“Get a blanket from the bed.” The words were abrupt as he forced himself to take his eyes away from her. His hands clenched into fists at his sides as he fought to control his body’s base urgings. He knew that he should send her away, at once, before things got out of hand, but before he could put the thought into words, she moved toward the bed, apparently intent on obeying his instructions. Justin allowed himself to relax a little, thinking that once she was decently covered it would be all right. They would sit in separate chairs before the fire, as decorous as a nun
and a bishop, until she felt recovered enough to return to her own room.
Megan sent these good intentions away by crawling into his bed and pulling the covers up to her chin. Justin gaped at her as she returned his look with angelic innocence. Her face was very small and delicate against the snowy white pillow.
“What in the name of all that’s holy do you think you’re doing?” Justin demanded when he had recovered his power of speech. She smiled at him rather hesitantly.
“You said I could stay with you.” She sounded confused and a little hurt.
“You know damned well that I didn’t mean in my bed.”
“But I’m so cold.”
Justin ground his teeth. Seeing her like that, in his bed, knowing that she was naked beneath the piled covers, was almost more than he could stand. And she knew it, the little witch, and was deliberately tormenting him!
“That’s just too damned bad. Come on, get up. I think you’d better go back to your own room after all.”
Megan took a long look at him, standing tensed against the bureau not ten feet from where she lay. With only the dying fire to shed light, she couldn’t see his face. His big body looked very powerful, almost menacing, despite the splint on his leg. The maroon brocade dressing gown did little to conceal the muscular
contours of his body, and his shoulders were every bit as wide as the bureau. He could easily remove her from his bed by force, despite his handicap, if he were so inclined. And she didn’t want that. She wanted him to hold her, wanted him to whisper sweet words to her as he had done earlier. She wanted his tenderness—and his love.
“If you want me to go, I will,” she said, not meaning it. “But I’m so cold, and scared, and… ” She let her words trail off with a little intake of breath that sounded suspiciously like a sob. From her previous experience with him, she knew that the one thing that he was not proof against was her tears.
“Oh, hell!” But he sounded resigned. “All right, don’t cry! You can stay there if you want to!”
This blatantly ungracious concession made Megan smile inwardly. With another of those little intakes of breath, she rolled over onto her stomach and buried her face in the pillow.
“Megan!” She could hear him swearing as he hesitated, plainly in two minds about whether to approach her or not. Then he finally limped and lurched his way across the room. “Megan!” he said again, when he was at last standing over her. Megan did not look up, but continued to keep her face buried in his pillow while her shoulders shook suspiciously.
“Hold me, Justin,” she whispered from the depths of the pillow.
“Damn it, you know I can’t!” He sounded angry, frustrated, and concerned. Megan turned over so that
she could see him. His face was set as he battled with temptation.
“Please, Justin,” she begged, wanting to reach out and touch the hard brown thigh that was just inches away from her. But she didn’t dare. “Just hold me. What’s the harm in that?”
Justin could have told her, but he didn’t. An awful temptation possessed him: He was ready to give everything he owned to be able to do as she asked, to hold her in his arms until she was warm and sleepy and completely over her fears. As she said, what was the harm in that?
With a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, Justin surrendered, knowing all the while that he was making a mistake.
“All right.” He sounded strangled. “But just for a few minutes; just until you’re warm. Then you go back to your own bed. Understood?”
Megan agreed, as she had once before. Then she moved over in the bed, making room for Justin to lie beside her. He got under the covers almost gingerly, lying stiff as a ramrod with perhaps a foot of space between them. It was left for Megan to snuggle close.
“Justin,” she murmured reproachfully, “I’m cold,” He put his arm around her, his movements almost reluctant, and drew her closer, so that when they were settled at last her head was lying on his broad shoulder.
He still wore his dressing gown, but Megan could feel the heat and strength of his powerful body. His
arm was heavy about her shoulders; she could hear the steady thudding of his heart. He wanted her, she knew, and rejoiced in the knowledge. She also knew that he would do everything in his power to keep their relationship within the bounds he had set. But this might be the last chance she would ever get to find out if he loved her as she loved him. The realization made her bold.
