Fluorescence: The Complete Tetralogy (15 page)

Boring. Quiet. Lonely. Weeks.

Keeping in
touch with Brian had become more
and more difficult. He’d gotten a job at some restaurant downtown and was hardly ever around when Sam and I were together. Most of my texts went unanswered and, frankly, I got tired of playing blind ping pong with messaging him on Sam’s phone. I kept throwing out lines, hoping he’d reply when I was with her but he never did.

I knew he wanted to work to earn the money to get a motorcycle and get out of the house, but I couldn’t even text him anymore. I’d been losing sleep, too, spending so much time worrying about him. Maybe I didn’t need to, but I did.

The Saviors had told us we
needed
to spend more time together. The way things were going, it wouldn’t even be possible.

Summer vacation sucked so far.

So I made a decision. To be strong. To be brave. To follow my heart.

Mom couldn’t stop me from telling him the truth.

Only the truth.

I grabbed my phone off my dresser and opened text messaging.

I typed a single line knowing I could delete it after it sent.

The phone chirped.

Sent.

I need you…

Chapter 22

S
omeone knocked on the back door.

I panicked, my heart nearly leaping into my throat.

No one came to the back door. Not without hopping the fence first.

Mom wouldn’t be home for another hour or two.

I
pried open the blinds and peeked
out the kitchen window.

Brian!?

My heart almost stopped.

I opened the door a crack, my pulse quickening.

“
I’m not allowed to let
you in, Brian,” I whispered, knowing right then and there that I shouldn’t have locked eyes with him.

“Then don’t.” He flattened a hand against the door and pushed.

I backed away, giving up too easily.

He passed the threshold, turned, shut the door quietly.

I swallowed hard.

“How did you know my mom was gone?” I asked.

“I’ve been sitting across the street for the past hour.”

“So, you were stalking me, then?” I let out a nervous chuckle. “What if she’d never left?”

“But she did,” he replied flatly. “You’ve told me before that she always goes shopping without you on Sundays.” He looked down at me, his pupils enlarged and fixated on mine. “It’s been weeks since we’ve seen each other, Alice. Don’t act like you don’t want me here.” He lifted a hand to stroke my arm with the back of his fingers. A faint glimmer of blue light faded into my skin, sending a rush of warm energy through me. “Alice.” He exhaled slowly. “Did you mean what you said in that text last night?”

“I… guess.” Chills swept over my body. He cornered me against the wall behind the door and reached a hand up toward my face.

He leaned down and kissed me.

My mind emptied. The room faded away.

“You guess?” His lips inched up my jaw line, dragging toward my ear. “I need an answer.”

I sucked in a breath. The fingers of his other
hand cradled the back of my head. Brian had a way of asking questions that left me with few ways to answer.

“Yes. Yes, I did. I did mean it.” I buried my hands in his hair and licked my lips. “I need you, Brian,” I replied, ea
gerly pulling him into another kiss. Tasting him. Breathing him in.

He bent down, grabbed me by the back of the thighs and lifted me up. I shrieked at first, scared he’d drop me. Then I kicked off my sandals and wrapped my legs around his waist. My heart pounded like a drum.

Feet above the floor and my back pressed to the wall, my face was level with his—for once. I threw my arms around his neck and stared into his colorful eyes. Beautiful and captivating, like his…

I kissed him. Deeply. Savoring him. The heat of his breath. The shape of his mouth. His lips enveloped mine. Taking me in. Stealing me away with each subtle pause. Each exhale softening my body. Freeing me. Every inhale making me stronger. Fearless. As if I’d just come up for air. Just begun to breathe real life.

Our breaths grew heavier. My heart beat faster and faster. Our bodies pressed together. My legs clasped around him, holding him close. Fingers lightly scratching the nape of his neck. Through his hair.

Restless.

Unsatisfied.

He tightened his grip on me, stepped back from behind the door, and set me on the nearby kitchen counter. It freed his hands to take the hem of my shirt and wrinkle it up my ribs. I lifted my arms and he peeled the shirt over my head. The collar caught on one of my earrings and I worked to untangle it, embarrassed, my hands shaking.

