Authors: Ros Baxter
I shook my head.
The love? Between me and Lecanora, and me and Carragheen?
Rick twitched his head.
No, Rania. The blood. The blood that connects you all
.
It took a moment, but in the dark recesses of my overworked brain pennies began to drop into place. I looked at Mom.
“There is so much to tell,” she began.
As I surveyed the room, I saw that we were all hanging on her words. All except the Queen.
She knows
, I thought.
Whatever Mom is about to tell us, she already knows
.
Mom’s good at storytelling, but she obviously decided there were some salient points that needed to be covered immediately, before filling in the blanks, so she was direct. “Rania, Lecanora is your sister. Yours too, Carragheen.”
Oh Sweet Mother, I was never good at this stuff. Please tell me that this doesn’t mean that Carragheen and I are somehow related.
“Relax, Rania,” Carragheen said. “If I’m following this, you and I definitely have different mothers and different fathers. We’re safe.”
Every cell in my body whooped with delight. And I slotted the parts in place.
“You and Kraken,” I said to Mom. “The lovers’ ears. Lecanora is two years older than me. She’s your daughter. Yours and Kraken’s. And so, Ran help me, she’s my sister. My half-sister. And… and she’s Carragheen’s half-sister too, because they have the same father. The
connections
, I understand. But why…? Why did you leave? How could you have left her?”
I was looking at Lecanora, expecting to see her furious and impatient for answers. Expecting to see in her the answering echo of my own surprise, and confusion and anger at our mother. But even though I could tell this was as much of a surprise to her as it was to me I could also tell, from one glance at her straight shoulders and soft face, that she was not angry. I saw her go sit between the Queen, and my Mom. Her Mom too, I corrected myself. She took a hand of each, and her message was devastatingly clear.
If these are my mothers, then I accept them both. I am here for them. Both
.
“Mom,” I croaked hoarsely. “We need the truth. You need to tell us everything.”
“Yes,” Mom said, nodding as she held my hand. “I understand. Now is the time.” We gathered around her, and she began.
“We were young, and in love. Kraken and I. We both had dreams of making the world better. Me, like all young women, through song. Kraken through politics. But things changed after he returned from the land. He had been gone so long, and I’d missed him desperately.”
She was far away, and her fists were balled at her sides. I wanted to tell her it was okay, she could stop. But I wasn’t the only one with an interest anymore. And she understood it.
“But he had changed. I was due to go for my watch-keeper year, and we planned to reunite afterwards. We even planned secret meetings while I was away.” She looked at Carragheen, and at me. “We could not stay away from each other. But then, after he returned, he no longer wanted me to go. He was so worried; he became obsessed with the land, with it being the place that would see the destruction of Aegira. He forbade me leaving. He became angry, and violent. He was so dark. Like only those who have suffered grave disappointment can be.”
She hung her head, and I wanted to scream at her that there was no shame for her in this. But none of us said anything. This was her moment.
“When I found out I was pregnant, he was ecstatic, but by then he terrified me. I planned to run away, to take my baby far away from him, to the land. But he found out about my plans.”
Her voice caught, and she twirled a piece of hair through the long fingers of one hand as she remembered. I saw Carragheen nodding, and I covered his hand with mine.
“He was furious, told me to leave, but that if I took my baby he would kill it. Kill her.” She looked to Lecanora, love and tears in her eyes. “I could not bear it, even then, even before I knew you. I said I would stay, I would have endured anything to be near you, but by then…” Mom paused delicately. “By then he was mad with rage. I knew I had to get away. When she was born, I fled. I swam. I thought I could hide her, on the land. But, again, he found us.”
Before I realized what she’d done, Lecanora had wrapped Mom and me up in her strong embrace. Mother and daughters. Sisters. But Mom wasn’t finished. And we were in her thrall.
“I knew that I had to leave. He would have killed her in his rage. But how could I have left her with him, knowing what he had become? I would have died to protect her. Happily. But I think he saw the opportunity our baby presented. And when I knew what he planned for you, my darling,” she said to Lecanora. “I knew that you would be okay.” She looked to Imd, who was crying quietly among us. “I knew you would be a mother like no other.”
