“What about all the things that were beyond my control…like my dad dying and leaving me and my mom broke, or Rex ruining my life when he changed those letters and mailed them to Keri. Those are things that I had no control over. Those are things I can
never
change.”
“Yes, some things are out of your control. Your dad died early because he failed to take better care of himself. That was out of your control. But you were responsible for the decisions you made after his death, things you might not have had to deal with if he had lived longer—like caring for your mother. As far as Rex is concerned, you chose Rex as a friend. You chose to live with Rex when you were assigned as an instructor at Top Gun school. The letters would have never been tampered with if you had not been living with Rex. The same goes for the decision you made in New York to accompany Keri to her father’s condo. Bottom line…it’s not about what happens to you as a result of things that are out of your control—like your father’s death—but about the choices you make concerning the things that are within your control—like choosing your friends.”
Her words dug deep into his heart. She was right. If he had not been sucked into living with Rex, he and Keri would have reconnected much earlier.
“Life is like a hand of poker. You have to play the hand you’re dealt, but in your hand is one very valuable wild card. It lets you change the suit or number on any card. That wild card is called choice. Humans are the only creatures that are able to make moral choices. It is your greatest blessing and can be your greatest curse. As you have proven with your life, people don’t always make good choices.”
“If it’s my lesson, why must my family die?”
“When you wander from the path you were meant to travel, others will suffer. Your life is not just about you.”
“So you are telling me I am doomed to a life of suffering and pain as a result of my bad choices…
and
because of the things I cannot even control? That’s not fair.”
“Very few lessons are learned outside of suffering. Suffering and pain open our ears to hear God. There can be no growth in your life without change…there is no change without loss…and there is no loss without pain. Better choices are the key to avoiding
unnecessary
suffering in your life. You should have learned that by now in your previous dreams.”
“Tell me what I could have done to stop this?” He pointed to the grave markers of his family.
“In your first dream, you chose not to go to the condo in New York. That choice stopped the illegitimate birth of your son, David.”
“Look!” Ryan snapped back, pointing to the graves. “My family is dead! Who cares about what I did or didn’t do in New York?”
Angel continued calmly. “In your second dream, you chose not to go with Rex Dean to the beach, and you guarded the letter you had written to Keri, mailing it yourself.”
“What is wrong with you? Again, they are dead. None of my choices stopped it!”
They
can’t
really
be
dead
because
I’m
dreaming
.
She continued, “And then there was the third dream…”
He snapped, “The third, the fourth, the fifth, and now the sixth…and as far as I know 1,000 more! Who CARES!? My family is still dead! How long is this going to go on?”
“If it helps, I can tell you that the Number Seven is the number of completion, the end, the fulfillment. Seven represents perfection.”
“What are you saying?” He took a calming breath. “Just tell me…will I be able to fix this in the next dream?”
“All I can say is that the lessons will continue until the lessons are learned. Your lesson is about making good choices. Life is a choice, and in the end your life will have become the summation of those choices.”
“What if I
never
learn what I’m supposed to learn?”
“The journey of life is all about the ending. Each choice is merely another piece added to your personal jigsaw puzzle. In the end, once all the pieces have been connected, you will see the completed picture of your life—good or bad.”
Ryan turned and gazed at the grave markers. In a somber tone, he said, “Will I ever see my family again?”
“I’m sorry, but some choices have irreversible consequences. All we can do is learn from the past, embrace the present—don’t take anything for granted—and hope in the future.”
That’s
what
mom
always
said
.
“Wait! What did you just say? Where did you get that?”
“I’m not sure I know what you are asking.”
“What you just said about past, present, and future…”
Could
this
be
the
woman
mom
was
referring
to
in
the
dream
when
she
said
“
we
”?
“…have you ever known a woman named Martha Mitchell, by chance?”
Angel smiled. “Do you mean your mother, Martha?”
“Yes.”
“Martha and I have become very close.”
“How is that possible? Were y’all friends before she died?”
Angel pursed her lips. “Not exactly.”
“Wait! You said ‘have become’? What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Well…we met
after
she died.”
“After? That’s impossible. Wait! Are you telling me you met my mother in Heaven?”
“Yes.”
“Are you telling me that you are dead?”
“Not exactly.”
“If you are not dead, and you didn’t know my mom when she was alive, but you have become very close to her
since
she died…”
“Ryan, I’m an angel. I was sent to guide you.”
I’m
dreaming
.
This
is
completely
normal
.
None
of
this
is
real
.
“So you are an angel named Angel, and your favorite perfume is Angel.” He laughed.
* * *
Ryan opened his eyes. He looked around the room. Nothing had changed. He was still in the DoubleTree. His suitcase was on the floor as he’d left it before he went to sleep—packed and ready. He smiled.
He breathed a sigh of relief. Keri, David, and Martha were still alive.
CHAPTER 32
Buckhead
,
Georgia
Sunday
morning
—
June
8
,
2003
Ryan took a long, hot shower after working out in the hotel gym. The therapeutically-charged hot water poured over his body while his mind drifted freely in thought.
He missed Keri. His sensation of loneliness overwhelmed him—stronger than ever before. The visual image from his dream of her name etched in the grave marker haunted him. Although only a dream, his mind toyed with his emotions, twisting the illusion into reality. How could he live without her? She anchored his life, and was emotionally—by far—the stronger of the two of them. If he died first—as he hoped he would—he knew she would be fine. After a short period of grief, she would bounce back, making the most of every day, pouring her life into those around her.
