“Ellie, do you think I could meet the kids sometime?” Jo asked.
“Really? You want to?”
“I would love to,” she said. “I mean, if you’d share your time. I don’t want to impose—I know you don’t get them often. But, let’s see—Saturday. The weather’s cooling. We could bake! We could make cookies and decorate them. We could color and finger paint. We could—”
“Jo! You don’t have kids! You don’t have all that kid stuff!”
Jo smiled patiently. “Just tell me which Saturday. I’ll be ready.”
Ellie was silent for a while. “Can I ask something personal?”
“You can ask me anything, Ellie.”
“Why didn’t you have children? You and Mr. Fitch?”
“Nature’s mystery,” she said with a shrug. “We were both healthy and normal, but I didn’t conceive.”
“Did you consider adoption?”
And that’s when Jo dropped her chin, and her gaze. “Nick wouldn’t hear of it. He said if he wasn’t having a baby of his own he wouldn’t have someone else’s, not knowing where it came from.” And then she lifted her gaze and met Ellie’s. Just that little piece of information changed Jo’s eyes and Ellie knew there was so much more to the story.
Ellie frowned and shook her head. “But adoption isn’t that mysterious or secretive. Oh, there might be one or two hidden things, but that’s a risk even when you have your own—that some little-known relative, or someone generations back contributed something you weren’t even aware of yourself.”
“I know,” she said. “But that was the end of it as far as he was concerned.”
“I’m sorry,” Ellie said softly. “Both of mine were total accidents. And it hasn’t been easy—but maybe I’m the lucky one. Of course, I have no husband, no father for them, no partner…”
“Nick made that decision a long time ago,” Jo said. “Things haven’t been the same between us since.”
“Oh, Jo,” Ellie said. “Oh, the son of a—”
“It was me,” she said. And then she was quiet.
“Look, it’s not my business…You don’t have to—”
“I drove him crazy, trying for a baby. Then I was getting into my late thirties, it wasn’t happening and I wanted to adopt a baby, but he wouldn’t even talk about it. He was adamant. I’ve never really understood. Oh—he tried to get me to understand that the whole idea of raising someone else’s child just didn’t work for him, and he was getting older and ready to give up on the idea. He was happy without kids. At least happy enough. The truth is, I’ve never forgiven him for that. For depriving me of that one chance to raise children.”
Ellie reached for her hand and just held it for a minute. Finally, in a very soft voice, she said, “Jo, that was a long time ago. Can’t you work through that now?”
“I gave working through it a serious try—for a couple of years I was a foster parent. And it should come as no surprise, within five minutes I was attached to the children I kept. And the ones I got weren’t easy kids, either, which almost proved Nick’s point. Then I was depressed when they left.” She laughed a little and averted her eyes. When she looked back at Ellie, she said, “These things get so complicated. I was angry, he was confused by my anger and maybe hurt by it, I was unforgiving and cold toward him, he didn’t treat our marriage with the same respect…It didn’t take long for us to fall into a routine where we get along, but there’s nothing special between us anymore. There hasn’t been for twenty years. We keep separate bedrooms.”
And he flirts and gropes, Ellie thought. “Oh, man,” Ellie said.
“Don’t feel sorry for me,” Jo said. “I couldn’t stand it. Now,” she said, brightening purposefully. “There’s still plenty of time in my life to enjoy friends and their children! If you feel like spending a Saturday just hanging around here, playing, having fun—I would absolutely love it.”
“You’re sure?”
“Ellie, having you around has been so good for me. When I first saw you, all I could think was that you’d tempt Nick and I’d be embarrassed again, like I’ve been so many times. But it didn’t work that way. Instead, we got close, you and me. Two women with odd pasts and a lot to overcome. I find myself telling you things I haven’t talked about in years. It would be a privilege to meet your kids, to have all of you for the day.”
“And Nick?” Ellie asked cautiously.
“If he isn’t the most polite person on earth, I will shoot him in the head.”
Ellie laughed at her. “Wow. A little fight looks good on you. Okay then,” she said, giving her head a nod. “Next Saturday it is.”
Ellie realized that despite the struggles she’d encountered along the way, wonderful people had always happened into her life. Her grandmother had been her angel. Her first love, Jason, had given her joy, and his loss was her heartache, but Danielle had her father’s sweet disposition and bright eyes. And Chip might be a big dumb loser, but Trevor was a gift.
Her boss at that club had been a real stand-up guy who watched out for his employees. A couple of old bosses still helped her when they could, like the lawyer she’d worked for. Her neighbor in the duplex had been there for her in ways she could never repay; a trusted babysitter was priceless. Noah, without a doubt, had given her a big break, at some risk to his own reputation.
And then, unexpectedly, there was Jo.