“Not like you,” Imd offered graciously. “But I loved her with all I had.”
“Did you know?” My question was impertinent, but would Imd sanction such a bargain?
“About ten minutes before you did,” The Queen smiled. “Although at times I had wondered about Lunia.”
My brain was so dizzy I could hardly remember the now-automatic skill of water-breathing. I tried to imagine Mom, leaving her child behind, in order to save her. I am the child of this woman; I know how she loves, with complete devotion. I thought about how much it must have hurt her to see Lecanora, briefly, during our visits. The thought stopped me.
“I wonder, why did he let you visit? It was a risk.”
Mom was about to answer me, maybe she even started to, when there was an interruption from one of the royal guards. He whispered frantically in Imd’s ear for a few moments, before she cleared her throat and straightened. “What you have to say you can tell us all,” she commanded.
The young man looked unsure, unused to such lofty company, but did as he was bid. “We have completed the questioning of Kraken, using the lighsa serum. I can report without hesitation that he is not responsible for the kidnap of Imogen and Lecanora.”
The room made a collective noise. My eyes flicked to Carragheen, whose face was stone.
The guard went on. “We have verified that he helped develop the forgetting spell, which The Triad sanctioned against the community. But he knew nothing of Imogen and Lecanora.”
I was on my feet, swimming around the guard. “Did you learn anything else from him?”
The guard hesitated. “I’m not sure he is… well. He was ranting about…”
The guard’s eyes flicked quickly to me, and Mom. He looked apologetic.
“Dirt-dwellers. And he has a suspicion. He… believes Manos has returned, to take Aegira. And he has been investigating someone about whom he has had concerns for some time. Someone he believes to be aiding Manos.”
“Who?” The Queen was frosty.
“Epaste.” The guard looked horrified.
Mom’s hand flew to her mouth, and I remembered what she had told me about their friendship. “It’s not possible,” she started, but then she stopped. “But maybe I don’t know anything anymore. I have not known him for a long time…”
There was more in her face than she was saying, and I nodded at her. “We were best friends, like I told you,” she said, to Lecanora and me directly. “It ended after I fell in love with Kraken. I told Epaste, and it was then… he confessed love for me, begged me to be with him. When I would not, he took the vow of silence.” Even knowing it may be him, my heart ached for the young Epaste, and I could tell that Mom’s still did too. “He was so good,” she said. “Even then, a friend of the refugees. He had dreams of unity for the whole underwater world.”
The guard looked to the Queen for direction. “Bring Epaste to me,” she said.
The guard hesitated. “And Kraken, should I release him?”
“No.” The Queen was severe. “He has other crimes to answer for.”
The Queen dismissed us. Carragheen, Lecanora and I couldn’t believe it was finally over. We were exhausted in ways we’d never known, and sleep was the only salve for the wounds we’d suffered. Rick insisted, and Rashind backed him up in his insistence. And although there was so much I was trying to work through, and understand, the lure of sleep was strong.
Imogen was going to need much more than sleep. Rick was with her when I stopped in on her before lying down to close my eyes. She looked like a broken doll, and as I watched Rick with her, so gentle and able, I felt a wave of fear. The lead soloist. The most perfect creature of Aegira. Without a voice.
She saw me watching her.
It’s fine, Rania
, she telepathed.
A voice is not a soul. I’m still here, and I will heal. I may never find my voice again, but I have my life. Thanks to you. To the three of you
.
I telepathed too, because it seemed rude to speak when she could not.
And to Zorax
.
She turned her face to the wall.
I do not know what he will think of me now, now that I am… mute. I’m not sure I can bear to see him
.
I shook my head in disbelief. It’s amazing, isn’t it? What love will do to us. Here she was, this beautiful young thing, worrying about what some old guy who looks like Santa Claus might think of her. A guy who, in lots of ways, was responsible for her predicament.
I squeezed her hand.
I know some things
, I told her.
And I know that he loves you more than your voice. And he wants to make things right. Think about it, when you’re better
.
Rick uttered a small, pissed-off sounding squeak and I took it as my cue to beat it. On the way back to the chamber that had been prepared for me, I saw Lecanora, lounging in the hall.
