He wants to be with somebody, Mrs. Mallory said.
Yes, said the presiding officer, I understand that.
It’s not unusual, said Mr. Macksey.
Not unusual at all, said Mrs. Brown. She again reminded the members that she had to be home by ten to receive a call from her daughter in Oregon.
Maybe we should make him a member of the committee, said Mr. Percy.
He could give us some feedback, said Mr. Birnbaum. I mean, I would assume that.
Ellen West moved that the man be made a member of the committee. Mr. Birnbaum seconded. The motion was passed, 12-6.
Mr. Percy got up and got a folding chair for the man and pulled it up to the committee table.
The man sat down in the chair and pulled it closer to the table.
All right, he said. The first thing we’ll do is, we’ll make everybody wear overalls. Gray overalls. Gray overalls with gray T-shirts.
We’ll have morning prayers, evening prayers, and lunch prayers. Calisthenics for everyone over the age of four in the 5-7
P.M.
time slot. Boutonnieres are forbidden. Nose rings are forbidden. Gatherings of one or more persons are prohibited. On the question of bedtime, I am of two minds.
D
o you know what I want more than anything else? Alison asked.
What? I said.
A sewing-machine Alison said, with button-hole-making attachments.
THERE WAS A BRIEF PAUSE
There are so many things I could do with it, for instance fixing up last year’s fall dresses and lots of other things.
THERE WAS A LONG PAUSE
Wonderful! Alison said sitting at the controls of the Necchi and making buttonholes in a copy of the
New York Times
Sunday Magazine. Her eyes glistened. I had also bought a two-year subscription to
Necchi News
because I could not be sure that her interest would not be held for that long at least.
THERE WAS A TREMENDOUS PAUSE DURING WHICH I BOUGHT HER A NECCHI SEWING-MACHINE
Then I bought her a purple Rolls which we decided to park on the street because our apartment building had no garage. Alison said she absolutely loved the Rolls! and gave me an enthusiastic kiss. I paid for the car with a check drawn on the First City Bank.
THERE WAS A PAUSE BROKEN ONLY BY THE HUMMING OF THE NECCHI
Peter Alison said, what do you want to do now?
THERE WAS AN INTERVAL
Oh I don’t know I said.
Well we can’t simply sit around the apartment Allison said so we went to the races at Aqueduct where I bought a race horse that was running well out in front of the others. What a handsome race horse! Alison said delightedly. I paid for the horse with a check on the Capital National Bank.
THERE WAS A LONG INTERVAL
The trailer was attached by means of a trailer hitch, which I bought when it became clear that the trailer could not be hitched up without one, to the back of our new Rolls. The horse’s name was Dan and I bought a horse blanket, which he was already wearing but which did not come with him, to keep him warm.
THERE WAS AN INTERMISSION BETWEEN RACES SO WE WENT AROUND TO THE STABLE AND BOUGHT A HORSE TRAILER
He
is
beautiful Alison said.
A front-runner too I said.
After stopping for lunch at Howard Johnson’s where we fed Dan some fried clams which he seemed to like very much Alison said: Do you know what we’ve completely forgotten? I knew that there was something but although I thought hard I could not imagine what it was.
THERE WAS AN INTERVAL OF SEVERAL DAYS. THEN ALISON AND I DROVE THE CAR WITH THE TRAILER UP THE RAMP INTO THE PLANE AND WE FLEW BACK TO MILWAUKEE
There’s no place to keep him in our apartment building! Alison said triumphantly, pointing at Dan. She was of course absolutely right and I hastily bought a large three-story house in Milwaukee’s best suburb. To make the house more comfortable I bought a concert grand piano.
Here are some little matters which you must attend to Alison said, handing me a box of bills. I went through them carefully, noting the amounts and thinking about money.
ON THE DOORSTEP OF THE NEW HOUSE THE PIANO MOVERS PAUSED FOR A GLASS OF COLD WATER
What in the name of God is this! I cried, holding up a bill for $1,600 from the hardware store.
Garden hose Alison said calmly.
It was clear that I would have to remove some money from the State Bank & Trust and place it in the Municipal National and I did so. The pilot of the airplane which I had bought to fly us to Aqueduct, with his friend the pilot of the larger plane I had bought to fly us back, appeared at the door and asked to be paid. The pilots’ names were George and Sam. I paid them and also bought from Sam his flight jacket, which was khaki-colored and pleasant-looking. They smiled and saluted as they left.
THERE WAS AN UNCOMFORTABLE SILENCE
Well I said looking around the new house, we’d better call a piano teacher because I understand that without use pianos tend to fall out of tune.
Not only pianos Alison said giving me an excited look.
The next day Mr. Washington from the Central National called to report an overdraft of several hundred thousand dollars for which I apologized. Who was that on the telephone? Alison asked. Mr. Washington from the bank I replied. Oh Alison said, what do you want for breakfast? What have you got? I asked. Nothing Alison said, we’ll have to go out for breakfast.
A SILENCE FREIGHTED WITH SEXUAL SIGNIFICANCE ENSUED. THEN WE WENT TO BED FIRST HOWEVER ORDERING A PIANO TEACHER AND A PIANO TUNER FOR THE EARLY MORNING
So we went down to the drugstore where Alison had many eggs sunny side up and I had buckwheat cakes with sausage. When we got back to the house I noticed that there were no trees surrounding it, which depressed me.
Have you noticed I asked, that there are no trees?
Yes Alison said, I’ve noticed.
A SILENCE
In fact Alison said, the treelessness of this house almost makes me yearn for our old apartment building.
A PROLONGED SILENCE
There
at least one could look at the large plants in the lobby.
A TERRIBLE SILENCE
As soon as we go inside I said, I will call the tree service and buy some trees.
