Floyd & Mikki (Book 1): Zombie Hunters (Love Should Be Explosive!) (6 page)

Mikki kept screaming for Floyd to kill her so he grabbed her by the helmet, careful not to burn her face or catch her hair on fire with the cigarette, and screamed, “You’re OK! You’re OK! You’re not gonna change! I got it! OK? OK?”

Mikki tore the helmet off and looked at her face in the rearview mirror, searching for any sign of transformation. Eventually she calmed down. Then she looked at her arm. “You burned me!” she shouted. “You son of a bitch!” She punched Floyd square in the jaw, grabbed the cigarette back, and shoved it in her mouth.

Floyd grabbed his chin and just stared at her. “I just saved your life!”

Mikki burst into tears and threw her arms around him, hugging him tightly. “I’m sorry. I am so sorry! Thank you thank you thank you!”

The tender moment of gratitude was short-lived, however, as the bats started dive bombing into the truck windows from all angles, trying to get at the two inside. Floyd had never been so happy for bulletproof glass in his life. Whoever invented the stuff should get a medal.

“Time to go!” said Floyd, as he fired up the engine and jammed the gas pedal to the floor, knocking over the two machine guns Mikki had placed against the grill and speeding away like a bat out of hell (so to speak).

Floyd didn’t know bats could fly so fast! He had it up to 60 and they were still with him. At 70 miles per hour, they started dropping behind, and at 80 they finally faded into the distance. Neither Mikki nor Floyd said a word for the next 90 minutes. For the first time since they left the town, there was silence in the cab.

The sun was just starting to set when Floyd finally let up on the accelerator. He still had a quarter tank of gas left and wanted to fill up before the sun went down. He pulled off at an exit with a wide gravel area and no trees. He marked the location of the army truck on his fold-out map, then checked every piece of his clothing and plastic armor before getting out. He opened the door and tossed out all the bat body parts.

Mikki was asleep in the passenger side, her head resting on her arm. She was draped over her precious grenade box that rested on the seat between her and Floyd. She clutched the Hello Kitty doll tightly with her other arm, her face buried in the top of its plush head.

Floyd pulled a number of mutilated bats from the grill, threw them on the ground and stomped on them. There was no sign of any other danger as he thoroughly checked the outside of the truck. He opened the bed lid to get to the gas cans and started filling the tank. After replacing the gas cap, he threw the empties back in the bed, spread a few motion sensors around the truck, closed the bed lid, and headed back into the cab.

Well, that explained what had happened to the army guys. All that firepower, but the wrong kind. However many army guys there were outside the truck, they were no doubt off wandering the woods somewhere right now, shambling endlessly. Unable to feel, unable to love, unable to care, unable to die. Or they just fell of the bridge and had been swept away by the river long ago.

You can’t kill a swarm of bats with bullets, no matter how fast you fire. Floyd couldn’t figure out what the right weapon would be. Flamethrower? Water cannon? Nothing he could think of would take out a cloud of flying undead like that.

And to think that when he was a kid, Floyd had watched a Dracula movie and was scared of vampire bats for years, fearing he would turn into a vampire. Well, he was living in a real-life monster movie, but if a vampire bat bit you now, you turned into a zombie. There was something seriously wrong with that. Universal never made that kind of monster movie.

He shut the door firmly but gently as he entered the cab, so as not to wake Mikki. Poor kid had been through a lot. Floyd sat there staring at her, trying to figure her out. Mikki was a mess of contradictions. Tough as nails, and yet so fragile, like an egg under pressure…ready to crack at any moment. She wore cutoff jeans and T-shirts with her abundant tits half hanging out while fighting zombies. What the hell?

Her body was hot and sexy, yet she wasn’t at all sexually appealing to Floyd. He felt more pity for her than lust. Then there was the age difference, and the fact that every man who’d ever tried to pluck that flower had ended up dead or carved up like a Thanksgiving turkey. But it was more than that. She’d been hurt so much in life even before the zombie invasion that he just couldn’t take advantage of her. He couldn’t do anything that would hurt her. Most of all, he realized now, he could never abandon her.

