Fool Me Twice (23 page)
Authors: Mandy Hubbard
That’s not possible. They were together until spring, when she got with the guy from White River. Even at graduation, I
saw them, leaning against each other, laughing. “But you went to homecoming. You still ate lunch together every day. You were a couple all year.”
He shook his head. “No. I told you, we were best friends. Of course we still hung out. But when we broke up the second time … I don’t know. We both just let it go, you know? Any idea of a romance between us. Sometimes you want to hang on tighter to something that’s familiar, even when it’s not right. We were both just so relieved to admit that we did love each other, but not in that way, you know? But it took meeting you … and then losing you … to understand what
perfect
actually was.”
He shuts his eyes before looking at me again. “And then you come back around this year, with your pranks and your insane hair and your fiery attitude, and I fell for you a thousand times harder.”
I’m shaking my head, blinking away the tears that threaten to spill. “Why didn’t you tell me when you realized you’d made a mistake? That it was me you wanted?”
“Because I didn’t deserve you. What I did to you, dumping you at a moment’s notice and choosing her, it wasn’t right.” He sighs so hard it’s like he shrinks. “It made me like my dad. You trusted me, believed in me, and I left you behind. Everything I had ever avoided being, and in one choice, I became him.”
He rubs his eyes. “Maybe I should’ve gone to you and begged for your forgiveness. I just couldn’t imagine you giving it to me. Someone like Natalie, sure. She’s sweet and forgiving and … soft. But you, you’re different. You expected loyalty and I ran. Just like him. You deserved better, and I figured you knew it.”
“I don’t know what to say.” I smile sadly as tears make
everything shimmer. It’s the strangest mix of happiness and regret.
“I still don’t remember much of what happened between my accident and the Fourth of July. It started coming together around then, when I saw you run the arena with the flag. I knew I’d seen that before. And then I talked to my mom a few days later, and she gave me this weird recap of your conversation with her. It all started to clarify.”
“And yet, you didn’t put a stop to my little plan.”
He nods. “Yeah. I mean, the thing is, I didn’t know what you were up to, but I figured I could do this one thing for you. Give you this summer, for whatever reason you wanted it. I owed you that much.”
I shook my head. “I wanted to hurt you so badly. You have no idea.”
“ ‘We all go a little mad sometimes,’” he says.
I smile through my tears.
“Psycho
. But I wasn’t just mad. I was so hurt by you that I wanted you to know how it felt. And so I wanted you to fall in love with me so I could dump you. Tonight.”
“Oh.”
I swallow around the lump in my throat. “I needed to hear you say you loved me, and then I was going to rip your heart out just like you did to me. Except I screwed it all up.”
“How did you screw it up?”
“I fell for you even harder than I did before. I started seeing other sides of you, sides I didn’t see last year. I started thinking you weren’t such a bad guy after all.”
We turn to one another, and he practically glimmers, dancing
in the teardrops clouding my vision. He reaches out as the first one brims, wiping it away, cupping my cheek before pulling me closer.
“Don’t cry,” he whispers, and it only makes the tears fall harder, unstoppable. Our lips touch and I melt into him, pursing my lips against the hurt and the tears, and giving in to him, letting myself fall completely. Letting my fear wash away with the river. “Please don’t cry.”
I close my eyes and try to rein in the tears. “Do you think we could cancel the breakup?”
He pulls away but rests his forehead against mine and stares straight into my eyes. “‘There’s nothing in the world I wouldn’t give for that. Yes, I would give even my soul for it.’”
“Dorian Gray
,” I whisper.
He nods. “Mack, even if you wanted to, I couldn’t let you break up with me. I’m hopelessly, stupidly in love with you, and I don’t think I can handle being apart again.”
I think I’m laughing and crying at the same time, and I throw my arms around him, letting him pull me half into his lap, letting him rock me as I nestle into his neck.
“I love you too, Landon. I love you too.”
I pull lightly on Zoey’s reins, turning her toward a path I can barely see in the predawn light. Her shoes hit a few rocks, making a pleasant clinking noise as she navigates the trail. I rest my hand on her withers, trusting her eyesight more than my own as we hit the point that the path curves upward, and I have to lean forward to keep from sliding off her back.
Behind me, Landon’s borrowed horse snorts, and I hear him pat the horse’s neck, murmuring something under his breath. It’s weird to see him on a horse other than Storm, but his gelding is miles away, in his paddock at home.
We’re riding bareback, and Zoey’s body heat is warming me though my jeans, the only thing keeping me from turning into a human Popsicle. I’ve never been to the ranch in December, and it’s so cold that my breath is coming out in foggy clouds, and my fingers are turning stiff. I zip my jacket up all the way to my chin,
then hunch my shoulders and lean into the cold breeze ruffling Zoey’s mane.
“Brrrr
,” Landon says as if reading my mind.
“ ‘That cold ain’t the weather,’” I say, loud enough for him to hear. “ ‘That’s death approaching.’”
“Thirty Days of Night
,” he calls out.
The game I started at the ranch is now a full-blown war, with both of us working horror movie quotes into everyday conversation. Last week, I managed twenty-three lines in one day, breaking Landon’s record of nineteen. I didn’t get a trophy or anything, but Landon says he’s still working on it.
Zoey picks her way over a rocky stretch of path, and then it opens up, and I pull back, letting Landon ride up alongside me.
