Forever Betrothed, Never the Bride (23 page)

Chapter 3
2

Dearest Lord Drake,

We returned to the countryside. My brother’s friend Waxham joined us. He devoted an entire morning to helping me clear the weeds from a bed of flowers. I teased Sebastian, telling him I wish Waxham were my brother instead of him.

Ever Yours,

Emmaline

With sightless eyes, Emmaline stared down at the carrot and ginger soup placed in front of her. She raised her spoon and absently stirred the parsley sprigs. What an odd soup. Who would have thought to cream carrots and…

“My lady?”

She started and dropped her spoon into the fine porcelain bowl. Liquid splattered the tablecloth made of Spanish lace. Apparently the gentleman had asked her a question.

What did he say? What did he say?

Sebastian drummed his fingers on the tabletop and glared at her. “Emmaline, Waxham asked you a question
.”

Emmaline
fished out the utensil, her gaze fixed on the bowl. Heat stained her neck and flooded her cheeks.

A replacement was quickly brought forward.
She cleared her throat and looked over at Waxham. “My apologies, Lord Waxham, I’m afraid my mind was elsewhere.”

Waxham favored her with a rueful smile that
said he knew she’d been woolgathering. “How was your visit to the hospital?”

She took a sip of broth. “The soldiers are always full of such stories. In spite of what they’ve seen and done
, they still are capable of great laughter.”

“How could they not be joyful when you are around, my lady?”

Why couldn’t Waxham be enough? She’d known him nearly her entire life. He’d toiled alongside her many a summer’s morn in her garden. He knew her likes and dislikes. So that
should
be enough? But it wasn’t. She wanted the grand passion she knew with Drake. She wanted…wanted…
him—
the man she’d been betrothed to since she’d been a child. Would it always be this way?

“Perhaps I might join you on a visit?” Waxham’s words pulled the cloud she’d been floating on from under her,
and she tumbled back to reality.

The immediate answer that sprung to her lips, which she tamped down
, was an emphatic, resounding, no. The soldiers would be livid if this interloper encroached upon Captain Drake’s territory. “Uh-I…”

She dropped her spoon for the second time.

Sebastian caught her gaze and glowered at her. “That would be lovely, is the proper response,” he said.

Emmaline accepted yet another utensil, awash with panic.

“Yes, that would be lovely, wouldn’t it, Emmaline?” Her mother interjected from the head of the table.

She saw the hard determination in Sebastian’s eyes. Noted the silent entreaty in her mother’s stare. Observed Waxham’s hopeful expression. Suddenly the cloying hands of pressure tightened around her throat. Breathing became difficult. Her whole life she’d been inundated with the wants and desires of everyone else. Since the moment she was born, it had never been about her. Her wishes and hopes had never once been considered.

They might not be aware of it, but Sebastian and her mother had continued to place stringent expectations upon her shoulders, even after the severance of her betrothal.

“That would be—”

A commotion sounded beyond the closed door and the butler, Carmichael’s shout filled the hallway and filtered into the dining room. “You must not go in there. I have told you His Grace is not receiving.”

The
doors flew open with such force that they bounced hard and hit the plaster of the wall. “I am not here to see His Grace.”

At sight of the imposing
, virile figure in the doorway, Emmaline’s spoon clattered again, and this time it plummeted to the floor. She froze. All the breath expelled from her lungs.

Sebastian
leapt to his feet. “What is this about, Drake?”

Her m
other sat back in her seat and with a wide-eyed stare, took in the tableau.

Drake ignored Sebastian and held up a staying hand
as if to stifle her brother’s next words. Then, Drake’s hot, jade gaze found hers, and caressed her like a physical touch.

She forgot everyone else in the room. Oh
, God, he was here. He was, wasn’t he? Surely she wasn’t dreaming? Just to be sure, she snuck a hand under the table and gave her leg a little pinch.

No, this was real. Very real
. The possessive gleam in his eyes heated her like a hot summer sun. Her entire life, she’d longed for him to look at her as he did now; as though she were the only person in the world.

“You owe me a picnic.” There was something faintly
accusatory in his tone.

Three pairs of eyes swiveled to Emmaline. She opened her mouth to speak but no words emerged. She closed it and tried again. Nothing. She shook her head.

“What’s the meaning of this? What is he talking about?”

Emmaline ignored Sebastian’s angry questions
.

