Following Flora (7 page)

“You mustn't worry if you don't know what to make of it. It's a lot to think about. Babies upset things, as your father might say.”

“Like boyfriends,” I said. “And kittens.”

I reached out to touch her tummy again. It felt different this time, bigger and rounder than the sharp limb which had jabbed at me earlier

“The head,” Mum said.

“Will I hurt it?”

“It's tougher than you think.”

I don't know how long we sat there, me with my head on Mum's shoulder, her arms around me and my hand on the baby's head in her tummy. Eventually the old priest coughed and said he was sorry to disturb us but he had to close the church. Mum squeezed me tight before letting me go.

“
I want us to make this the best Christmas,” she said. She
didn't say, “since Iris died,” but I knew what she meant. She
never answered my question about loving the baby,
but she
didn't need to.

 

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 18

We broke up for the holidays at lunchtime. I went to Home Sweet Home with the others. Colin, Dodi, and Tom were messing around, trying to remember all the verses of “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.” I sat next to Jake, who was still being really quiet, and then when we left the café I hung back so I could walk with him and asked if he was okay.

Jake said that he was fine.

“You know you can talk to me about anything, right?” I said.

The others had all stopped at the little Christmas market which has been up since the beginning of December. Mostly they sell things like food and mulled wine and expensive stuff we can't afford, but one stall has an everything under £2.99 section, including a Santa badge Colin was buying for his little sister.

“It's so awesome,” he said. “Look what happens when you press the middle.”

We looked. The badge lit up and started playing “Jingle Bells.” We all laughed, even Jake.

He has a nice laugh.

“That's amazing,” I said, because it kind of was.

“My sister's going to love it,” Colin said.

“What are you getting Blue for Christmas, Jake?” Dodi asked.

Jake looked a bit panicked at that and said he hadn't thought about it. I said it didn't matter, I hadn't bought him anything yet either, and I was going shopping for presents on Saturday.

“But Jake's going to his gran's tomorrow,” Tom said. “You'd better get him something before he goes, Blue, or he might dump you.”

Dodi told Tom he was an idiot.

“I thought you weren't going to your gran's till Christmas Eve?” I said to Jake, and he went very red and said that things had changed and he was going early.

A band started playing Christmas songs, and Dodi dragged me off to look at them. The boys joined us a few minutes later. Jake was quieter than ever on the way home, but when we said good-bye in the park, he gave me my present, which was a Santa badge.

“I bought it when you were listening to the band,” he said, looking embarrassed. “You said Colin's was amazing.”

I pressed the middle. My badge doesn't play “Jingle Bells,” but Santa still lights up, and he goes
Ho, Ho, Ho
instead.

“I love it,” I said, and kissed him on the cheek.

There was an enormous Christmas tree standing in the hall when I got home, and Flora, Twig, and Jas were all sitting on the stairs as Zach and Dad struggled to get it straight. Zach is basically at our house all the time now. I think he's been here every single day after school. Twig has got him working on the tree house and Jas keeps dragging him off for secret talks (which really annoys Flora), and Mum has asked him to stay for supper twice. She's even invited him to come for Christmas.

I don't care what Dodi says about boys needing time and space. I just sent Jake a picture of all of us, including Zach decorating the tree. “Wish you were here too!” I wrote, because it was true. Then I told him I was wearing his badge and added lots of kisses.

 

 

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 21

Dodi is going skiing with her parents for Christmas this year, but before she left we spent the whole morning at Portobello Market rummaging through secondhand bookstalls until I found exactly what I wanted for Jake, two almost-perfect early 1980s
X-Men
comics.

“Nice,” Zach said when I showed them to him. “How much did you pay?”

I told him. Then when he looked shocked I said I could have paid a load more, but the person who sold them to me gave me a good price because one of them is a bit torn. Zach, who is kind, said they were a really cool present and Jake would be thrilled. Flora, who is not kind, told me later that Zach said I'd been completely cheated. She said 1980s comics weren't valuable at all, and next time I should ask Zach for his advice, because he knew all about it.

