Five Ways to Fall (37 page)

My stomach tightens with the visual he’s painting. I look at this table under a new light, seeing that stain for what it truly is.

“The idiot had removed the safety mechanisms off all the saws. Said they were a pain in the ass while he worked. He somehow hit the power switch when he fell.” Ben’s head is shaking. “I was pissed off but I never meant for that to happen, I swear. I called nine-one-one right away. He almost bled out on the way to the hospital. They weren’t able to reattach the arm.” He sighs heavily. “The one and only thing my dad was
ever
passionate about was carpentry. And with only one arm, he can’t do much. So he doesn’t. He doesn’t do anything but sit in this barn and hate life.”

Ben’s hand lifts to run along a particularly dangerous-looking saw.

“Is that the one?”

His nod answers me. “He was always a cynical man. Never happy. Not one to spend much time with his kids. After the accident, he hit the bottle even harder and went into a deep depression. He hasn’t come out of it yet and he refuses to get help. He blames me for everything. For the accident, for my brothers and Elsie not coming around. But the reason none of my brothers and sister come here is because they hate his fucking guts for cheating on my mom and then hitting her. And for being a drunk. They’ve already said that they won’t step foot on this property while he’s here. And they’re angry with my mother for standing by him because she’s got it in her thick skull that this is the ‘for worse’ part of her marriage vows. Well, if you ask me, ‘worse’ is pretty damn bad.”

“Is she happy?”

“How can she be?” Bright blue eyes pierce me, his arms thrown up as if in surrender. “They sleep in separate rooms; he’s in here all day. He helps her with nothing. They live completely separately and because of him, she doesn’t get to see her kids or her grandkids. Is
that
what a marriage is?” He shakes his head. “And she wonders why I want nothing to do with it.”

I hazard a step forward to put a hand on his forearm. For reassurance, for comfort. For friendship.

“God.” Ben shakes his head, his nostrils flaring. “I still can’t stand the smell of cut wood. It makes me want to puke. And the sound of a saw cutting . . .” He squeezes his eyes shut as he shudders.

“Well then, come on.” I hook my arm through his and wait for those eyes to open and focus on me. I take slow steps backward, pulling him away from the dank barn and the sharp saws, the lingering memories. He lets me lead him out. “Let’s get you out of here.”

Chapter 28

BEN

“I thought she was die-hard Christian,” Reese whispers as I lead her into Elsie’s old room. The walls and curtains are still the same color—white and yellow—but all the boy band posters and cheerleading stuff that made it feel like my older sister’s room have long since been packed away.

“She is, but she’s also die-hard get-Ben-married,” I say with a chuckle, adding, “and you don’t have to whisper. Mama’s room is on the other side of the house, and a fucking jumbo jet crashing into the house wouldn’t wake my dad up once he’s out.”

I feel her come up behind me, wrapping her arms around my sides to clasp her hands on my chest. “So do you want a church wedding? Because I’m partial to eloping.”

“Uh . . .”

She snorts against my back. “Your heart is racing.”

Lifting an arm up and over, I pull her around and to my chest, just so I can make her tip her head back and look at me. I love her face angled up like this. “Funny.”

“I thought so.” Lifting onto her tiptoes, she lays a soft kiss on my lips. It catches me off guard, but not in a bad way. It’s just the first time she’s actually done that. I’m always the one stealing the kisses. It’s the second time today that she’s done it.

Peeling away from me, she slaps my ass. “Bathroom’s the third on the left?”

“Yeah.” I watch her sling her knapsack over her shoulder and step into the hall, smiling. When I hear the bathroom door click, I take the opportunity to make my way down the hall to Mama’s door to find her room empty. On a whim, I keep heading down the hall, rounding the corner quietly. I’ve snuck out of this place so many times, I still know how to avoid the loud creaks.

My father’s door sits open a crack, enough so that my mama’s voice carries out clearly.

“I’ve given you thirty-three years of my life, Joshua. I’ve hoped and prayed that you’d come back to me, that the young man I fell in love with, who gave me five beautiful children, was still somewhere in there. But . . .” I hear her ragged sob before she stifles it, pausing before speaking again. “But I know now that he’s gone for good, because the Joshua I fell in love with wouldn’t keep hurting his own child. Of all our children, Ben is the one who has reason not to come around again and yet he’s here.”

My dad’s rough voice pipes in then with, “Well, he feels guilty.”

“Maybe,” she admits through a sniff. “But it’s also because he loves fiercely. That boy has always had so much love to give and I’m afraid that after what he’s grown up with, he’s never going to give anyone a real chance. None of them will.”

“The others are fine.”

“The others are
not
fine, Joshua. Josh’s wife left him because he drinks too much and had an affair, and Elsie’s turned down that boy’s proposal twice because she doesn’t know how to trust a man. They just broke up for good this time. Jake doesn’t want to marry Rita, who’s carrying his child, because he’s afraid to jinx it.”

Shit, I didn’t know any of that.