ABSOLUTE SILENCE FOR ONE MINUTE
Maples
I said.
SHORT SILENCE
Oh Peter what a fine idea Alison said brightly. But who are these people in our livingroom?
Realizing that the men were the piano teacher and the piano tuner we had requested, I said: Well did you try the piano?
SILENTLY WE REGARDED THE TWO MEN WHO SAT ON THE SOFA
Yep the first man said, couldn’t make heads or tails out of it.
And you? I asked, turning to the other man.
Beats me he said with a mystified look.
What seems to be the difficulty? I asked.
Frankly the piano teacher said, this isn’t my real line of work.
Really
he said, I’m a jockey.
THERE WAS A SHAMEFACED SILENCE
How about you? I said to his companion.
Oh I’m a bona fide piano tuner all right the tuner said. It’s just that I’m not very good at it. Never was and never will be.
I have a proposition to make I announced. What is your name? I asked, nodding in the direction of the jockey.
WE CONSIDERED THE PROBLEM IN SILENCE
Slim he said, and my friend here is Buster.
Well Slim I said, we need a jockey for our race horse, Dan, who will fall out of trim without workouts. And Buster, you can plant the maple trees which I have just ordered for the house.
I settled on a salary of $12,000 a year for Slim and a slightly smaller one for Buster. This accomplished I drove the Rolls over to Courtlandt Street to show it to my mistress, Amelia.
THERE WAS A JOYFUL SILENCE AS BUSTER AND SLIM TRIED TO DIGEST THE GOOD NEWS
When I knocked at the door of Amelia’s apartment she refused to open it. Instead she began practicing scales on her flute. I knocked again and called out: Amelia!
I knocked again but Amelia continued to play. So I sat down on the steps and began to read the newspaper which was lying on the floor, knocking at intervals and at the same time wondering about the psychology of Amelia.
THE SOUND OF THE FLUTE FILLED THE SILENT HALLWAY
Montgomery Ward I noticed in the newspaper was at 40½. Was Amelia being adamant I considered, because of Alison?
Amelia I said at length (through the door), I want to give you a nice present of around $5,500. Would you like that?
SILENTLY I WONDERED WHAT TO DO
Do you mean it? she said.
AN INTERMINABLE SILENCE. THEN AMELIA HOLDING
Certainly I said.
Can you afford it? she asked doubtfully.
I have a new Rolls I told her, and took her outside where she admired the car at great length. Then I gave her a check for $5,500 on the Commercial National for which she thanked me. Back in the apartment she gracefully removed her clothes and put the check in a book in the bookcase. She looked very pretty without her clothes, as pretty as ever, and we had a pleasant time for an hour or more. When I left the apartment Amelia said Peter, I think you’re a very pleasant person which made me feel very good and on the way home I bought a new gray Dacron suit.
THE FLUTE OPENED THE DOOR
Where have you been? Alison said, I’ve been waiting lunch for hours. I bought a new suit I said, how do you like it? Very nice Alison said, but hurry I’ve got to go shopping after lunch. Shopping! I said, I’ll go with you!
WHEN I GAVE THE SALESMAN
A CHECK ON
THE MEDICAL
NATIONAL
HE PAUSED
,
FROWNED, AND
SAID
: “
THIS IS A NEW BANK ISN
’
T IT
?”
So we ate a hasty lunch of vichyssoise and ice cream and had Buster drive us in the Rolls to the Federated Department Store where we bought a great many things for the new house and a new horse blanket for Dan.
Do you think we ought to buy uniforms for Buster and Slim? Alison asked and I replied that I thought not, they didn’t seem the sort who would enjoy wearing uniforms.
I think they ought to wear uniforms Alison said firmly.
A FROSTY SILENCE
No I said, I think not.
Uniforms with something on the pocket Alison said. A crest or something.
DEAD SILENCE
No.
Instead of uniforms I bought Slim a Kaywoodie pipe and some pipe tobacco, and bought Buster a larger sterling silver cowboy belt buckle and a belt to go with it.
THERE WAS AN INTERVAL DURING WHICH I SENT A CHECK FOR
$
500,000 TO THE MUSEUM OF MODERN ART
Buster was very pleased with his sterling silver belt buckle and said that he thought Slim would be pleased too when he saw the Kaywoodie pipe which had been bought for him. You were right after all Alison whispered to me in the back seat of the Rolls.
Alison decided that she would make a pie for supper, a chocolate pie perhaps, and that we would have Buster and Slim and George and Sam the pilots too if they were in town and not flying. She began looking in her recipe book while I read the
Necchi News
in my favorite armchair.
Then Slim came in from the garage with a worried look. Dan he said is not well.
Everyone was thrown into a panic by the thought of Dan’s illness and I bought some Kaopectate which Slim however did not believe would be appropriate. The Kaoepectate was $0.98 and I paid for it with a check on the Principal National. The delivery boy from the drugstore, whose name was Andrew, suggested that Dan needed a doctor. This seemed sensible so I tipped Andrew with a check on the Manufacturers’ Trust and asked him to fetch the very best doctor he could find on such short notice.
A STUNNED PAUSE
Dan was lying on his side in the garage, groaning now and then. His face was a rich gray color and it was clear that if he did not have immediate attention, the worst might be expected.
WE LOOKED AT ONE ANOTHER IN WORDLESS FEAR
Peter for God’s sake do something for this poor horse! Alison cried.
We sent Dan over in his trailer with strict instructions that he be given the best of everything. Slim and Buster accompanied him and when Andrew arrived with the doctor I hurried them off to the hospital too. Concern for Dan was uppermost in my mind at that moment.
PAUSING ONLY TO WHIP A FRESH CHECKBOOK FROM THE DESK DRAWER, I BOUGHT A LARGE HOSPITAL NEARBY FOR
$
1.5 MILLION