Her brother in turn
directed his attention to Drake. “My sister owes you nothing.”

An
immoveable wall of indifference and coolness, the Marquess of Drake kept a narrowed stare fixed on Emmaline.

Emmaline forced
her suspicion out past dry lips. “You lied. You finished
Glenarvon
first, didn’t you?”

Drake’s lips twitched. “Why am
I not surprised you know that, Emmaline?”

“Do not call my sister by her given name,” Sebastian said.

Drake took a step forward. “Do you know why you were a wallflower?”

A flood of humiliated heat warmed her cheeks, her chest hitched with pain.

Sebastian kicked his chair backwards with such force it tumbled to the floor. “By God, I will kill you.”

“Sebastian, no,”
her mother cried.

Waxham reached a hand out to capture Emmaline’s. He gave it a faint, reassuring squeeze.

Drake’s eyes dropped to where her hand rested, entwined with Waxham’s. “I asked you a question, Emmaline.”

With alacrity in his movements, her brother advanced angrily around the long, wide dining table. “Do not make demands of my sister.”

A bitter little laugh escaped her. “I’m sure you will tell me, my lord.”

Drake
moved across the room, closer to her. “Look at me,” he ordered in his Captain’s tone.

Emmaline lifted her chin and met his stare.

Drake’s throat bobbed up and down. “Because of me. It’s because of me that you sat on the bloody sidelines. You are beautiful. And you are vibrant…and the only reason gentlemen didn’t flock to your side was because of me.” His resounding words carried throughout the room and echoed off the walls.

Emmaline had fallen in love with Lord Drake two times in her life: one being when he’d rescued an old peddler woman on the street, the other being
this very moment.

He devoured her with his eyes. “You are beautiful. In every way. I’ve
never deserved you. I never will. Still knowing that, I have come to ask if I might court you?”

She gasped and dropped Waxham’s hand.

“No,” Sebastian barked.

Drake continued to hold up a single
finger to keep an enraged Sebastian in his place.

Emmaline’s gaze fell to the bouquet of
cerastium Drake held. Tears flooded her eyes and she blinked them back.

Drake saw the direction of her focus. “These are for you.”

“The poor buds have wilted significantly,” she blurted.

His brow furrowed. “So I’ve been told.”

“They are still beautiful.”

A low, animalistic growl emerged from deep within Sebastian’s chest,
and effectively intruded in the moment she’d shared with Drake. “I’ve watched enough of this farcical drama. I am having you physically removed. Carmichael, fetch two servants and have Lord Drake thrown into the street,” Sebastian said.

The butler hurried to do his
master’s bidding.

Seeming wholly unaffected by Sebastian’s threat,
Drake fished around the front of his jacket. He extracted a folded sheet of parchment, shook it out, and held it out for her to see. “I wrote you a poem.”

Her
eyes went to the scrap in his hands.

A dull flush stained Drake’s cheeks. He cleared his throat and began.

“Your eyes and hair are like chocolate
.

Warm. Pure. Soothing.

Your smile is like a Christmas morning
.

Exciting. Unexpected. Delightful
.

Your hand is like…”

Sebastian’s groan interrupted Drake’s recitation. Her brother shook his head piteously. “For the love of God, that is bloody awful. Spare yourself any further embarrassment.”

Tears blinded Emmaline. “Shut up, Sebastian.” She silently pleaded with Drake to continue.

Drake’s eyes skimmed the paper until he found the spot he’d left off on. “Your hand is like salvation. It saved me.”

Warm, salty drops spilled from her lashes and trailed a path down her cheeks. A lifetime ago she’d been a little girl sitting across from a young boy, a prince who’d rescued her from a fall. Years later, when
the prince left to fight on the Peninsula, the little girl had been replaced by a whimsical young woman, who’d often ruminated about a moment just like the one she was living in her brother’s dining room.

Carmichael arrived with two burly servants from the kitchen.

Well, all of it except for the servants arriving to throw him from the room.

Emmaline shoved her seat back and jumped to her feet. “Don’t touch him.”

“Remove him,” her brother barked.

***

Drake had
battled soldiers who’d been intent on cutting his throat. It would take more than three of Mallen’s servants to alarm him. He took a step towards Emmaline.

This was it.

In a room full of witnesses, he who had existed in this shell of himself for the past three years was going to bare himself to this woman who’d come to mean more to him than anyone. It terrified him. Seeing the unfiltered love in her eyes, however, gave him the courage to continue.

