I caught my breath and managed to call down, “No problem!” then forced myself to concentrate on those blue and yellow stripes, to focus on them and only them as I shinnied up, up, up. Finally I touched it; I grasped it; I had the kite in my hand!
But the string was tangled in the branches above and I couldn't seem to pull it free. Bryce called, “Break the string!” and somehow I managed to do just that.
When I had the kite free, I needed a minute to rest. To recover before starting down. So instead of looking at the ground below me, I held on tight and looked out. Out across the rooftops.
That's when the fear of being up so high began to lift, and in its place came the most amazing feeling that I was flying. Just soaring above the earth, sailing among the clouds.
Then I began to notice how wonderful the breeze smelled. It smelled like … sunshine. Like sunshine and wild grass and pomegranates and rain! I couldn't stop breathing it in, filling my lungs again and again with the sweetest smell I'd ever known.
Bryce called up, “Are you stuck?” which brought me down to earth. Carefully I backed up, prized stripes in hand, and as I worked my way down, I could see Bryce circling the tree, watching me to make sure I was okay.
By the time I hit the slide, the heady feeling I'd had in the tree was changing into the heady realization that Bryce and I were alone.
Alone!
My heart was positively racing as I held the kite out to him. But before he could take it, Champ nudged me from behind and I could feel his cold, wet nose against my skin.
Against my skin?!
I grabbed my jeans in back, and that's when I realized the seat of my pants was ripped wide open.
Bryce laughed a little nervous laugh, so I could tell he knew, and for once mine were the cheeks that were beet red. He took his kite and ran off, leaving me to inspect the damage.
I did eventually get over the embarrassment of my jeans, but I never got over the view. I kept thinking of what it felt like to be up so high in that tree. I wanted to see it, to feel it, again. And again.
It wasn't long before I wasn't afraid of being up so high and found the spot that became
my
spot. I could sit there for hours, just looking out at the world. Sunsets were amazing. Some days they'd be purple and pink, some days they'd be a blazing orange, setting fire to clouds across the horizon.
It was on a day like that when my father's notion of the whole being greater than the sum of its parts moved from my head to my heart. The view from my sycamore was more than rooftops and clouds and wind and colors combined.
It was magic.
And I started marveling at how I was feeling both humble and majestic. How was that possible? How could I be so full of peace and full of wonder? How could this simple tree make me feel so complex? So
alive
.
I went up the tree every chance I got. And in junior high that became almost every day because the bus to our school picks up on Collier Street, right in front of the sycamore tree.
At first I just wanted to see how high I could get before the bus pulled up, but before long I was leaving the house early so I could get clear up to my spot to see the sun rise, or the birds flutter about, or just the other kids converge on the curb.
I tried to convince the kids at the bus stop to climb up with me, even a little ways, but all of them said they didn't want to get dirty. Turn down a chance to feel magic for fear of a little dirt? I couldn't believe it.
I'd never told my mother about climbing the tree. Being the truly sensible adult that she is, she would have told me it was too dangerous. My brothers, being brothers, wouldn't have cared.
That left my father. The one person I knew would understand. Still, I was afraid to tell him. He'd tell my mother and pretty soon they'd insist that I stop. So I kept quiet, kept climbing, and felt a somewhat lonely joy as I looked out over the world.
Then a few months ago I found myself talking to the tree. An entire conversation, just me and a tree. And on the climb down I felt like crying. Why didn't I have someone real to talk to? Why didn't I have a best friend like everyone else seemed to? Sure, there were kids I knew at school, but none of them
were close friends. They'd have no interest in climbing the tree. In smelling the sunshine.
That night after dinner my father went outside to paint. In the cold of the night, under the glare of the porch light, he went out to put the finishing touches on a sunrise he'd been working on.
I got my jacket and went out to sit beside him, quiet as a mouse.
After a few minutes he said, “What's on your mind, sweetheart?”
In all the times I'd sat out there with him, he'd never asked me that. I looked at him but couldn't seem to speak.
