Flaming Desire - Part 2 (An Alpha Billionaire Romance) (3 page)

“There was an incident in your past, wasn't there,” he said quietly. Not a question, but a statement. “It not only compelled you to go into nursing, but more than likely has something to do with your becoming a Hotshot.”

I refused to look in his direction. Could he read my mind now? We hadn't spent that much time together, but I got the feeling that he understood me at a level that most guys didn't. I didn't know if it was because we shared two adrenaline rich environments; firefighting and nursing, but whatever it was, he got me. I wasn't sure if I was ready to spill my guts to him though.

He let the question go. “It was an exciting day, even though the afternoon was quiet,” he said, nodding to himself as he stared out the front window. “Of course I'm glad, because otherwise, someone else would have been hurt, but still…”

“Yeah, sometimes the ride-alongs are quiet and calm,” I shrugged. “Other times, they're quite intense, and that alarm bell never seems to stop.”

We drove into the hospital parking lot and I parked in my usual spot. “Just about time for you to clock out,” I said. “I need to talk to Diane for a minute, but if I don't see you before you leave, have a nice—”

“You got any plans for the evening?”

I said nothing while I got out of the car. He followed suit and walked beside me as I headed for the emergency room doors, which swished open as we approached. Thinking about the question, I wondered. Was he asking me out on a date? I was just about to respond when I heard the squeal.

“Oh my God, are you okay Jessica?”

I turned from Matt to find Serena rushing down the hall toward me, Melody close behind. For a moment I felt confused. Why wouldn't I be okay?

“We heard what happened this morning because the ambulance brought that baby and their mother here from a house fire this morning,” Melody explained.

Serena wrapped her arms around me and gave me a big bear hug. “Don't you ever do that again!” she scolded.

I glanced at Matt, an eyebrow raised. “I'm fine you guys, really.”

“Only because Matt saved your life,” Melody remarked. She looked up at Matt and smiled. “Thank you for that, Matt.”

He smiled in return, nodded, and then moved past us and down the hall.

Melody gave me a once over, her eyes passing over my soiled scrubs. “I know you're a Hotshot firefighter and all that, Jessica, but please… you’ve got to be careful, okay?”

I smiled at my friends while Matt continued down the hall, heading for the break room where the time clock was situated. As soon as he was done with the mentoring, he would negotiate a salary and wouldn’t have to punch in and out. “I will,” I promised. “Besides, Matt was right behind me—”

Serena grinned. “From what we heard, he carried you out over his shoulder while he held onto that baby with the other.” She sighed, exaggerating an eye roll, and pursed her lips. “Can you get any sexier than that?”

I felt the heat of a blush race up into my cheeks. Of course I hadn't said anything to either of them about the McDonald's parking lot. I laughed and changed the subject. “You guys off shift pretty soon?”

Melody shook her head. “I picked a double with the evening shift,” she offered with a shrug and a face. “I didn't have any plans tonight anyway.”

I glanced at Serena.

“Going out with my boyfriend,” she said, glancing down at her watch. “As a matter of fact, I'm already running late.” She moved off with a wave.

“What about you, Jessica?” Melody asked. “You got any plans?”

I shook my head. “Nothing really, except a long, hot shower, some dinner, and then I'll probably just watch some television.”

She made a face. “Sounds boring.”

“Boring is just what I need tonight. Anything exciting happen over here today?”

She shook her head. “Doctor Linder is in an uproar, but I'm not quite sure about what.”

It was my turn to make a face, but I didn’t ask any more questions. “Well then, I'm going to go let Diane know we got back okay and then I’m off to home,” I said, moving down the hallway. “You have a good shift.”

She nodded and disappeared down the hallway while I continued toward the break room. All I looked forward to was going home, taking a hot shower, and relaxing. I opened the door to the break room, thinking to have a quick word with Matt before he left. I was startled to find Megan in the break room as well, making googly eyes at him.

