Flawed Beauty (14 page)

She swallowed and nodded in the
darkness. He lifted slightly from her body and eased back into her depths. This
time, there was no discomfort, and desire once more licked up her spine and
seemed to settle in her belly. He repeated the process over and over again. The
tightening in her stomach and her groin made her moan against his lips.

“God, you feel so good. I want you
so much. You are so slick and warm. I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of you,”
he whispered as he buried his face into the curve of her neck.

The silence of the room was broken
only by their pants and groans of pleasure. Slowly, he increased the pace and
the pressure continued to build within her. As she
gyrated
her hips against his in the age-old sexual dance, like a wild animal, she
pressed her fingernails into the hard flesh of his back, clawing at him in her
desperation of want and need.

Whimpering, she murmured
incoherently, “Please… I need… I can’t… it’s too much… please…” as the pressure
mounted beyond anything she’d ever experienced. His hard, slick thrusts became
harder and faster and her body tightened around him in direct proportion to his
thrusts. Her chest heaved as she struggled to drag air into her lungs. Desire
pushed everything else out of her mind except for her body’s need to reach its
fulfillment. As the pressure reached its zenith, she dug her fingernails into
his hips and arched her body to meet his thrusts, then blissfully she was
tossed over the precipice she’d been suspended.

“Yes, oh yes,” she cried.

She felt him begin to move quicker
and rougher within her then on a straggled oath, he reared back and slammed
into her again and again. As he reached his own release, he continued to ease
in and out of her a few more times drawing out the pleasure before collapsing
on top of her. As she struggled to catch her breath, he eased his body off hers
by rising up on his elbows.

Tenderly and gently, he rained
kisses over face. “God, that was amazing.
You
were amazing. Are you
okay?” he panted against her lips.

With a shaky voice, she whispered,
“Yes.”

As he began to pull away from her,
fear lanced through her and she grabbed his arm. He lifted questioning eyes to
hers.

“Are you coming back?” she asked
through her tightened throat.

Confusion clouded his eyes, and
clearly not understanding her question, he smiled down at her and brushed hair
from her face.
“Of course.”

With one last kiss, he said, “I’ll
be right back,” and untangled their bodies and rose from the bed. She followed
her slight view of him in the darkness as he made his way into the bathroom.
What happened now? Did she get up and dress? Was she supposed to wait for him
to return? It was understood with the many nameless guys of her past, that once
they were done, she was free to leave, or they left, sometimes before she was
redressed. Did
Jace
expect her to slip on her clothes
and leave without another word?

Now that passion and desire were
gone, her old insecurities returned. While the things he’d done to her body
were amazing, how could her fumbling compare to others he’d been with? She
couldn’t help compare this loving act of making love to what Nick Tracey and
all the others had done to her. But the acts were total poles apart from each
other.
Jace
made her feel special and wanted. The
others had made her feel dirty and ruined.

As she pondered what she was
supposed to do,
Jace
opened the bathroom door and
light filtered into the bedroom. She saw his naked form and his hard, chiseled
body sent a tingle of warmth through her body. This gorgeous creature had
wanted
her
– had made beautiful, sensual love to
her
.  She
sighed when he crawled back into the bed, turned her away from him, before
spooning her from behind. She liked the feel of his bare skin against her own.
He draped an arm over her, drawing them even closer together.

Against her ear, he asked softly,
“Do you need anything?”

“No,” she whispered.

Leisurely, he ran his fingertips up
and down her arm.

“Can I ask you something?” he asked,
his face buried in her riotous blonde curls.

“Yes.”

“What happened to hurt you so much?”

She stiffened at his question. “I
don’t know what you mean,” she answered softly.

His hand stilled at her answer
momentarily, before starting again. “You seemed scared afterwards.”

Swallowing, she struggled to come up
with something he’d believe. “Isn’t everyone apprehensive at the beginning of a
relationship?”

“You don’t have anything to worry
about, okay?” he whispered, and kissed the back of her neck.

“I know,” she whispered back, while
not really believing it. But no matter, she was safe in the knowledge she’d
always have this memory to keep for herself. When things became hard and
unbearable in the future, she’d flash back to this awesome moment in time when
everything was golden.

“What time is your first class in
the morning?”

“Eight o’clock,” she answered,
brought back to reality. Her mind going back to the stupid computer software
program and now,
her
lack of a laptop; even if she
could scrape together enough for the stupid program. She sighed deeply.

