When she brought him back to her condo, conceding defeat and soiling her new space with his dark and magnetic energy, she had known it wouldn't end well. She had known what she was doing, and in those moments in the parking lot, she hadn’t cared. But she sure as hell cared now, as she lay there absorbing the events of yesterday and reliving in her mind the way he had sincerely tried to act loving while they were having sex. And then, witnessing the effect that removing his mask while naked in her bed had on him and his inability to maintain an erection with his mask off; she was certain that they would never have a sexual relationship that included an emotional bond, at least not on his end. Two years ago she had convinced herself that she could change him, or that he loved her enough to be able to change. She couldn't change Nate Warner. And, Nate Warner couldn't change himself, not even for her. He was a monster and that monster would never be containable in the bedroom.
Sobs came again, hard and loud, from deep within her soul. Kali sat up on the edge of her bed with her face buried in her hands, her heart in pieces swirling around in her empty chest like illusive sun rays bouncing off a deep, dark ocean. Yesterday she had made a grave mistake. She vowed now to herself not to repeat it. She made the decision to move on, alone, without Nate. Telling him she was done for the second time would be even more crushing than the first time, but she was limited to only two choices. She could try to put Nate's broken pieces back together, or she could finally start working on her own. Self-preservation is a powerful thing, and she opted for the latter.
Looking at the time on her nightstand clock, she rolled her head up and inhaled deeply. Pushing herself off the bed, she headed to the bathroom to shower and prepare for the long day ahead.
As soon as she shut off the water she heard the faint sound of her iPhone ringing in the bedroom, and she grabbed a bath towel as she was running past the bathroom door towards it. Scooping her cell up off her bed she forced a cheerful tone and answered Meg's call, "hi Meg."
"Good morning Sunshine, how is my pretty little K this beautiful morning?" Meg asked her voice sweet and joyful as always.
"I'm good, Meg. How's the horse? Are we still on for this evening?"
"Baby horse is great, and yes, we are on. The race starts at seven, but you are going to meet me early down at the stables, right?"
"I will be there Meg. And, Meg..."
"What is it, K? Are you good? You sure you're okay, you don't sound okay."
"Nothing Meg, just, I love you. See you tonight." Kali hung up not wanting to go into any details. Meg would want to kill her if she knew about her day with Nate. Meg had been there when she fell apart last time; she had watched Kali endure the worst type of heartbreak a girl can suffer. Meg had wanted to begin a campaign of revenge against both Olivia and Nate and put the wheels in motion before Kali could object. Kali still believed it was Meg who had orchestrated Olivia's resignation from the facility. It happened within two days of the incident and Olivia hadn't even given Tessa notice. She had emailed her resignation to Tessa, and Kali never saw her again.
No time for makeup Kali thought, looking in the mirror at the dark circles under her eyes. She rushed out the door and began her commute to the facility. She had an early patient that morning and after ditching work the day before she didn't want to draw undue attention to herself by strolling in late.
She dropped her green tote bag at her desk and hurried into the rehab room. As soon as she walked inside, she saw Colonel Andrew Carmichael standing in the middle of the room, talking with her patient.
"Good morning Colonel Carmichael," she said.
"Well good morning Ms. Hanson," his smile beaming wide across his tan face. "We've been waiting for you."
Kali raised her wrist and looked at the time on her watch, "I'm sorry, am I late? I thought we were scheduled for eight thirty?"
Shaking his head, with that huge smile still on his face, Andrew said, "No, Ms. Hanson, you aren't late, you're right on time." His eyes, looking through her, seemed to say more than his words did.
"I am going to shadow you today, watch your one on one process with your patients, Tessa did tell you, yes?" he asked.
"Yes," Kali lied, "she told me and I am happy to take you through the process. Ian, you ready to get started?" She asked, looking in the direction of her patient.
Kali began the rehab session and Andrew was right next to her, the nearness of his body distracting, but also comforting. He made her feel safe, and him being so close to her left no room for thoughts of Nate.
