Authors: Ainslie Paton
She’d slept in the car, but not for near as long as she let him think. Despite her sunglasses it was too hard to face his eyes in the rear-view. They kept flicking to her like he was looking for a reason to leave her at the side of the road and drive off into the sunset. Who’d blame him?
She should’ve asked one of the guys in the Land Cruiser if she could go with them instead. She’d suspected there was someone following them from the way Sean drove through Perth city. It was a relief to learn it was the good guys. He could’ve at least told her they had help instead of letting her think they were two people against a gang of bikies. But he didn’t. Which demonstrated how much he preferred lording it over her. Just like Justin.
Thank God for the dog. Blue was like a portable demilitarised zone. The smelly, flea-ridden mutt thawed the frost and got them talking. Cait might have to love that skinny dog for all the problems picking her up entailed, starting with the vomiting, because she wormed between their issues and gave them neutral ground.
Ceduna came up fast because they’d speculated freely about Blue, and worried they’d let her have too much water too quickly. Sean was concerned she might have stayed with an owner who got into trouble and expired out there which brought her back to the roadside. He called ahead to Ceduna police and once they finished laughing about how they’d almost arrested him they promised to look into it. No one had been reported missing so they weren’t confident of finding out anything quickly.
So Blue was their problem. A new one. A shared one. One that didn’t have them hating on each other.
It was late when they got into town. Sean picked a different motel to the one they’d stayed in last time. While he checked them in, and spoke with the team in the Land Cruiser, which met them there, Caitlyn sat in the Statesman with Blue who tail-wagged whenever she was spoken to and hadn’t moved off the towel, except to cough up the water she’d drunk.
When Sean got back in the car he said, “They’ve given me the number for a vet who might open up for us.”
Paul the vet was a hero. He said Blue was severely malnourished, dehydrated and appeared to have a heart problem, which he couldn’t confirm till he could get test results. She was a very sick dog and lucky to be found.
“I need to keep Blue here, put her on fluids, antibiotics, find out what else is wrong with her,” he said, turning his physician’s eyes on her and Sean. He might’ve been talking about them. “Then we need to work out what to do next. It might be more humane if we put her down.”
It was silly to react so strongly to the idea of putting Blue to sleep if she was beyond recovery, but Caitlyn did. The idea of it made her feel instantly nauseous. Since Paul made it clear he couldn’t keep Blue by showing them his ute with four other dogs lolling in the back, and used the line, ‘finders keepers’, it was obvious he expected her and Sean to make the decisions needed.
A person who had their own protective custody detail wasn’t in any position to make decisions, least of all a life and death one, but for reasons she didn’t fully understand, Caitlyn wanted Blue to live—badly. Not that she’d be able to keep her. She didn’t have a home, a job, an income or any idea whether she’d end up in jail. Sean probably wasn’t the keep a dog kind of man. Given his two years undercover, did he even have a home of his own?
Sean was gruff, but he scratched Blue behind the ear while Paul set up a drip to hydrate her. He’d had to carry her into the surgery; she’d been a dead weight in his arms. “Do what you need to do to make her comfortable. We can’t stick around.”
“Come back at lunchtime and let’s see how she is.”
Sean stroked Blue between the eyes and she gave a big shuddery sigh. Caitlyn held hers. He might insist on driving on and then the decision would be made.
“All right.”
She had to cough to cover her relief at the reprieve.
At the car she hesitated. Back door, front door. Where would he want her to sit? She’d gotten in the back this morning because she wanted distance from him. What was going to aggravate him more? It was only a five minute drive to the motel. It was only a seat in a car. But without Blue to pull focus, the weight of everything unsaid and felt hung over her like a cartoon anvil ready to drop and squash her flat.
He’d started the engine before she opened the front door. He gave her a quick glance but said nothing and they were back at the Ceduna Motor Inn before either of them spoke again. Then there was a general fumbling of detail: What to do for a meal, cleaning up the car, plans for the morning. More was avoided than spoken about. They didn’t talk about Blue at all.
