Forever: A Lobster Kind Of Love (8 page)

I couldn’t cook anything since it was impossible to get into the kitchen. I pulled up Amazon on my laptop and looked for items that offered Prime delivery. I ordered pantry stuff, including some Oreos, a case of water, peanut butter, crackers, then ordered batteries, a new house phone, and some baby wipes. I opted for the overnight delivery option so it would get here tomorrow.

I had these Meals on Wheels to hold me over until tomorrow, because without refrigeration, they wouldn’t be any good after sitting out all day and night.

I wondered when the nurse would come. I didn’t even know whom they were sending and I couldn’t get to my cell phone to check. I settled in on the couch to watch some TV since I had nothing else to do. I missed rehab. At least there, I’d had people around.

I set my GPS for Calais and ventured out to get some shopping done. This was my first full day as a Maine resident. I reached for my cigarettes then realized I’d given them to Ethel.

Instead, I dug around the console in search of something, anything, and came up with a purple Tootsie Roll Pop. I unwrapped the lollipop and stuck it in my mouth. Not exactly a cigarette, but it would have to do.

I drove through the town of Eastport and looked at all the old style buildings, the pier, and small shops with odd names. Mentally, I catalogued these names and made plans to explore all their secret treasures.

When Mason and I visited a couple of years ago, we stayed in a cottage in Perry. I thought back to how amazing that was when we’d just enjoyed each other. Things were so different back then, Braxton was an infant, we were not online all the time, and we were able to enjoy the outdoors.

Mason and I had talked about moving here, but we never had. Now, I was here by myself, hoping they were watching over me, and protecting me during this major change.

Then suddenly everything changed, and I squealed. “Oh my God, YES! It’s a Dunkin Donuts.”

It had taken me 45 minutes to get here, but I would get some Iced Coffee right now. Next, I pulled into the Wal-Mart lot, grabbed a cart, and strolled happily inside with my drink.

This Wal-Mart was pretty classy. I had not witnessed anyone in pajamas yet, but then again it was early afternoon. The crazies usually came out later on in the evening.

I loved one-stop shopping. I upgraded my phone service to an international super service plan since apparently the towers I was hitting were actually in Canada. Being so close to Canada, it made sense and I would eventually check out the mall that Ethel had told me about.

Clearing the shelf of the last 2 jars Organic Peanut Butter, I filled my cart with protein bars, some iced tea, TV dinners, and splurged on some new scrubs. This was the first time I had bought anything for myself in six months. I hated using the money in my account.

Two life insurance policies had paid out; I put those into a savings account. The settlement from the trucking company was also deposited monthly. Personally, I felt like it was blood money. They were paying me off for killing my boys. They even paid for the funeral anonymously; who else would it have been. I didn’t want to touch a dime of that money. Maybe one day I would figure out what to do with it.

The nursing agency I signed on with, Home Angel Alliance, was just up the road from the Dunkin Donuts. It seemed everything I needed was in Calais, including Department of Motor Vehicles to transfer my license and plates.

Soon, I would retreat to my new home and relax. I actually had a pretty good day out by myself. I needed some retail therapy to clear my head and find out where things were as well. Maybe I would do that tomorrow, check out more of the town. Tomorrow, I needed to go to the office and check in.

As I arrived at home and unloaded my purchases, Ethel knocked on my door. I opened the door and Ethel stood on the other side with a steaming spoon in her hand.

“Hello, dear. I thought I heard you come in. I just made dinner if you didn’t eat. It’s Lobster Macaroni and Cheese. Here, try some.” She lifted the serving spoon to my lips, and I had a taste. I never had lobster and Macaroni & Cheese, together. It was either Kraft dinner or Red Lobster, but not both together. The gooey cheese coated my tongue, and I chewed the firm al dente macaroni as the soft lobster melted in my mouth. Usually, lobster I had before was tough and kind of rubbery. This lobster was so tender; I couldn’t help but moan as it waged a war with my mouth over swallowing.

“I was hoping you would join me. I got a little carried away. I made way too much just for me. I hadn’t made it in a few years.”

Ethel turned back toward her kitchen and I followed like a moth to the flame. I was ruined for plain Kraft dinner forever. This woman was going to fatten me up for sure. I really did enjoy her company. After I joined her for dinner, all I could say was Lobster Mac & Cheese was my new favorite food. Ethel then asked what I had planned for the weekend.

“Tomorrow I have to check in with my nursing agency, then Sunday I thought I would do some exploring around Eastport.”

“Well, maybe I can join you, dear. I don’t get out nearly enough.”

“Of course, you can. I couldn’t think of a better tour guide.” We finished with some coffee, pastry, and more conversation.

“I haven’t been into town much since I buried my Harry. Al from the Rose Garden calls me almost every day. He is a sweet man. He sends his son Sam to deliver groceries weekly.”

