Force of Attraction (33 page)

Complete honesty, Lucca. “Undercover, I snorted a few times. I tried to stay clear but there were moments.”

He leaned in until she was forced to glance at him. “I didn't get hooked. It was the alcohol and guilt that did me in for a time. I just tipped the bottle back and tried to drown out everything else.”

“Including me?”

“Especially you.”

“What changed us?” Cole dipped her head. “Was it me?”

“God, no. Gabe happened.”

Cole nodded. “You were close, like me and Becca. It really hurt you when he died. I understood that.”

“Not even close.” Scott raked a hand through his hair. “Sure, I loved my brother. Everybody l
oooo
ved Gabe.” The emotion in his voice pushed him away from the wall. “But the truth is, more than half the time I hated his guts.”

Cole turned around, her face animated with surprise.

Scott's face was tight with cold, hard emotion. “That's right. I hated him.”

 

CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

“Didn't expect that, did you?”

Scott moved away from her shocked expression.

“You have no idea what it was like to grow up with Gabe for an older brother. Dad never spoke about him without a catch of pride in his throat. Gabe went to military school and won wrestling championships. He aced the ASVAB and got into the Naval Academy. He was chosen for Navy SEALS as a freshman. It was like living with fucking Captain America. Nothing I ever did could equal anything Gabe did.”

Cole didn't say a word. Instead, she sat down on the bed, and waited.

Scott paced as he talked. “I tried to be like Gabe but I didn't have his endurance or his daring. Dad could see that early. By the time I was twelve, he was discouraging me from following in Gabe's footsteps. Said I was more academic. I'd make a good lawyer or doctor. I finished college in prelaw to please my dad, but then I enlisted in the army. I made Ranger but Gabe never let me forget that, as far as a SEAL was concerned, it was second-best.”

Scott paused and stared at the wall. That was a hard admission for him, harder than facing his father's disappointment when he left the service to join law enforcement.

He shook off that memory with a physical roll of his shoulders.

“When we met, I was a D.C. SWAT. You were right. I loved that shit, the power and status and the knowing that not just the bad guys but the general public took a respectful approach when we SWAT guys were around. Even Gabe was impressed. It was the only time I'd ever felt good about myself.” He glanced at her. “Until you.”

Cole sighed. “The night we met, I was surprised you even noticed me.”

“I couldn't
not
look at you. Your eyes were wide open and they were full of me. Not my badge or my status. You didn't know what I was. You weren't a badge bunny or a woman on the prowl. You were this serious cute chick, and you wanted me. I was flattered as hell.”

Cole smiled for the first time. “I was impressed as anything.”

“After we married I thought I didn't care anymore what any of my family thought. Not even Gabe. Let him have the glory. I had my own family. My own place. The best part was you were Blue, too. You knew and understood my life. We were a team.”

“You never told me any of this before.”

He hunched a shoulder. “That's because I knew how it would sound. I wasn't as good as Gabe. Everyone walking knew that. Why would I point it out to the one person who thought I was—” He stopped short. He no longer had the right to own that.

“The person who thought you were everything?” A flicker of humor brightened her gaze.

He nodded, his chest burning with emotion he dare not release.

“Scott, do you want to know my opinion of Gabe?”

“I'm sure I can guess.”

“I thought he was a gorgeous self-absorbed prick.”

It was Scott's turn to register complete surprise.

“Oh, Gabe was charming, when he wanted to be. But he could be ruthless, too. He never let an opportunity to belittle or embarrass you slide. He went out of his way when I was around to show you up.” She shrugged. “I wanted to slug him that day he broke your thumb. He cheated to win at arm wrestling.”

Scott let her words circle until they found landing sites in his thoughts. “You never said any of this before.”

“How could I? You and your parents were so in love with Gabe's image of himself. I couldn't come in, an outsider, and start trashing your family's attitudes. I wasn't even sure they liked me all that much, in the beginning.”

“They liked you from the beginning.”