Sean opened the doors to two rooms next to each other and tossed his bag in one then stood in the corridor outside the rooms huddled over his phone talking to whoever he talked to when he huddled. It made her nervous to see him do it. He’d barely bothered with his phone on the way to Perth, now he was best friends with it and hugged whatever news it brought him close. She didn’t bother closing her door. He’d given her a five minute signal. She waited for him to finish his call then they walked down the road where they had a choice of fast food joints still open.
That exotic dinner of oysters and the even more lush night of discovering each other in Ceduna might well have been enjoyed by two very different people. Not two people who hardly knew how to walk side by side for a couple of hundred metres. The pavement simply wasn’t wide enough for them to keep pace and not risk brushing against each other.
It made for an awkward, faltering dance, until Sean said, “Walk in front of me, Driver,” with a flavouring of irritation that made her want to turn and go back to the room without eating just to get away from him. He gave her a couple of steps to get in front and fell in behind. So close, if she stopped suddenly she’d be wearing him.
He chose the pizza place by tapping her shoulder. A quick touch that was no less a command for its lightness and made her whole body tense when she hadn’t thought it was possible to feel any more uptight.
“I thought you didn’t like pizza.”
“I love it.” He ushered her into the restaurant. “Come eat.”
In Mildura he’d nearly ripped the car door off when she suggested pizza, now he loved it. What an idiot she was for thinking she ever understood him. It was better if she didn’t talk. It was hard to imagine that only a few days ago she’d wanted him to tear the bandaid off her post-Justin pain. Now her whole body felt like an open wound when he looked at her.
And he was looking at her.
Please don’t
. She closed her eyes. It was the next best thing to bolting out of the room. When she opened them he was looking at the menu.
“I’ll run with you in the morning. Then we’ll go and see about Blue.”
“I can skip the run.”
“No, you can’t.”
God
, he got off on telling her what to do. Why had she never realised that? She had a red paper napkin in her hand; suddenly it was in two pieces.
He put the menu down and sighed. “The other team is busy in the morning and I need a run which means you have to come with me. I can forget about it, but I thought you might like one too.”
“Why didn’t you say that?”
“Not poetic enough for you?”
“Not truthful enough.”
The look on his face told her how presumptuous that was. He laughed. It was a constrained, brittle sound, like an old door squeaking to a close. It shut off any further conversation. Not that she needed him to tell her what a hypocrite she was. Her vital organs had rearranged themselves to make space for the lump of duplicity she’d nurtured.
Sean moved. He went to the counter and ordered two takeaway pizzas, and he stopped there chatting to the waitress till they were ready. She didn’t wait for his instruction to walk in front of him on the way back. Alone in her room, she couldn’t eat her pizza though it was exactly the one she’d have chosen if he’d have bothered to ask what she wanted. Maybe that’s why she couldn’t stomach it.
It was raining, a depressing drizzle that suited Sean’s mood. Cait was ready when he knocked.
“Do you still want to go?” It would be reasonable to stay inside. It would make him positively stir-crazy, but pretty much everything was having that effect on him, so what the fuck. She nodded and stepped out of her room.
“You set the pace,” he offered. She did the affirmative nod again and took off. He gave her a few seconds and followed. She ran for an hour at a steady pace that wasn’t unlike what he might’ve chosen himself. She never once stopped or looked behind to check if he followed, though she could probably hear his footfall. He knew she was fit, but he couldn’t help be impressed by her style, by the way she worked her tidy little body. He sensed she ran for the same reasons he did. For the head rush. If he wasn’t still furious with her, he’d have admired her for that alone.
They were both soaked by the time they were back in sprinting distance to the motel; the sun was out and the air was starting to sizzle with humidity. He closed the distance between them so he could talk to her about the plan for the rest of the morning and as he did she stumbled, catching her foot on something and pitching forward. She went down on one knee in the grass with a grunt and he almost ran her over. He propped in front of her and one look at her face told him she’d been in difficulty before she tripped. She was ghostly pale, her dark brows and lashes standing out on her face like punctuation. He grabbed her arms and hauled her upright. “I’ve got you.”
