Flicker (6 page)

chapter ten

“
G
et away!” Mom pushes her hands in front of her. “Get away, now.”

Charlie lowers his weapon, clearly stunned at Mom’s response.

“I mean it, you need to go. We don’t want any more trouble.” Mom stands, attempting to redress herself while yelling at Charlie. I’m thankful to have been unconscious while the men took her away in an attempt to defile her, but looking at her now, with her scraped body and bloody hands, I wish I’d been the one offering protection. Instead it was Charlie the cowboy, who was here for us. He was willing to shoot men down to protect strangers, and now we’re in his debt.

“I don’t mean you any harm.” He hangs his rifle over his shoulder. “Look, I was coming down to the water on my horse when I heard screams. I followed them until I found you. I only wanted to help.” He pushes dark hair from his face, dropping his eyes. His worn-out gaze shows me he has no agenda.

As thankful as I am for the help he’s given us, I’m still scared of this guy. Walking in, shooting everyone he sees, he isn’t someone to trust. Mom walks over to me and I take her hand, surprised by the unsteadiness of her grip, the apprehension that pulses through her body. I hold on to Mom for dear life, not wanting to stay around a second camp of dead men any longer.

“You can’t go walking around like this, you know,” he continues. “This is going to happen again. There are no women out here. Look, I don’t know where you come from, but here in the wild, it’s a man’s world. Next time they’ll do worse. You’re lucky I was here or you’d have been theirs, forever.” He points to the men lying on the ground.

I don’t know if he is right or not, or why I should believe him, but he saved us when he didn’t have to.

“What do you think we should do?” I ask, my quiet voice returning.

“Lucy, stop. We’re going to join The Light. Do you know where they are?” she asks Charlie. His shoulders stiffen when Mom mentions our plans.

“I know The Light.” His words are slow and deliberate. “But I’ve got to tell you, there’s another way.” He looks at me like he wants to say more but hesitates, allowing Mom time to answer.

“We aren’t interested,” Mom says. “We almost died and I’ve learned my lesson, I’m not taking any more chances. I’m getting my daughter to safety if it’s the last thing I do. We’re not joining some vigilante militia of yours.”

Her eyes flare with intensity at the words she speaks, and my own well with tears. Of course I know she would do anything to keep me safe, she did as much at the compound when everyone else took their lives. Still, there’s relief in hearing her say that out loud, because even if I question her ways, I know her plan is pure. She just wants to keep me safe.

“Can you tell us where The Light is?” I ask as love for Mom surges through me.

“Yeah, I can take you there. I know where their boat landing is, a few days walk south, but it’s not what you think.”

“But you’ll take us?” Mom asks.

“If that’s what you want. I’m sure they’ll want you.” He looks at me when he says it, like he knows me in ways I don’t know myself.

“How soon can we go?” Mom lets go of my hand, her strength’s returned with the knowledge we’ll make it to The Light.

“Let me pick through their camp, then we can go if you’re sure.”

“I’m sure,” she says.

“And you?” he asks me.

“I’m … I’m going wherever she takes me.”

“Then you’ll fit in at The Light,” he says, shaking his head. 

In silence we eat the fish the men left in the pit. The food fills me and I’m thankful to avoid the nausea of hunger. We find some jerky and wrap it in a cloth, shoving it in our packs. Charlie pilfers through the bags carefully; he takes a few flasks, exchanges his shoes with a pair of their boots. He takes the guns off the men’s lifeless bodies. Then he leads us back down the stairs where his horse is tied up waiting for his return.

“I’m Charlie and this is Lucky,” he says, introducing us to the red stallion I saw through the steady stream of the surveillance cameras at the compound. I look at Mom to see if she recognizes the horse, but she doesn’t look closely at the animal. Her eyes are already miles down the road.

“I’m Lucy.” I look at the ground, feeling like a liar remembering him, but holding that information back.

“And I’m Cecily, Lucy’s mom. Listen, the only reason we’re talking right now is because for some reason you want to help. I get it, you’re a kid trying to do the right thing, but I want to be perfectly clear. I don’t want to get close with you. I have no reason to trust you, so I don’t.”

I look at her; shocked at the way she’s treating Charlie. He wants to help us, and has agreed to take us somewhere he doesn’t seem all that keen on going, and she’s treating him as though he’s the enemy.

“Point taken.” Charlie puts his hands in front of himself showing he understands.

“Don’t look at me like that, Lucy. I’m thankful for his help. I just don’t know his intentions.”

“I’m right here, Cecily. You could always ask me.” Charlie responds, quick with his words in a way I never am.

“Well then, why? Why help?”

“Look, I have no reason
not to help
. I do wish you’d consider other options, like I said, but I’m headed that way anyhow. My home is close to their dock.”

“What options, exactly?” Mom asks.

“There are some safe houses our group has set up spaced about thirty miles apart, and then a main camp south of here. But it’s kinda hard-core, not that you’re not, it’s just a very different life than what The Light offers.”

“We heard The Light has a prophet, have you heard of him?” Mom asks.

“I’ve heard of him alright.” Charlie pauses, biting his lower lip.

“And?” she presses.

“He’s powerful, a different sort of power than we have out here.”

“What power do you have out here?”

“Our two hands.”

“And there?”

“They have the
‘light of the world.’
Things are easier in some ways, but in others worse. Do you want freedom or comforts of the old world?
”
He looks squarely at me. “What do you want?”

I don’t answer, not wanting to disagree with Mom, so I twist my lips and look to the ground.

“I guess it just depends what you’re looking for,” he tells Mom.

“I appreciate your offer to take us with you, but we need to go to The Light,” Mom says. “But thank you, I mean it. Thank you for what you did for us.”