He mixed two hues of orange together, and very softly he said, “Talk to me.”
I sighed so heavily it surprised even me. “I understand why you come out here, Dad.”
He tried kidding me. “Would you mind explaining it to your mother?”
“Really, Dad. I understand now about the whole being greater than the sum of the parts.”
He stopped mixing. “You do? What happened? Tell me about it!”
So I told him about the sycamore tree. About the view and the sounds and the colors and the wind, and how being up so high felt like flying. Felt like magic.
He didn't interrupt me once, and when my confession was through, I looked at him and whispered, “Would you climb up there with me?”
He thought about this a long time, then smiled and said, “I'm not much of a climber anymore, Julianna, but I'll give it
a shot, sure. How about this weekend, when we've got lots of daylight to work with?”
“Great!”
I went to bed so excited that I don't think I slept more than five minutes the whole night. Saturday was right around the corner. I couldn't wait!
The next morning I raced to the bus stop extra early and climbed the tree. I caught the sun rising through the clouds, sending streaks of fire from one end of the world to the other. And I was in the middle of making a mental list of all the things I was going to show my father when I heard a noise below.
I looked down, and parked right beneath me were two trucks. Big trucks. One of them was towing a long, empty trailer, and the other had a cherry picker on it—the kind they use to work on overhead power lines and telephone poles.
There were four men standing around talking, drinking from thermoses, and I almost called down to them, “I'm sorry, but you can't park there…. That's a bus stop!” But before I could, one of the men reached into the back of a truck and started unloading tools. Gloves. Ropes. A chain. Earmuffs. And then chain saws. Three chain saws.
And still I didn't get it. I kept looking around for what it was they could possibly be there to cut down. Then one of the kids who rides the bus showed up and started talking to them, and pretty soon he was pointing up at me.
One of the men called, “Hey! You better come down from there. We gotta take this thing down.”
I held on to the branch tight, because suddenly it felt as though I might fall. I managed to choke out, “The
tree
?”
“Yeah, now come on down.”
“But who told you to cut it down?”
“The owner!” he called back.
“But
why
?”
Even from forty feet up I could see him scowl. “Because he's gonna build himself a house, and he can't very well do that with this tree in the way. Now come on, girl, we've got work to do!”
By that time most of the kids had gathered for the bus. They weren't saying anything to me, just looking up at me and turning from time to time to talk to each other. Then Bryce appeared, so I knew the bus was about to arrive. I searched across the rooftops and sure enough, there it was, less than four blocks away.
My heart was crazy with panic. I didn't know what to do! I couldn't leave and let them cut down the tree! I cried, “You can't cut it down! You just can't!”
One of the men shook his head and said, “I am this close to calling the police. You are trespassing and obstructing progress on a contracted job. Now are you going to come down or are we going to cut you down?”
The bus was three blocks away. I'd never missed school for any reason other than legitimate illness, but I knew in my heart that I was going to miss my ride. “You're going to have to cut me down!” I yelled. Then I had an idea. They'd never cut it down if all of us were in the tree. They'd have to listen! “Hey, guys!” I called to my classmates. “Get up here with me! They can't cut it down if we're all up here! Marcia! Tony! Bryce! C'mon, you guys, don't let them do this!”
They just stood there, staring up at me.
I could see the bus, one block away. “Come
on,
you guys! You don't have to come up this high. Just a little ways. Please!”
The bus blasted up and pulled to the curb in front of the trucks, and when the doors folded open, one by one my classmates climbed on board.
What happened after that is a bit of a blur. I remember the neighbors gathering, and the police with megaphones. I remember the fire brigade, and some guy saying it was his blasted tree and I'd darn well better get out of it.
Somebody tracked down my mother, who cried and pleaded and acted not at all the way a sensible mother should, but I was not coming down. I was
not
coming down.
Then my father came racing up. He jumped out of his pickup truck, and after talking with my mother for a few minutes, he got the guy in the cherry picker to give him a lift up to where I was. After that it was all over. I started crying and tried to get him to look out over the rooftops, but he wouldn't. He said that no view was worth his little girl's safety.