“I have wronged you. I have never treated you as you deserved. I have made more mistakes in my life than I can count. My greatest regret has been how horribly I have treated you.” He knelt beside her. “You said you wanted a choice. Well, now you have a choice. And I’m asking you to choose me. Choose me
, not because you are required to, not because you have no choice. Not because I’m heir to a dukedom. Choose me because you need me as much as I need you.”

He set the bouquet down on the table beside her
most likely cold soup and claimed her hands in his. He turned them over and studied them. They were so delicate. And shaking. He traced the intersecting lines of her palm with his pointer finger.

“Get your hands off my sister,” Mallen shouted.

Drake ignored him. “I don’t know if you have it in you to look past all my mistakes, but I ask that you allow me to court you?” He brushed a delicate kiss upon her knuckles. God, he’d missed…

One of Mallen’s burly staff members jerked him backward. Drake cursed. He should have been expecting that.

“Don’t touch him!” Emmaline cried, appealing to the Duchess of Mallen. “Mother?”

The duchess glared at her son. “This show of force really isn’t necessary, Sebastian. For any man to bare his soul, and recite poetry in front of a hostile witness like you speaks volumes of the depth of emotion he has for Emmaline.”

“Traitor,” Mallen mumbled. He nodded to the two servants, who released Drake.

Drake returned his attention to Emmaline. “It was not my intention to interrupt your meal.”

Mallen snorted. “Then what was your intention?”

This time, he did look at Mallen
. “My intention is to court your sister.”

Sister and brother spoke in unison.

“Yes.”

“The answer is no.”

Chapter 33

My Dearest Drake,

This will be the last letter I write. It is time for us to meet again.

Ever Yours
,

Emmaline

Emmaline had hoped with a night of rest that upon waking Sebastian would be amenable to her picnicking with Drake. Standing before her brother’s desk, eyeing his stiffly held form, she now realized she’d been foolishly optimistic.

Sebastian folded his arms across his chest and glared. “I said no.”

Emmaline managed a smile. “That seems to be your new favorite phrase.”

He dropped his pen on his desktop.

Perhaps sarcasm was not her best tactic. “It is merely a picnic,” she reasoned. “There is nothing scandalous about a picnic. Why they are all the rage—”

His snort interrupted her rational explanation. “There is everything scandalous about a picnic when,” he proceeded to tick off on his fingers.
"One it is with your former betrothed, two, you throw over a fine, respectable gentleman for—"

Emmaline gasped and marched across the room. “How dare you. I did not throw
over Waxham. You were the one attempted to bring us together.”

A telltale vein pulsated along the edge of his temple, indicating he was doing everything within his power to
maintain his self-control. “Drake isn’t worth ten Waxham’s.”

Attempting to diffuse the palpable tension emanating from his rigid form, Emmaline sighed. “I will not debate Drake’s worth with you. I love him and more than anything right now, I want to join him in on a picnic. So can’t you please, smile at me, pat me on the head, and tell me to go and have a good time? It is not marriage he is asking for.” Yet. Hopefully in time. “It is a picnic
. That is it. Nothing more.”

Sebastian raked a hand through his dark locks. “Can I think on it?”

“What is there to think about?”

He slashed the air with an agitated hand. “I’m already exerting all my ducal influence to silence as many whispers and speculations
as I can. I know you’re unaware of the very public censure your actions have earned, but Mother and I are doing our best to save your reputation.”

A laugh burbled up from her throat, and spilled past her lips. “Really, Sebastian. You are making far more of it than
—” He slammed a powerful fist onto the mahogany desk with a resounding boom. Emmaline jumped.

“Are you really so unaware of how you are being perceived by the
ton
? They say you are fickle. You broke off your betrothal, then allowed Waxham to pay serious court.”

“It
is your fault—“

“For the love of God, do not say one more time that what happened with Waxham
is my fault,” he bellowed and then took a calming breath. When he spoke, his words emerged more even. “Waxham cares for you, Emmaline.”

All this time she’d assumed Waxham’s interest had been borne of nothing other than the connection they shared through Sebastian. A twinge of remorse ravaged her already guilty conscience.

Sebastian groaned. “Damn it, please don’t give me that sad little look.”