“What?” he asked.

She gave a small shake of her head.
“Nothing.”

“I don’t have to be at work until
nine, so how about you stay the night, we’ll have breakfast in the morning,
then I’ll take you home?” he asked as he sensually licked the outer edges of
her ear, causing flames of desire to begin again in her belly.

“Okay,” she said as she turned in
his arms, bringing them face to face.

He grinned. “Okay,” he parroted
before pressing his lips against hers and sliding them into the sexual abyss
once more.

Chapter 4

“…
and so I was like, it’s only one C, mom, let it go. And she was
all,
you need to try harder, Tiffany
. Is it so wrong
that I have a life? She is
sooo
clueless…”

Tate tuned out the chatty Tiffany
and smiled at her internal memories: the slide of
Jace’s
heated skin against her own; the feel of his soapy hands as they slid over her
body in the shower; the pressure of his lips as they shared a slice of pear at
breakfast; and his pressing her so urgently against her apartment door before
giving her one last lingering kiss and sprinting off down the stairs.

The clearing of the Professor’s
throat brought Tate back to her surroundings. The words
Pop Quiz
were
written across the blackboard. Blinking rapidly, she reached into her bag and
grabbed a pencil – grinning at how far removed her memories of
Jace
had taken her. Oh, life was good!

She couldn’t wipe the silly grin off
her face as she sat through class after class. And the things that normally
kept her riveted, she couldn’t focus on. Her thoughts revolved entirely around
Jace
and his touch, his smell, and his kiss. It was nice to
be… connected to someone in this way.

It wasn’t until her last class that
her true reality came crashing in. This was the class she needed the software
program for. They’d given her an extension of two weeks to get it, but that was
now over. She sat down with a heavy heart, waiting for the moment when she
would be asked to leave the class.

Her heart began to pound when Ms.
Merritt, the professor of the class, made her way towards her. Tate gripped the
strap of her backpack on her shoulders in preparation to leave. She bowed her
head in shame, not wanting to look into the kind professor’s eyes. She stared
uncomprehendingly when the professor set a compact disc in a purple case on her
desk. Written in silver lettering were the words:
The Art of Graphic Design
.
This was the software program she needed for this class.

“I don’t understand,” she said
softly.

“The office sent it over. Ms. Mason
said she hadn’t been able to catch you between classes.”

Lifting woeful eyes to the
professor, Tate began to slowly shake her head. “It’s not mine.”

The professor’s eyes clouded in
confusion. “Did you already have the disk?”

“No. I couldn’t come up with the
money,” Tate said, embarrassed.

“Well, perhaps your family purchased
it for you through the office,” Professor Merritt murmured encouragingly.

“No. That can’t be it,” Tate said
emphatically.

“Well, sometimes good things
happen.”

Tate sat through the class, refusing
to touch the purple CD case. No matter what the professor said, good things did
not
ever
happen to her. When the class ended, she scooped up the
offending CD and headed to the Registrar’s office. Ms. Mason was sitting at her
desk, combing through pages and pages of computer printouts – financial input,
if the lists of numbers was any indication.

Ms. Mason looked up when Tate
cleared her throat. She motioned Tate forward. When within range, Tate set the
CD on her desk. Ms. Mason lifted confused eyes.

Clearing her throat, Tate said,
“There seems to be some mistake, this isn’t mine.”

Her eyes crinkled as she smiled.
“There is no mistake. You have an anonymous benefactor,” she said, apparently
happy to disclose this information.

With a straggled voice, Tate
whispered, “Who was it?”

With a laugh, Ms. Mason said, “He
made me promise not to tell.”

Jace
!

Tears stung her eyes. Blindly, she
turned to leave.

“Don’t forget your disk, dear,” Ms.
Mason called.

She almost just kept going, but
instead turned, and picked up the CD.

§§§

Tate’s only two nights off from
Zeal’s were Sundays, as they were closed, and Mondays. Once she left the
college, she stopped by the grocery store on her way home and picked up a
couple cans of soup and more instant noodles. Instant noodles were a college
student’s best friend; it couldn’t be beat at three packages for a dollar.