She blinked and her body wavered but then she pulled out of his grip. “Don’t.”
“What’s wrong with you?”
She took two steps backwards. “Nothing. What’s wrong with you?”
That’s all it took for him to shout at her in a public place for the second time in two days. “You didn’t eat.”
She went to walk past him. “It’s none of your business.”
He spun to follow her. “You made it my business when you started lying to me.” As he turned, he noticed the follow car coming towards them, fresh from their highway patrol. Whoever was at the wheel gave him the all clear with two quick headlight flashes. He got in front of her to face her down.
She got in first. “I never lied to you. I didn’t let you in my business. There’s a difference.”
“Not from where I’m standing.” She’d lied to him every time she’d neglected to tell him something he could help with.
She stopped moving. “Where would that be?”
“On the fucking right side of the law.” He stepped into her, kissing fucking distance and fuck knows what he’d have said next if Dave hadn’t said, “Everything all right?” from the window of the Land Cruiser as it pulled alongside them.
“Super,” he said to Dave. To Cait he said, “Go eat something.” She gave him a look of unadulterated loathing and pushed past him. He called after her, “Bundle up your washing. I’ll see it’s done.”
That made her pause, her stride faltered. “I do not need you doing my washing.”
He heard the whir of the Land Cruiser’s window as Dave rolled it up and he caught up to her. “You don’t need a lot of things. But right now, you fucking need me, so get over it.”
She broke into a run and he almost went with her, but they were within sight of the motel and the other team was pulling into the parking lot. He settled for a quick stride and could feel the prick of humiliation stinging in his face.
Jesus
, what was wrong with him? To yell at her like that, as though he was trying to punish her, break her down. That was not his remit. That was not his privilege. It was fucked and he hated himself for it. In the car park he signalled Dave to have eyes on Cait. He was not finished running. He took off, this time at a punishing pace.
The additional run helped. Made him feel loose-limbed and more centred. He wouldn’t let his emotions get the better of him again that way. He’d be cool. Take a leaf out of Cait’s book. She knew how to be professionally composed and there was no reason he couldn’t play that game too.
He knocked on her door at one, ready to go see the vet. Picking up Blue was a huge mistake. They’d be half way to Port Augusta by now. Not that he’d have done anything differently, there was no way he could shoot it with Cait watching, and you couldn’t leave a dog out there to starve, but now there’d be a decision to make. There was no seat on this train for a dog.
Cait came out of her room and he should’ve found the TAB and taken a bet she’d get in the back seat. It was irrationally annoying. He swallowed irritation all the way to Paul’s clinic only to discover Paul was out on an emergency call and they’d have to wait. They sat in the waiting room with a woman with a nearly bald cockatoo on her shoulder and a man with a comatose cat. Cait read a book and ignored him. He tipped his head back and rested on the wall behind him. He’d slept badly again last night. Alert to every unfamiliar noise despite the fact there was an active watch in place and Stud’s almost casual insistence they were in the clear.
Every piece of intelligence they had said Wacker was still in Perth even though the big inter-club powwow had been canned. Things were too hot and Wacker was too smart and too lawyered-up to give the cops any new reason to be all over him or his operation.
When Paul finally appeared he was apologetic but there was a cockatoo and a comatose cat in the queue before them. Another forty-five minutes later he called them into a room where Blue was lying on a blanket and attached to a drip. She thwacked her tail with more vigour than yesterday on the floor of the big cage she lay in when she saw them, but didn’t attempt to get up.
“Good new or bad news?” asked Paul.
Sean looked at Cait, down on her knees in front of the cage, stroking Blue’s head. He could do with some good news. “Give us the good, Doc.”
“She didn’t die overnight.”
Cait said, “Oh God.”
“And the bad?”
“She’s very ill. She needs intensive care and even then…” Paul started to list the things wrong with Blue and what she needed. Sean watched Cait put her forehead down on Blue’s head and whisper to the dog. Blue’s tail thumped the cage floor in a steady beat. He tuned back in as Paul was saying. “I don’t know how you want to proceed.”