And Floyd had to admit, she was an excellent shot and pretty good with other weaponry, too. She was street smart and wise well beyond her years. She
had
saved his life. Of course, it was Mikki who had put his life in jeopardy in the first place. She did have good instincts when a plan went wrong, but it was more than likely her fault the plan went wrong. Yes, she had good instincts, but she was stubborn, didn’t listen, thought she knew it all, and often acted without thinking. She was reckless and deliberately blind to the reality of how bad things could be.

But then again, Floyd couldn’t blame her for living in denial. She was just a teenager of however-many-years-old thrust into a world dominated by the living dead. If that wasn’t a reason to retreat into a world of butterflies and rainbows—or Hello Kitty with a carving knife—Floyd didn’t know what was. In the end, he figured it just all boiled down to immaturity. Mikki would blossom into a smart, tough, beautiful, competent woman one day—if she survived long enough.

Suddenly, it dawned on Floyd that she
had
survived. He wasn’t the only one, and she wasn’t the only one! That meant there had to be others out there who had also beaten all the odds. Maybe New California Haven was real, after all? Maybe that radio signal wasn’t just a prerecorded loop, endlessly broadcasting long after everyone had died.

The zombies had the advantage, though. They didn’t have to eat, sleep, or fight to stay alive. Humans did. And no matter what humans did, they would die anyway. Hopefully, a natural death that didn’t turn them into creeping horrors.

Shit! Humans had to worry about undead animals as well. Insects seemed to be immune, because many of them had died out, disappearing from the planet. Insects didn’t turn zombie, but could they carry and spread the infection? If cockroaches had been able to carry the infection, no living thing on earth would have been safe. But cockroaches don’t bite, so how would we know?

The one advantage humans had was the ability to reproduce, but who wanted to raise a baby in a world fulla zombies? It takes a long time to grow a human. On the other hand, every dead zombie was one less to worry about. If humans could just avoid being bitten while blowing away the undead, eventually the Human Race would win out, but the sheer number of zombies was daunting. No doubt a bunch of scientists somewhere deep in some super-secret lab were working on a vaccine or something to prevent the infection from a zombie bite, but it had been more than two years already and there was no sign of help from anyone yet.

Still, Floyd was alive. Mikki was alive. There had to be other people alive, too. There just had to be. That meant there was hope. However small, there was hope. Floyd clung to that thought as he curled up in the driver’s seat and faded off to sleep, praying he would wake up still human in the morning.

Floyd felt something stir next to him as he lay sleeping. He felt something trace its way up his arm but he brushed it away, desperately clinging to sleep. Something foul assaulted his sense of smell, but he chose to ignore it.

This wasn’t like Floyd. Usually, he woke at the slightest touch, sound or smell. He knew something was wrong in his foggy brain but he couldn’t quite figure it out. Then he remembered Mikki.

That’s right! He wasn’t alone anymore. He had picked up Mikki. She was sleeping in the cab next to him. Strange girl, that Mikki. Now she was tossing and turning and moaning in her sleep. He wanted to nudge her or wake her but he was too tired and didn’t want to open his eyes.

Unfortunately, her moaning got louder and her twitching got more annoying until Floyd couldn’t take it anymore. “Dammit, Mikki! Quiet down, will ya?” he said groggily, peering over at her with sleepy eyes.

Suddenly, Floyd was wide awake. He understood the twitching and moaning the instant he looked into her eyes. Or what was left of them. There was no light in those eyes. They were covered in some white, gooey film. Her breath stank of the dead and she was devoid of all humanity. Her teeth were dirty, broken and jagged, and her skin was gray with a greenish tint. Even her tits didn’t look so good anymore. They were kind of saggy.

Floyd desperately grabbed for the pistols in his belt, but it was too late. There was no room in the cab. There was nowhere to go. He couldn’t find the door handle as Mikki lunged at him, throwing her undead arms around him. His left hand finally found the driver side door handle just as Mikki sunk her teeth into his exposed, open neck. He closed his eyes and screamed.