With a heavy heart, she slugged up
the stairs to her apartment. She was surprised, but probably shouldn’t have
been, to see the windowpane had been replaced in the door just as
Jace
had promised. Why had he purchased the CD? It wasn’t
like paying for dinner or picking up a pizza. It was a lot of money. Didn’t he
realize he’d crossed a line? She had her pride. If she’d wanted him to buy it,
she’d have asked him. She’d never even told him that she needed it. How had he
found out? Well, it didn’t matter either
way,
she wasn’t
a charity case – not anymore. She hadn’t even felt this dirty when Mr. Smith
had reached out his grubby little fingers and touched her.

Her
cellphone
began ringing at seven-o-five. Then the texts began. She ignored them and
finally cut her phone off. She wasn’t sure what to say to him yet. Her heart
was so heavy. The day had started so magical, and in one move – a move she knew
he’d thought of as good – he’d pointed out once again the huge gulf between
them. He was a doctor from a good family; and she was
Patanga
Moon, whose parents had tried to sell her innocence for money.
Patanga
Moon,
who’d
spent her
later teenage years in and out of foster homes.
Patanga
Moon, whose mother was shot
to death during a police raid, and whose father was currently serving
twenty-to-life in a state prison in Illinois.

Jace
was just an unattainable dream –
like the angel. She sat staring into her soup as she slowly stirred her spoon
through it, pretending she was actually going to eat it. Finally, she pushed
the soup away from her, and instead, grabbed the Jim Beam and a glass. She
poured a measure and sat back in her chair. She swirled the whiskey in her
mouth and slowly swallowed. It burned all the way down. She desperately wanted
to call
Jace
and pretend everything was as it had
been this morning. But she’d always known the end was coming. Better to let it
go now while she could make it through it.

She jumped at the pounding on her
door. Through the new window in the door, her tawny, troubled eyes met his
stormy, brilliant blue eyes. Swallowing another sip of her drink, she picked up
the software program, rose, and headed to the door – preparing
herself
for what was to come.

She opened the door and leaned
against its frame.

“Damn it, Tate. What the hell is
going on? I’ve called you about a dozen times and texted you at least that
often.”

Wordlessly, she handed him the CD.
Automatically, he reached out a hand and took it. He glanced down and raised
confused eyes to her gaze.

“I don’t understand. What is this?”

“It’s the software program you
purchased this morning. I never used it, so you should be able to get your
money back,” she said as calmly as she could.

“I… I… it was a gift. It was
something you needed, something you were worried about. I thought I was
helping…” he trailed off.

“
Jace
, I
know I’m only a waitress, but I do have my pride. If I was a different type of
person, I could probably smile and say
‘thank you very much, oh kind sir
,’
but I’m not that person. You took what was a beautiful thing and made it sordid
and dirty. You made me feel like a whore.”

“No,” he said sharply, “God, no. I
didn’t mean it that way. I was just worried about you. You’ve been under so
much stress and I thought I could help make things better. It wasn’t that big
of a deal.”

“If it wasn’t that big a deal, why
did you feel
the need to step in and
save the little
woman
,” she said sarcastically, making air-quotes with her fingers. “And
how did you even know I needed it? Have you been spying on me?”

Jace
ran a hand through his hair and
scrubbed his face. “I knew you were upset about something, so I looked at the
history on my laptop after you used it. I don’t know what to say here. I’m
sorry. I only meant to help you. If it offends you this much, I’ll certainly
take it back. But I want you to think about something, if there was something I
needed and you were in the position to give it to me, wouldn’t you?”

His question gave her pause. For so
long she’d had to fight and scratch for everything in her life. She couldn’t
ever remember a time when anyone had considered her needs, then acted on them.

Leaning forward, he placed a warm
palm against her cheek. “Tate, I won’t apologize because I make a decent
living. It made me happy to do this for you. I work so many hours and get so
little pleasure out of the money I make. But this made me
happy
. Please
accept this gift in the way I intended it. Please?”

Tate dragged in a shuddering breath.
His words pierced her heart. He was going to hurt her badly; she could already
see the writing on the wall. She closed her eyes as he pressed his lips against
hers with the very lightest of touches. She whimpered in indecision. Could she
risk it? She inhaled sharply and his scent surrounded her. Throwing caution to
the wind, she linked her fingers together behind his neck and drew him down to
her as she opened up to him. He placed his hands on her hips and slowly backed
her into the apartment, kicking the door shut with his foot. He tossed the CD
onto the table, lifted her into his arms, and carried her into the bedroom.