For the Right Reasons (25 page)

We packed our bags, said good-bye to snowy Canada, and headed for St. Croix, the largest of the US Virgin Islands. Though I loved the ice castle, the snow bus, and the glacier lakes, a warmer climate appealed to me.

It was October, so it felt like we were getting away with something going to a tropical setting in the fall. Plus, Shay’s birthday was coming up, and I hadn’t seen her in so long.

“I think it would be so cool to do something with my sister,” I suggested to one of the producers, “since she’s a
Bachelor
nut and is actually the reason I’m here.”

The producers had enjoyed meeting Shay when they visited Texas and met my family during Emily’s season. They thought it was a great idea. When she heard she could travel to beautiful St. Croix, Shay was thrilled.

Again, the ironclad rule the producers enforced was always the same: no off-camera interaction. This applied to Shay too. The producers created an entire scene for her arrival. I stood on the beach, where the show had set up tables for us. I hadn’t seen her in a couple of months, so it was really good to see her running through the sand with her sandals in her hands.

“I have to let two girls go home tonight that I really care about,” I said after Shay and I sat down at the table.

“Is there anyone you can see yourself marrying?”

“Almost all of them,” I said. “Honestly, none of them stick out as being ‘the one.’ ”

“Well, our biggest fear as a family is that you pick a girl who isn’t as committed as you are,” Shay said. “I don’t want to watch it unfold on television and say, ‘No, don’t pick that one!’ Because sometimes the Bachelor ends up with ‘that one.’ ”

I totally understood what she was saying. I distinctly remember watching one of the guys on Emily’s season, thinking,
There’s no way she is falling for this jerk
.

“I have a pretty good feeling for all of the girls, but the only one I could question is Tierra,” I said. “People have told me there is a different side to her that I haven’t seen. I’ve heard she doesn’t hang out with the other girls and isn’t a nice person.”

I could tell Shay didn’t like what she was hearing.

“I don’t want to be the guy who keeps the girl that no one likes, but I enjoy being with her.”

“Have you liked her from the start?” Shay asked.

“Well, I gave her a first impression rose because she seemed fun, warm, and outgoing.” Then I explained the various things that had happened that gave me pause. Even though our relationship had grown to the point that she’d reached the final six, it had not been uneventful: she fell down the stairs under curious circumstances back at the mansion, causing the EMTs to wonder if she had a concussion. In Canada, we took a polar bear plunge into a frigid, glacier-fed lake. Admittedly, it took forever—with the preparations and the interviews. We probably stood in thirty-two-degree weather for two and a half hours before we jumped in. I remember that I couldn’t feel my feet—I’ve never felt colder in my life. However, most of us ran into the water, dunked ourselves, and ran out screaming and laughing. But Tierra suddenly started gasping for breath, clawing at her chest, and shaking uncontrollably. Once again, she was hauled off by the EMTs.

I paused for a moment in my story, thankful to have Shay there to help me figure this out. Was it possible that Tierra had done all that for attention? She seemed sincere to me, but it was an awful lot of trouble surrounding one person.

“I like her, but the other girls really don’t seem to care for her.” My sister is a great judge of character, and she knows me better than anyone else. Her advice to me before I left Dallas was simple: avoid the girl surrounded by drama. After hearing bad reports about Tierra, I thought it would be a good idea to have my sister sit down and visit with Tierra so I could get her opinion. “Stay here and I’ll run and get her.”

At least that was the plan. Tierra was in her hotel room, just a golf cart ride way. As soon as I walked through the door of the hotel, I sensed there was something amiss. The girls were quiet. Apparently, an enormous fight had erupted between Tierra and the other girls. I knew Tierra was having a hard time being on the show. I sympathized with her a great deal because I freaked out when I’d heard Emily had kissed Arie. Her discomfort was understandable, and I was looking forward to working through it with her.
When I walked in, no one explained what was going on. Though the house producer was aware of the argument, my producers were also caught off guard by the chill in the room.

When Tierra saw me, her face fell as though she’d seen the grim reaper. I sat down and put my arm around her, preparing to invite her to meet my sister. Because I never went to the girls’ home unexpectedly—the only other time I’d shown up was to send another girl home—Tierra feared the worst. Her shock turned into sorrow, and she started bawling.

“Tierra,” I said. “What’s wrong?”

“I can’t do this anymore. I can’t do it,” she said. “I like you so much, but I can’t do this.”

Though I really liked Tierra in the beginning, I knew there was something seriously wrong.

“Please tell me what’s going on,” I said, though she could barely speak. Instead of taking Tierra down to meet my sister, I figured that we might need a change of plans. “I’ll be right back,” I told her.

I walked outside and sighed.

All the producers were outside, looking surprised at how our plans to introduce Shay to Tierra had gone awry.

“Jonah, I’ve got to send her home now,” I said. “She’s miserable.” Of course, he’d heard our entire conversation, so he agreed.

“That might be the right move,” he said, running his hand through his wild hair. Sending someone home, of course, is a big production. I stood out there for probably twenty minutes while they got the cameras ready. I’m sure Tierra was wondering what on earth was going on, because I’d told her that I’d return in just a second. (Not to mention Shay, who was still sitting at the table, waiting for my return.)

