First Time: Ian's Story (First Time (Ian) Book 1) (33 page)

As much as I would have loved to fuck away
the memory of our first fight, Penny and I were both emotionally
exhausted. She curled up beside me in my bed, which only felt right
when she was in it, anyway, and laid her head on my shoulder.

“
I wish we hadn’t fought,”
she murmured sleepily, her breath tickling my bare skin.

“
It was inevitable. And it
was our first. We should celebrate.” I yawned. My eyelids weighed
six tons apiece.

“
Well, I’ll pop the
champagne.” She didn’t say anything else for a long time then she
suddenly sat up, like someone had shocked her with a taser. “Oh my
gosh! Ian, I’m such an asshole, I didn’t even ask you about the
project!”

She’d given me quite a fright, and it took
me a moment to recover. “It’s the Bahamas project I mentioned
before. You could stop someone’s heart doing that, you know?”

“
The one you would have to
go away for?” She nibbled her bottom lip. “Are you going to take
it?”

“
It looks as though I’ll
have to. It’s…going to be a lot of money.” Did I sound like I was
bragging?

“
So? That’s good, right?
You’ll get a lot of money for your firm?” She shifted, the sheets
falling away from her gorgeous breasts.

“
Yes. And I would take home
a pretty nice bonus, as well.” There appeared to be a fucking huge
moth trapped behind my heart, because I came over all giddy. My
palms began to sweat. “Enough that I would be…comfortable settling
down. Putting money back for a child’s college fund. Or
two.”

A slow smile spread across her face. “Two is
good.”

“
Yeah. How much do…” I
frowned and sighed. I might have been having a heart attack. At
least it was for the best possible reason. “Do you know how much
weddings run these days?”

“
Well, I mean, I guess it
depends on where you’re having it. In the Bahamas, or…” She rocked
her legs gently, bumping them against mine.

“
I suppose we would have to
take that into account, at the time.” I leaned up, and she met me
halfway. It was difficult to kiss when we both couldn’t stop
smiling. But it wasn’t as though I could promise her all of these
things right now. I needed to be honest about that from the
beginning. I pulled back. “I think we should be clear, though, on
how long a separation this would be.”

She made a disappointed “tch” sound and sat
up. “I was really hoping we wouldn’t have to talk about that, but
you’re right. We need to be responsible.”

“
It’s going to be over a
year.”

“
Over a year?” She looked as
though she’d witnessed a train derailment. “When would you
leave?”

“
July. And I’ll likely stay
there until they break ground in 2017.”

She didn’t say anything.

“
I know. I can’t bear the
thought of it myself,” I rushed to reassure her. “But as we said
before, you could always come visit.”

You could come with
me.
I wouldn’t dare ask her. We’d been
dating since August. Barely a full three months. You didn’t ask
someone to relocate, to leave behind a job and an entire life at
three months, no matter how secure things felt. It just wasn’t
done. Maybe by the time I had to leave…

Has that ever mattered in
your past?
It “just wasn’t done” to have
group sex, and fuck your coworkers, and let a woman you met at
party move in with you after two weeks of near constant nudity. I’d
done all those things.
Then maybe it’s
time to do something normal for a change.

“
Yeah.” Penny’s voice went
suddenly flat. Whatever burst of energy she’d had before seemed to
be wearing off. She smiled a tired smile. “Pretty convenient
honeymoon spot.”

“
It could be.” I had a
vision of us marrying on the beach at sunset, just the two of us
and the officiant. Did there have to be witnesses? I would pay some
passing tourist.

We were practically married in my head, and
I hadn’t asked her input, at all.

If she asked, if she suggested it, I would
take her with me, in a heartbeat. If not, I would live with
heartache until we could be together again. With the commission I
would get from this job, we would be beyond set for life. We would
be able to ensure our family’s future. It would be selfish of me to
take that away from us because I clung to her too tightly.

Her expression changed into one of pure
despondency.

“
Ah, what’s the matter,
Doll?”
Say the word.
I silently urged her.
Say the
word.

“
I’m just…really going to
miss you.” She slid down in the bed.

Of course she wouldn’t suggest leaving with
me. I would be coming back to a life happy to wait for me. Hers
wouldn’t stay on hold.

I kissed the top of her head and pulled her
close. I would cherish every moment our skin touched, from now
until I had to get on the fucking plane. “I’m going to miss you,
too. Believe me, if anything could tempt me away from this job, it
would be you.”

The right thing was, as usual, the hardest
thing. This separation would be the right thing. That didn’t stop
me from praying that she would somehow bring up the possibility of
staying with me, even long after she’d fallen asleep.

* * * *

The next day, my mind raced
with the same mantra, over and over.
You
should have asked her, you stupid twat.
I
tapped the end of my pen against my desk, eyeing my phone. It would
be so easy to call Penny and say, “Hey, come with me, Doll.” But it
would also be grossly unfair. She would say yes, and I would
irrevocably disorder her life.

I needed advice before I took a step like
that.

I dialed the number to the church office and
waited for Annie to pick up.

“
St. Basil’s,” she answered
in the perky lilt she adopted for callers who were not
kin.

“
Am I a madman if I ask
Penny to move to the Bahamas with me?”

Annie’s cheerful tone immediately dropped.
“What is all this?”

I should have mentioned the possible move
before I brought Penny into it. She would let me have it. “I was
offered a job. I would be going away for about a year and a
half—”

I could practically hear her crossing
herself.

I started defending myself before she could
lay into me. “I know what you’re thinking. I do. I shouldn’t ask
her to go with me, when we haven’t known each other that long, but
under the circumstances—”

“
You’re moving to the
Bahamas for a year and half?” Annie was outraged, and rightly so. I
was her closest family. She probably felt I was abandoning her. “I
could care less what happens with your bit of tail—”

“
Hey!” I snapped. “I didn’t
call you so you could insult the woman I love. I called you for
advice.”