“I can't believe Jake buys you a singing badge and you spend all that money on
X-Men
comics,” Flora said.

“It's not about the money,” I said, and then I texted Jake to tell him I've got him the best present ever.

He wrote,
You shouldn't have, I only got you that badge.

I wrote,
I love that badge,
and he sent me a smiley face.

It made me feel all warm inside.

 

WEDNESDAY, DECEMBER 25

It has been a good Christmas.

Yesterday was Iris's death day. We went to church again, all six of us, not to a service or anything, just us, like the other day with Mum.

“Everything is changing,” I told Iris in church yesterday. “Mum and Dad are having a baby; Twig and Jas are growing up; Flora has this boyfriend who is practically living with us; and I'm going out with Jake. Remember Jake, from primary school? I really like him. Flora loves change, but I don't, not really. I was just getting used to the way things were, you know? I don't know if I'm ready for a whole new set of things.” Dad was praying next to me, his lips moving and everything, and since I know he doesn't believe in God, I knew that he was talking to Iris too. He saw me looking at him and held out his hand.

“Do you think she minds about the baby?” he asked.

“I think she's sad she won't be here for it, but I don't think she minds,” I told him.

Dad blinked very fast so I wouldn't notice he was crying.

“Don't be scared,” I whispered.

“I'm not scared,” he whispered back.

“Me neither.” I smiled, and he smiled back.

“I'm
petrified,” he admitted.

Zach didn't come for Christmas Day, despite Mum's invitation. He really wanted to, but Zoran says that family is family, and took him to visit his grandfather in hospital in the country, and they're stopping at the Richmond Hill Retirement Home on the way back to visit Zoran's great-aunt Alina. Flora says Zach was really hoping his mum would come for Christmas, but he still hasn't heard from her.

We are going to Zoran's for lunch tomorrow, but yesterday and today were just about us. It was a completely uneventful day. Just the six of us, shuffling about in our pajamas, opening presents, and eating cake for breakfast and going for a walk because Mum said we had to. Flora cooked dinner. She says she needs the practice for when she leaves home to go and live in a flat with lots of other actors, probably in New York or Los Angeles or somewhere. This basically meant that all of us except Mum (who was resting) and Dad (who was writing—apparently holidays don't count if you are a creative genius) spent most of the afternoon in the kitchen, which ended up looking even worse than when Mum cooks.

After all our hard work, the turkey was tough, the vegetables weren't properly cooked, and the potatoes completely burned because Flora decided to do a one-woman rendition of
A Christmas Carol
when she was meant to be lightly parboiling them. But Jas decorated the table with Christmas themed Haribos; Twig made rum and raisin reindeer-shaped cookies; I made gravy out of a packet which made everything taste nice, if not delicious; and Dad drank too much port as usual and fell asleep on the sofa with Mum while we were cleaning up.

“Look!” Jas dragged us over to look at them. Mum lay at one end of the sofa with her head thrown back and her mouth open, snoring lightly, both hands on her tummy. Dad lay at the other end, his head turned into the cushions, snoring much more loudly, completely unaware of Ron and Hermione, also sleeping and snoring, stretched out across his lap.

Absolutely nothing happened this Christmas, but Mum got what she wanted: It was the best one since Iris died.

THE FILM DIARIES OF BLUEBELL GADSBY
SCENE SIX (TRANSCRIPT)
BOXING DAY LUNCH

INTERIOR, DAY

Inside Zoran's flat. The small table by the window is crowded with chairs and the remains of lunch (casserole of pork with apricots, shredded greens with chestnuts, cheese and herb dumplings, trifle). ZORAN, JAS, and TWIG sit cross-legged on the floor in front of the coffee table, eating a huge tin of traditional Bosnian biscuits known as bear paws, made with walnuts and tossed in sugar (a present from Alina). MOTHER and ZACH sit on the sofa, watching FLORA, who stands before them, trying to act out
Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest
while CAMERAMAN (Blue) films.