Saturday came and while Jo hadn’t gone overboard, she had been ready to show Danielle and Trevor a good time. There was chilled cookie dough, ready to roll, cut, bake and decorate. The kids finger painted at Jo’s big kitchen table. And there were books to read in the hammock strung between two huge trees.
Nick was at home, and while he wasn’t underfoot, he did make his presence felt between cutting the grass and watching sports on TV in the den. He joined them all for a nice lunch on the patio and joked with the kids in an affable way. To Ellie’s surprise, after what Jo had told her, it seemed they actually had a very good rapport. And what a loss that he hadn’t tried parenting—he was good with the kids, too.
Ellie got to thinking—this couple got derailed in their marriage over an issue major to both of them, and they had lost the ability to compromise. Ellie’s children had come while she was so young, and in such a shocking, scary way, she had never had to endure the frustration that some other women went through. In fact, before now, Ellie had never known any women friends who wanted children passionately and, for whatever reason, couldn’t have them. The closest she came to really understanding the plight was a movie—Steel Magnolias—in which Julia Roberts’s character risked her life to have a baby. That bespoke a desire so primal, so desperate, it was small wonder it could mess up an otherwise good relationship.
From the way Jo and Nick both interacted with the children, you’d never know they hadn’t been parents. And they seemed good together, as well; positive and even affectionate.
It began to fall into place for Ellie. She wasn’t sure, but it was possible that Jo and Nick had once enjoyed a strong and loving marriage. Then they had a standoff over adoption and went to separate bedrooms. Whatever their arrangement was—he worked and paid the bills and she managed the home—there was at least some residual fondness there. But now Nick was flirting with other women and in a very wayward and foolish way, making passes. Could he be lonely? Hungry for both affection and some bolstering of his self-esteem?
“This has been such a fun day,” Jo said to Ellie. “You know, I have friends in this town, plenty of them, but I don’t think I’m as close to some women I’ve known for twenty years as I am to you. There’s something different about having you here. If I’d had a daughter when I wanted one, she would probably be about your age. She might have children like Danielle and Trevor. I hope that isn’t too presumptuous of me, saying that.”
“Oh, Jo, that’s so sweet! If I could choose the kind of mother to have, it would be someone like you. Someone kind and stable and a friend I could depend on.” And she thought maybe Jo’s eyes had misted a little when she said that.
So there it was—Jo and Nick had parted while staying under the same roof, and the bitterness from their individual wounds had resulted in Nick’s bad behavior and sullied reputation, and Jo was lonely and unable to hold her head up in her town.
If they wanted to, Ellie wondered, could they unravel their twenty-year-old quarrel and rebuild? Was it possible?
When Paul and Vanessa Haggerty decided they wanted to settle in Virgin River rather than Paul’s home of Grants Pass, Oregon, he set up a part of his family’s construction company in Virgin River. It had proven a positive choice for them, but it did require that Paul visit his father and brothers for a company business meeting about once a month. Vanni and little Matt, now eighteen months, were almost always with him, but this time she wasn’t free to go—she was helping her cousin Shelby plan her wedding. So Paul decided to drive up on Thursday and come back on Friday afternoon rather than spend the weekend away from the family.
When he arrived at the office, his brother North shook his hand and said, “Hey, perfect timing. I just hung up with some lawyer by the name of Hanson. Does the name Terri Bradford ring a bell?”
The past came rushing back to Paul. “It does. Why?”
“Seems she died recently. Car accident or something. The lawyer called because there’s a will.”
“Died?” he asked, stunned. “A will?”
“That’s what he said. Apparently she left you something. You know, in the will.”
Paul was stunned and speechless. Dead? Terri was young, pretty, fun—it was just wrong, her being dead. “I can’t imagine why she’d leave me anything,” he said. “Did he say what it was? Really, I didn’t know her that well.”
“How did you know her?” North asked. “I mean, you don’t have to tell me if it’s personal. But—”
“It’s not personal. I went out with her a few times before I married Vanni. You know—back before Matt died in Iraq and all that. It was pretty casual between us.”
Except, it hadn’t been quite that tidy. True, Paul had dated Terri a few times before Matt was killed in Iraq. Also true, it had been casual. She was a real pretty single girl and Paul had had no one in his life. He had been carrying a torch for Vanni, but she was married to his best friend, Matt, and pregnant with their child. But then Matt was suddenly gone, the baby was born with Paul’s assistance, and Paul was all messed up in grief and guilt and regret…and hopeless love for Vanessa. In just that state, looking for someone to talk to, someone who might understand, he’d spent the night with Terri.
Then began a real mess. Terri told him she was pregnant with his child and Paul had been prepared to take care of her, but ultimately Terri admitted the baby wasn’t his after all. Medical tests proved that to be true and they parted company amicably. He even offered to help her anyway. He had liked Terri; she’d been very sweet to him when he was in a bad place in his emotional life.