“That’s great, Ethel. Al has been so sweet to me. When my husband and I visited, they talked for hours about fishing. They stayed close after we went back home. I reached out to him first when I considered leaving Pennsylvania.”

“I grew up here. So did Al and his family. This is a small town, dear. You are family now.”

In the last two days, Ethel shed a new light on things. I knew I’d come to Eastport for a new start, and in that moment, I felt it. I turned to Ethel and wrapped my arms around her small body in a tight hug.

“I would love your company on Sunday. Sam doesn’t have to deliver groceries this week.”

I retreated to my apartment after Ethel refused my assistance cleaning up again. I looked to the stack of totes filled with my life. I really wanted to tackle some of this before I started working on Monday.

Deep breaths. You can do this
. I realized I hadn’t taken any Xanax all day and that made two days in a row. I was trying not to take them unless I absolutely needed them. I wanted to wean myself off the damn medication, but this was the box filled with our family stuff.

I palmed Braxton’s first stiff white walking shoes as I sifted through countless collaged frames of family pictures, Braxton’s baby book, and my wedding album. If I hung these up Ethel would surely ask questions. I still wore my wedding rings, but if she’d noticed, she hadn’t mentioned it. Tears started to flow as I flipped through our wedding album.

It had been a warm September Indian summer day in Pennsylvania. Over 200 people packed our small church for the ceremony and then danced until dawn in a kick-ass reception at the Knights of Columbus. Mason and I were so in love, complete opposites, but complemented each other like puzzles pieces.

We were supposed to raise Braxton, grow old together, and retire, but the accident took all that away from me. I sat on the floor surrounded by the memories of my boys; I was not ready to deal with this. So I packed up everything back into its box and placed it in the bottom of my bedroom closet.

I wanted a cigarette, badly. I hadn’t bought another pack after I’d relinquished my open pack to Ethel. I settled for some Mini Peanut Butter Oreos, grabbed a bottle of water, and headed to bed. It was after 11 and I was a hot mess. I was going to try to sleep this off. I would try unpacking again tomorrow after I got back from the office.

I actually enjoyed online shopping. Like clockwork, the UPS guy showed up with my goods. He be-bopped up the ramp with my treasures. I was so thirsty. I could reach the little half bath sink off the living room, but I could only gather half a handful of water at a time without totally making a wet mess of myself.

The red Solo cup left over from yesterday’s drink had served the remainder of its life as a urinal. Even though I could have washed it, I couldn’t bring myself to drink from it.

The case of spring water on his hand truck was like an oasis in the desert. I felt like a kid at Christmas. As he reached my door, I opened it.

“Hey man, I am so glad to see you!”

“Good deal. Just sign here.” He handed me the electronic clipboard, and I scrawled my name across the screen with the cap of his pen.

“Where do you want this stuff?” he asked.

“If you could please put it on the dining room table, I would appreciate it,” I said as I rolled back and out of his way. He stacked the water and other items on the table.

“Later, man. Enjoy,” he called back as he closed the door behind himself.

I tore into the case of water first and downed one bottle of water, then opened another and took a long pull.

After I had my fill, I ripped into the box and pulled out my purchases, all except the phone. I pulled out my laptop, pulled up my order, then saw that the phone was coming Monday.

Dammit, one more day alone. Oreos and peanut butter crackers it is.

After eating an entire sleeve of Oreos, periodically dipping them in peanut butter, I pulled out the baby wipes tub and washed up as best I could. I really wanted a shower. This was frustrating. So close and yet so far. My shower and tub was an en suite off my bedroom, but I just couldn’t get through the door.

The wheelchair delivered to the house was standard issue with a heavy Tempur-Pedic foam seat. I contemplated crawling there, but I had no idea what I was going to do once I got there. I had no rails, safety pulls, or bathing bench. The nurse was supposed to take care of all that. So, I stayed in my chair or transferred to the couch and just got comfy. What was the use of dragging myself along the floor only to not be able to get up on the toilet or reach the faucets and such?

I have never been so bored in my life. Dougie and the guys were all out fishing, where I wanted to be. I sent Dougie an email explaining the situation here, but I doubted he would receive it until he got back to shore. All my friends were out on the water. Sure, I knew plenty of people in town, but I usually just called them. I had no idea what their email addresses were and my damn phone was in the bedroom.

I flipped through the channels a few hundred times before finally settling in on a marathon of The Walking Dead. I could totally be a zombie. I could drag myself along the floor and tear my clothes up. All I needed was the makeup job; even my belly growls would be real. A man cannot live on Oreos and peanut butter alone, but I was going to try. I felt like the kid from the
Home Alone
movies, eating junk food, overdosing on TV, except that kid at least took a shower.

My goal of the day: get my assignment for my new client. I woke up this morning bright and early and chose my favorite scrubs to wear for my meeting. I wasn’t sure if I had to wear scrubs, but scrubs were pretty much the bulk of my wardrobe.