She looked scrubbed, pink and peaceful, and held out her arms to me. I fell into them. She felt so good, like coming home. For the first time since it had all happened, I cried. I cried and cried like I’d lost everything, rather than saved it. I cried for all the pain, and the danger, and for the sick, sad feeling I couldn’t quite shake that it wasn’t over. Not by a long shot.
She just shushed me softly, indulgently, and it was amazing to know, now. To finally understand, maybe, why I loved her so much, when she was so different from me.
Like ice to my fire.
As I held her here now, dear and close, I reflected that she was one of the things that held my life up. Her. Mom. I tried not to think: and Carragheen. Instead, I thought, not a bad tally. Two people who would die for me. Or even better, try to save me. Some people don’t even have one such person. And I’d always thought of myself as so alone.
Lecanora pulled back from me, and held my face. “Thank you, dear one,” she said softly.
“Hey, no way babe, thank you,” I corrected her, remembering how her managing to retrieve her voice from that evil box at the critical moment had been the difference between us all dying writhing in agony on sea floor, and getting to go sleep in one the Queen’s famously comfy beds. “You’re the one who found your voice just when it really mattered.”
“I’ve been thinking about it,” she mused, still softly, like she was only now reacquainting herself with her voice. “Trying to work out why it came back to me, remembering that silver thread. It’s like the thing let my voice go, as it started to heat up, before it did that thing to Rila.”
“I don’t care why,” I said, touching her shoulder. “All that matters is that it did, and not just because it saved us all. I couldn’t imagine you without a voice.” I was thinking about the broken girl lying in the next room.
“There are worse things,” Lecanora responded quietly. “How is Carragheen?”
I looked into her steady, blue-grey eyes and knew she was worried about him. For what he now knew of his father, for what he’d had to do. I marvelled at her empathy, even at a time like this, when she was still hurting.
“He’s my next stop,” I told her, and I was aware that my uncertainty was in my eyes as I said it. But I didn’t need to hide it. From her, or anyone.
She considered me carefully. “I was wrong about him, you know,” she told me needlessly. “I’m sorry. I know you’ve only known him for a few days, but I can see what you feel. He is a good man. I knew it, you know, even before this… even with everything wild he’s done in his life.” She broke off. “The true test of a person is what they will do when they are afraid. And he came through for you, Rania, for us. He never wavered. You are very lucky.”
I was not sure if that was true. But I did know that after tonight, I trusted him.
Completely. Finally.
“There’s something else you need to know, Ransha,” she said.
“Really?” I couldn’t believe I needed anything else right now. I was so tired.
She nodded again. “I heard it from my mother. It’s about Leisen. She’s… she went into the spirit-house at Wave-sigh.”
I shook my head, unable to compute what she was saying. “Why? I mean, Carragheen said she was sick, searching the Gods…”
Lecanora sounded sad as she told the tale, and I thought what a wonderful Queen she would make. “Leisen has been unable to care for her daughter for some time. She needs to be
with her Gods. She is broken. She sought the Queen’s permission today, and was given it. The Queen… my mother... said that Leisen was happy. She said that at last she will know peace.”
I was so sad for Leisen that I couldn’t make the connections. More people broken by Kraken. More women ruined. But Lecanora joined things up for me. “So their marriage is dissolved, Rania. You remember, don’t you? That’s what happens when you enter the convent. I know that they never really lived as man and wife, but now, don’t you see? Carragheen is free.” My heart tripped over this news. Free. And at last the doubts were gone.
My mind turned to Doug, and the pain and fear for him was still there, but I knew that was all that was there. He was my friend only. A friend I would avenge and care for as I could.
But first I had to sleep. I would die if I tried to hydroport again before I had.
And before I did, I was going straight to Carragheen. I didn’t care anymore what he knew, or didn’t know. I’d only known him a few days but when all you’ve got is a few weeks, there was no time to play coy.
Then another, different kind of knowledge gathered in my heart as I saw in Lecanora’s eyes the wistfulness she was trying to smother. And I realized I must tell her. “It will happen for you, too,” I said to her. “I can feel it. A love, for you.”