“Justin?”
“Hmmm?” The murmur had a distinctly irritable edge. Megan let her own voice go even softer.
“Do you remember the first time I ever saw you? When you came here to Maam’s Cross Court to get me, when I was just a baby?”
A faint smile twisted the corners of his mouth. Megan, peeping up at him, saw that smile, faint though it was, and took heart.
“You’re still just a baby, but yes, I remember. Why?”
“I always wanted to tell you how sorry I was that I bit you.”
His smile was broader now. “Not as sorry as I was, believe me,” he said humorously, impulsively hugging her closer.
“You frightened
me.
” Her head was tilted back on his shoulder so that she could see his face. It felt very good to be lying with him like this, with his head on the pillow beside hers, and the deep shadows shrouding the room making it seem as if they were alone on some deserted island. “You seemed so big.”
“You frightened
me
,” he said, looking at her. His long mouth with its curling smile enticed her madly. She wanted him to kiss her. “I thought you were a little cannibal.”
“I’ve loved you ever since that day, I think.” Her voice caught on the words. His arm stiffened beneath her head; for a moment, she thought he had stopped breathing.
“You certainly had a funny way of showing it!”
He was trying to pass the moment off lightly, she could tell. But she wasn’t going to let him.
“I had to do something to get your attention.”
“You certainly got it.” He meant the words to be teasing, she knew, but they had a flatness to them that spoke of their underlying truth.
“Yes.” Megan rubbed her head against his shoulder, her eyes searching his face. Seen from this angle, the line of his jaw was hard and unyielding, unsoftened by the black stubble of beard that shadowed it. His cheekbones were harsh, jutting out from the brown leanness of his cheeks. He looked down at her with those hooded golden eyes that made her think of some great cat. She smiled back at him, her eyes as soft as her lips.
“I love you, Justin,” she said clearly. He stared at her without speaking. Then his jaw clenched, and he shut his eyes. When he opened them again, he didn’t look at her but at the frescoed ceiling high above them.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.” His
words were abrupt, his voice harsh. Megan felt his muscles tense.
“Yes, I do. I love you.”
“You want me to make love to you. That’s all it is, except you’re such a baby you think you’re in love.”
“Don’t you?” The question was steady.
“What?”
“Love me.”
“No!” he practically shouted, turning suddenly so that she lay flat on her back while he loomed over her, his face as black as the devil’s.
“Don’t you, Justin?” She refused to be intimidated. She didn’t think she was wrong.
“That’s what you want, isn’t it?” he muttered furiously. “You want me to tell you I love you, and then everything your body craves will be all right: Blessed in the name of love! Well, it isn’t true, and you may as well learn it now: What you want, and what I want, is sex, pure and simple! It has nothing to do with love!”
Megan winced, but she kept her eyes locked to his.
“That may be true for you, but it isn’t for me: I said I love you, and I meant it!”
Her stubbornness made him grit his teeth.
“So you love me, do you, little girl? Well, let’s see if you love me after this!”
With that savage challenge, he lowered his mouth to hers and kissed her with brutal strength. He had never kissed her like that before. He seemed to be deliberately trying to hurt her, to humiliate her, and Megan was unprepared for the fierce onslaught.
She whimpered, trying to turn her head away as he purposely bruised her mouth. His hands came up to clamp on either side of her face, holding her head in place. Megan felt the harsh rape of his tongue, felt her lower lip split as he ground it back against her teeth, tasted the saltiness of her own blood. He was lying half across her now, his big body crushing hers. Her hands came up, to push him away. But instead of pushing at him, instead of bruising him as he was bruising her, her hands crept around his neck, and she clung to him.
At last he lifted his mouth from hers.
“And do you love me now?” he demanded, his voice almost a snarl. Megan stared back at him with huge defenseless eyes. Her mouth, swollen and red, had a little trickle of blood at the corner. Justin looked at it, and felt his heart contract.