She smiled finally and stood up. “I liked them, too. But we were so raw and new to each other, I just wanted to fit in.”

He moved in close to her, wanting to savor every inch of her smile. “So you didn't think Gabe was Mr. Studly?”

“Oh, from a distance, he was a total alpha-male-god-babe-magnet.”

Scott felt a smile tugging at his mouth. “Up close?”

“He struck me as a bit of a jerk.”

She moved in, too, and laid a hand on his cheek. “I'm not saying I really disliked him. He was funny and really good at telling stories. You loved him and he loved you. I get that now. Growing up with a sister, I didn't have any experience with how brothers show love. All that testosterone-filled competition. But being a SEAL was Gabe's only definition of a life worth living. It was clear you worshiped him and he loved being worshiped. I was just immune. I'd been with you.”

Scott didn't answer that, didn't have the words to explain how it made him feel, like the sun was shining on him from the inside.

He reached for her, half expecting to be stopped. Instead her hand landed on his chest as she reached up on tiptoe to meet his kiss.

It was the most tender moment they had ever shared. It felt good, yet new, as if they had totally missed out on some ways of being together and had not realized it until this very second.

When they were done, she broke away from him and moved back to the window where Hugo sat watching them. “Why did you shut me out?”

“I saw my father's face the day the navy brought the news about Gabe. The golden son, the one he bragged about to everyone, was gone. It was as if the light had been turned off in my parents' world. I knew the day of the memorial service that I needed to stop being a selfish prick. I'd been so happy in my own little world.” He slanted a glance at her. “It was my turn to step up. That's why I applied to go U/C. I wanted to do something that would make my dad proud, even if he couldn't talk about it at the time I was doing it.”

“You could have told me. You just came home one day and it was a fact.”

“I was a dick about it but I didn't want to be talked out of it. I thought I could fill that hole in my dad's heart. Pitiful, right?”

She digested this. “What kept you from drinking yourself to death after we broke up?”

He shrugged. “I got tired of wallowing in a ditch, so to speak. First I got up and went to the gym to peel off some of the fat. Then I went to get back the only job I was ever good at, police work.”

“Was it that easy?”

“Hell no. They wouldn't give me my position back. Said I was too angry. They sent me to anger-fucking-management class.” He cracked a smile. “Joke, maybe?”

Her smile flickered. “But not the class.”

“No, the class was real. Dave Wilson, who had been my first partner, and then my handler undercover, helped get me back on my feet. When I had done that, he said I would be wasted on patrol or God forbid behind a desk. He recommended me to the DEA. I had experience as a narc and at the time they needed a K-9 officer. I went to sign up. I said yes because I get to be in on SWAT team take-downs but I also work solo with Izzy.”

“Best of all worlds.”

“Professionally, yes.”

He stopped before her and, reaching out, pulled her in against him. He touched her face, tracing her features with his fingers as if he had never really seen them before. The wonder of her being here, in his arms, with him rocked his world. She had taken it all in, every bitter sad bit of his anguished, angry, humiliating confession. And she hadn't turned away in scorn or disgust. No, she was looking at him as if he was possibly the best man she'd ever known. He knew it wasn't true. But he wanted to be that man, this time. For her.

“I know I'm the worst thing that ever happened to you.” He traced a finger down her lips. “But you are absolutely the best thing that ever happened or will ever happen to me.”

She shook her head. “You aren't the worst, Scott. Walking out on our marriage was the worst. And I did that.”

“You had cause.”

“I certainly thought so.” The sadness in her gaze added weight to his guilt.

“We can't get back what we lost. I know that. I'm not asking for that. Only…” He let the thought trail as his hand came back up to cup her face.

He leaned his body into hers until their lips met. The kiss was so tender tears pushed in behind Cole's closed lids.

When he lifted his head she scooped a hand behind his head to hold him close. “Maybe we don't need to go back. Maybe we can just go on.”

“Seriously?”

