concern.  “Don’t ever say that again,” he said softly, smoothing the hair away from her face in an easy, familiar gesture.  “We take care of each other.” 

Lexi saw the telltale bandages along his arm, traced them with her fingers.  “You gave me another transfusion.” 

“Yes.  But it wasn’t enough this time.  A woman named Taryn donated as well.”  His lips curled in a smile.  “Bold, that one, but I like her.”

“Yeah, she’s awesome,” Lexi agreed with a weak smile.  She would miss Taryn.  The woman came closer than anyone else to being a real friend, something Lexi never really had.  “And you’re a good man, Aidan.  What would I do without you?”

“I don’t know, Lex.  I leave you alone for a week and look what happens.”  He attempted a smile, but Lexi didn’t share it.

Aidan might have been teasing, but he was more right than he knew.  She didn’t do well on her own, obviously.  Her innate tendency to let her heart rule over her head got her in trouble more often than she cared to admit.  If anything, this had reminded her none too subtly that she could not lead a normal life, not ever.

“I want to go home, Aidan.”

Aidan glanced over toward the door, as if expecting to see Ian’s shadow there, listening.  If not him, then one of the others.  “I don’t think they’ll let you go that easily, sweetheart.”

“I can’t stay, Aidan.  I just can’t.”  Tears began to well up in her eyes.  Who had she been kidding, anyway?  Before, only Kieran knew about her secret, and look how he’d treated her.  Now everyone knew.  She couldn’t bear the way they would look at her from here on out.  Or the way they would baby her, protect her like some fragile piece of china.  It made her want to scream.

That was one of the many wonderful things about Aidan.  He never tried to stop her from doing anything, but he was always there to pick up the pieces when she did something monumentally stupid. Like coming back to Pine Ridge.  That had to be the granddaddy of them all.

Aidan was skeptical.  “You’re sure about that?  It’s what you want?”

“Yes,” she sniffed.  “I’m sure.”

“What about Ian?  He hasn’t left your side for days, Lex.  He’s the one, isn’t he?  The one who’s held your heart for all these years?”

Lexi was quiet for several long seconds.  God, was it that obvious?  Yes, she supposed it was.  She’d been like a lovesick puppy around him, always had been.  The only one who hadn’t seen it apparently was Ian, though she suspected even he was finally catching on. 

“No,” she said finally.

“Alexis,” Aidan scolded gently.

She looked at her hands, folded neatly across her stomach.  “I - I thought he was, but I was wrong.”  The words tasted like bile in her mouth; her stomach ached at the wrongness of them.  God would punish her for such a bald-faced lie.  But surely He would understand. 

“There is nothing here for me, Aidan.  Please.  Take me home.” 

“I’ll talk to the Doctor, okay?” he said placatingly.  “We’ll see what he says.”

Lexi shook her head.  It wasn’t good enough, and it would waste far too much time.  And Aidan was right – the Callaghans would never let her go so easily.  She pushed herself into a sitting position, pausing to wait for the room to stop spinning.  Aidan was there, like always, steadying her.

“No.  Get the plane ready, Aidan.  Call Dr. Fahs and tell him we’re on our way – he knows the drill.  I’m signing myself out.”

“Lex, I’m not convinced this is the right thing to –“

“Fine,” she said, mustering as much power as she could behind the words.  Physically, she was beat, but the fire burned inside her, giving her strength.  “I’ll do it myself.”

Gritting her teeth, she managed to swing her legs over the side of the bed. 

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”  Michael asked as he entered the room. 

“I’m leaving,” Lexi said firmly.

“I don’t think so,” Michael answered, swinging her legs back onto the bed as if she was a small child.  “Why would you even –“

“Michael,” Lexi interrupted softly.  “Michael, look at me.”  Lexi waited until Michael’s eyes were focused on hers.  “You examined me.  You know why I need to go.  Don’t you?”

Michael stared into her eyes for a long time before answering.  Lexi endured his probing gaze, willing him to understand.  “Alright,” he said finally.  “But I do so against my better judgment.”

“Thank you, Michael.”

Michael looked at Aidan.  “Can you put me in touch with her regular doc?”

Aidan nodded, pulling out a small mobile device.

––––––––

“G
oing somewhere?”  Ian entered the hospital room sometime later.  Clearly Michael had given him a heads-up.  Lexi would have expected no less.  She needed to say her goodbye, no matter how painful it would be. 

“Yeah,” Lexi said, attempting a weak smile and failing miserably.  “Home.” 

She was already dressed.  The loose, lightweight cotton blouse had long sleeves; the matching skirt went down to her ankles.  The outfit concealed the bruises that still marked her, though they were fading quickly as her body started to take care of itself again.

Ian shoved his hands down into his jeans. “Mick’s okay with this?”

“He doesn’t have a choice.  It’s my decision.”

“This is what you want?”

No
.  And why did everyone keep asking her that?  “Yes.”  Again, Lexi half-expected a lightning bolt to strike her right there in her hospital bed for telling such a huge lie.

“And where do I fit into all this, Lex?”

