Flaming Desire - Part 3 (An Alpha Billionaire Romance) (5 page)

If not the money, why was he so upset? I hadn’t mentioned his family. All I wanted to know was what compelled a man in Matt’s position in life, or perceived position, to do the things he did? Yes, he was generous. Yes, he was giving. And yes, he was driven. I was just curious about what made him that way. Was it inbred? Had he become a nurse, a firefighter because of his past, like I did? I had just wanted to share that with him—yet another connection between us, painful as it was.

I knew I couldn’t spend much time dwelling on Matt’s unexpected and hurtful response to my innocent question. I tried not to be angry with him for it, but it was difficult. Still, he was right. Just because I had gushed my heart out to him didn’t mean that he had to reciprocate.

I stood at the edge of the base camp, staring unseeing at all the activity going on around me. I had no idea where Matt had disappeared. I knew I should get back to the fire line, but the crew transport truck servicing our fire line hadn’t yet arrived. If it wasn’t here, it would likely be up at one of the lines, loading up another group to bring down. It operated much like a shuttle service; I knew it would probably be soon when it returned. Other crew trucks kept busy unloading and offloading their crews, back and forth from different sections of the line.

I sat down on a stump just inside the tree line off behind the dining tent, fighting back tears. What the hell? I didn’t need to get emotional over Matt. I guess I had just touched a sensitive spot. Honest mistake. Still, his reaction angered me and at the same time hurt. He had overreacted, no doubt about it and I would be careful not to overstep my bounds again, but—

“Jesse.”

The voice came from behind me. I didn’t have to turn around to know that it was Matt.

I didn’t say anything. Not because I was afraid to, but because I was sure that if I did, he would hear the waiver in my voice. My emotions were in turmoil. Anger mixed with a combination of hurt and betrayal. He had no right to get angry with me for asking a question. He didn’t have to bite my head off. All he had to say was that he didn’t feel like talking about it… which he had. I sighed.

I felt his hands on my shoulders. A gentle squeeze. Despite my confused feelings, my annoyance and my hurt, I felt the tingle of attraction shoot through me. Damn his stupid sexual chemistry! All it took was one touch and I was ready to melt. I wanted to fight it, wanted to give up and stalk off without looking at him, but I couldn’t.

I turned to look at him over my shoulder, trying to ignore the anger, the sheen of tears that I was forced to blink back, but I was surprised to find him crouching down behind me. Without a word, he grabbed my head and kissed me, the kiss fueled with so much emotion that I was startled. It was fierce, demanding and forceful.

His tongue plunged deeply into my mouth as he wrapped his arms around me, compelling me to stand. He broke off the kiss for only a brief instant as he stepped deeper into the woods. I found myself with my back pressed against a tree, the underbrush, the forest, the density of the growth shielding us from anybody in camp, a mere twenty or so yards away.

I stared up at him in surprise. His eyes bore into mine, his jaw clenched so tightly I could see the muscles twitching in his jaw. Then he was kissing me again. Wild, almost desperate. I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him closer. He pulled my T-shirt from my pants and, in seconds, both his hands made their way up and over my ribs. He shoved my bra up over my breasts and then cupped both of them in his hands, squeezing, kneading, a thumb circling my nipple.

I knew I should stop him. I knew that nobody could see us. I felt self-conscious. I also knew the feelings he was evoking in me. I was still emotionally vulnerable from the way he had responded to me, but I couldn’t help my physical response to his touch.

I didn’t understand it. Couldn’t. Didn’t want to.

All I knew was that I wanted him. No, I
ached
for him.

As he’d done to me moments ago, I did to him. My palms made their way under his T-shirt, felt his strong muscles, his rib cage, his broad chest, his own small nipples.

His hands left my breasts and reached down to unbutton and unzip my pants. With a growl of impatience, he shoved them down around my knees. I wasn’t wearing any underwear. No need to out here; they would just get hot and sweaty and leave me feeling uncomfortable and chaffed. I was so surprised by the action that I froze. My hands were still on his chest. After he had my pants down around my knees, he reached for his own. He unbuttoned the fly of his pants.