They are playing charades.

Jas, Twig, and Cameraman knew the title the moment Flora started to act it out, but Mother and Zach haven't got a clue.

MOTHER

Harry Potter!

 

ZACH

Batman!

 

MOTHER

Dracula! Robin Hood! Les Misérables!

 

The doorbell rings. Zoran pads over to the intercom to buzz open the door to the street, then flings open the door to the flat and stands straight like a soldier, holding out the biscuit tin. Nobody else pays attention. They are expecting Father, who skipped lunch to work on his book.

ZACH

Pirates of the Caribbean!

 

Flora squeals and jumps up and down, making wild hand gestures.

ZACH

Curse of the Black Pearl! At World's End!! On Stranger Tides!!!

 

FLORA

YOU ARE BOTH COMPLETELY USELESS!

 

MOTHER

I know, I know!
Dead Man's Chest!!!!!

 

FLORA

FINALLY!

 

By now, Mother and Zach are crying with laughter and hugging each other. Flora drops down next to them, telling them again they were useless. Mother hugs her too.

Zoran comes in from the hallway. Alone.

ZORAN

(very serious)

Zach, you have a visitor.

 

Zach looks up, still laughing, from the sofa, where Twig and Jas have joined them. A woman walks into the room behind Zoran. Tall, pale, with purple smudges under her dark eyes and long black hair, wrapped in a pale gray cashmere coat which she hugs to her body as if, despite the weather, she is cold. She looks like a fairy-tale queen, or maybe a witch. She also looks familiar.

Mother, Flora, Jas, and Twig, sensing something is wrong, move away from Zach, who scrambles up from the sofa to stand before the stranger.

ZACH

Mum!

 

Mother signals to Cameraman to stop filming.

Camera goes black.

THURSDAY, DECEMBER 26

Zach stared like he couldn't believe his eyes.

“Surprise!” she said, but she sounded nervous.

Zach opened his mouth, but no sound came out. Her face fell. He took a step toward her and held out his hand, but it was shaking. He let it drop like he didn't know what to do with it.

Mum pushed herself up and came to stand beside him, putting her own hand out to steady his.

“We're very pleased to meet you,” she said. “We're all so fond of Zach.”

Zach's mother looked around the room, took in Jas and Twig on the sofa, Zoran, Flora, me, before coming back to let her eyes rest on Zach.

“Won't you sit down?”

Zoran gestured toward the sofa. Twig and Jas jumped off it. Flora also came to stand beside Zach and took his other hand. His mother sat down, still wearing her coat.

“Say something, Zach,” Flora whispered, but he still couldn't speak.

“This was a mistake.” Zach's mother was already back on her feet. “I have to go,” she said, and hurried out of the room. Zach came back to life, shouted “Mum!” and ran after her. After a moment's hesitation, Zoran followed.

“No,” Mum said as Flora started to go after Zoran, and then she cried, “Twig, stop that, it's dangerous!” because he was leaning right out of the window, looking into the street.

“You can see really well from here,” he said, and we all leaned out, ignoring Mum.

Down on the pavement, Zach's mother was trying to get into a car, but Zach stood in her way. She pushed him, jumped into the car, and drove away.

Even four stories up, we heard Zach shout, “Mum!”

He ran after her but she didn't stop. He went halfway down the street and then gave up.

Flora ran downstairs, but Zoran got there. He pulled Zach out of the road and then he just stood there, with his arms around him, holding him and holding him while Zach cried like I've never seen a boy cry in my entire life.

 

FRIDAY, DECEMBER 27

Flora says she was right all along and that Zach's mother is a witch. She went to see Zach this morning, and came into my room when she got back to tell me about it. I knew the minute she came in that she was in a really bad mood.