“Yeah, next time we do this, I’m wearing gloves,” I say, flexing my hand in and out, trying to force the blood back into my fingertips. “You could’ve warned me, you know.”
“I’ve never done this in the winter,” he says. “But it’ll be worth it, I swear.”
“I trust you,” I say. And I do. In the four months since we left the ranch, he’s proven I can. Proven he really loves me. We both go to WSU, and even though our dorms are a long, hilly walk apart, we make it every day. And yeah, he kind of ruins my study time, but I managed to survive my first semester all right, and now it’s Christmas break. Two glorious weeks of no classes and plenty of Landon.
The ranch is halfway between WSU and our hometown of Enumclaw, Washington, which means it fit perfectly into our holiday plans. We dropped in yesterday, and Mr. Ramsey let us use one of the empty cabins for the night. This afternoon we’ll
get back to Enumclaw, and tomorrow we’re meeting up with Bailey and Adam.
But now, it’s six thirty in the morning and here we are, on horseback, picking our way up a trail in the dark. Because Landon insisted on it.
Zoey tosses her head, and the chain under her chin jingles into the silence, creating its own melody as we crest the edge of the hill.
“This way,” Landon says, leading us to the left. Zoey follows automatically, so I barely touch the reins.
Landon is nothing but a dark shadow in front of me, an outline of broad shoulders and a knit hat, since he didn’t bring his cowboy hat to college. It’s been weird adjusting to him in ball caps and beanies.
“So, how’s that invisibility working out for you?” Landon asks.
“It’s great,” I say, knowing where this conversation is leading. He’s still never given up on the idea that flying has just as many, or more, uses than invisibility. He can’t take that there was that one weak moment he practically admitted I was right.
“Just saying, if you’d gone with flying, we’d be at the top already.”
“Yeah, and if you’d gone with invisibility, maybe you would’ve done better on the biology final.”
“How is invisibility an asset in test taking?”
“We could’ve snuck into Professor Carter’s house and peeked at the test.”
“You’re not convincing me. There are simply more uses for flying.”
“If you say so,” I say.
After a few more minutes of walking, he finally slows and then stops. I pull up too, so that our knees knock into each other.
“Why are we here again? You’re being all mysterious.”
“I thought you liked surprises,” he teases.
“I like getting back to my dorm room and realizing you’ve left a box of chocolates on my bed. I like finding your notes in my pocket in the middle of calculus. I’m less a fan of freezing my butt off.”
“Just give it another minute,” he says.
I sigh and quit complaining, instead petting Zoey in circles as a way to warm my fingertips. She heaves her own big sigh, lowering her head a bit, relaxing.
I don’t know when the shift occurs, because it’s gradual, the edges of the sky warming, tinged with pink.
And then it happens: the barest sliver of sun appears, beams of warmth kissing the valley floor below us. We sit in silence as the sun dawns, rises above the rolling hill, and the sky becomes awash in yellows and pinks and blues, the few clouds appearing almost purple.
“It’s … beautiful,” I say, almost breathless. It’s the prettiest sunrise I’ve ever seen. I forget how cold I am, that I can barely feel my nose or the tips of my ears, instead staring out at the horizon, soaking it in, memorizing the sight of it.
“I came up here after I got that call from Natalie last year,” he says. I turn to him, but he’s staring out at the sunrise. “The one where she asked me to take her back. She called at two a.m., and we talked for over an hour. That was the night I decided to give you up.”
I tangle my fingers into Zoey’s mane, studying the sun’s ascent as I listen to Landon.
“I couldn’t sleep and I felt stir-crazy, so I got Storm out and we walked aimlessly for a while before stumbling on this viewpoint just as the sun was rising.”
“I’m glad you found it,” I say. “It’s something I’ll never forget.”
He finally looks at me. “Me either. I’m glad you’re here. It makes everything we went through …” His voice trails off. “It makes it worth it.”
I nod.
Natalie went to USC for college. Landon Skypes with her from WSU sometimes, and he introduced us. She actually had the nerve to apologize to me, once she found out about how everything went down between me and Landon. As much as I wanted to hate her once, I’ve realized that everyone makes mistakes.
Lucky for me, though, letting Landon go is one thing I’m never doing again.
My reverie is broken when Landon touches my knee, and I turn to him. He leans across the space between our horses, and my eyes slip closed just as his lips touch mine.
And as the sun rises over the desert, we kiss.
Many thanks to:
My agent, Bob Diforio, who I am convinced never sleeps. You’re a joy to work with and I appreciate all you do.
My editor, Caroline Abbey, who pushed me in all the right ways. I’m thrilled to be working with an editor as talented as you. Thank you, as well, to Laura Whitaker for your fresh eyes and smart questions.
My crit partner, Cyn Balog, for reading a very early version of this and waving the pom-poms.
My husband and daughter, for understanding what it means to be on deadline, and only bothering me when it’s a gummy bear emergency.
Mandy Hubbard
lives in Enumclaw, Washington, not far from the dairy where she grew up. Her first kiss was received on horseback. The love of horses lasted, but the boyfriend didn’t. Now, she spends her time writing, running, and watching way too much MTV. She is also the author of
Prada & Prejudice
and
You Wish
. Follow her on Twitter, @MandyHubbard, or visit her website to learn more:
www.MandyHubbard.com
.
The
line