“Why would she leave me anything?” he thought aloud.
“Here’s the lawyer’s number,” North said, handing him a piece of paper. “Give him a call and ask him. Then let’s get everyone around the table and look at the company’s last month’s performance. Huh?”
“Yeah,” Paul said.
The lawyer, Scott Hanson, wouldn’t reveal anything over the phone. He said he’d prefer to see him in person to explain Terri’s will. That was the usual protocol, he explained. Hanson gave him an appointment for the next morning so there would be plenty of time for Paul to get back to Virgin River before dinnertime.
When he talked to Vanni that evening, he told her about this unexpected development. “Oh, Paul, that’s just awful that she would die so young,” Vanni said. “What about her child?”
“Honey, I never spoke to her again after she told me the baby wasn’t mine. I don’t even know if she kept the baby. And I can’t for the life of me guess what she would want me to have.”
“Some memento of time you spent together?” Vanni asked. “When you dated?”
“I can’t think of a thing,” he said. “I don’t feel connected to Terri. Just enough to be sorry she lost her life so young. Whatever she left me, I’ll just ask the lawyer to give it to her next of kin.”
“Paul, you don’t have to do that on my account. I wasn’t jealous of her before and I’m certainly not jealous of her now. Just be polite and thank the man. Then get home—we have a baby to make.”
Vanni had just decided, to Paul’s great happiness, now that little Matt was eighteen months old, she was ready to get pregnant again. Paul thought of little Matt as his own, but the idea of a baby carrying his own DNA would thrill him.
Paul had once been to the law office where Terri worked, but he’d never met her boss. It turned out to be Scott Hanson, also the executor of her will. After the introductions, Paul sat facing Scott’s desk. “Let me skip the suspense, Paul. Terri had absolutely no way of predicting she would suffer an accidental, premature death. It was a traffic accident. But, Terri was savvy when it came to the law, and given her family situation, she made sure her affairs were in order.”
“Her family situation?” Paul asked.
“Her mother has advanced MS and her parents have been divorced since Terri was a toddler, she had almost no contact with her father. Last time he came up in conversation, she had no idea where he was. And she was the single mother of an infant daughter.”
“Ah,” Paul said. “I knew she was expecting.”
“She wants you to be the child’s guardian. She’d like you to adopt her.”
Paul’s face was frozen in shock. His mouth stood open and his eyes were huge. “But…” He cleared his throat. “But, it’s not my child.”
Scott Hanson took a breath and folded his hands on his desk. “I apologize for the shock. And for the irregularity. When preparing a will and living trust for a client, it’s customary to request guardianship from the adult you have in mind for the job. When I asked Terri about your willingness to take this on, she said you were a good man, would be a good father, had offered to help her even though she wasn’t carrying your child, and of all the people in her life, you were the only one who came to mind. The fact that she hadn’t gotten your consent to be so named was irrelevant to her as she only set up her will as a far-fetched precaution. Of course, she expected to live to be an old woman. She was in excellent health and of sound mind. She also fully expected to meet the right man one day and give Hannah a stepfather who would always be there for her. And who, of course, would replace you as guardian in the will.” He took a breath. “Obviously she thought you would never know how highly she regarded you.”
Paul scooted forward on his chair. “What do you know about our relationship?” he asked Hanson.
“Really? Hardly anything at all. That you were friends. That you were close.”
Paul was shaking his head. “That’s a stretch. We dated a few times. I mean a few. She tried to convince me it was my baby, but she knew all along it wasn’t and before that whole thing went too far, she admitted it. What about the father?”
“According to Terri, the father bolted. There’s a name on the birth certificate, but Terri collected documentation from him indicating he wasn’t interested in any relationship with his child so that Terri would be free to have that future ‘right man’ adopt her daughter.”
“We should contact him,” Paul said. “Because things have changed. She’s dead.”
Scott Hanson leaned forward. “That’s an option. You can certainly do that if you want to. But it’s been my experience that people with that level of disinterest don’t make good parents. I urge you to think about the baby. About Hannah.”
“Mr. Hanson, I can’t do this! My wife and I have been married just over a year. She was widowed when her husband was killed in Iraq and I’ve been a father to her son. He’s a year and a half and we’ve just decided it’s time for another child, one of my own. I can’t do this. I can’t take on the child of a woman I hardly knew.”
“I understand, Mr. Haggerty. Believe me. I knew this outcome was a strong possibility.”
“Then what will happen next?”
“Foster care for now. She’ll be available for adoption and I can handle those details. She’s a beautiful, healthy little girl and there’s a trust for her care and education—liquidation of Terri’s personal effects and life insurance money. She’ll find a family.”
“A family with an eye on a trust?” Paul asked, lifting a cynical brow.