“I don't care how nice she ever was to him,” she said. “All that going to the seaside and tea at the Ritz. She's horrible and I hate her.”

“What happened?”

She flopped down on my bed and closed her eyes. “We quarreled,” she sighed.

This is how it happened. When Flora arrived at Zoran's flat, he said that Zach had gone to the park with his basketball, so she followed him there.

“He was all alone on the court,” she said. “Just like the first time I spoke to him.”

She watched him play until he stopped, and then she called out to him. Normally, she says, his whole face lights up when he sees her, but today he just said, “Oh it's you,” and that's when they had their first argument, right there on the basketball court. Flora said, “Aren't you going to kiss me hello,” and Zach said, “What's the point,” and Flora wasn't quite sure what to answer to that so she said, “I'm so sorry about your mum,” and Zach said, “Yah, well,” and they sat down on a bench, and Flora said, “I can't believe she could be so horrible.” Zach said, “It's not like that,” and Flora said, “Well what is it like then,” and suddenly they were shouting at each other, all about Zach's mum and how Flora with her ******* perfect family could never understand what it was like for him.

“I said don't talk about my family like that, and then we yelled some more, and he left.”

“He really said that about us?” I asked.

Flora said, “Yes, he did.”

“But we're not perfect,” I said. “We're so very far from perfect.”

“That's not all,” Flora said. She was huddled up in a ball on my bed, with a blanket wrapped around her, and for the first time I realized that she looked scared as well as angry. “I think she was there, Blue,” she said.

“What do you mean?”

“Zach's mother. He stormed off and didn't see her, but I did. Standing at the edge of the court, you know where the big trees are? She must have been hiding there the whole time.”

“Are you sure it was her?”

“I didn't see her face,” Flora admitted. “And she was wearing a hat, but it was the same coat, and she
was
watching us. It was creepy, Blue.”

“We should tell the parents,” I said.

“Tell them what?” Flora asked. “They'll only go and talk to Zoran, and then Zach will be even more furious with me.” And then she repeated how much she hated Zach's stupid mother, and stormed off to talk to Tamsin.

Zoran spoke to Mr. Rudowski yesterday to tell him what had happened, and also to ask him to explain Zach's mother's behavior, but Mr. Rudowski was so upset that one of the nurses took the telephone away from him and told Zoran to let him be. I overheard Zoran tell Mum when he came around this evening to bring back a bag she forgot at his flat. He's spoken to Alina about it too. Alina says she doesn't know any details, but that Wanda (Zach's mother) had always been what she calls
problematic
and had a
history of mental illness.

Zoran is taking Zach away. Alina has a friend with a little cottage by the sea near Brighton, and he has agreed to lend it to Zoran. “It will do us both good to get away for a while,” Zoran said.

Flora says, “Good riddance,” and she never wants to see Zach again, but I know she doesn't mean it. She keeps checking her phone for messages from him. And Jas is upset as well. She just came into my room too, as I was writing this, and asked did I know when Zach was coming back.

I said that I had no idea, and she crept out again, looking dejected.

 

SATURDAY, DECEMBER 28

Grandma has arrived, on her way back to Devon from Arizona. Dad went to fetch her at the airport, and she is going to stay for a week, while Dad whisks Mum away to Paris for a few days of Being Romantic.

Having Grandma here has cheered everybody up. Grandma can be maddening, and she is even more bossy than Flora, but it's difficult to be miserable when she's around. For one thing, she is one of the loudest people I know. She landed at six o'clock this morning. By half-past seven she was in our kitchen cooking the most enormous pan of fried eggs I have ever seen, as well as a skyscraper of pancakes.

“AMERICAN BREAKFASTS!” Grandma bellowed, pouring maple syrup over everything. “ABSOLUTELY MARVELOUS! NO NEED TO EAT ANYTHING ELSE FOR THE REST OF THE DAY!”