Her chin quavered. “I’m not giving you a sad little
—”

“Yes you are. It’s the same one you’ve turned on me since you were a small girl. I’m powerless against it.”

She hadn’t even known she’d had any such look. But since he seemed very aware of it she quietly pressed her advantage. “Please send me on my picnic outing with Lord Drake with your blessings.”

Sebastian cursed softly, obviously noting that he’d tipped his hand. He rubbed his hands over his eyes, agitated. “Fine. The picnic. But do not any time soon, expect me to honor anything else more serious than a picnic.”

Emmaline crossed over to his chair. Bending down, she placed a kiss on his cheek. She gave her words all the solemnity she could muster. “It’s just a picnic.”

“When is this picnic going to take place,” he mumbled clearly uncomfortable with her sisterly show of emotion.

“Uh—”

Someone tapped a perfunctory knock at the door.

“Enter,” Sebastian called, his expression indicating his annoyance at the interruption.

The butler stood framed in the doorway and bowed respectfully. “The Marquess of Drake awaits my lady in the foyer to escort her on,”
he wrinkled his nose, “a picnic.”

Sebastian’s narrowed gaze pinned her to the rug. Carmichael scurried off. “A picnic today. Imagine that. Drake must have amazing hearing and speed to have heard my consent.”

Emmaline shifted on her feet, having the sense not to speak.

“What say you, sister?”

She nodded. “His hearing is rather impressive. I shall be off.” Turning on her heel, she tossed a wave over her shoulder.

“Remember just a picnic, Em. That is all I’m consenting to.”

***

In spite of Sebastian’s
earlier protests, Emmaline had been victorious—she had gotten her picnic. Her maid, Grace trailed behind her and Drake as they made their way through Hyde Park. There was something thrilling about turning out the victor in a losing argument against the Duke of Mallen.

“I don’t know what to make of that mischievous smile, sweet.”

“Perhaps I’m just happy,” Emmaline said.

Drake snapped out a blanket and Sir Faithful playfully grabbed a corner and shook it with his teeth. “I know your just
-happy smile. That was not it.”

Her maid, Grace, rushed forward to assist with the blanket, but Emmaline waved her off. “Grace, I assure you
, Lord Drake can handle both Sir Faithful and seeing to the blanket. Why don’t you take a short walk?” It was more an order than request.

Her words were met with a loud rip.

“Cease,” Drake commanded and the dog immediately sat, and bowed his head.

Grace shot a skeptical look from Drake to Sir Faithful. “As you wish, my lady.”

Sir Faithful made one last attempt at tugging the corner of the blanket, but Drake snapped the palm of his hand to the side of his thigh and the dog, dutifully sat at his master’s heels, watching expectantly as Drake set the basket down upon the blanket and helped Emmaline to the ground.

“He is a troublesome little thing, isn’t he?” She scratched the sensitive spot along the bridge of Sir Faithful’s nose.

“Not very little anymore, either.” Drake looked at the rapidly growing mutt. “He is, however, true to his name. I would have thought you would find me a pug or Shetland sheepdog,” he teased.

Emmaline laughed. “A Shetland sheepdog would have been just the thing. Though after reflecting on the fact you had no sheep, I decided Sir Faithful would do nicely.”

He waggled his brows. “Not yet. Perhaps the sheep will come later. How do you feel about becoming the wife of a sheep farmer?”

The image of Drake galloping about the countryside with a Shetland sheepdog, herding a flock of sheep about
, was just so ludicrous that she laughed until she developed a stitch in her side.

Then she processed what he’d said.

She tilted her head back and closed her eyes. “I’m dreaming.”

The blanket rustled as he sat down beside her. “You are so beautiful,” he
said. There could be no question of the quiet sincerity of his words.

Never, ever in her life had she before felt beautiful—until that moment. He made her believe she was more than just
tolerably pleasing
, as the papers had labeled her

“Do you know where I found Sir Faithful?”

Drake scratched the dog under his belly and waited for her answer.

“I visit the soldiers at London Hospital each week. There is a black dog who lives there and wanders the halls. No one is certain what line of dog she is. The soldiers named her Alice. A few months ago, Alice disappeared for three days. For three whole days, the soldiers and nurses
were devastated, no one knowing what had happened to the dog. But she returned, and it wasn’t long until we realized she was with pups. Sir Faithful is one of those pups.” Sir Faithful licked her hand once, twice, and a third time.