The fabric slid over my skin and down to the floor.

“You’re beautiful.” Brian scanned my face at first and then let his gaze wander. Across my shoulders. Down my sides. His fingers caressed my skin, tracing the curves of my waist, the passion in his touch stripping me of my insecuri
ties. Stoking a fire. Raising my body heat.

He kissed me again and I shuddered, his tongue teasing mine, seducing my lips. I couldn’t bring him close enough. My legs straddled his hips, squeezing tight. Hands grasping fabric. Energy flitted through me. Electricity. Every inch of my skin tingling. Stimulated by his touch.

I tugged at his t-shirt, un-tucking it from his jeans. He tore it up over his head and tossed it onto the floor.

My hand slid across his bare chest.

Puberty
had done him right. A lean, strong
body. Perfect skin. A low, velvety voice. An alluring gaze. Intoxicating scent. My fingertips drifted over the scar above his heart and stayed there a moment, tracing the raised line. My gaze softened.

Not too long ago, I’d felt childish. Clumsy. Unsure of myself.

Today, he knew exactly where I wanted his hands and where I
needed
them. That excited me. I wasn’t a little girl anymore. Not in his arms.

He bit his lower lip and grinned, taking my chin in his fingers and pulling me into another kiss. More intense than the last. His soft hands gravitated to the milky-white skin beneath the hem of my shorts. My breath trembled. Every
nerve in my body quaked with urgency.
Yearning. Weakness.

“I want you, Brian,” I exhaled.

“I want you, too, Alice,” he strained, sucking air in through gritted teeth.

The fluorescence in us sparked to life. Brighter than ever. Green and blue melding together in a web of neon light, tinting our skin with molten turquoise.

He kissed my throat, a smooth shaven cheek sliding across hypersensitive skin. A strap of my bra slipped off my shoulder. A hot breath against bare flesh. My head fell back and I gasped.

My conscience told me no.

Tell him the truth.

You told Mom you wouldn’t until…

Stop now. Don’t…

“We can’t,” I groaned, halfheartedly. “I’m… worried.”

“Don’t be.” His breath tickled my skin. “I won’t hurt you.” He pressed his blue fingers against my skin again and a wave of heat flushed through my body.

Coaxed by his words, I slid to the very edge of the counter. Our bodies touched and his grasp tightened on my outer thighs. The friction blurred my sanity. I wanted him so much closer. I tasted the salt on his naked skin and
imagined us coiled together beneath freshly wrinkled
sheets.

Safe.

But it wasn’t reality.

“We should wait,” I uttered in a labored exhale.

“They say waiting is overrated.” The sensual lilt of his voice had me forgetting where I was again. The warmth of his fluorescence kept pulsing through my veins, destroying the will to say no. Enticing me to surrender.

I had to resist. I had to try.

“But, my mom…” I stressed, breathless.

“Don’t worry so much.” His fingertips massaged my back.

“No,” I strained. My head was spinning. “I have to tell you something. Brian, please.”

“What?” He huffed and pulled away, glaring at me. “What is
so
important?” His voice was gruffer—frustrated.

“My mom and dad…” I wiped sweat from my forehead with the back of my hand. “They were
really
young.”

“And?” His expression softened.

“She was sixteen.”

Brian shrugged.

“When… she got pregnant, I mean.”

He exhaled a scoff, like he was suppressing a laugh. “Is that what this is about?” He rested his hands on the outside of my thighs. “I care about you, Alice, and I wouldn’t want that to happen, either. We don’t have to be stupid.” He leaned in to kiss me again but I stopped him.

“She’s not stupid!”

“Look. I’m sorry that happened to them, but it won’t happen to us. We’ll be more careful. I’ll be more careful.”

“It’s not always that simple, Brian. It wasn’t meant to happen to her either. They used protection, too, but I was an accident. Don’t you understand? Having me ruined her life. She dropped out of school and couldn’t even get a job. My dad married her because she needed help and because of me. Now they’re divorced because of me. I’m not ready for that kind of mistake. I don’t think
we’re
ready for that.” I looked down at my lap and sighed. “I’ve changed my mind, okay?”

