Five Portraits (11 page)

“This egg is too good for you, Hibiscus,” the woman retorted as she walked away with the egg.

Hibis-cus. Like a pretty flower, and the egg was colored too. The prig had stolen it. No wonder the birds didn't like the prigs.

Astrid saw the woman walk to a house made of logs. Now the mad birds were attacking it, bombing it with explosive eggs. The house shook but did not collapse, to their disappointment. Astrid appreciated the birds' position; she would be mad too if prigs stole her babies.

“Maybe I can help,” she said to the bird at the next tree. She was feeling unusually serious. “Can you spare an egg?”

The bird indicated its nest, which was marked EARN. An Earn-nest. That was why she was suddenly so dedicated. Astrid lifted out an egg and threw it at the house. It scored on the roof, blowing a hole in it. “Hey, wretch!” the prig inside cried. “You're spoiling the upholstery!”

Astrid took another egg and looped it into the hole. This time the whole house blew apart, sending logs flying. Several watching birds applauded, smacking their wings together as they perched on their nests. The prig was seriously annoyed, but the bids had plainly won this round.

But Astrid knew she couldn't stay among the mad birds, however much she sympathized with their annoyance. Those prigs needed to be eliminated, but that was not her job. She needed to return to the stage, or at least the Playground. How could she do that?

Well, this was a section of puns. She saw a Cockaphony and heard its discordant cry. There was a Crowker, with a harsh, throaty voice. A Jaywalker, endangering itself by walking across busy paths and trails. And an irrational Loonatic. So could she make up a pun bird of her own whose ability was to get out?

She tried. “I'm a See-fowl,” she announced. “Not a Sea-foul. I can see the way out of here.”

And she did. There was a plaque marked DO NOT LEAVE that was surely it. She went there and stepped on it.

And was back beside the stage. No one had noticed her stumble. Had any time passed here? Apparently not.

She took a seat and watched the children on the stage link hands and focus. In half a moment they separated. “Yes!” Squid exclaimed happily. “The adoptions will save Xanth!”

The audience applauded again. It was wonderful news.

The children trooped off the stage and rejoined their adult mentors. Firenze came to Astrid. “You were right. We need to get adopted, and get painted. The Playground knows. Now we'll steer that course.”

“That's good.” She hesitated, then decided to inquire. “You have picked up a working knowledge of the Playground?”

“I guess. It sort of rubs off, when we use it.”

“Do you know anything about that DO NOT ENTER nook?”

“Oh, sure. That's the Playground's Storage facility.”

“What is stored there that is so secret from regular folk like us?”

“Games, mainly, for children who get tired of active fun. Little hand-held screens with pictures they can move about and score points.”

“Are any about birds? Mad birds?”

“Sure. Mad Birds is a big one. These prigs are stealing their eggs and ruining their nests, so the birds are getting back at them by bombing them with explosive eggs. The player is on the side of the birds.”

Now it was making more sense, in its fashion. Still, it seemed more like nonsense. “If the birds are trying to save their eggs, why are they using more eggs to get back at the prigs?”

Firenze considered this. “I never thought of that. I guess they are so mad they just have to get rid of the prigs somehow.” He smiled. “It make senses to children. I guess adults don't understand.”

“Oh, I think I could get into it, if I tried. Prigs can be pretty annoying.”

“We'll, you're not human.”

“That must be it,” Astrid agreed.

The adults got up and returned to their camp, while Santo and the children folded up the Playground. It had been a fair adventure, all things considered.

But Astrid wondered. What were the limits of that Playground? It could be folded up into a matchbox and taken along. Could people hide in it by entering the Storage facility? Would they survive when the Playground was folded up? It was some piece of magic, with its own rules and capacities. There were aspects that made her wary. Too much magic could be mischief as well as help. But she kept her misgivings to herself, for now.

“You know, it might not be too bad,” Firenze said as they walked to the camp.

She didn't pick up on his point. “What might not be too bad? Getting adopted?”

“Getting adopted by a basilisk.”

Oh. “Well, it's a last resort. You're a smart boy. Folk should appreciate that.”

“But I have a temper.”

“We'll try to teach you to control it. After all, if I can work with humans without killing them, you should be able to be in a family without blowing your top.”

“I guess.”

She patted his shoulder. “It's personality that really counts in the end.”