After they had completed three sessions, Andrew asked if he could buy her lunch and she agreed. They locked up the rehab room and left the facility on foot in the direction of a small sushi place three blocks away that Kali loved.
They ordered lunch and sat down at a cozy table for two near the window. Kali noticed a tan line on Andrew's ring finger and without censoring herself asked, "Are you married, Andrew?"
"Um...no, not anymore," he said, pain visible behind his blue eyes. "I mean - I was married. My wife is dead, was murdered. It will be two years in December since I lost her," he said, as he stumbled his way through trying to answer a question that was too complex to answer over lunch.
"Oh gosh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry. I'm sorry," she said, her voice low and quiet.
"It's okay, you didn't know. Life is fragile, Kali. You never know how fragile until you lose someone you love deeply."
"So, where are you from Colonel?"
"No need to address me as Colonel, Andrew is fine."
"I like addressing you as Colonel," she said, batting her eyelashes at him flashing a flirty little smile, "so, Colonel, where are you from?"
He laughed and with flushed cheeks answered, "I'm originally from New Orleans but I lived in Stafford, Virginia, prior to my transfer to San Diego."
"And you chose to come here or did the Marine Corps make that decision for you?"
"It was a mutual decision," he said, his amazing smile returning to his ruggedly handsome face.
"How do you like our fair city so far?" Kali asked.
"I like it just fine," he said, looking at her in a way that made her body warm.
They finished up their lunch going over the must see sights of San Diego and, during the walk back to the facility, he walked considerably closer to her than he had on the way there. She felt a connection to Andrew and although unable to identify its origin, she was able to identify the chemistry between them. It wasn't purely physical and it was exhilarating to feel an emotional attraction.
Once they arrived back at the facility, Kali went straight into another rehab session with Andrew shadowing, asking questions and taking notes. Nate never entered her mind again that day. There was no room for Nate when Andrew was near.
As the day came to an end, Kali was cleaning up her desk, finishing client notes and getting ready to change clothes before heading out to meet Meg at the race track. She could see Andrew walking through the office, his large frame towering over a row of empty desks, and as he was passing her office door he stopped, popped his head in, and asked if he could have a minute. He looked down at the floor and his cheeks appeared to have a slight blush to them, "Kali, can I ask you out to dinner?"
"Yes you can, Colonel," she said, her cheeks blushing as well.
"Where would you like to go?" he asked shyly.
"That isn't a great way to ask a girl out to dinner," she said, and looked down at the floor, giggling.
"You aren't going to make this easy for me are you?" he asked.
"No way, you're a big boy, I think you can handle asking a girl out the proper way."
Laughing, he looked up at her, "I will pick you up after work tomorrow, and you can tell me where I'm taking you to dinner. Was that better?" he asked, and flashed that dazzling smile one more time before turning and walking away.
Kali left the facility headed to the Del Mar race track with a brand new smile on her face and all signs of Nate Warner and his torment of her heart dissipating, leaving only a trail of fine dust behind her. She rolled the windows down in her SUV, turned the music up loud, and breathed in the cool evening air as she sang along to a Banks song and made her way to Del Mar.
Meg James stood silently in the stable next to a stall looking at the big brown eyes of the thoroughbred and wishing she could open the stall gate and release her. Meg had spent the past year and a half training this horse and had become extremely attached to her. She hated this part, hated watching a horse go from being a promising star, doted on and pampered through the course of training, to being treated as an asset that only retained its value if races were won. Meg's father would frown upon the thoughts running through her head right now. The potent need for his approval was the only reason Meg was able to maintain her composure, be a good girl and do what was expected of her. It was always about his approval for Meg. She knew what it felt like when he was disappointed in someone, and it was ugly. He had the ability to swiftly and absolutely cut anyone in his life off without giving the decision a second thought. Being cut off from her father’s affections, not having his attention, was not an option for Meg. She would do whatever was necessary to keep herself from being in that position. She was painfully aware of how long the road was to regain any place in his life, even last place, and it was an arduous journey.