He toweled off, dressed, and left the room. He checked out of the hotel at noon. He went to his rental car, tossed his suitcase in the backseat, and started for Peachtree DeKalb Airport to meet John.
More despairing thoughts dug into his core. Telling Keri the truth about everything that had happened during the last two weeks—all the lies and deception—dumped waves of guilt and remorse on his heart, but he had no other choice.
Why
did
I
do
it
?
Why
couldn’t
I
have
just
left
things
alone
?
As he neared the airport, the sick feeling in his gut verged on nausea. It was 12:50 p.m. local time—three hours earlier in California. He mentally calculated when he would be face-to-face with Keri—approximately three o’clock West Coast time.
His mind spun in a different direction when an oncoming four-door Mercedes sedan streaked past. His instincts collected the image of the car and the driver during the few seconds it was in view, processing it faster than a powerful computer equipped with facial recognition technology. His heart raced. The woman was a near perfect match to his Angel, and the car was identical to the car she had been driving one year in the future when they met at Starbucks.
Is
it
possible
?
If
so
,
what
would
she
be
doing
at
Peachtree
DeKalb
?
He didn’t have time to chase after her. If he did, he would be late for his agreed-to departure time with John. He knew John wouldn’t mind, but it would add to his and Michael’s day, as they planned to fly back to Atlanta after dropping him in California. More than likely, his mind was playing tricks on him—again. He so desperately wanted to find his Angel that the slightest common feature of almost any woman might cause him to think it was her.
He parked the rental next to John’s black Lexus SUV and went inside the hangar. The Gulfstream had been pulled onto the ramp and looked ready.
John greeted him with a handshake. “We’re ready to go when you are,” John said, offering to take his bag.
“Thanks, but I’ll take it.”
Something about John looked different—his nose as red as Rudolf, his cheeks glowing.
Ouch
!
“Looks like you got a little sun,” Ryan said.
“Yeah. I should have used more sunscreen. But I figure the vitamin D will do me good...as long as my skin holds up.” He laughed.
Ryan was confused as to how John might have gotten sunburned at church. The burn, much worse than anything possible from merely sitting in the morning sun on his patio for an hour, looked deep, as though he had spent several days on the beach. Unable to make any sense of it, he released the thought.
With John leading the way, they continued to the jet. After boarding, Ryan spoke briefly with Michael, noticing he, too, looked slightly sunburned on his ears and nose.
Ryan took a seat in the cabin. John joined Michael in the cockpit and had the jet airborne within fifteen minutes, headed for California.
During the flight, Ryan nodded off a couple of times and snacked on a fruit and cheese platter John had catered for the trip. He spent practically every waking moment perplexed about facing Keri with the truth.
When he wasn’t spinning scenarios in his mind about Keri’s possible reactions to his confession, he dealt with the unexplainable loneliness that hung over him like a suffocating illness.
He had no reason to entertain such thoughts of loneliness, other than the lingering memory of his dream. The dates of death on the markers were May 29, 2003—the same date when Samael Janus had held Keri and the children hostage in his
other
life. If the dream was a premonition of what was to come, there was still almost a month before the crash would take place—plenty of time to worry about that later. But how could he know if the dates were accurate? All it would take was one small change in his
other
life to alter the dates in his current reality, resulting in a corresponding date change on the granite markers. Once he saw Keri’s face, the depressing thoughts in his dream, along with the demons of death, would disappear.
The jet started its descent for landing at John Wayne Airport. He would need to change into his uniform before leaving the airport, as Keri expected him to be returning from Maui.
As the jet touched down, the vision of facing Keri with the truth was unbearable; he couldn’t do it…not now. He decided to wait until after Mother’s Day before confessing to Keri, allowing time to pass and life to return to normal.
No
reason
to
rush
into
it
.
Hopefully he could build a reserve of creditability before unloading the bad news. Mother’s Day would be a great opportunity for him to express his love to her for her many sacrificial years as an amazing mother and wife. His decision gave him some relief from the pressing stress.
John taxied the jet to Signature Aviation. Michael exited the cockpit and lowered the stairs, eager to get the jet fueled and ready for the return trip to Atlanta.
At the bottom of the stairs John told Ryan, “Don’t forget what I said.”
Ryan hesitated, trying to remember what John had told him.
“Check your calendar and get back with me, and we will set up a time for you to come over and visit. I want you to meet the rest of the family.”
“Of course…I’ll get on that first thing,” he lied. He would have to see how things went after Mother’s Day before he would know if a trip to Buckhead was doable.
“If you need anything, call me. Angel said she hoped you would stay long enough to spend a few days at our beach house. She thought it would do you good.”
Wow
!
They
have
a
beach
house
,
too
.
“Sounds like a good plan. I’ll give you a call after Mother’s Day and let you know.”
John laughed. “Mother’s Day? How about Father’s Day?”
John was right. He would need to confess to Keri before calling. John’s suggestion of calling before Father’s Day would give him more time—which he needed. “Yeah…I’ll be sure to call before Father’s Day.”
“Great!”
“Talk soon,” Ryan said, extending his hand. John ignored his offer to shake hands and reached his arms around Ryan and hugged him.
After a longer than normal hug, John pulled back. “Remember…anything…don’t hesitate to call me. We are here for you.”
“Right. Thank you. I’ll call soon.”
What
was
that
all
about
?
The hug felt a bit mushy, but in an unexplainable way, comforting. It was nice to know that John considered him part of the family.
He made a quick stop in the men’s room inside Signature to change into his airline uniform.