Authors: Anthony Bidulka
“Kill Daniel.”
Daniel whipped his head to the side to get a
full bead on Herb. He tried, but no words formed
on his lips, just a strangling kind of sound. Herb
was looking only at me, his nostrils flaring like a
derby horse after an exhausting race. I was sure
sweat was beginning to lather around his neck.
“So you asked Daniel here today to do it. What
422 — F l i g h t o f A q u av i t
did you say? That you missed him and wanted to
get back together? Your plan was to get him drunk
and push him over the atrium railing. Your friend
Hugh was around with a gun, just in case the fall
didn’t quite do him in? And then you’d leave him
to clean up your mess while you headed out to
attend a family Christmas?”
“Shut up,” Herb growled at me.
“You were going to kill me?” Daniel was final-
ly able to speak. His face was crestfallen.
Herb refused to look at him. “I want to speak
with my lawyer.”
I’d say that was a yes.
Given that it was Christmas day, Darren took pity
on me and let me out of the interrogation room
much sooner than he’d probably have liked to.
Besides, within the past forty-eight hours I’d been
kidnapped and almost killed, caught a blackmailer,
solved a murder and prevented another; I deserved
a little special treatment. And, I promised to come
back early the next day.
I made it home in time to help my mother with
the final touches for our—whoa, where did
that
come from?—for
my
Christmas party and change
into something festive—wonderpants, red
sweater with white piping and a jaunty Santa hat.
The storm Jared and I had been dumped in was
long gone leaving in its wake a sparkling veneer
of fresh snow. Freezing temperatures had also
migrated north leaving sunny Saskatoon to enjoy
balmy temperatures in the minus teens.
Anthony Bidulka — 423
It was when I’d gone into my mother’s room to
retrieve some table linens she’d brought with her
from the farm and needed for the party that I saw
them. There in full view, two pieces of luggage—
hers—were open on the bed, half filled with her
things. I stood there for a minute, my mind
whirring with possible explanations for what I
was seeing.
“No find?” my mother asked me when I
returned to the kitchen empty-handed. “You look
in drawer? Dey dere.”
“Mom…your bags?”
“Ya?” She was kneading a puffy mound of raw
dough.
“Mom…I thought you were moving in…I
thought…”
“No,” she said simply, heaving over the pliable
white lump with little effort. “I go home day after
tomorrow.”
“Mom, I want you to feel welcome here…I
think…” Oh my God, was I going to say it? “I
think you should move in.” And I meant it.
“No, no, no, not time yet.”
“What? But you said you liked the garage
apartment and you said…”
“I say notting. You say.”
“But the other night, when we were talking…”
She powdered the dough with more flour and
continued her task. “Ya, ve talk. Only talk,
Sonsyou.”
I shook my head in frustration. What was
going on? Hadn’t my mother said she was moving
in? Maybe not in so many words, but…“Mom,
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you are very welcome to move into the room over
the garage…or into the house if you want. No
need to think anything over.”
“I only look at garage to see vhat it like. To see
if dere’s room for me vhen time comes. Den you
say I move in. But I vait, I tink. Not time yet.”
“No?”
“I’m only sixty-two, Sonsyou. I need de farm. I
need my garden and flowers and lady friends.
Not noise and smoke in air and city craziness. But
vhen eet’s time…I know. And den…mebbe den…I
come here mebbe.”
I nodded. I think I understood. I could see not
wanting to live in Bill’s house with four kids, all of
whom one day soon would be teenagers. And I’ve
long suspected Mother and Bill’s wife, Adrian,
only tolerate one another. As far as Joanne is con-
cerned, she’s still looking for herself and enjoying
a swinging single life. She switches jobs, apart-
ments and cities more often than most. And, she
obviously isn’t anxious to leave Saskatchewan.
Moving away from the farm would be a big
enough step for her when the time came. So that
left…me? Had I somehow become the child with
the most attractive and stable lifestyle? How could
that have happened? True, I didn’t have a hoard of
human noise-makers running around the house, I
did have a comfortable home and a garden and a
nice quiet dog (or two) that I returned to every
night (almost) and I did live only an hour away
from the beloved farm.
Oh my gosh. It was true.
I smiled—big.
Anthony Bidulka — 425
“Sonsyou.” My mother had stopped with her
doughy ministrations and was looking right at
me. “Dyiakyou for vanting me.”
“You’re welcome.”
“I love you, Sonsyou.”
I always knew my mother loved me and I her,
but we rarely said the words. And to hear it at that
moment, in my home, both of us knowing that
some day we’d end up together, just as we began
together, was pretty powerful. Powerful and won-
derful.
Which meant the conversation was over. My
mother went back to her cinnamon-bun-making
and I went to check my hair.
The first to arrive was Sereena who entered with a
flourish of crinoline and taffeta in tones of rich
burgundy, mistletoe green and Devonshire cream.
Her head was covered with scores of precise
ringlets and sparkling, jewelled hairpins. She was
Mrs. Claus’ younger and more stylish sister.
“Here, I brought you a little something,” she
said as she deposited her silk wrap in my waiting
hands along with a crumpled brown paper bag.
I peeked inside and pulled out a bottle of gold-
en liquid. Lysholm Linie Aquavit from Norway. I
gave my friend a fond and appreciative grin.
“I thought it was an appropriate reminder of
our time together in New York.”
