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It would not have taken much to have broken
his teeth. "Yes. Because I love her so much."

Anthony scoffed and rolled his eyes. At least
he had the foresight to back away and get out of reaching distance
of me. "Frederick Dodsworth, you silly, stupid man. You only met
her this evening."

"Have you ever been in love?" I asked because
I knew the answer.

His nose flared. "No."

"No… so how do you know what it feels like?
What it makes you do?"

"I know it would never cause me to force
myself on a woman."

"I didn't… I wasn't forcing myself. Dear God,
Anthony, I was kissing her!"

Why the devil could I not get him to
understand? He looked at me as if
I
was the villain. As if I
had done something wrong. I did nothing wrong. Not in God's eyes
anyway and no one can convince me otherwise.

"You were…" He stopped and pinched the bridge
of his nose. "That's not why she brought you out here."

"And how do you know that? Because you know
her so well?" I shot back.

"She's my cousin."

"A cousin you haven't seen in years, you said
so yourself." I wanted to walk passed him and be done with this
conversation. I wanted to find Rebecca and talk to her some more,
for there was lots of things to discuss.

Anthony shut his eyes as if trying to decide
on what to say next. I knew a good thing for him to say next:
nothing. "Frederick," his voice softened. "I understand you think
you love her. She is beautiful and much too kind for her own good.
She would make any man a wonderful wife."

"However…?"

"However," he sighed. "Frederick, you are not
the man for her."

My chest constricted and, honestly, I
couldn't believe what I was hearing. I mean. I understood the
words, obviously, but— "I don't understand. You are my friend."

"She deserves better," he said bluntly.

In that moment, I knew what would happen. He
would go tell Rebecca about my lack of title just as I feared he
would. "I have money. I can
get
money. She won't want for
anything. I'll make sure of it, Anthony. My father's friend — my
benefactor — he will help me."

"You have never met your benefactor," he
reminded me, as if I didn't know.

"No, but he hadn't ever given me cause not to
trust him. I know if I asked, if I told him the circumstances, he
would help secure me a job. I can take care of her." I found myself
pleading with Anthony, needing him to understand.

Anthony walked to me and placed his hand on
my shoulder, squeezing it just enough to get my attention and warn
me to listen. "Know this, my friend. If I see you mistreating
Rebecca again, I will ruin you. Do I make myself clear? Let this
obsession go. It won't work, and it will only bring you pain."

"And you care enough about me to tell me
this?" I scoffed and tried to push his hand away. The iron thing
wouldn't budge.

"No. I lost all kind feelings I had toward
you when I saw you assaulting Rebecca…"

He said more, but let's think on that a
moment. I solemnly swear that I did not assault her. Yes, I held
her so she couldn't run away, but it was only to make a point
because I knew the second her lips touched mine, she would love me
as I loved her. I couldn't let her fear keep us from our destiny. I
wasn't hurting her, I was helping her. If only Anthony had
understood that.

You understand… right?

It makes no matter how you feel on the
subject. Those are the facts. And I will not be bothered to rewrite
history and make myself a monster.

Anthony's nostrils flared as he spoke to me.
"I only tell you this to save whatever dignity you might have left
and keep you from hurting her again."

"I didn't…"

"Stay away from her, Frederick. Or else…"
Such a puny threat when you think about it. Or else… or else what?
What would he do to me? What could he do to me?

He gave me no time to retort, but grabbed a
torch, walked out of the gazebo and into the snow, leaving me alone
with my thoughts.

I can't say my thoughts were entirely pure
and true ones. I knew my intentions. Anthony didn't. Rebecca
obviously understood too, because she kissed me back. Yes, it was
after I forced her mouth open, but she only needed a little budge
to love me. Why Anthony couldn't understand that, I'll never know.
But I do know that what happened next was entirely his fault.

I take no blame in the actions that come next
for, if I hadn't been stopped in the gazebo, all of the issues that
could have come between Rebecca and I would have been sorted out. I
should have picked my friends better. It was a mistake I didn't
make again.

It took a lot
of
composure not to take one of the torches and burn down Anthony's
gazebo, his stupid maze, his house. But then I knew everyone would
know it was me, and I'd be outcast — even more outcast than I
already was. Though my fingers twitched to hurt Anthony as he had
threatened me with "or else," I took the bigger path and snuffed
out the fire on all of the rushes save one, which I took back
through the maze and back to the main house.

Music filled the air, growing louder the
closer I got to the manor. Through the large windows to my right, I
watched as people danced. I wanted to go back to my dance with
Rebecca, when everything was right in the world. When our love was
just blossoming, before Anthony had to dirty it. Anthony made
something pure and lovely and sweet into something cold and dark
and ugly. Anthony did that. Not me. Not Rebecca.

I already knew my friend was no longer my
friend, but I had no idea the lengths he would go to next. And
Simon! I had forgotten about him. He was such a feeble specimen of
a man. He didn't have any gumption to him, no drive… so weak and
frail. The kind of person you just forgot about easily. That was
Simon Hartwell. The type who couldn't stand up to anyone and only
spoke when Anthony was there to back him up. Such a weak man. Then
again, his weakness made the last seventeen years possible, didn't
it?

I walked through the back door. A few of the
guests turned my direction when I entered but none spoke. I
couldn't tell if glares and raised brows were from confusion
because I had never attended one of Anthony's parties before and
they wouldn't know me, or if it was something else. Perhaps Anthony
had already poisoned them against me. Such a jealous man.

