First Came You (Fate #0.5) (12 page)

With quick goodbyes to my distracted friends, Taylor and I make it out to his car hand in hand. He opens the door to the back seat and tells me to scoot in.

I don’t think twice. I obey, willingly, the alcohol making me daring and my hormones making me ready for whatever this backseat has to offer.

Not even seconds after the door shuts, enclosing us in minimal privacy, Taylor’s lips are on mine again and his hands are up my shirt. “You’re so beautiful,” he growls, kissing my neck and sending shivers up and down my over sensitized skin.

“You’re not too bad yourself.” I giggle, squirming beneath his hovering body.

I give into the way it feels to be wanted and adored, allowing my hands to roam as well. His body is thin but muscular and his erection digs into my thigh each time he presses our bodies together. Now this is a numbness they ought to bottle up and sell on a street corner. I’d be a fiend had I known being this wild with a stranger felt so good.

The alcohol has my head reeling a mile a minute—like I can’t get enough, quick enough. It’s made my judgment foggy. But in all this heated groping and tugging there is a small part of my messed up brain that reminds me I’m a virgin, and losing my virginity in the backseat of a car with someone I don’t love is something I will most definitely regret in the morning.

Thrusting my hands against Taylor’s chest, I pull back from our frenzied kiss. “Stop. We can’t—I can’t do this.” My head is heavy, my body tingling in all the wrong places. This is wrong. This is bad. I don’t feel strong enough to fight him off if I have to. I might actually pass out from the flood of various sensations streaming my semi-consciousness. All I know is this is not right.

“Oh, please, Gabriella. You know you don’t want me to stop.” His lips are back on my neck, his fingers working the button of my pants open.

Trying to shimmy beneath him, I bring my hands to his to stop him, but he wraps his large fists around both my wrists and brings my arms above my head. “I want you, Gabby. Hold still.”

I want to scream, but the sound is lost in my lungs. I
don’t
want this. I
don’t
want him. I just want to go home. I want my sister. I want my mother and father. I want—

The car door swings open. “Get the fuck off her, you piece of shit.”

Taylor’s body is yanked from mine with a powerful, unrecognizable force. I watch through blurry vision as a large figure tosses Taylor to the ground, kicking him in the ribs and grumbling all sorts of curse words as he beats the shit out of him.

Blinking my eyes, I try to make out the man who saved me from making a mistake that only I would’ve been to blame for. But it hurts to sit up, my head throbs with uncertainty and relief, and my heart is pounding so fast my chest tightens as if trying to contain it. I rest my head against the cold leather upholstery as tears that pop out of nowhere leak from my eyes.

Seconds, minutes, hours, days—I have no way of deciphering—pass, and I hear his voice. The voice of my hero. “Gabriella, are you okay? Gabby, wake up. We’re getting out of here.”

“Tommy?” I can barely see and my voice is a hoarse whisper, but I know it’s him.

He cradles my head and pulls me toward him, kissing my forehead. Extending a hand, a very blurry one at the moment, he pulls me out of the car and presses me against him. “You’re okay now. You’re with me. I’ve got you, baby.”

I blink rapidly, trying to come to, but I can’t—it’s too hard to comprehend all that’s taken place in the last lapse of time. I lurch backward, away from Tommy’s protective touch, suddenly aware of the way my surroundings are spinning.
So dizzy, so blurry, so
sick. Without warning, I stagger forward and vomit, expelling all the poison I’ve been relying on to numb my pain.

Tommy’s hands are in my hair, removing long strands from my face as I heave again. “You’re okay, baby,” he repeats, rubbing my back. I empty my roiling belly onto the cold concrete, feeling depleted, weak, helpless. My eyes roll back when I stand upright, my legs go wobbly and I start to fall.

“I’ve got you, Gabby,” is the last thing I hear before Tommy lifts me up and cradles me against him. I close my eyes, knowing I’m finally safe again in the arms of my hero.

When I finally awake, the sun is starting to peek through the nighttime sky. It must be early still, but my bladder is screaming for relief and my head—shit, my skull is pounding so terribly I’m not sure I can make it to the bathroom. I have to try, or I’ll pee the bed.

“What do you need?” Tommy asks from a dark corner of my room where he sits in the oversized chair I relax in when I read.

“I—I need to pee,” I mutter.

Rising from the chair, he makes his way toward me. “I’ll help you.” His tone is so clipped, his voice deep and foreboding. He must be furious. I can’t blame him. That’s all on me.
I’ve been so reckless and foolish. Will I ever be able to redeem myself?

“Thank you,” I say, craning an arm around his neck as he helps me up from the bed.

Once to the door, he turns and waits outside, allowing me some privacy.

I empty my bladder and then wash up, splashing my face with ice cold water.
Wake the fuck up, Gabriella. You’re a mess.
Staring at myself—a disheveled version of my former self—I’m ashamed of what I’ve become. So lost and broken I’ve put myself and the ones I love in danger just to feel something other than hurt again.
What a disgrace. Your parents would be real proud.

With my hands supporting my weight on the sink, I slump over and start to cry. Waves of resentment and guilt pummel through me, forcing more tears to flow from my puffy eyes.

When I look up again, Tommy is behind me in the mirror, appraising my breakdown.

“Let it out, Gabriella. It’s the only way.”

His hands caress my arms, up and down. His touch brings on more tears. I’ve missed him and I’m the one who pushed him away. I’m a disappointment and I don’t deserve his charity or his salvation.

I have a million questions, but the one that stands out most comes first. “How did you know where I was?” I cry, thankful that he worked his magic and appeared out of nowhere to rescue me last night.