He cupped my face in his hands and looked into my eyes. “It’s not your fault your parents messed up. We won’t let that happen. I’m not going anywhere. I love you, Alice.”

“
Don’t say that to me, Brian.”
I mustered up the strength to shove him back. I hopped off the countertop and stumbled, my legs wobbly. “That’s exactly what my Dad said to me. I haven’t seen him in almost three years.”

I picked my shirt up from the floor.

“I. Am. Not. Your father,
Alice,” he hissed through gritted teeth. The sound of his seething voice made my skin crawl
.
An ugly sneer wrinkled on his lips. His eyes
narrowed. “Don’t compare me to him, damn it.”

“I think you should go.” I crossed my arms and looked away. “Before my mom gets back.”

“I am sick and tired of running from this! From
your
mother. From
us
. Alice, please.”

I fondled my shirt, twisting it around my fingers and kneading the ball of fabric anxiously. “I told her we’d wait. Okay?” Tears welled in my eyes. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” A lump swelled in my throat and I swallowed hard, fighting back the tightness choking my vocal cords.

“Did you tell yourself that, too? Because you weren’t objecting to this earlier. Giving me all the wrong signals. Telling me all the wrong things. Touching me…”

“I’m sorry, Brian.” I wiped my eyes with both palms. “I’m sorry. I was stupid, okay?”

“Forget it. If you want to let your mother and
her mistakes control how you live, fine. But she’s not going to change me.” He bent over, snatched his shirt up from the floor and put it back on.

He slammed the back door behind him.

I shuddered.

It had been months since we’d been alone. Truly alone without distractions.

I wanted Brian so much it ached. That pain had blinded me and had almost led me to let go without even thinking. A
few weeks apart and already
we’d gone mad from separation. How could we possibly wait three more years when I’d almost given in already? We were volatile, full of longing,
and this insanely voracious need to consummate that passion.

I fell to my knees and crumpled over onto the kitchen floor, my face in my hands. My chest tightened and every breath squeezed my lungs harder. My face hurt. My heart throbbed. I couldn’t stop crying.

How damn stupid had I been to send him away like that?

I hadn’t meant to lead him on.

Maybe we were young—impulsive—but I knew we were meant to be together.

Even the Saviors knew it.

But, Mom… didn’t.

. . .

Mom pulled into the driveway. I’d had some time to cool down and get myself together, but the scent of Brian’s skin still lingered. Taunting me. I wanted him back already;
I couldn’t stop debating whether I had made the right decision.
An overwhelming sick feeling convinced me I hadn’t.

Mom came inside and put an armload of brown paper bags onto the counter. I swallowed hard, the guilty truth on the tip of my tongue.

The doorbell rang.

She glanced at me to see if I knew who it was. I
shrugged.

I followed her as she went to answer it.

It was Brian, again.

“We need to talk,” he said, sternly.

I held my breath.

“There’s nothing to talk about. Go home.” Mom tried to shut the door but he held it back with his hand.

Her eyes went wide.

“Ugh! Don’t you dare,” she bellowed, her enraged glare burning at him. “I’ll call the police. I’m not afraid of you.” The hoarseness in her voice gave me goose bumps.

“Mom!”

“Alice. Go back up to your room right now. Brian, go home.”

“No. I…” He stuttered at first but regained composure. “No. I’m in love with your daughter and I will not let you keep us apart because of a stupid misunderstanding. I think it’s time you found out the truth about us, because there’s a hell of a lot more to it than this.”

“Brian, no.” I stood a few feet behind my mom.

He looked past her at me. “She needs to know, Alice.”

“Needs to know what,
exactly?” Mom glared
at me accusingly.

I whimpered beneath my breath.

She squinted, studying Brian. Then turned to me again. “Alice?”

I backed away.

“You have five minutes, Brian.” She held open the door and stared him down as he walked past. She was hesitant to shut it behind him but finally did.

“We have something to show you,” said Brian. He approached me and gestured for me to follow him into the living room. He closed the blinds behind the couch first and then the blinds beside the television.

“What are you doing?” Mom asked, tilting her head.

“Give me a sec, please. Alice?” Brian motioned for me to come to him. “You need to… show her.”