“Yes,” Megan said simply. Justin groaned, and propped himself up on one elbow while his other hand came up to touch her abused mouth.
“I hurt you,” he said. “I didn’t mean to.”
“Justin? Do you love me?”
At that moment he knew he was lost. “All right,” he said heavily, his eyes burning deep into hers. “All right, my darling, you win: I think I love you, too.”
CHAPTER
9
When he kissed her this time, his mouth was absurdly gentle. It moved over her bruised lips with all the tenderness of which he was capable. She returned his kiss without restraint, her body beginning to burn and quiver although his hands stayed firmly on the sides of her head and he never touched her anywhere else. When she felt him lick away the little trickle of blood at the corner of her mouth, a long shudder rippled through her. She wanted him fiercely. And she loved him.
When at last he lifted his mouth from hers, he buried his face in the hollow between her neck and shoulder. Her hands came up to lovingly stroke his hair. She felt so happy, so warm, so peaceful. Justin loved her. Beside that, everything else paled into insignificance.
“I ought to paddle your luscious little bottom and send you back to your own bed.” The words were muffled against her skin. One of his hands slid down from the side of her head to stroke her neck, his fingers brushing against her as lightly as a moth’s wings.
“Please don’t send me away, Justin.” She turned her face as she spoke, so that her cheek rested beseechingly against his ear. He laughed, a curiously husky sound, and lifted his head to look at her.
“I don’t think I could if I wanted to. But if you have any sense, you’ll jump out of this bed and run away from me just as fast as you can. Because if you don’t, I’m going to make love to you.”
Megan smiled lovingly at him, her trust and belief in him shining from her eyes. Justin looked down at her, his heart twisting at her innocent beauty. He knew that what he was about to do was criminal, but even that knowledge, even the love he seemed to feel for her, was not enough to stop him. Only she could do that.
“I never did have much sense.” That ravishing smile widened, showing the pearly perfection of her small teeth. Unable to help himself, Justin bent down and traced the outline of her parted lips with his tongue, then drew back a little.
“Megan… ” he began, determined to give her one last chance to escape him.
She shook her head at him, lifting a finger to press it against his mouth. “Don’t talk, Justin,” she chided softly. “Kiss me. Please.”
Even the knowledge that he would be damned for all time couldn’t have kept Justin from obeying. His mouth took hers hungrily, but even under the sudden onslaught of possession he was careful not to hurt her. Megan reveled in the hot passion of his mouth, in the
steely strength of his arms as they lay tensed on either side of her, supporting his weight. She was shaking by the time he lifted his mouth from hers.
She looked into his dark face, her eyes tracing the hard line of his jaw, the chiseled firmness of his mouth with its sensuous lower lip, the long, straight nose, the rugged cheekbones, the broad forehead beneath the thick, waving blackness of his hair. Then her gaze shifted to his eyes beneath the level black brows: They were gleaming at her, gold as money and hot with wanting. She felt as if she were melting under their steady regard.
“I love you,” she whispered, reaching up to stroke the bristly line of his jaw. He sucked in his breath sharply, his eyes darkening with passion.
“My darling,” he said, and bent his head to kiss her again.
Megan could feel the unsteadiness in his fingers. The knowledge that she, so young and ignorant in the ways of men, could have such an effect on this man whom she loved was intoxicating. Fiercely she longed for him to finish what he had started, to touch her breasts and the rest of her. She wanted him to love her until she died of it.
Her eyes were wide purple pools of longing as she stared at him. His hand untied the ribbon that held her hair back, and she shook it loose until it was spread out around her, black as midnight against the white pillows. Megan, watching him, was weak with love and wanting.
Justin’s expression was serious, and at the same time very tender. “Megan, if I scare you, or hurt you, you have only to tell me. I’ll stop.” The thickness of his voice told her that it was an effort for him to speak at all. She smiled at him, her mouth soft and tremulous.
“All right, Justin,” she agreed. Her hand reached up to draw his head down to her. He kissed her with an almost desperate need.
This time, when his hand slid over her throat and shoulders, it did not stop, but continued on down to close possessively over her breast.