You are the epitome of everything I want and can’t have.
  The words burned a hole in her chest, right over her heart, but it was the truth.  For a while she’d had a chance to live her dream, but that’s all it could ever be.  There was no way she could keep up the pace she had this last week; it would kill her.  Almost had.

No, as much as she might want to, she could never be the kind of woman Ian needed.  He was a free spirit, and she came with far too much baggage.  Besides, he was going to have enough responsibility on his hands soon enough. She wondered if Kayla had even told him about the baby yet. 

Oh well, it didn’t really matter.  Nothing much mattered anymore, except getting the hell out of there before she made a complete idiot out of herself.  She could not tell him the truth:  that leaving was going to kill her; that she couldn’t imagine one day without him, let alone the rest of her life. 

“I’m sorry, Ian.  It just wasn’t meant to be.”  Where the words came from and the strength it took to say them, she didn’t know.

Ian’s jaw clenched, his blue eyes blazed.  Lexi knew that beneath the cotton button-down his body was tensed and as hard as a slab of marble, yet against her skin it would feel warm and unbelievably soft.  She had to look at something else before she lost her courage to do the right thing.  Her eyes locked onto the I.V. pole, the now-disconnected tubes hanging without purpose.  It was exactly the reminder she needed of why this was necessary.

“And this last week was...?”

“Fulfillment of a young, foolish girl’s fantasy.”  They were the same words she’d said to him once before.  Except it was much harder to say them now, because now she knew for certain that the reality was a thousand times better than the fantasy, no matter what the cost.  Given the choice, she would do it all again, without question. 

“That’s all?”

“Yes.” 

“I see.”  Ian walked further into the room until he stood mere inches away from where she sat on the bed.  He was close enough for her to feel the heat radiating from him, and oh, how she wanted to feel all that heat against her when she felt so very cold inside.  To be held in those arms that would ease the terrible ache in her heart.

“Look at me, Lexi, and tell me that again.”  His voice was low and deep, a lover’s caress to her senses.

Lexi couldn’t do it.  She couldn’t look into those magnificent blue eyes again or she’d be lost. 

“Look into my eyes and tell me you don’t love me, Lexi,” he persisted.  “Tell me, and I’ll leave right now.”

Lying was one thing.  She could justify the untruths by telling herself it was for the greater good.  For a child that needed a father.  For a man who deserved a woman who could promise him something other than a lifetime of hospital visits.  But to look into his eyes and lie?  She didn’t need to worry about God striking her down; her heart would never survive it.

“Ready, Lex?”  Aidan appeared in the doorway with a wheelchair, and Lexi felt like she had been granted a reprieve from the hangman’s gallows.  Aidan took one look at the two of them and added.  “Perhaps I should come back in a few minutes...”

Ian said “Yes” at exactly the same time Lexi said “No”.  Aidan paused hesitantly.

“It’s alright, Aidan.  We’re done here.”

“Are we?”  Ian asked quietly.

“Yes.”  This time Lexi had no problem looking into his eyes, because it was the truth.

S
even Months Later

Ian cursed when he saw the big black Expedition snaking its way along the driveway.  He briefly considered shutting off the solitary light and leaving by way of the back door, but it would be pointless.  Jake already knew he was here, and he was too goddamn old to be playing hide-and-seek.

“You couldn’t tell me you were back?” Jake said by way of greeting as he barged into the room.  “I hate it when Shane knows something I don’t,” he griped, plopping himself down on the only piece of furniture in the living room - a soft, comfortable sofa large enough for his big frame.  “The smug little bastard.  He’s going to be even more full of himself now.”

Ian sighed.  Jake sitting down meant Jake was staying for a while.  Great.  Still, it could have been worse.  It could have been one of the others, there to tell him to get over himself already.  It was one of the reasons he’d moved out of the Pub and taken up residence here, in Lexi’s grandmother’s place. 

When he wasn’t off on suicide missions, that was.

Ian tossed him a cold beer from the fridge.  “Never should have showed him how to use the trackers,” he commented.  Each one of the Callaghan men had tiny chips beneath the family crests tattooed on their upper arms.  It was Ian’s idea.  He’d thought it would be good to be able to locate any of them at any given time, given what they did for a living, though he was currently reconsidering the wisdom of that. 

“Bad one, huh.”

“Yep.”  Of course, they would all know about it by now.  Ian had been instrumental in taking out a small terrorist cell in South America, though he had blatantly ignored orders to wait for back-up.  His father would probably kick his ass, give him a lecture.  Nothing he hadn’t heard a hundred times over from all of the well-meaning souls that seemed to think he gave a shit.

They sat in silence for a while, pulling on the long-necks.  Two brothers, so in tune that conversation was often unnecessary.  Yeah, Ian thought as the minutes dragged on.  He should have called Jake, at least to let him know he was still in one piece.

“So how’s Taryn?” Ian asked, draining his bottle and grabbing two more.

“Good.  We’re expecting.”

Ian shot a surprised look at Jake, for a moment forgetting he didn’t care about anything anymore.  He, like the rest of his brothers, knew that Taryn had lost their first child at the hands of a monster a little more than a year earlier.  It had broken something in Jake, but made him stronger, too.  “Yeah?”