Feeling a bit worn from the evening's events,
I desired some time alone to think. I knew I didn't have much time
to find Rebecca and talk to her, but I felt, rightfully so I
suppose, that she needed to be alone for a bit. I was being kind. I
was being nice. I wasn't crowding her or forcing her — no matter
what Anthony said — into anything. I knew she loved me. That only
left explaining my acceptance into university and my benefactor. In
my mind, however, the hard part was over. Love could overcome
anything — at least that's what my naive heart told me.

Like I said, I needed time to myself, which
was fighting with my need to find Rebecca. I knew I should find her
and talk to her, but I also knew I needed to take a second to calm
myself. My conversation with Anthony had vexed me, and I needed to
be in a more put-together mood before I spoke to Rebecca again.

Though I didn't think so at the time,
Anthony's words on the matter did cause doubt to fill my mind, not
on Rebecca's love for me for that could never change, but with
regard to how I had treated her. Perhaps I had been too forceful in
my need to hastily show her my love. Perhaps I might have held her
too tightly, though I hadn't believed so at the time. I didn't
think I had scared her because she didn't appear, to me, to be
scared. However, I knew it was my gentlemanly duty to tell her I
was sorry. It would show her how much I cared to ask about her
feelings and I knew she would appreciate it.

Therein formed my plan. Take a few moments to
compose myself. Get all of the rage out of my body and then go find
Rebecca. Talk to her sweetly, kindly, tell her how sorry I was,
declare my love, and then live happily ever after.

Wouldn't life have ended up so much better if
the next series of events had transpired in that way?

Anthony's guests were scatted around the
manor, conversing, dancing, drinking. I walked through the rooms
and hallways, trying to find a place to rest. I had never been in
the home before and it was slightly difficult to navigate because
of its size. Now, I would not have had that sort of problem, but
back then I didn't know any better.

I noticed as I made my way through the
hallways that gentlemen looked in my direction and then away.
Always hushed whispers followed behind me. I tried not to dwell on
it, but it seemed a bit odd.

Finally, I found a secluded part of the
manor. It was decorated as all other parts of the house in festive
reds, greens, and whites. A small table sat under an antique mirror
and I stopped for a moment to catch my reflection.

And what a reflection it was!

My nose was red and rosy from being outdoors
so long in the cold. My hair was messed around my head thanks to
the breeze that had whipped through the gazebo. My skin was even
more pale than normal. I looked an absolute mess. Definitely not a
way I wanted to greet Rebecca.

I took a few moments to straighten my hair
and play with the tip of my nose to try to get the redness to
leave. It didn't work, so I finally gave up. Perhaps Rebecca would
find it endearing that my nose matched the color of the Christmas
bobbles.

I started to walk away, back to the party,
and search for Rebecca when my eye caught sight of the door to my
left. It was ajar, and I'm not sure why, but it caught my
attention.

What happened next, I can only describe to
you as a matter of fate. I wanted to leave the area and head back
to the party, for I felt the anger dull within me and I believed I
could see Rebecca calmly now. But on the other hand, a strange pull
drew me to that door. It was as if some mystical force wanted me
inside that room. I tried to walk away, but I couldn't. Curiosity,
fate, God, whatever you want to call it, something kept me there.
Something kept my eyes trained on that door.

I wish I had left.

No, I take that back. I am glad I stayed
because if I had not, I would not have known about the betrayal
until much later. I would have learned, most assuredly, but in
front of everyone as they announced — oh, I shouldn't get ahead of
myself. You need to know every detail, every single one, so you
understand why I have to do what I have to do… so you know why
you
have to do what you have to do.

After looking around to make sure no one
would see me — sneaking through the rooms of a host was frowned
upon of course — I gently and quietly opened the door to the
darkened room. I saw no one at first but heard a gasp. A female
gasp.

As my eyes adjusted to the lack of light, I
made out the shadows of not one, but two people. One tall. One
short. One a gentleman. One a lady.

I could tell by their posture that I had
walked in on something I shouldn't have. Instantly I said I was
sorry and backed out of the room, and then, I smelled it.
Lavender.

Lavender. The scent that had filled my senses
when I was outside with Rebecca.

Lavender. The smell that engulfed me as I
kissed her.

It filled the room with such a sweet
smell.

The female gasp…

The lavender fragrance…

My mind raced in all the horrible
possibilities, but none of them could be true. Why would she?

But I had to be sure.

"Miss Rebecca?" I asked tentatively, for
surely it could not be her. She wouldn't be in a darkened room with
another man. She wouldn't do that to me.

There was no answer, but I heard their
breathing and I heard her whimper. "Rebecca, is that you? Are you
hurt? Is he…. hurting you?" Because if whoever the other occupant
was hurting her, I would gladly hurt him.

A lantern sprang to life, illuminating the
room, and I saw a sight that will haunt me forever. Rebecca
standing against the desk, for the room I had entered was, I found
out after observation, a study. She stood next to the one person I
never suspected.

Simon Hartwell.

Her lips were swollen and red, obviously from
a forced kiss and I knew, I knew in that instant that I had to kill
Simon. He'd taken advantage of her. He was going to hurt her in
that vile way some men hurt a woman. The anger I had just pushed
away filled me once more and there was no stopping it this time,
nor did I want to stop it.

I pushed a chair out of my way before sliding
over the desk and grabbing Simon by his scrawny little neck. He
nearly dropped the lantern, which would have been an unfortunate
thing because it would have more than likely burned the entire
house down. I had enough sense about me to take it from his hand
and set it on the desk behind me, all the while squeezing his neck
and watching his face turn a very ugly red in the limited
light.