"Meg!" Kali squealed, skipping down the stable corridor towards her best friend.
"Hi K! I'm so happy to see your pretty face! Wait, what's the big smile for? Something big happened; I can see it on your face - spill it!" Meg said, curious to know why Kali seemed so cheerful.
"Nothing new Meg. I'm just excited to see you."
"Liar. What's going on, K?"
"Really, nothing new with me Meg," she said. Turning to the horse, she reached up and stroked the beautiful creature’s mane, "How are you? You think this beauty will place tonight?"
"I hope so, for her sake and mine."
Kali noticed a faraway look in Meg's eyes. It wasn't typical Meg, but Kali had seen it before. Meg was the most joyous soul she knew, but Meg had a deep pain inside that Kali had never been able to understand or figure out where it originated from. Meg had an awesome life on all accounts and had been sheltered from most of the harshness that the majority of humans go through in a lifetime. Meg's father kept her in a cocoon of privilege and status, shielded her from the rough edges of the world and held her high up on a pedestal like a glass encased trophy for everyone to admire. Meg never seemed to mind being in that glass case; in fact she delighted in being the chosen one, the trophy. Kali admired that quality about Meg; she knew that she could never bear the weight of that responsibility. Kali would break under that type of pressure - being required to do everything in perfect form all the time, no room for error, no forgiveness if she were to make a mistake in her life. But not Meg, she pulled it off beautifully, every single time.
"I'm excited to watch the race. Are we in the James box?" Kali asked.
Nodding her head yes, Meg said, "I put a place card on your spot, and I will be up to join you after my girl races."
"Okay, good luck Meg. She will do great; she has the best trainer in the world." Kali gave her friend a big hug and left the stable, heading to the private box that Meg's family owned.
On the way up the stairs to the top floor of the racetrack spectator building, Kali felt her phone vibrate multiple times. She opened up her small clutch purse and fished out her iPhone.
Tell me
I'm waiting Kali...
You are not being a very good girl
Baby, where are you?
?
Kali had known it was Nate before she looked at her phone. Nobody else in her life would send that many text messages in a row. He had sent the first an hour earlier and the others followed when she failed to respond in an appropriate amount of time. Nate was used to getting immediate results, immediate gratification in every aspect of his life. The amount of time in which it took Kali to respond to any communication or request he made of her was no exception. He expected her to respond immediately. Filled with the heaviness that came with the knowledge she had failed in his eyes, she stopped herself and was reminded that she had made the decision to move past this. "Stop it, Kali. Damn it, pull yourself together," she told herself.
Not allowing Nate to affect her was easier said than done. Unfortunately, her defenses were not as strong as she would like them to be. As a tear fell down her cheek, she pushed the button on top of her iPhone and turned it off. She wasn't going to let Nate steal this night from her. She wasn't going to let him take anything else from her, not ever again. He had already taken far more than she would ever be able to replace or repair.
Kali found the box and entered to find it impeccably adorned with race day themed trimmings. That was the James family. They did it big or not at all. She found her seat, left her purse on the table, and set out to find the bar. She was ready to celebrate.
After the race, Meg came up to the box to join Kali and the other guests celebrating her thoroughbred's first victory. Kali could see the relief on Meg's face as she beamed in standard Meg fashion, basking in the shameless adoration of her fans. This was the Meg that Kali was used to seeing - riding high in the glory of being labeled a winner, turning the charm up as high as it could go and lapping the congratulatory chatter up like a woman dying of thirst. Kali watched from afar in awe of how gorgeous her best friend was and how brightly she shined. She felt lucky to have been along for the ride all these years. Meg always kept her on the inside of the circle, and Kali was grateful for that as she loved being a part of the experience.
Meg spotted Kali standing by the bar and walked over to her, "Hey Sunshine," beaming with a smile wide enough to cover two faces; Meg grabbed Kali and hugged her tight.