“
It really should come as no surprise to me that you give your time at the hospital.”

Emmaline shifted under the uncomfortable weight of his praise and gave a tiny shrug in response. “It is not a chore to visit the men. Seeing them fills me with great joy.” She’d always looked forward to sitting with the
soldiers who’d courageously dedicated their lives, who’d risked their physical safety for such a noble cause.

“I imagine you bring them great joy as well.” Drake opened the wicker basket and pulled out a thick loaf of bread neatly wrapped in a cloth, along with sliced cheese, and plump
red strawberries. He began arranging a dish for her.

Emmaline rested her chin atop her knees and studied his movements. There was something beautifully domestic about his simple actions. She accepted the plate he held out to her with a murmur of thanks. Picking up a piece of bread from her plate, she nibbled at the corner and continued to watch him.

After the way he’d barged in on her brother’s dinner party, she’d been at a loss to understand what exactly was her relationship with Drake. The corner of her heart, where she’d buried the dream of being his wife, stirred to life. A man could not humble himself as Drake had in front of her brother, mother, and Lord Waxham, baring his most intimate thoughts, if marriage was not his intention?

Drake
plucked a strawberry. He made to pop it into his mouth.

“When you imagine the future, do you see me as your wife?”

For an infinitesimal moment, he paused, before he finally ate the red berry.

A long stretch of silence met her question.

***

The fine linen of his shirt did little to conceal the heat of his mother’s emerald and diamond ring,
warm against his chest. Since the moment he’d decided to ask Emmaline to wed him, he’d rehearsed any number of poetic, appropriate speeches, grimacing at the lackluster attempts. However, even the paltry efforts he’d managed, fled.

Drake jumped up and began to pace.

Emmaline cocked her head. “Drake?”

“Hmm?” He continued his path. Back and forth. With as close as he’d come to losing her, Drake would imagine he should have found if not the perfect words, then something suitable.

“Are you all right?”

“Uh-, I…
fine. Fine.” He stopped abruptly in front of her. With a jerky movement, he leaned down and tugged Emmaline upright.

She pitched forward landing hard against his side. “Oomph.”

Emmaline pulled back and eyed him with a healthy dose of concern. “Uh-are we done with the picnic?”

Drake directed his eyes skyward. He needed Cupid’s intervention to salvage this sorry, sorry proposal.

Sir Faithful chose that moment to sidle over on his belly, effectively wedging himself between Drake and Emmaline.

Apparently Cupid was otherwise busy.

“The moon is in the sky…”

Emmaline looked up in confusion,
and shielded her eyes against the glaring sun high in the cloudless blue sky. “It is? Where?”

“Uh-no, not now. That is to say, it is not in the sky at this precise moment. What I intended to say is…” A black curse fell from his lips.
Mayhap Sin was right and he should forget all the nonsense with poetry.

Emmaline’s eyes widened the size of saucers.

This was certainly not a proposal for the ages. Frustrated with the debacle he was making out of the moment, he dragged a hand through his hair. “My apologies,” he muttered. “What I meant to say is—”

Except those words also eluded him and Drake was once again left with a dry mouth and incoherent thoughts. Who would have imagined he, the otherwise unflappable Marquess of Drake, should find himself bumbling his way through a marriage proposal?

“I need to speak to you about the day your father died.” He winced. Hardly the stuff a young lady preferred to hear when a gentleman was asking for her hand. Maybe he should go back to the stuff about the moon and the stars.

“Drake?”

Suddenly the prospect of facing down a line of French soldiers seemed vastly less terrifying than sharing the truth with Emmaline and risking rejection at her hands.

Emmaline slid her hand into his and from the gentle squeeze she gave, found strength and courage. “I don’t want to dwell on the past. I
—”

As tempted as he was to bury the story that had haunted him since he’d returned from the Peninsula, he would not be able forgive himself if he withheld this truth from her. “No. I need to have out with it.” He drew in a deep fortifying breath. “I was coming to see you. I need you to know that.” The words were guttural, wrenched from somewhere deep inside him. “I became used to walking during the war. When I returned
, I walked everywhere. I was coming to your residence that morning. There was a carriage accident. A broken axle, I suspect. I heard shouts and cries. Something happened to me in that moment. I forgot where I was. I came to hours later, in an alley, not knowing what had happened. That is why I did not go to you the day your father died. And I am sorrier for that than you can ever know.”