Cole had never seen hope in Scott's face before. The wonder of it nearly stopped her heart. Suddenly she was afraid. She was promising, no, they were both promising each other huge things. It was more momentous than the first mad rave of love that consumed them body and soul. They now knew the risks.

As if he read her thoughts he pulled a little away.

She grabbed his neck. “Wait. I'm not saying no. We just need time. This is huge.” She smiled. “We need ordinary days.”

He nodded. “Yeah. We have a way of complicating our lives to the max.”

She let her fingers curl more tightly into the column of his neck. “But we can share now.”

His smile was slow to catch fire. The dimples hollowed out in glacial timing. But, finally, they came into view. “Yeah. We've got now.”

“There's even a bed here that's never been used.” She leaned into him, bringing them nose to nose. “So don't waste it, Lucca.”

His confident male grin made craters in his cheeks as he pulled her close. “I never need to be asked twice.”

She took his hand and led him to her bed and sat down. “We have yet to make love in a bed.”

He followed her down, pushing her back onto the bedding as he covered her with his body. “The missionary position. Sounds kinky.”

*   *   *

An hour later, Scott was still thinking. Mostly because his brain was the only part of him that was not thoroughly sated and exhausted. Something, maybe something huge, had just occurred to him.

“Cole? What kind of mileage would you say a motor home gets?”

“Very little, down to next to nothing.” Her voice came from under her pillow.

“How much do you think it would cost to drive a motor home up from Florida to Maine?”

Groaning in reluctance, Cole leaned up on an elbow and reached for her phone. She punched a few things into it. “Okay, quick and dirty. It's seventeen hundred miles from Miami to Bangor, Maine.” She punched in a few more words. “The average motor home gets six to eight miles per gallon. Split the difference. That comes to … about eight hundred dollars, one way.”

Scott sat up. “No shit. Where do two retirees get sixteen hundred dollars, give or take, plus meals and entrance fees and so forth, to drive a Winnebago up the coast and back? Lorene's got medical bills and is buying medical marijuana, or so she says.”

“How do you know that?”

“Jennifer told me after Izzy signed on Lorene vaping. It comes in vials.”

Cole yawned. “That stuff's not legal in every state. Could be they are buying when and where they can, legal or not.”

“True.” Scott was silent for several moments. “How much does a fairly new but used Winnebago Sightseer cost?”

Cole made an unhappy noise but punched a few more words into her cell phone. “The first one that pops up, used, is a 35J for $82,500 or best offer. Here's one for $57,000 but it's smaller and has got lots of mileage. New ones begin well over a hundred thousand.”

Scott whistled. “Do you see a disconnect here?”

“Maybe.” Cole rolled over and climbed up and onto him, wiggling her naked hips against his equally naked groin. “But it's not our problem anymore, is it?”

He took her face between his hands even though his body was reacting predictably to her very intimate stimulation. “I know you've been through a lot of shit lately. But isn't that even more of a reason to want to be the ones who catch the bad guys?”

Cole shook her head. “I don't think I'm cut out for detective work. Can't we just have this night to ourselves? Nothing is going to change before morning.”

The wistfulness in the tone reminded him of how desperately she wanted normal days with him. Now here he was pushing her. “You're right. We've got the night and each other.” He leaned up and kissed her softly. “Tomorrow can take care of itself until we get there.”

 

CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT

“Are you sure we're in the right place?” Scott peered through the rain of the sudden summer downpour that had turned Gambrill Park Road near Frederick, Maryland, into a flowing stream.

“Yes. There should be a trailer park sign coming up soon.”

Cole glanced up from studying her GPS. After a few days of planning, they had decided to pursue Scott's hunch about Jennifer and Lorene. “I still can't believe you remembered that Jennifer said something about coming back to Maryland for the CPE Agility trials in Frederick tomorrow.”

“It's only because Frederick is in the county next to Montgomery, where you're a police officer. I remember thinking at the time that that was one competition we should skip. The way police departments advertise themselves to the public these days someone at the competition might have recognized you or Hugo. That would have given away our U/C operation.”