I saw the way Megan stood with her arms crossed under her breasts, and I knew she was pushing them upward, as if she needed to. Those two big bouncing melons were the focus of attention even under unflattering scrubs.

Matt’s back was toward me. He stood with his arms braced against one of the small tables around which we ate. He was laughing, a low, rumbling, quiet laugh, as if he and she shared a secret. The muscles of his forearms and triceps were supremely delineated as my gaze passed over him. I couldn't see the expression on his face, or where he was looking, but by Megan's smug expression, I could just guess.

As I entered, Matt turned around, then stood and backed slightly away from Megan and the table. A brief surge of jealousy passed through me. Megan was flirting with him, I just knew it. Then again, what did I care? Matt didn’t belong to me. I had no claim on him, more’s the pity. Megan flirted with everyone. Still, after what Matt and I had done in the McDonald's parking lot last evening, I couldn't deny that I was surprised that he would pay attention to Megan—at least not so damn soon.

“Hello, Jessica,” Megan said, slightly aloof.

“Hi Megan,” I replied politely. I noticed her discerning gaze as she gave me a body check.

“You look like you're about ready to hit the shower.”

I held back my frown even though I felt her comment unnecessary and somewhat rude. I simply nodded and then glanced at Matt. To my surprise, he gave me a look that I almost construed as annoyance. What the hell? It was then that I realized I’d never answered his question about what I was doing for the night. Maybe he figured I wasn’t interested and had set his sights on Megan instead. He wouldn't have heard me tell Serena and Melody I was looking forward to nothing but a shower and some TV watching, would he? Was he going to ask Megan out instead?

For a moment, I didn't know what to say. I had forgotten what I wanted to tell him the minute I opened the door and saw him practically bending over the other woman. “Okay, well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow…”

He nodded and I turned to leave the break room. I tried to fight the disappointment I felt, the letdown. Stupid me. Thinking that one make-out session in his truck meant anything to a guy like Matt. I quickly walked down the hall, trying to ignore the activity going on around me, the usual early evening hub-bub in the ER department. It wasn’t like I wanted a repeat of last evening, but I did feel a little discouraged that—

“Wait up, Jesse.”

I was halfway down the hall when I heard Matt's voice. I paused and glanced back over my shoulder. He walked quickly toward me. Beyond him, standing at the break room door, Megan stared after him, a combination frown-pout pursing her lips. “What is it?” I asked Matt as he approached.

“Let me walk you to your car.”

I guessed that would be okay, and innocent enough. We walked outside. The evening was warm and balmy, unusually humid for this time of year.

“You hungry?” he asked.

I shook my head. “Not really. You?” I glanced up at him, surprised to find him grinning down at me with a knowing look in his eyes.

“Actually, I feel a little like McDonald's.”

The look on his face made me laugh and I gave him a light slap on the arm. “Don't even go there,” I said, shaking my head. I dug in my purse for my keys.

“Why not?” he asked.

I paused, keys in hand, staring up at him in surprise. “Are you always this forward with the girls?”

He shrugged, the grin still in place. “Only with the ones I like.”

Before I could reply to that one, he continued speaking.

“No pressure, Jesse, just some friendly conversation, maybe something to eat?”

He looked at me appraisingly, and although I know I should've said no, at least not until I had finished mentoring him, I felt my heart trip hammering again. I don't know why I said yes. Maybe it was because I had seen him flirting with Megan, or so I thought. Maybe it was to secretly show Megan up. Then again, maybe it was merely because I was attracted to him. Why fight it? We weren't on duty anymore, and it was nobody's business what we did outside of work, was it?

“Okay,” I said, glancing down at my soot-smudged scrubs. “I'm hardly presentable though. Are you thinking of drive-through?” The moment the words left my mouth, I felt another blush work its way up my cheeks. Why had I said that? I started to laugh, glancing up at him. “I didn't mean it like that, Matt—”

He laughed too, shaking his head. “Actually, we both smell a bit smoky, no offense, so I was thinking we could run by a barbecue place that's not far from my apartment. They make really good ribs and no one’s bound to notice.”