“You’re welcome,” Charlie says, blowing air out of his cheeks, not pushing us anymore. “So you ready to go?”

“Oh, and thank you for untying Lucy,” Mom finishes.

Charlie looks straight at me …
through me
… making me wonder if he saw more than he lets on. He answers Mom with surety. “She had her hands free before I found her.”

“The knots were loose, Mom. The guys must have thought since I’d fainted I wouldn’t wake for a bit.” I interrupt before Mom or Charlie can say something else.

“Yes. Good with knots … that must’ve been it.” Charlie gives me a quick nod. “So, who wants to ride first?”

Mom points to me.

“I don’t know, I mean, I’ve never….” Never ridden a horse and never been this close to a guy. Especially a guy willing to kill men who try to rape my mother. A guy with black hair falling across eyes as blue as the sky. My heart beats fast knowing I’m going to jump on this beast and take the reins and walk towards a life I know nothing about.

“Never what?” he asks, stepping closer to me, wanting to understand. I open my mouth and then close it, knowing the words are trapped again.

“She’s never ridden a horse, that’s all. I’ll just help her up and we can get going.” I let Mom show me what to do. Left foot in the stirrup, hands on the saddle, and I push myself over with my right foot. Settling down, I laugh in spite of myself.

“You’re a natural,” he says smiling, “Sure you haven’t done this before?” He looks up at me and I remember what he said at the compound. I want to yell at him for the way he dismissed my dad as a crazy man in a Hazmat suit, though now I see he was right to say my dad was insane and walk from the compound shaking his head. All Charlie saw was three grown men paralyzed in fear.

I shake my head, but I also want to reach out and touch him to see if he is really here, really the same cowboy. He pauses like he wants to say more but stops himself and smiles instead. I smile back.

We start our trek. Mom keeps her eyes on the horizon not wanting to stop and insisting we push through with me on the horse. It’s like a battle of wills between Mom and Charlie, both refusing to switch spots with me. I don’t mind, sitting after walking for two days is a relief. 

We head out of town in a different direction than where we came in. We begin our journey on an uphill road, away from the shore, but then the road bends to the left and once again we move along the water’s edge. Eventually the pavement becomes harder to navigate as we cross onto an old highway. The concrete’s broken in giant pieces and we’re forced to make our way on the grass beside it. When we stop for breaks I insist someone change places with me, but both shake their heads and we keep walking south.

Mom and Charlie are brief with the words they exchange, but I’m silent. Charlie tells her about the gang of men who attacked us; apparently we were unlucky because most gangs were wiped out from these parts. I find relief in that, knowing how ill prepared Mom and I are to ward off another assault.

At the end of the day we stop and put up our tent. Charlie says he prefers the outside to tent confinement. Mom and I get out our sleeping bags and in doing so I find an apple buried in my pack. I tell Mom I’ll be back and slip out the tent.

“Lucy?” Charlie asks as I step into the moonlight. He’s unrolling his blankets, getting ready to sleep.

“I found an apple for Lucky, he was so good to me today.” I walk over to the horse and he quickly takes the fruit from my hand, chomping through it in one bite. I laugh and put one hand on his nose and pet his auburn mane with the other.

“He likes you,” Charlie says. “Maybe because you have the same hair.” He’s standing now, patting the horse’s side. He’s close enough that I can see a scar across his neck, just above his collarbone.

“I should get some sleep, we have a long day tomorrow.” I turn to leave, but stop. “Thank you, Charlie, for helping us. I know you don’t have to.”

At the same time Charlie says, “You don’t have to join The Light, you know.

We pause in the moonlight and I have a strange desire to reach up and touch his faded scar, to press my hand against it. I bite my lip, scared of what that sort of wanting might mean.

“I don’t think there is any other choice for me.” I look towards the tent, wondering if Mom is listening to the words we exchange. “Mom is determined to join The Light. You heard her earlier. There is no reasoning. She’s made up her mind to get me there. She thinks it’s the safest place and I’m staying with her. She is all … she is
everything
to me.”

Charlie lowers his voice and leans close to me, breathing against my ear. “Once you join it will be too late, you’ll never have the choice … any choices … again. Believe me, I know.”

“Why do you want me to come with you? You don’t even know me.” It’s strange talking to another person my age. I thought it would be hard, but talking with Charlie doesn’t scare me. It feels right.

“Can I ask you a question first?” he asks.

“Sure.”

“How did you untie your hands?”

“The knots were easy, I’ve practiced them plenty with my dad.”

“Nothing else helped you? Because I swear you….”

“What?” I ask, pretending not to know what he means.

“Nothing. I just knew someone once….” He kicks a rock in the grass, not meeting my eyes. I’m glad, because if he did, he’d know I’m playing dumb. “I think I just wished you were like him.”

My heart slows with relief, knowing Charlie doesn’t quite understand what he saw when I undid the knots.

“I’m not like anybody. I’ve never had a chance to be like myself.”

“I understand you wanting to go with your Mom. It sucks to leave the people you love, and if you don’t have to, I guess, why would you?”

The cool air holds our whispered words as we tell our secrets to the night sky.

“Who did you leave?”

“It doesn’t matter, life goes on. But I know if I saw him, he’d hate me for not coming back.”

“Can you go back, I mean, is it too late?”

“Things change and sometimes, even if you want something, it doesn’t mean you can get it, or even should. Life isn’t good or bad, right or wrong. It’s more complicated than that.”

“I know.” Drinking the poison-laced-tea was more than a
bad choice
. It was also a choice filled with fear, grief, and longing. A choice born from the desire to do good, that turned to something tragic.