“I always know where you are. I talk to Gina, Gabby. I need to know you’re safe.” He closes his eyes, pain smearing it’s ugliness across his beautiful face.

I spin around to face him, touching his stubbled cheeks, my thumb caressing his bottom lip. My heart hurts for him, for me. I’ve missed touching him.

“You left me over a year ago, but I never left you, Gabriella. I know you’re hurting. I understand that’s why you’ve been doing the things you do, acting the way you do, but I also know that’s not the
real
you. You’re hiding from your hurt.”

Tommy knows me better than anyone, even after all this time estranged. Why didn’t I listen to him in the first place? I would have saved myself all this self-loathing. “I’m so sorry, Tommy. So, so, sorry. I didn’t know how to deal with it any other way.” The tears flow again, showing no mercy. I wish I could go back in time and accept his ring, the key, his love.

Pain flashes across Tommy’s face before he closes his eyes. “Why did you let him do that to you?” His jaw is clenched tight, his lips forming a harsh straight line.

“Let who do what?” I’m momentarily confused; the vein in his neck starts to throb and redness stains his complexion. “Oh.” Taylor. The guy from the bar. The one I almost had sex with in the backseat of a car.

“Of all the things Gina’s told me about—the reckless behavior, the bad influences you call friends, torturing her, and
me,
with worry—seeing you with that douchebag put a fucking knife in my heart.”

I try putting myself in Tommy’s shoes. The thought of him with another girl makes my stomach coil with disgust. Resting my head on his chest, my arms wrapped around his stiff body, I cry into his shirt. “I’m sorry.” Maybe if I say it enough he’ll believe it.
Will he ever forgive me?

Unclasping my hands from around his back, he grasps my upper arms and glares into my eyes with fire in his. “Why would you let someone else have what’s supposed to be mine? How could you take that away from me? I’m supposed to be your first—your one and only. You’ve belonged to me for as long as I can remember and up until tonight, I believed that was still true. Until I saw you with him.” He pauses, swallowing hard. “Have there been others I don’t know about?”

My eyes burn with salty tears. I hate that I’ve made him doubt me, given him a reason to believe my love for him has expired. He needs to know the truth. That as careless and irresponsible as I’ve been this last year and a half, I never crossed that line. I never stopped loving him enough to love someone else. “No, Tommy. There is no one else. There will never be anyone else. It’s always been you. My first everything. You have to believe me,” I cry. But why should he. I haven’t given him a reason to trust anything I say.

Taking a moment to let it sink in, tears glisten in his blue eyes, making my heart heavier than it’s been in a while. “I can’t do this anymore, Gabby. I can’t love you from afar. I need you. I need you so much.” He pulls me close again, this time resting his head against my shoulder as he weeps. I dig my fingers into his hair, whispering my apologies to him over and over again.

When we’ve exhausted ourselves with tears, we return to my bed. I snuggle closer when he holds me to his warm body, molded together like two puzzle pieces that were made to fit. “I’ll never let you go again. I can’t get over losing them by losing someone else. I need you too.”

At peace, and back where we belong—together—we fall asleep, wrapped in each other’s love.

I smile to myself, happy to have stepped back on the
right
course.

“I hate that I have to leave you for a few days for this training thing, but I don’t have a choice. I also don’t want you alone. Are you and Tommy cool? I know he won’t mind looking after you.” Gina’s rummaging through the medicine cabinet, throwing things into a toiletry bag.

“We’re more than cool, Gi. We’re back. And I’ve been meaning to thank you.” I straighten my posture—kind of ridiculous to worry about poise while seated on the toilet, but formalities were never my thing.

“For what?” Gina asks, still focused on her task.

“For not giving up. For being a pain in the ass and keeping Tommy in the know. I should be mad that you two were in cahoots, but I’m not—not one bit. You’re all I have left in this world and I am so thankful that you cared for me in ways I couldn’t care for myself.”

“That’s why God made me the older one.” She giggles and then turns serious. “We knew you’d come around. It took a lot of strength not to lock you in your bedroom and throw away the key, but here we are and I’m not going to punish you for dealing with this shitty hand the way you needed to.” Her cocoa brown eyes—made up with a subtle smokey effect—gaze into mine in a motherly way. The new Gina way. For the first time in a while, it’s a welcoming feeling—being taken care of. It’s refreshing.

Grasping her hand and relishing in the comfort that surrounds me in her presence, I tell her a truth I wish I didn’t have to admit. “I can’t promise it won’t happen again, Gi. You know that, right? I’m still so—”

“Lost,” she interrupts. “I know. I feel exactly the same way. Like a lone sheep just trying to find the flock, like I’m just going through the motions.” She stares down at the floor, shaking her head. It’s still something we have a hard time wrapping our heads around. No amount of time will make our parents’ absence seem natural.

This revelation is still a shock, though. “You feel that way?” I stand, my hand over my heart on my chest. “How? You’re always so put together, always doing the right thing.”

Zipping up the toiletry case, she swivels to face me with a complacent smile. “I put on a good act, Gabby. I have to because if I fall apart—the way I really want to—I’ll have failed everyone. You. Them. I will not fail the two people who gave us everything! I can’t tarnish their memory because I feel like giving up. I just won’t.”

I don’t want to cry. I’ve done enough of that. But her confession and her fears of being inadequate spark a fire in me that I wish could have caught on a little earlier. It’s time to be strong for her and to show her that this isn’t the One Man Gina Show. “We can lean on each other, sissy. Sometimes it’ll be a wobbly kind of support and others I can muster up enough gumption to face this crap head on and be the kind of sister you’ve been for me. But what matters most is that we have each other. Right?”