The thought of barbecue got my taste buds going, but then I thought how messy barbecue food was. If it was barbequed, I ate it with my fingers. Not so ladylike. Nothing like making a good impression on a guy with barbecue sauce smeared all over your chin. Then again, why turn down opportunity when it dropped into my lap… oh God, there I went again. Everything I thought or said seemed to have some kind of sexual innuendo or suggestion behind it. I didn't understand what was happening to me, so I just sighed and gave up.

Why not just let the chips fall where they may? It wasn't like I had guys asking me out every day, and especially not guys like Matt. I had gone through quite a dry spell before he arrived, and maybe that was part of the reason for my intense attraction to him. Maybe I was just deprived… not just sexually, but by any positive male attention. Doctor Linder didn't count. Ugh.

I nodded. “Barbecue sounds good,” I said, glancing down at myself and gesturing. “A spot or two of barbecue sauce isn’t going to make these scrubs any worse. They're destined for the trash anyway, I think.” Sometimes, the smell of smoke was difficult to get out of clothes, and over the years I had disposed of several pairs of favorite jeans, T-shirts, and other clothes for that very reason.

“Shall we take my truck then, since I know where the place is? I can bring you back here, or you can follow me in your Jeep,” he suggested. “Whatever you want.”

Whatever I wanted? I glanced at my Jeep and figured there was no sense in my wasting gas. “We can take your truck,” I said. With that, he nodded and I put my keys away and followed him to his truck, not far from mine. Once again he opened the passenger side door and I climbed in. Moments later, he followed suit.

He started the engine and drove out of the hospital parking lot. All of a sudden, the tension of the day caught up with me. It seemed like a long time ago that I had rushed into the burning house to get to that baby. Been carried out on Matt's shoulders. Then dealing with the multiple car accident just a little while later. I found that it was easy to keep my mind occupied when I was busy, but the minute I became inactive, feelings and emotions would catch up with me. Even though we hadn't been busy at the firehouse after the multi-car accident, the company had been distracting. I had agreed to join in on the Blackjack they played while lunch had been prepared.

I had even started to help prepare a stew for the firemen’s supper before Matt and I had to return to the hospital. Now, sitting in Matt's truck, listening to the steady, low, comforting thrum of the engine, I found my thoughts drifting back toward the house fire. I wondered where the woman and her children were going to stay tonight. Did they have family, friends who would offer a roof over their head? What if they didn't have insurance? What if she didn't own the house at all and was now left scrambling for shelter with her children?

“A penny for your thoughts,” Matt broke the silence.

I turned to look at him. “I was thinking about the woman whose house burned down this morning.” He didn’t look at me, but kept his eyes forward, paying attention to his driving.

“She and the kids will be okay,” he said.

I nodded. “For now, but I was wondering if they had family, someone to take them in. How long does it take insurance to kick in? No way anything in that house can be saved so what will they wear? What about the kid’s toys? Their pictures? Their entire life was probably in that place. Where will she and the kids go?” I snapped my mouth shut as I felt my eyes begin to burn as I thought of all they’d lost.

He reached over and placed a hand on my arm. “It’s horrible, I know, but I’m sure she’ll be taken care of,” he said. “Even if she doesn't have family or friends, there are shelters, the Red Cross, any number of organizations that will help her out. She and her kids are safe. That’s what is important.”

I nodded, knowing that what he said was true, but still…

“You’ve got a kind heart, Jesse,” he said. “You know as well as I do that in the business we’re in, we should be compassionate.” He paused. “But sometimes, being compassionate can take a toll on you.”

I knew what he was talking about. I had lost many patients in the ER, some that I had only known for minutes. How much worse had it been for Matt, working in ICU? He would've gotten to know his patients a lot better than I did. I knew he was speaking from experience. Most of us in the field had lost someone for whom we felt an outpouring of compassion, sorrow, and fear. We were often left to deal with the aftermath of tragic, violent death. I had dealt with my share of screaming mothers, husbands who bore their grief in silence, children who cried for their mother or father. Just the thought of it brought a sheen of tears to my eyes. Their pain brought back memories of my own heart wrenching misery… and guilt.