“Shall we?” I said, eyeing the bottle like
Groucho Marx—minus the eyebrows.
She tilted her head enticingly and purred,
426 — F l i g h t o f A q u av i t
“There’s no time like the present.”
But at that moment the doorbell rang again. I
placed the bottle on the foyer table and opened the
door. It was Kelly and Errall. I hugged Kelly and
felt an unfamiliar stiffening. But before I could
think too much about it, the parade began. Mary
and Marushka came next, followed by Anthony
and Jared. Barbra and Brutus were the first to wel-
come everyone with feverishly wagging tails. As
the day moved from early to late afternoon, the
noise and activity level in my little house grew in
intensity as more people come’d’n’go’d. Drinks
were imbibed and food was scarfed down, calo-
ries be damned. Amongst the holiday revellers
were Alberta and her Indo-Canadian snake-
charmer date, the three monkey ladies, Lilly and
Beverly and their husbands and kids, and about a
dozen others.
When the mass had grown big enough that I
knew I wouldn’t be missed if I slipped out, I
grabbed Kelly and asked her to join me for a walk.
She wasn’t happy about it. She knew what was
coming but complied anyway.
Once we were bundled up appropriately for
the weather and on the street heading nowhere in
particular, I began. “Kelly, I need to know what’s
going on with you. I’m worried about you and I
want to help. But I can’t do that unless I really
understand what’s happening. I know you’re still
dealing with your cancer, but there’s something
more.”
Surprisingly she readily agreed. “You’re right.”
Okay. Hmm. Now what? “So what is it?”
Anthony Bidulka — 427
“That’s part of the problem, Russell. I don’t real-
ly know. You’re right though. I am still freaked
about being sick. I’m afraid that will never go
away. And if it does…if it does I don’t know who
I’m going to be.”
I watched puffs of air escaping Kelly’s mouth,
the only things making sense to me right then.
“What do you mean?”
“I’m a different person than I was before the
cancer, Russell. And I might never be the same
again. I can’t explain it. It’s like I can see the
woman I am right now, I can see what she’s like,
what she’s doing. I can see she’s not me. I don’t
even like her very much, but it’s like I’m power-
less to leave her behind, to go back to who I was.
Can you…can you understand that at all?
Probably not, it sounds crazy even to me, but it’s
exactly how I feel right now.”
This was the most I’d ever heard Kelly talk
about herself at one time. That alone was different
from the Kelly I’d always known. And what she
was saying was disturbing, maybe even a little
frightening to me. But I could see it myself. This
woman was different. I wrapped an arm around
her and again felt the stiffening. I so wanted
everything to be perfect or at the very least, the
way it used to be. It was Christmastime for Pete’s
sake. My case was solved. My mother and I had
come to a new level of understanding with one
another, an understanding that someday would
change my life—but not right now. It had taken an
evening of nearly freezing to our deaths, but I had
also come to some important realizations about
428 — F l i g h t o f A q u av i t
my feelings for Jared and respect for his relation-
ship with Anthony. I now had two dogs and that
was okay; I was up to the responsibility. So why
wasn’t Kelly jumping in line, completing the pic-
ture of my life in good order?
We walked on and talked some more, but there
were no easy answers to this one—and, like in my
line of work, I had to accept that sometimes there
are none.
As we retraced our steps and approached the
house, we both saw a car idling nearby. A black
BMW. Before I’d departed the police station I’d
left a note for Daniel asking him to join our party
when they’d finished with him. He’d lost both his
wife and…friend?… lover?…that day. Who did he
have left to spend Christmas with?
“Someone you know?” Kelly asked as we came
closer.
“Client,” I told her.
“I’ll go in then,” she said and started to head
towards the gate that leads to my house.
I pulled her to a stop and into a bear hug. No
stiffness this time. It was a start. I hoped.
I waited until I saw Kelly step into the yard
before I walked up to the driver’s side of Daniel’s
car. Daniel got out and we fumbled through an
awkward
handshake-come-hug.
“Merry
Christmas, Daniel!” I couldn’t help wonder how
the recent events in his life would affect him.
Would he too be forever changed? But for him
would it be for the better?
“Merry Christmas, Russell. I got your message
to stop by. Thank you.”
Anthony Bidulka — 429
“No problem. Why don’t you come in? Get ya
some food and drink.”
“I’m afraid I can’t stay.”
“Is everything all right?” Stupid question. Of
course everything wasn’t all right. “How did
things go at the police station?”
“It was…it was okay. There’s a lot to talk
about. Going back tomorrow. Right now I just feel
utterly exhausted. I don’t want to face anyone
right now, I know you understand. I need to be
alone. But I wanted to come by and thank you for
all you did.”
“I know it’s not how you hoped things would
turn out, Daniel, but at least it’s over. And I’m sure
the police will do their best to keep the details
quiet.”
He shrugged as if that was the least of his wor-
ries. And he was probably right. “I need to go.”
He turned away then stopped himself. “Russell—
I want you to know—you’ve given me a very spe-
cial gift this Christmas.”
“Oh?” I said, unsure of what he meant.
“You’ve opened my eyes to a new way of life.
You’ve shown me that who I might be inside
is…well, maybe he’s not such a bad guy.” Might
be? Maybe? I was disappointed. Hadn’t the last
couple of weeks taught him anything at all? “I
want to be happier, Russell. I don’t know what’s