“I am learning that,” he agreed.

“It's our job to take care of you, the five of you, until we can get you into families and have your portraits painted. The future of Xanth depends on that. The Playground has confirmed it.”

“It has. We know what we have to do. But it's hard.”

She could not argue with that. “It's hard,” she agreed.

“When—when I first got off the cable car, you—”

“I'm sorry if I was abrupt with you.”

“That's not it. You—you comforted me.”

“I tried to. Of course there are limits, because of my nature.”

“Could you do it again?”

She looked at him and saw that he was on the verge of an emotional collapse. He had lost his family and his world, and it was getting to him. He was to a considerable extent the support the other children needed, being the oldest, and he was performing well in that respect. But at times he needed support himself.

“Hold your breath,” she told him. Then she hugged him while he cried.

Chapter 6:
Sacrifice

That afternoon they resumed virus hunting, with the children in tow. They even filled little bottles of the anti-virus elixir for the children to carry so they could participate. Participation, Astrid knew from somewhere, was vital for a child's sense of belonging. The boys were plainly bored, but the girls loved it.

“Look!” Win cried. “A horsie!”

So it was. A nice brown horse was grazing in a field as they approached. Win ran to it, but the horse, startled, neighed and bolted.

And Win's clothes fell off. Astrid, farther away, felt her own dress loosen dangerously. She saw others grabbing their clothing.

Tiara hurried to attend to Win, getting her garbed again. What had happened? Then Pewter figured it out. “That was a young spook horse. A neigh kid. A pun. The sound of it causes folk to lose their clothing.”

Oh.

They moved on, and soon came to a lake. There was a ship on the lake, headed for a pier close to them, but then it swerved and went to another pier.

Pewter checked his data file again. “Boon Docks. There's a Magician on that ship who grants boons to supplicants, but nobody knows where the erratic ship will dock, so they seldom get the benefit. Another pun.”

Then they came to a house with an old woman seated at a table in front of it. There was a coffeepot and a cup on the table. A sign said MEDIUM COFFEE.

They did not trust this. “What is special about this drink?” Astrid asked.

“You can drink this to obtain temporary psychic abilities,” the woman said. “For example, to converse with the dead.”

“Thank you, no,” Astrid said quickly.

“Or see into the near future. You folk could really use that.”

Was the woman determined to lure them into her nonsense? “No.”

“You'll be sor-ree,” the woman sing-songed as they moved on.

Then they came across several beds set out in the open. The smaller children gleefully bounced on them—and stopped, confused.

Because the beds were not exactly what they seemed. Little Myst was on a Flower Bed, and flowers were sailing up around her. She liked them, but didn't want to squish them. Squid was on a Sea Bed, and was soaked in saltwater. She adored it, but was distracted by the shells. Win was on a River Bed, also wet, concerned about the little fish getting splashed out of it.

Clearly the pun virus had not passed this way.

They cleaned up the girls and went on. Now they found a more normal field of flowers, and all three girls reveled in it. Squid went to the edge of the forest, following a trail of pretty little blue flowers.

“Get back from there, Squid!” Kandy called. “The unknown forest is dangerous.”

The girl obeyed, turning her back on the forest. But at that point a small dragon pounced on her. It had been lurking in ambush, hoping for just such a meal.

Squid screamed as the dragon's jaws closed on her. She reverted to her natural form so that the teeth tended to slide around her instead of biting her in half, but already there was blood.

Kandy and Ease charged for the dragon. On the way Kandy became the board, and Ease grabbed it and swung it at the dragon's head. It caught the creature a solid clout on the snoot, and it dropped its morsel and retreated. Ease kept after it, clubbing it repeatedly, every strike scoring, until it turned tail and fled, battered. Astrid knew that Kandy was the one guiding the strikes, while Ease provided the muscle. They made an effective team. Still, it was just as well that the dragon had been small, and not a fire breather.

Meanwhile Astrid caught up to Squid. She was in a sad state, with blood on her tentacles, writhing in pain. Astrid picked her up, but she was slippery with blood and slid through her grasp.

“Let me,” Merge said as she arrived on the scene. She split into five bare girls, who formed a circle and reached under the child, forming a ten-armed basket. They carried her back to the flower bed and set her down. Tiara quickly harvested fresh sheets from a linens tree and covered and wrapped her.