Grandma has her own view about the baby. “AT YOUR AGE?” she cried when they told her. “ARE YOU MAD?”

“I'm only forty-two,” Mum said, and Grandma sniffed and said forty-two should be old enough to see sense but she supposed there was no stopping some people. I could see Mum really wanted to storm out of the kitchen but also that she was torn because everything tastes so delicious when it is covered in maple syrup.

“How are you all taking the news?” Grandma asked more quietly, when I went up to her room to watch her unpack.

“It was a bit of a shock at first.” I thought it was probably best not to mention Iris or Dad being scared. Grandma can be very understanding and she is one of my favorite people in the whole world, but it's not always easy to talk to her when she's being disapproving. “We're really happy now,” I said. “Dad keeps telling Mum's tummy that he loves it. Twig is convinced he's going to get a brother, and Flora wants to play at being a mum with her boyfriend, Zach, or at least she did until they had a fight.”

Then I got distracted, because Grandma had pulled a very torn and battered copy of
Jane Eyre
from her case, and I remembered that I'm supposed to read the first three chapters over the holidays but with all the baby excitement and then Zach I had completely forgotten, and not for the first time I thought that there was something a little bit magic about Grandma, who is able to produce exactly what you need, when you need it.

“Ah, the boyfriend,” Grandma said. “Your father told me all about him. And what about you? Are you in love yet?”

There's never any use lying to her.

“I'm not sure about being in love,” I told her. “But I am going out with my friend Jake.”

Grandma said, “Well I hope you've got him on a good short rein.”

I said I didn't really know what that meant, and Grandma said it meant she hoped that Jake was being nice to me, and also that I wasn't letting him walk all over me if he wasn't. “I know what you're like, young Bluebell,” she said. “You're too forgiving.”

I fingered my Santa badge. “He's very nice to me,” I said.

Grandma gave me one of her sharp looks.

“Really,” I insisted. “He is.”

I didn't want to tell her I haven't heard from Jake since he sent me that smiley way before Christmas. For a start I didn't think she'd approve, but also perhaps this is normal. Just because Flora and Zach are permanently joined at the hip (or used to be, anyway) doesn't mean everybody has to be like that. And anyway, how much can you say in a text?

Grandma was still looking at me.

“Some things fit and some just don't,” she said. “Not enough people remember that.” And then she changed the subject and said why didn't I read
Jane Eyre
out loud to her while she finished unpacking.

I've been reading it all day. “It's a lot better than I thought it would be,” I told Grandma this evening at supper, and she smiled and said wasn't it wonderful when life turned out that way.

 

SUNDAY, DECEMBER 29

Flora is starting to get twitchy about New Year's Eve, and the fact that she still hasn't heard from Zach. She was going to go down to Trafalgar Square with him to see the fireworks, and now she doesn't know what to do.

“Can't you go with Tamsin instead?” I asked, and she said that wasn't the point. She called Zoran to ask him when they were coming back and he said he didn't know. Then she asked him why Zack wasn't answering her texts, and he said he didn't know about that either, but to give him time.

“How much time does he need?” Flora moaned after she'd spoken to Zoran. “I've said I'm sorry about a million times, even though he hasn't once apologized to me. Just because he's so worked up about his crazy mother, why does that mean he can't talk to me?”

Grandma said boys often find it difficult to think about more than one thing at once.

“He'd better come back soon,” said Twig. “Or we'll never finish the tree house.”

“I really, really need to speak to him,” whispered Jas. “Can I have his phone number?”

Flora shouted, “For God's sake, no wonder he doesn't want to see me anymore!” and you could tell she was going to cry because her nose was blotchy. “The way you go on,” she screamed, “you've probably scared him off!” And then she ran upstairs, and sure enough she hadn't even reached the landing before she burst into noisy sobs.

That was this morning. Then Dodi rang to say she was back and what was
I
doing for New Year's.