Mama clears her throat. “I need to do what’s right for my children now. What I should have done years ago.” I hear the creak of my granddaddy’s rocking chair as Mama stands. “This ol’ house is falling apart, and it’s not because of loose shingles or leaking pipes or a crooked porch. It’s because it’s lost its family. It’s soul. And without it, there’s no point in any of it anymore.”

Not a word comes from my father. No argument, no pleading, no apologies. No excuses.

“The Cornells asked if we were interested in selling a while back. I’m going to see if they’re still interested.”

What? Sell? She just finished saying that she won’t sell!

Finally, my dad speaks up. “I thought you didn’t want to sell the grove, Wilma.”

“I don’t.” Her voice cracks. “But we can’t continue like this and I love my children too much not to make a change.” Much closer to the door, I hear her add, “You know, I learned to live with the whiskey, I even forgave you for all the women. I blamed myself for that, for not staying attractive enough to satisfy you.”

Hearing that, my teeth actually crack, they’re clenched so tight.

“But I can never forgive you for trying to kill that sparkle in my baby’s eyes. And I’ll never forgive myself for allowing this to go on for so long.”

The door opens and Mama steps out, her eyes red and puffy from crying. She sees me and immediately puts on a brave smile as she pulls the door behind her. It doesn’t hide her wobbling bottom lip.

“Mama, I’m fine. I can handle him. You’re not giving up your home—”

“Hush.” She reaches out and grabs my arms. She looks so damn small, but she has a fierce grip when she needs it. “I can do whatever I want. And you aren’t fine, Ben. When you trust yourself enough to let yourself experience the kind of joy that a good relationship can bring you, that’s when you’ll be fine.” With a pat on my shoulder, she turns and walks away.

I’m left standing outside of my father’s door.

And I hear the muffled sobs behind it.

“Your sister had a great view.” Reese’s back is to me, her silhouette—long, lean legs stretching out of little shorts and a plain T-shirt—as tempting as ever as she stands in front of the window. I smile to myself. This, here, is why I like her so much. She’s not trying too hard. Most girls would have packed some frilly black thing. Mercy would have been lying naked on the bed already. Not Reese, though. She doesn’t give a fuck. And the funny thing is, she’s even sexier because if it.

“She did,” I agree, coming behind her to rest my chin on her head as I look out over the darkness. It’s hard to see but with a full sky of stars, you can just make out the tops of the trees.

“There’s something really special about this place, isn’t there? I can feel it when I come here. It’s like all that shit out there isn’t happening. I can see why your mom doesn’t want to leave.”

“Yeah.” Except she does now. My wheels are churning, trying to figure out how she can stay while getting him away.
Fuck
.

Reese turns her body around until she’s facing me. “How’s Mama?”

Her calling my mother “Mama” makes me grin. “She thinks you’re a sweet girl.”

The responding snort I get in return is exactly what I expected, making me chuckle as she breaks free to crawl into bed and under the covers, watching me intently as I peel my clothes off.

“Playing hard to get?” she says, but I hear the hitch in her voice as her eyes drift over me.

“What did you expect?” I lift the blankets to slide in next to her and hit the switch on the lamp.

“Full two-piece pajamas with pockets, just like Mason.” She wastes no time, resting her head in the crook of my arm, her own slender arm coiling around my chest. It’s . . . nice.

There’s a long, comfortable silence before I hear myself say the words out loud. “She’s leaving my dad. She just told him. That’s it.”

Reese’s fingers, which were doodling little circles against my chest, stop. “Are you . . . is that good?”

“Yeah. It is. And it isn’t. She’ll have to sell.”

I hear a “shit” under her breath as she swallows hard. “Why?”

“She can’t come up with the kind of money she needs to buy him out and the bastard’s never going to give the place to her. After all he’s done, you’d think he’d at least do that.” I hear the bitterness in my voice and, by the sudden tension in her body, I think Reese does too. “Sorry,” I murmur softly. “You don’t need to hear all that.”

“That’s okay. It’s what friends are for.”

I feel the soft smile stretch across my mouth. It’s funny—I have a lot of friends that I’ve known for a lot longer than Reese, and yet I feel closer to her than any of them. I hadn’t realized how connected we’ve become in such a short period of time. “You know what else friends are for?”

“Causing pain and frustration?” A sharp nail against my nipple has me hissing and swatting her hand away.

She apologizes with her wet tongue covering the sore spot.

Chapter 29

REESE

“You squirm a lot in your sleep,” Ben murmurs into my ear, somehow sensing that I’m awake.

“That’s because you’re a leech,” I grumble, the soft tickle of his breath grazing the back of my neck. I’ve never been a cuddler. Normally, I hug the edge of the bed, despising anyone else’s body heat. Jared knew it and was fine with it, preferring his own space anyway.

Not Ben. Every time I tried to shift away, an arm or leg managed to lock itself around me and yank me back, until he was molding his body to the back of mine. Never in a million years had I expected him to be the type.

I also never expected to find myself liking it.

“Leech?” With a strong hand against my shoulder, Ben pushes me onto my back, his mouth affixing itself to my breast. It takes a moment and a pinch of pain to realize what he’s doing.