“
My advice? Why do you need
that? You didn’t ask for it before you decided to relocate to
another country,” she shot right back.

“
You’d make a quick judgment
call, too, if there were eight fucking figures on your firm’s
dinner table.”

“
Language! I am in a
church!”

“
You’re in an office in a
church basement!” I blew out a slow breath and counted a quick ten,
as Penny had done at the restaurant the night before. It didn’t
help me, either. “I have to take this job. It’s the difference
between Pratchett and Baker staying where we’re at, or becoming one
of the highest paid firms in Manhattan.”

“
Eight figures? Ah, but
you’re taking the piss, now. Is this a joke?” she demanded. “If it
is, it’s not funny.”

“
I promise you, I am not
taking the piss. I’m serious as the heart attack that took Mum.” It
was the only thing I could swear on that she would
believe.

“
You stand to make a lot of
money from this yourself, don’t you?”

Ah, now would come the
which-is-more-important game. “I do. Several million dollars.”

She gasped. At least, I hoped it was a gasp,
and that I hadn’t killed her.

“
So, do you see now why I’d
be considering this?” Though my sister prized family above all
things, there was no chance she would begrudge me an extended
vacation worth millions.

“
But why take this girl?”
Annie asked, her tone decidedly uncomfortable. “She’s so much
younger than you are, and now she’s got you running off to the
tropics—”

“
It’s not her that has me
running off to the tropics. It’s bags and bags of cash. She’s not
even going with me that I know of. I just wanted your advice on
whether or not I should ask.”

“
Listen to yourself. You’re
considering moving to another country with a woman you haven’t even
introduced to us.”

“
I tried to introduce you.
You told me you’d be at church, and instead you traipsed off to
D.C.,” I reminded her tersely. “And Gena moved in with me long
before you deigned to meet her.”

“
And that worked out
wonderfully for you, didn’t it?”

“
Fuck you, Annie!” I hit end
call and dropped my phone the desk so hard I worried I might have
damaged it.

I loved my sister, and I knew better than to
take her, or any member of my family, for granted. The guilt set in
immediately. What if she got into a car accident and died on the
way home? What if that was the last thing I ever said to her?

The guilt was mutual, because the phone rang
again in only seconds. “I’m sorry,” Annie said the moment the call
connected, and her apology overlapped mine.

“
No, Ian. I’m not being
fair. I shouldn’t throw your divorce in your face that
way.”

“
You shouldn’t throw it in
my face at all. I’ve made mistakes. I know I have. But I want this
to be different.” With an exhale of frustration, I scooped up the
pen on my blotter and twisted it open and closed, over and
over.

“
I want it to be different,
as well. I don’t like to see you in pain. And I don’t have anything
against this girl. But I don’t trust this situation.”

“
Because you’ve never met
Penny.” I wouldn’t let that go. “I want to bring her on
Thursday.”

“
To Thanksgiving?” Annie’s
voice rose in surprise.

“
Is she not welcome?” I
drummed the end of my pen on the blotter.

“
Of course she’s welcome.
But doesn’t she have family?”

I tried to imagine what Thanksgiving dinner
with the Parkers would be like. All of the passive aggressive digs,
all of the harsh judgment and barely concealed animosity Penny
would be forced to endure. My rage at her parents renewed. “I met
her parents. You should hear how they speak to her. Believe me, you
wouldn’t want her to go to them, either.”

“
Well, that’s sad to hear.
If she doesn’t have plans with them, then surely she can come
here.” Annie was a sucker for a no-family story.

There was a rapping on my door, and I looked
up to see Burt signaling me through the glass wall.

“
I have to go. But I really
am sorry I cursed at you,” I reiterated. “I love you.”

“
I love you, too. We’ll talk
on Thursday.”

I waved Burt in as I finished up the
call.

“
Is that your lady?” Burt
asked with a grin, gesturing to the phone.

I sighed and set the phone down, the time
far more gently. “Nah, my bossy older sister.”

“
How did dinner go?” If Burt
hadn’t cut right to the chase, I would have thought he’d taken
ill.

“
Very well.” All morning,
I’d drawn out the suspense. I’d responded to his very early morning
email with,
We’ll talk about it at the
office.
Once we were at the office, our
separate responsibilities had kept him from cornering me. I’d been
taking a sick pleasure in tormenting him, but the fun was over,
now. I couldn’t drag it out any longer. “Eight figures.”

“
Excuse me?” Burt’s face lit
up like Christmas. “Say that one more time.”

“
Eight figures for the firm.
I’d be taking a team down, and we’d be gone for about eighteen
months.”

“
Do you want my
recommendations?” he asked without missing a blink.

“
Ah…” I supposed I also had
been putting off telling him, because once I’d spoken the words, it
all became real. Real and unavoidable.

“
If you’d like me to stay
more hands-off—”

“
No, no, it’s not that, at
all. Of course I’m going to need your input. I’m going to need the
whole firm. The scale of this thing…” Even I couldn’t wrap my head
around it. “I’m just a bit overwhelmed, now. It hasn’t even been
twenty-four hours, and I’m looking at upending my entire
life.”

“
For eighteen months,” Burt
said evenly. “Eighteen months in a tropical paradise.”

“
It’ll be more of a mud pit
full of heavy equipment. But that’s not what concerns
me.”

Yes, it was. It was my whole concern. I
didn’t want to leave Penny here, not when we were happy together
and talking about our future. I didn’t want to delay that future by
eighteen months. A lot could happen in that time. I could fade from
her memory. She could meet someone else, someone younger, in better
shape both physically and emotionally. Someone who would prioritize
his time with her and not run off to the Bahamas, expecting her to
wait for him.