He got me down and he took me home, only I couldn't stay there. I couldn't stand the sound of chain saws in the distance.
So Dad took me with him to work, and while he put up a block wall, I sat in his truck and cried.
I must've cried for two weeks straight. Oh, sure, I went to school and I functioned the best I could, but I didn't go there on the bus. I started riding my bike instead, taking the long way so I wouldn't have to go up to Collier Street. Up to a pile of sawdust that used to be the earth's most magnificent sycamore tree.
Then one evening when I was locked up in my room, my
father came in with something under a towel. I could tell it was a painting because that's how he transports the important ones when he shows them in the park. He sat down, resting the painting on the floor in front of him. “I always liked that tree of yours,” he said. “Even before you told me about it.”
“Oh, Dad, it's okay. I'll get over it.”
“No, Julianna. No, you won't.”
I started crying. “It was just a tree….”
“I never want you to convince yourself of that. You and I both know it isn't true.”
“But Dad…”
“Bear with me a minute, would you?” He took a deep breath. “I want the spirit of that tree to be with you always. I want you to remember how you felt when you were up there.” He hesitated a moment, then handed me the painting. “So I made this for you.”
I pulled off the towel, and there was my tree. My beautiful, majestic sycamore tree. Through the branches he'd painted the fire of sunrise, and it seemed to me I could feel the wind. And way up in the tree was a tiny girl looking off into the distance, her cheeks flushed with wind. With joy. With magic.
“Don't cry, Julianna. I want it to help you, not hurt you.” I wiped the tears from my cheeks and gave a mighty sniff. “Thank you, Daddy,” I choked out. “Thank you.”
I hung the painting across the room from my bed. It's the first thing I see every morning and the last thing I see every night. And now that I can look at it without crying, I see more than the tree and what being up in its branches meant to me.
I see the day that my view of things around me started changing.
Eggs scare me. Chickens, too. And buddy, you can laugh at that all you want, but I'm being dead serious here.
It started in the sixth grade with eggs.
And a snake.
And the Baker brothers.
The Baker brothers' names are Matt and Mike, but even now I can't tell you which one's which. You never see one without the other. And even though they're not twins, they do look and
sound
pretty much the same, and they're both in Lynetta's class, so maybe one of them got held back.
Although I can't exactly see a teacher voluntarily having either of those maniacs two years in a row.
Regardless, Matt and Mike are the ones who taught me that snakes eat eggs. And when I say they eat eggs, I'm talking they eat them raw and shell-on whole.
I probably would've gone my entire life without this little bit of reptilian trivia if it hadn't been for Lynetta. Lynetta had this major-league thing for Skyler Brown, who lives about three blocks down, and every chance she got, she went down there to hang out while he practiced the drums. Well, boom-boom-whap, what did I care,
right? But then Skyler and Juli's brothers formed a band, which they named Mystery Pisser.
When my mom heard about it, she completely wigged out. “What kind of parents would allow their children to be in a band named Mystery Pisser? It's vile. It's disgusting!”
“That's the whole point, Mom,” Lynetta tried to explain. “It doesn't mean anything. It's just to get a rise out of old people.”
“Are you calling me
old,
young lady? Because it's certainly getting a rise out of me!”
Lynetta just shrugged, implying that my mom could draw her own conclusion.
“Go! Go to your room,” my mother snapped.
“For what?” Lynetta snapped back. “I didn't say a thing!”
“You know perfectly well what for. Now you go in there and adjust your attitude, young lady!”
So Lynetta got another one of her teenage time-outs, and after that any time Lynetta was two minutes late coming home for dinner, my mother would messenger me down to Skyler's house to drag her home. It might have been embarrassing for Lynetta, but it was worse for me. I was still in elementary school, and the Mystery Pisser guys were in high school. They were ripe and ragged, raging power chords through the neighborhood, while I looked like I'd just gotten back from Sunday school.