“It’s not a lot, as money goes,” Hanson said. “Almost a hundred grand. That’s either a good college education or averages less than five thousand a year to help defray some of the costs of raising her. As a father I can tell you, it’s a pittance.”
“She’d be better off with no trust,” Paul grumbled. “How can you tell whether the couple who wants to adopt her has their eye on the money?”
“Lots of ways, actually. She’s a beautiful, healthy baby under a year old—I imagine a couple who’s been in the system looking for such a baby for a long time will apply. Someone who might otherwise find it difficult to adopt.”
Might otherwise find it difficult rolled over in Paul’s mind. Could a couple with health issues find this to be their lucky day? Could a couple with financial problems see it as a windfall? Aw, Terri, Terri, he thought in near despair. “Well, as much as I’d like to help out, this is an impossible situation for me,” Paul said.
“I understand completely. Frankly, if my wife and I hadn’t just put the last of four children into college, we’d consider taking little Hannah into our home—we were very fond of Terri and grew close to the baby. In fact, we’ve kept her since Terri’s untimely death and it will be hard to part with her. But we’ve raised four kids, are grandparents now and have worked hard to get to this place in life. I don’t think I’m up to another twenty years.”
Paul judged Scott Hanson to be in his late fifties, maybe early sixties, healthy and strong. Paul was just trying to start a family, and he was sneaking up on forty. Boy, could he relate. “I understand,” Paul said. “Since Terri’s death, has anyone come forward asking if they could be considered as her guardian?”
“No one,” Scott said.
“Isn’t that odd? I mean, she was a young woman. The night I met her, there were girlfriends. I know she had relationships with young women her age and—”
“You’re right, she did indeed. And one of the reasons she decided you were the person to be named was that you’re in a stable marriage and earn a decent living. She talked about your values, she admired you, Mr. Haggerty. Terri’s close girlfriends are single women, just getting started in life, mostly unmarried, trying to get on their feet. I didn’t expect any of them to step forward. They’re nice girls, but not ready for a family. In point of fact, Terri wasn’t ready, either. A lot changed in her life when she found out she was expecting a child. She got real serious about her future.”
“Aw, man…” Paul was remembering. Back when he wasn’t sure whether Terri’s baby was his, he asked Vanessa if she could accept him with that baggage, and she said, Of course. We don’t leave our babies out there without our love and protection. When he had forced Terri to agree to an ultrasound as a means of determining the time of conception, establishing the baby wasn’t his, he had seen that little mass, the fluttering heart, and his first insane reaction had been disappointment! He knew that without his help, she wouldn’t be able to do the best possible job of taking care of that little wonder. The results of the test let him off the hook, and he felt sorry for her. Sad. It wasn’t his baby after all, but it could have been. He had been intimate with her. He’d used protection, but still—he’d been with her.
“There must be family somewhere,” Paul said.
“Shirttail relatives back in Missouri,” Scott said. “Terri hadn’t seen them since she was a little girl. That’s it. There’s just one more thing I have to do before we close the book on this issue and I move on to the matter of placing Hannah,” Scott said.
“What’s that?” Paul asked.
“I just have to introduce you to her.”
“Naw. Come on now, I don’t have to see her. That’ll just make matters harder. I mean, come on.”
Scott Hanson touched a button on his phone console. “We can’t let it come back on either one of us, Mr. Haggerty. We have to go through the steps. Right now the idea of taking custody of an anonymous child is complicated and inconvenient. You have to see Hannah so that the human factor is involved, so that your decision is based on all the facts.”
“I wish you wouldn’t—”
“It’s required, Mr. Haggerty,” he said as he stood. At precisely that moment the door to his office opened.
A smiling young woman, presumably an administrative assistant or social worker, entered carrying a simply beautiful baby of about ten months. She had Terri’s dark hair, but in large curls that circled her head. Her eyes were so big they dominated her face. Her round cheeks were pink, she had a little, rosy, heart-shaped mouth, and she lifted her hand in the air and grinned hugely, showing two brand-new front teeth. And she said, “Ma!” before her hand dropped. But her smile continued and she clutched her fat little hands together and giggled.
“Mr. Haggerty, meet Hannah Bradford,” the young woman said.
“Oh, God,” Paul said.
And little Hannah said, “Ha!” And then she giggled again.
Paul did the dumbest thing. He put out his big hands toward her and she fell right into them. She put her chubby arms around his neck and buried her face there, blubbering into his neck.
“Think about it, Paul. I can’t complete an adoption for a couple the mother didn’t know and didn’t name in her will very quickly. There will be red tape, it’ll take weeks,” Scott said.
“Will you take her home with you?” Paul asked.
Scott shook his head. “I’m afraid my wife and I have family commitments. We could squeeze Hannah in, but it would be complicated with the kids, grandkids. But I’ll make sure Hannah gets quality foster care….”