“Okay, we’re ready,” the producers said. “Tell her she doesn’t have to pack her bags. We’ll do all that for her.”

“You don’t want her to grab anything?”

“No,” he said. “We’ll get the shot of you putting her in the van after you walk Tierra out the front door.”

Most of the girls were in the living room by the front door, which gave
me pause. I knew it would’ve made great television to see the shocked reactions of the girls who already disliked Tierra as she was escorted away from the show.
Yes, the show
, I reminded myself. We were making a television show, no matter how high emotions ran.

“I think you should go home,” I said. She sobbed even more and tried to pack her stuff.

“No,” I said. “The show will get your things for you. Let me just walk you out.”

She immediately started walking toward the back, but I stopped her. “Hey, let’s walk out the front door.”

Even in her sorrow, she knew this didn’t make sense. She stopped dead in her tracks. “Why?”

“You’re right,” I said. “Let’s go out the back door.” I realized that it wasn’t kind to parade her in front of the other girls, and I knew the producers would rather me be considerate than dramatic. I couldn’t do that to the poor girl.

After we walked out the back door, she stopped crying and suddenly looked furious.

“Are you going to be okay?” I asked. This was probably the worst question I could’ve posed.

“No,” she tersely responded and then got in the van.

As I watched the van drive away, I heard her scream and cry as it disappeared into the distance.

In a state of disbelief over what had just happened, I walked back to my sister, who’d been waiting on the beach. It was nice to be able to talk through these issues with her and also to show her this crazy life I was now living. When we were growing up, fighting over what television show to watch, I never thought we’d one day be sitting in a tropical location on an actual television show.

I was so glad to have my sister there. What woman—especially a mother of young children—wouldn’t want to fly to a tropical location, get a free hotel room, and enjoy nice spa treatments? Plus, she loved seeing the behind-the-scenes details unfold during filming. One of the best parts was
that she got to hang out with me and Harrison in my room as we got ready for the upcoming rose ceremony.

While we put on our suits, the producers walked in and out to tell us about the details of the night. She was really surprised when Harrison came out singing “Happy Birthday” to her with a cake we’d made just for her.

Plus, it was good to have my sister there during what was probably the most controversial episode of the season. After the show, people asked me about Tierra more than anything else.

“How could you keep her as long as you did?”

“Did you not see how crazy she was?”

To be perfectly honest, I didn’t see what everyone at home saw—not even close.

At the beginning of my
Bachelor
journey, I told the girls, “I’m going to create my own opinion, and I’m not really going to listen to the others.” Knowing human nature, I knew girls would inevitably start talking about other girls. “I’m going to base my opinion on what I’ve seen, not what I’ve heard.” Perhaps I relied so much on my direct experiences that I blocked out some of the bad things I heard regarding Tierra.

I realize now I should’ve listened to what the others were saying.

To put it simply, I liked her. When I was with her, she was nice, kind, and fun to be with. Because
The Bachelor
is not the most natural dating situation, it’s totally understandable to flake out under the pressure. I sympathized—and even empathized—with it. Because I never saw her mistreating the other girls or being mean to the others, I let her stay so I could get to know her better.

Tierra always said, “I’m here for love, not to make friends.” It seems in every season, one person carries that banner. What they don’t realize is that they’ll be spending a whole lot more time hanging around the mansion with the others than on actual dates. Obviously, no one has to make best buddies for life, but friendships sure make the experience a lot more enjoyable.

I can speak from experience. I’ll be friends with guys from Emily’s season for the rest of my life. I loved getting to know Jef, Arie, Charlie, John,
Alejandro, and Travis. To be honest, the rose ceremonies were sad for me, even when she sent the other guys home. Though I should’ve been relieved that I’d survived on the show another week, I was always disappointed because I’d miss seeing the guys around the house.

Regrettably, none of the girls seemed sad to see Tierra go.

At the end of that crazy week, I was left with four amazing women and a lot of questions swirling around in my mind.

Hopefully, it was nothing a few hometown visits couldn’t cure.

twelve

ONE STEP AT A TIME

Family is very important to me, so I knew the hometown dates of the four remaining women—AshLee, Lindsay, Catherine, and Desiree—were going to be critical. I couldn’t believe I’d already gotten to this point in my journey. I knew each of the four remaining women would make a wonderful wife, but none stood out above the others. I decided I was going to focus on each relationship, without comparing them or muddling them together in my mind. I decided to try this approach: when I was with AshLee, I would focus on AshLee—without thinking of the other girls. Then, when I was with Lindsay, I’d try to think of her exclusively. I hoped their families would give me insight and information on each of them that would help me make good decisions. All four of them were evenly ranked in my mind going into that hometown week, and I desperately needed to find clarity for the upcoming days of decision.

A lump formed in my throat as I packed my bag for Houston. I couldn’t believe I would be possibly engaged to one of these women. I tried to push this thought out of my mind. At this point, I couldn’t think about the finish line. Not everyone on the show proposed at the end of it, and I didn’t have to either. After all, who actually finds a spouse on reality TV? Never before in the history of the franchise had the Bachelor proposed to someone on the show and ended up at the altar with the same person. I didn’t
have to be the first one. I placed my T-shirts into the suitcase and zipped it shut, willing myself not to think too far ahead.

One step at a time.