Floyd opened his eyes and saw Mikki’s face in front of him. Her hands were on his shoulders shaking him. He screamed again. Then Mikki screamed. Then they both sat there screaming at each other in unison. Then she slapped him.

“Goddammit, Floyd! What the hell’s wrong with you?”

He was too terrified to look, but Floyd’s eyes finally focused on Mikki’s face. Her eyes were clear. Here teeth were clean and white. Even her tits looked good (OK, they looked great, actually). She was fine!

“Holy shit! It was a dream!” he finally mumbled.

“Damn, Floyd! You scared the crap outta me!”

“Scared the crap outta myself!”

They both started laughing together.

“Welcome to the Hotel California…” Mikki sang.

“Such a lovely place,” Floyd sang.

They both broke out into hysterical laughter again for no reason. It was early in the morning but the sun was up. Floyd pulled out his map book. There was another little town ahead of them about 20 miles down the road. Might as well check it out. He repacked his motion detectors, jumped in the cab, fired up the engine, and they were on their way again.

“Zombie cake?” Mikki asked.

“Say what, now?”

“Zombie cake! Guaranteed to survive a nuclear war or the Zombie Apocalypse. Individually wrapped cream-filled golden sponge cakes. Otherwise known as ‘Twinkies.’ Sweetest comeback in the history of ever. I got a box of ‘em the last time I went shopping.”

Floyd burst out laughing as he took the Twinkie. “Sure, why not? You really are somethin’ else, you know that?”

“I
woulda
been something else, if you hadn’t saved me. Thanks, Floyd.”

“Yeah, don’t worry about it.”

“No, really Floyd. Thank you. You coulda just blown my head off. I wouldn’t blame you. But you didn’t. You took a chance on me. Ain’t nobody never done nothin’ like that for me before in my whole life.”

“Really? And how many times you been bitten by a zombie before in your whole life?”

“Hey, I’m tryin’ to be serious here. Thank you, goddammit! OK?”

“OK! OK! I know. Just remember that little trick if it ever happens to me. Or blow my head off. Either way works. Besides, I’m thinkin’ of a new plan.”

Mikki got excited. “Ooh! Really? Do tell!”

“Well, I don’t have it all figured out yet, but I’m workin’ on something. Goin’ through a lot of ideas in my head. Believe me, once I get it sorted out, you’ll be the first to know.”

“Shit, I’ll be the only one to know. Just the two of us left in the whole damn world, Floyd,” she observed grimly.

“See? That’s one of the things I been thinkin’ about. We can’t be the only ones. If we survived this long working with scraps, there have to be others out there better equipped than us who’ve made it.”

“I don’t know, Floyd. Them army guys was pretty well stocked and they didn’t stand a chance.”

“They were trained to fight people, not zombie bats. They probably never even realized what was happening before it was all over. Who the hell would ever think of such a thing?”

“After all I seen, I would.”

“Exactly! So would I. Most people couldn’t wrap their minds around what happened to the world, but we adapted and we survived. There have to be others. We need to find them. Help keep each other safe.”

“If you say so Floyd,” Mikki answered, unconvinced. “Hell, it’s your truck. You drive. It ain’t like I got anywhere else to be at the moment.”

“Right.”

Floyd kept thinking out loud as he drove. “We’re gonna keep running into zombie bats and cats and other creepy-ass undead things. We need better protection than what we have now. And you sure as hell gotta cover up some of that skin.”

“Why, Floyd?” Mikki purred seductively. “Does my body make you…uncomfortable? A big strong man like you?” She jiggled her tits left and right, the form of her nipples clearly visible in the soft cotton of her T-shirt.

Floyd looked at her briefly, then quickly turned away, flustered, with his face beet red.

“Whatsa matter Floyd? You don’t like girls?” Mikki busted out laughing. “Damn, Floyd! You should see your face! I’m just messin’ with ya. Geez!”

“Well, either way, we gotta cover you up. You won’t look so good if some zombie gets a bite into you—
again
.”

That sobered Mikki up pretty quickly. She left Floyd to his thoughts in silence as she watched the scenery go by her window.