“I have healing elixir,” Pewter said, producing it. He poured a few drops on the writhing child, and the bleeding stopped. Squid relaxed, free of pain, reformed as a girl, and sank into sleep.

“That's not enough,” Metria said. “That was a poison dragon, with elixir-resistant venom. I've seen that kind before. It will take her out within hours.”

Now Astrid saw that Squid was changing color, becoming sallow. She also smelled the venom, and knew it was true; basilisks were not the only deadly creatures. The child would never wake from her sleep.

“There goes the girl,” Kandy said grimly as she reverted to her human form.

“And there goes the Portrait,” Art said.

“And so there goes Xanth,” Astrid said, horrified.

“Isn't there anything we can do?” Merge asked as she reformed and dressed.

“It would take more magic than we can muster,” Metria said. “She's doomed.”

Astrid gazed at the child and suffered. The fate of the Land of Xanth might hang in the balance, but the immediate peril of an innocent creature, a nonhuman person in human form the way Astrid herself was, truly got to her. How could she just stand here and watch Squid die? If there was anything she could do—

Then she remembered how Kandy, seeing Astrid about to die, had made a deal with Demoness Fornax to save her friend, heedless of the price of that deal. Was there any deal that she in turn could make to save the child?

“Fornax,” she whispered.

The Demoness appeared. She spread the fingers of one hand toward the child. There was a glow. “The venom is gone.”

“Oh thank you!” Astrid said, enormously relieved. “But I proffered no deal. What do you want in return?”

“Nothing,” Fornax said. “I did it for friendship.”

“That's beautiful,” Kandy said.

A donkey-headed dragon appeared. “Demon Xanth!” Pewter said.

“Gotcha,” the Demon said.

The Demoness Fornax did not move. Astrid realized that she had been frozen in place. Xanth had caught her doing illicit magic in his territory, and captured her. This was disaster!

“She was just trying to save a child,” Kandy said, speaking for Fornax, as she had the position to do so. “She wasn't trying to mess with your territory.”

Three more Demons appeared. “The Demon Earth, whose association is Gravity,” Pewter said, indicating the one with a head like a blue spinning planet. “The Demon Jupiter, whose association is the Strong Force.” That was the one with a huge cloudy head with a single red eye. “The Demon Nemesis, whose association is Dark Matter.” His head was an intangible blob, extremely difficult to see, though obviously there was something there. “Nemesis is the Chief Judge.”

And Nemesis, Astrid remembered, was the Demon who had courted Fornax and been rejected. He had no fear of her antimatter nature, because he interacted only very slightly with either matter or antimatter. He was a suitor balked. This was mischief compounded.

“The case is between Demon Xanth and Demoness Fornax,” Nemesis said. “He charges her with magically interfering in his domain. The Primaries do not represent themselves. Who will represent Xanth's and Fornax's cases?”

“I will represent Fornax,” Kandy said immediately. “I am her designated intermediary.”

“No,” the dragon ass said. “You will represent me.”

Kandy's mouth opened to protest, but nothing came out. She was frozen also. No mortal had any ability to oppose any Demon directly.

Astrid realized that Demon Xanth had acted strategically to eliminate Fornax's most effective representative and thus ensure his victory. The Demons did not pussyfoot.

“Xanth has choosen his representative first, he being the wronged party,” Nemesis said. “Fornax will have a different representative. Whom does she choose?”

Now Fornax was allowed to speak. “My friend Astrid Basilisk-Cockatrice.”

Now Astrid froze, for a different reason. “But I have no training, no experience!” she protested. “I don't know anything about a Demon Trial.”

“Learn,” Nemesis said.

“But—” At which point she was frozen by the Demon.

“You will have a day and night to prepare your cases,” Nemesis said. “Court will reconvene in twenty-four hours.”

Then the Demons vanished, including Xanth and Fornax. The mortals were on their own. For a day and night.

“Oh, bleep!” Kandy swore, now that she was free to speak. “I have to represent the case I'm against! And do my very best to win it despite wanting to lose it. And argue against my friend.”

Astrid was unable to be even that expressive. She dissolved into tears of frustration and hopelessness.

Kandy immediately came to her, joining her in grief. “And most of all I hate having to argue against you, my friend.” The others, adults and children, watched helplessly. None of them could change anything.

Squid woke. “Am I better?” she asked, surprised.