He stood close against me, his cock now fully erect, hard, and ready, pressed up against my groin and my lower abdomen. Hot, demanding, urgent.

My pussy throbbed with desire, despite the environment. Maybe that’s what made it so exciting… knowing that, at any moment, we would be caught or watched by others. It seems as if Matt didn’t care either. He was so… emotional. His lips came down on mine again. This was not a gentle kiss. This was a kiss filled with silent words; a conversation that we couldn’t have. He teased my mouth open with his tongue and as it delved inside, I felt his hot cock delve between my legs, the tip of his head seeking my slit. Then, with one powerful shove, he was inside me. I had never seen him like this before, never felt such desperation from him.

But I wasn’t protected, and neither was he. I pulled back from his caress, stared up at him, and I think he realized it at the same time. Gritting his teeth, he surged deep inside me, hard. Once, twice, and then he pulled out. I glanced down. His cock was already slick with my wetness. It was engorged, the veins thick and firm, throbbing above the surface of his gorgeous shaft. Feeling exposed, I quickly yanked my pants up, but he remained standing.

I sank to my knees in front of him.

He rested his hands on the trunk of the tree above me, where my back had rested just moments ago. I took him into my mouth. He barely held himself in check. With one fist wrapped around the base of his cock, I used my tongue and my lips to pleasure him. With every contraction of his buttocks as he tried not to pump furiously, I teased him, but not too much. My tongue stroked up his length, then curled around it as far as it would go and down it went. Up, lick and suck on the head, then down again.

We were both feeling such a surge of emotion that I was afraid I would lose control. I wanted him inside me. I wanted him to fill me. But without protection, I couldn’t allow it. I couldn’t take chances.

I didn’t want him shoving his cock down my throat, so, using my hand, I regulated how far he could go. My other hand reached between his legs and cupped and massaged his balls through the fabric of his pants.

I glanced up at him as I swirled the tip of my tongue around his head. I saw the muscles in his arms as he grasped the tree, his eyes closed, squeezed tightly shut, his jaw clenched. I don’t know what thoughts were running through his mind at this moment, but I also realized that I forgave him. I probably always would. I eased back on the ferocious, erratic actions of my tongue and I quit sucking him quite so hard. I became gentler, more comforting, and in a matter of seconds, he too relaxed.

Seconds after that, I felt the upward waves of his climax making its way up his cock. I quickly lifted my shirt and continued to pump his cock as he climaxed, his hot, thick, milky cum squirting onto my stomach once, twice, three times.

He remained still for several seconds. I reached down, grabbed a handful of leaves off the forest floor, and cleaned the semen off my stomach. I stood upright, between his arms, calmly zipping and buttoning my pants, my eyes never leaving his. He pushed away from the tree, not looking at me, but off into the distance. He reached for his now half-flaccid cock and shoved it back into his pants, and then calmly buttoned himself up.

I watched him as he slowly looked at me. In his eyes, I saw something that I had never seen from him before. Uncertainty? Confusion? Wariness? What was that all about? Without another word, he turned and walked away from me, through the trees and back into the base camp, where he disappeared among dozens of other firefighters, leaving me standing there in stunned dismay.

To say I was feeling hurt was an understatement. I returned to the stump I’d been sitting on only moments ago and stared off into the distance, up at the orange smoke glowing like an aura around the mountaintops. Watching. The smoke and ash once again got into my eyes, my nose, making me want to constantly blink, but I didn’t think it was the smoke or the ash that was making my eyes water now.

Eventually, I return to the fire line, took out my anger and frustration on the brush, my shovel piercing the dirt, my ax chopping furiously at branches, underbrush, until I felt so exhausted I had no doubt that if and when I stopped, even for a second, I would collapse into a heap on the ground.