“Jesse.”

I turned to find Matt watching me. I blinked, trying to clear the tears from my eyes, but I was sure he saw them. At the look of concern he gave me, one of them actually spilled over my eyelid. Frustrated, I made a sound that was meant to be a self-deprecating laugh but sounded more like a gasp. He suddenly turned from me, his gaze taking in the road and side streets. Before I knew it, he pulled into the deserted parking lot of a mini shopping mall. All the stores were closed and the lot was empty.

What was he doing? There was no barbecue place here. He turned off the engine and then turned to face me, his right arm stretched along the back of the seat. His hand ended up on my knee. I gazed down at it for a moment, and then looked back up at him, shrugging helplessly. He released his seatbelt and adjusted his position. Before I knew it, he had me wrapped in his arms.

In an instant I was sobbing. What the hell was going on? Why the sudden mind-boggling emotional release? Tears flooded my eyes and wouldn't stop. The aftermath of the fire this morning? Thinking about the mother and those kids, that baby? A delayed reaction to the release of adrenaline? Were the serotonin cups in my brain empty? I almost laughed at the thought, but again only made a choking sound in my throat.

“Tell me about it,” he said.

His body was so close to mine now that I almost felt his voice rumble from deep in his chest. I had never told anyone. Not even Serena or Melody. Why Matt? I had never talked about it, not since that day I walked out of that last therapy appointment when I was seventeen years old.

“There was a fire,” I began softly. My head nestled against his shoulder, facing his neck. I'm sure that he felt my breath on the base of his throat where it met his shoulder. For some reason, I had the sudden urge to kiss him there, to taste his skin, wondering if it would taste salty, smoky, or both. I shoved that thought to the recesses of my brain. I had to get a hold of myself. This reaction to him… I wasn't sure what I thought about it. Should I indulge it? Fight it?

He leaned slightly back, gazing down at me with that endearing concern. As darkness settled over Santa Fe, the interior of the cab was lit only by the dashboard lights. He turned off the engine, plunging the cab into near darkness.

“Will that make it easier?”

Easier? In the bright light of day or in the deepest depths of night, it would never be easy to remember that horrible night. Still, if there was anyone in the world I could share it with and who I knew would understand, I believed that person was Matt. Not only did we share the same career, but our backgrounds in firefighting. We had seen what fire could do, the devastation left behind, not only on landscapes, wildlife, and homes lost, but on the people left scarred, physically and emotionally, forever in its aftermath.

So, slowly, softly, I told him about that horrible night, that night that I had snuck out of the house to meet a boy. The night I had come home in the middle of the night to find my house on fire. The night I listened to my little sister screaming for my mom, my dad, me, to come get her, to save her.

I had been laughing as my boyfriend turned the corner to my street, but my laugh died instantly when I saw the flashing lights, saw the neighbors gathered in their front yards in their pajamas and bathrobes, all of them staring... at my house. My happy-go-lucky life had ended that night; the moment I saw my mother lying on her back in the middle of the lawn, the first responders giving her CPR, forcing air into her lungs with an oxygen mask attached to an Ambu bag.

A short distance away, on the other side of the driveway, lay a body that was already covered under a yellow plastic sheet. My dad.

I had jumped out of the car, shocked inside a silent scream, trying to race past the policeman and the firemen who grabbed at me, snatched at my arms, trying to keep me from running headlong toward my mother. Two firemen in full gear, oxygen tanks on their back, were just entering the house when I heard my little sister screaming. Seconds later, an explosion blew out the back side of the house where the kitchen was located. I managed to pull myself away from the policeman holding me back and raced along the side of the house, my heart pounding in terror toward my sister’s bedroom, screaming her name. Sandy!