Tiara went to her. “Yes, dear. The Demoness Fornax healed you.”

“That's nice.” Squid got up and resumed looking at flowers, unaware of the scene that had transpired or the disaster that her cure had made. She was truly innocent. She would not remain that way long; other would quickly fill her in.

“I think we had better return to our camp and consider what to do,” Merge said. “Eliminating the remaining pun virus is important, but not as important as this. If I understand it correctly, if Demoness Fornax loses her case, someone's healing will be canceled and all will be lost.” She did not name Squid, because the child was within hearing.

“That is the case,” Pewter said.

“I wonder,” Tiara said. “Maybe the children could go play in the Playground?”

“Maybe we should,” Firenze said. “At least for a while.” As the eldest, he had the best idea of the problem, and knew why it was better to leave the children out of it, at least for now.

“Yes,” Astrid agreed gratefully. “But don't go in the DO NOT ENTER part.”

They passed the old woman with the Medium Coffee. “Told you,” she said smugly.

Astrid, enraged, grabbed for her glasses. But Kandy and Firenze boxed her in, half carrying her on past. They were right; there was nothing to be gained by killing in anger. It was really their own fault; they should have tried the medium's coffee and gotten a glimpse into the near future, and picked up on the lurking threat. Astrid would try to be smarter hereafter.

At the camp, Santo unfolded the Playground, and the children happily ran into it. Only Firenze looked back, as if he would have liked to participate in the adult discussion but had a greater responsibility. Astrid was coming to appreciate him more.

Then she thought of something else. “Fornax?” she asked.

There was no response. The Demoness did not appear. That confirmed what Astrid had suspected: no Demons would be involved in their deliberation. Demons normally did not interfere in mortal events, particularly those relating to Demon Wagers. They let things play out naturally. That was the point of their bets: they were decided by the vagaries of insignificant whimsy, which is what mortal affairs normally were to Demons.

The group of adults settled in a wide circle. “One thing I'm not clear on,” Art said. “The Demons have a Bet on whether Xanth will survive. Demon Xanth of course bet Yes, and Demoness Fornax bet No. So how come Xanth is trying to mess up Fornax, when saving the child will help him win?”

“And why did Fornax save Squid,” Merge asked, “when she could have won her bet merely by staying out of it?”

“Demons are huge and complicated,” Pewter said. “Their reasons for things may be opaque to folk of the mortal realm.”

“And Demon Nemesis,” Astrid said. “He's been hot for Fornax for, well, maybe a billion years, but she never gave him the time of day, not that he needs it, much less what he really wants. Is he using this to get back at her?”

“What is it he wants of her?” Tiara asked.

“Just one thing,” Metria said. “He's male. She's female. You know what that means.”

“Oh,” Tiara said, blushing. She had learned about men and women, but remained a bit naïve around the edges.

“So is he going to trade his vote for her favor?” Art asked.

“Probably,” Pewter agreed. “And without that vote she will surely lose.”

“She doesn't want to oblige him,” Astrid said. “It's a crime to have a child's life be hostage to his lust.”

“Demons don't care about crime,” Kandy said. “But you know, I just remembered: in my capacity as intermediary I have picked up some information. Nemesis bet Xanth will survive. It's Jupiter who bet it won't. So Nemesis can't use that particular thing to coerce Fornax. He's already on her side in that respect. That is, what she did helps enable him to win.”

“But if she still refuses him personally, what then?” Astrid asked.

“Would he torpedo his own bet to spite her?” Kandy asked. “I don't know the male mind in this respect.”

“He might,” Art said. “Males can do suicidally stupid things when they get hung up on women.”

“So maybe things will cancel out, and it will be up to us to make the case, one way or the other,” Kandy said. “Except that we don't want to.”

“Actually, I do want to,” Astrid said. “I want to save Squid, and not have Fornax punished for doing something decent. But I'm not competent. That's my problem.”

“Maybe you can argue it emotionally,” Merge said. “As you said, it's a decent thing Fornax did.”

“Do Demons decide things emotionally?”

“No they don't,” Metria said. “They are soulless; they have no tender feelings. All they care about are the facts, and status. Only if they get souls, or parts of souls, as I did, do they start being at all feeling, and then it's not certain. If Demon Xanth had heeded his half soul, he'd have saved the child himself.”