Several hours later, the crew truck returned to take us back to the base camp. Ten of us climbed wearily inside. I nodded at Samantha—Sam—but we were both too tired to speak. I glanced over the dirty, sweating, and exhausted faces of the others, but didn’t see Matt’s among them. Where was he? I felt a niggling of concern and then decided that I shouldn’t. Matt could take care of himself. He was an experienced Hotshot. He was probably already back at base camp.

I had to shut off my emotions or I was going to lose focus. I had never felt this way, and especially not at a fire scene. Never before had I felt so unbalanced. I needed to get a handle on my emotions, and fast. Up here, fighting wildfire, I needed all my concentration focused on one thing and one thing only. The fire. I didn’t have the time or the luxury to worry about feelings, what was going on with Matt, or my own reaction to him.

Our mad coupling just behind the base camp was a perfect example of me losing control. Angry sex. That’s what that had been. Hadn’t it? Still, no emotional connection or attachment between us, at least on Matt’s part. Oh, no mistake, I had feelings for Matt. But were they only sexual? Was everything I felt for Matt based on my sexual and chemical attraction to him? Once again, I shook my head.
Stop it
! Focus.

When we got to the base camp, I followed the others wearily off the transport vehicle, and then stumbled my way to my tent. A number of men and women were already sleeping, buried deep in their sleeping bags. The sound of snoring wasn’t aggravating. Instead, it brought a sense of comfort. I made my way to my sleeping bag at the back end of the tent. It looked like Matt was there, fully enveloped in his bag like a cocoon. I didn’t bother him, but wearily climbed into my bag, my mind numb, my body exhausted, my spirits lower than low.

***

I don’t know how long I’d been asleep before I woke with a jolt. I felt arms wrapped around me and I stiffened immediately. What the hell? Fear and adrenaline kicked in. Someone was holding me down in my sleeping bag. I opened my mouth, prepared to scream—

“Settle down, Jesse, it’s just me.”

I froze. Matt? Was he in my sleeping bag? Why? I knew I was exhausted, but I should’ve felt—no, he wasn’t in my sleeping bag, just lying next to me in his own. We were spooning, if you could spoon through the thickness of sleeping bags. His right arm held me close to him. Still, I stiffened. I didn’t want to have sex with him again. In fact, until we cleared the air between us, I was prepared to tell him just that. I wasn’t about to be used as nothing more than a release for him. Not after I’d felt a connection with him in his truck, after telling him about my past. I had felt that connection ever since. Didn’t he feel it too?

The belief that that connection was as strong as I thought it was had faded somewhat after his angry response to me in the dining tent. He had sounded so determined not to open up or emotionally expose himself. That’s not the kind of relationship I wanted and if Matt wasn’t willing to be totally honest with me, then I didn’t want to continue whatever it was we were doing.

That wasn’t fair to each of us. I wasn’t about to get myself embroiled in a lop-sided relationship. I already knew that I was developing feelings for him, strong feelings. Feelings of affection, respect, and although those feelings may have stemmed from an initial—and intense—sexual attraction and desire for him, they were still there. Still, I wasn’t about to open my heart up to him if he wasn’t willing to do the same. For one, I didn’t need the heartache, nor the pain that such a rejection would bring. Second, I wasn’t about to get emotionally involved with someone who was unwilling to reciprocate.

“I’m sorry about before,” he whispered. His head was close to mine, so close that I felt his forehead resting on the back of my skull. His breath caused goosebumps to rise along my neck. I felt his breath near my ear.

I said nothing.

“I
am
a billionaire,” he continued to whisper. “But I give most of it away. That’s why I wasn’t worried about the woman and her family the other morning. As you were. I made sure that she, her children, and the baby would be cared for, provided for.”

It took me a moment to process what Matt was saying. I tried to turn slightly toward him, but he tightened his arm around my waist, preventing me from looking at him. I couldn’t have seen him anyway. It was pitch black in the tent. “What do you mean?” I whispered.

He shrugged. “She and the kids are already living in an apartment—”

“You got them an apartment?” I gasped, surprised. Pleased, but surprised.

“Yes. She won’t have to pay any rent for six months. That should give her time to get back on her feet.”

Though I was still determined to be wary, I couldn’t help but feel impressed by Matt’s generosity. He hadn’t known the woman, and yet he had done such a nice thing for her and her children. “That was nice…” My harsh feelings toward him ebbed slightly.

“Jesse, there are things that you don’t know about me,” he continued. “There are some parts of my life that only belong to me, and until I’m ready to share them, with anybody, that’s where they need to stay.”

I imagined that he was talking about the loss of his wife and child. I wanted to say something, but then I didn’t want him to get mad at Sam, who he’d surely realize was the one who had told me about one of the most painful times of his life. I wondered why Matt was so unwilling to open up about it. Then again, just because I was willing to spill my guts about my past didn’t mean that he should be obligated to do the same.

We all grieved differently.

His next words caused me to stiffen.

“Jesse, I’m not ready… let’s just focus on fighting this fire, and then we’ll see what happens. For now, let’s just keep things superficial; the way we have been.”

I said nothing.
Superficial
? Is that what he thought about our relationship, our friendship, our sexual attraction to one another? Sharing our bodies and giving each other pleasure was superficial? He had touched the deepest parts of my soul, not only with his compassion, but with his hands, his tongue, and his lips.
Superficial
?

I knew better.

Just because he wasn’t ready to express his feelings didn’t mean they weren’t there. He was protecting himself, just as surely as I was. He could keep on believing that what we had between us was superficial, but I wasn’t so sure.

“Matt, I’m not putting any pressure on you,” I said. “But surely you can’t deny—”

“No strings, Jesse,” he whispered.

His breath, so warm against my neck, just the slightest breeze on my ear. My heart began to thud. What was he trying to say? That all he wanted from me was sex? Was that all it had ever been? Just sex? Despite my own insistence that I didn’t need a relationship right now, that I didn’t need to be distracted by anything or anyone while I was up here in Montana, I felt an ache starting in my heart. Dammit!

“You understand what I’m saying, Jesse?”

I did. I just didn’t want to admit it. It was at that moment that I realized I felt more than affection for him. I had fallen for him. I had fallen in love with Matt Drake. In the matter of a week or so, I had fallen hard, and the realization was so startling, so stark, that for several moments I held my breath. Yet, at the very moment I realized I loved Matt Drake, he was telling me that he didn’t want anything permanent, that he wanted everything to be superficial.

Too late for that.

“I understand,” I whispered. I was glad that I didn’t have to speak any louder, for he surely would have noticed the tremor in my voice. You stupid fool, I told myself.
You stupid fool
!

To be completely honest and fair, I realized that Matt had never made any promises, and neither had I. We had enjoyed our liaison, no doubt about it. When it first began, I was the one who realized there could be no strings, nothing permanent.

But that was then. This was now.

He said nothing for several moments, and then, after placing a gentle kiss against the nape of my neck, he rolled over, back into his own sleeping bag. As warm tears gathered between my eyelids, I blinked them back, refusing to let them flow. His warmth had left me, and I felt tired. I felt… alone. My emotions in a dither, I tried to concentrate on breathing, deeply, slowly, and calmly.

I wasn’t a little kid. I was a grown woman. I was a grown woman, long beyond the expectations of a high school girl who could demand attention and affection from her high school crush. I had known, going into this, that neither one of us had mentioned anything about a relationship. It had been about sex. Hot, passionate, wet sex. And I, stupid fool that I was, had charged full steam ahead, seduced by Matt’s sexual charisma, his persona, his good looks, and his character. I hadn’t asked for anything in return. Nor would I. He had given me pleasure, and I had done the same.

No, I couldn’t be angry with Matt for wanting a superficial relationship. It wasn’t his fault that I had fallen for him. It wasn’t his fault that I had been so captivated by everything about him. It wasn’t his fault that I wanted him so badly, sexually and emotionally.

No, that was my fault.

I just didn’t know what to do about it.