Forever Mine (2 page)

Well, what could I tell
her. Patrick and John were like two peas in a pod. Whereas in some
people this could have caused them to clash a lot, they had found a
way to get along and as a father and son, were incredibly close.
Part of this was due to the arrival of Charlie and Emily. They were
John’s grandchildren and undoubtedly, the apples of his
eye.

If there was one thing
about John that had started to irritate me, oh my word, it was the
way that he would go on about Patrick and those bloody
children.

Every day it was, ‘Oh
Michelle, guess what Charlie did today,’ or ‘Michelle, come and
have a look at Emily wearing that dress we bought her.’

Even when we were out, it
was, ‘Michelle, we will have to get this for Charlie,’ Then I would
have to wait around whilst he sent a text to Saint Patrick to tell
him what he had bought.

I mean, I know that they
were his family, but they had their own lives and John, well, he
had me.

I hated them
all. I loved John more than anybody else in the world could
possibly ever love him, but I was not the most important person in
his life, not while he had Patrick, Charlie and Emily.

I had thought that
getting rid of Jennifer would make me happy, but now I just had
more time to notice and think about the way that Patrick and the
children annoyed me. Something was going to have be done. I
wouldn’t stand for it.

Patrick had
remained close to both his mum and dad following their divorce. It
was so bloody amicable that John and Sue would visit each other and
talk on the phone. So, on top of everything, I had a smug ex-wife
to deal with. Every time that he looked at me I knew that Patrick
was comparing me against his mother and that each time I was coming
up well short. I hated them, especially her.

Obviously I
couldn’t let John know how I felt. I had to show willing, had to
make an effort. So before I knew what was happening, time that
could have been spent, just me and John, in fancy restaurants and
walking round art galleries now had to be spent pushing screaming
kids on the swings in the park and eating cheap, nasty burgers in
fast food places. Oh my god, make this stop.

Before I
could reply I was shocked by a sudden jolt in the back of my chair.
I looked over to see an unruly boy a couple of years older than
Charlie was running round the coffee shop terrorising customers
with a toy bow and arrow that it looked like he had just purchased
from poundland. As I turned back to Michelle I saw the frazzled
waitress just miss tripping over him whilst his oblivious mother
carried on playing with her phone. Kids!

‘Well Louise, John
thought it would be best for me to meet Patrick over dinner, just
Patrick, me and John. I really wanted to make a good impression,
really wanted him to like me, you know for John’s sake.’

‘Oh I know Mich, that’s
just you though, isn’t it babes. Always putting everybody else
before yourself.’

Louise was
right, obviously I wanted John to be happy so of course I was going
to try to see the best in Patrick. But. You just know with some
people the minute you see them. You can see the good in people or
the bad in people. With Patrick I could tell as soon as I saw him
that he was not my cup of tea. I knew that he was looking down his
nose at me. I knew that he would never think that I was good enough
for his dad. He would never think that anybody was good enough for
John apart from Sue.

My views
about Patrick were confirmed about halfway through dinner. One of
John’s friends had bought his grandson a new, top of the range bike
and John wanted to buy one for Charlie. That was my, kind, John,
wanting to give his grandchildren everything. What a kind man. Or
so you would think, but no, not good enough for Patrick. He made
excuses about how it had just been Charlie’s birthday and he had
been spoilt rotten then. Patrick thought that a gift like that was
too much and told John that he would rather he didn’t do it. Oh,
but I knew what was going on. This was nothing to do with Charlie
being spoilt. This was obviously Patrick being mean because he did
not like me. Anyway, forgetting that, who did he think he was,
talking to my John like that. He was Charlie’s grandad, and if he
wanted to treat his grandson, then why should anybody stop him. I
would make sure I spoke to John about that later.

True to my
word, that night, as we were preparing our supper I casually
mentioned the bike to John and told him that I understood that he
must be terribly disappointed. After a small amount of persuasion,
I got him to see that he should ignore Patrick. If getting the bike
would make him and Charlie happy, he should just do it. He could
just tell Patrick that he had already ordered it. Once he presented
it to Charlie, who would love it, what could Patrick do.

We agreed to a
compromise. We would get the bike but we would leave it a couple of
months before giving it to Charlie. That way we could claim that we
thought it would be ok now that it was not so close to his
birthday.

Sure enough
that it was what we did. Three months later we invited Patrick,
Cara and the children over to John’s. As soon as they arrived, John
told Charlie that there was something for him in the back garden.
He ran into the back garden and we all followed, John focusing on
the look on Charlie’s face when he saw his surprise. I on the other
hand was only interested in the look on Patrick’s face when he saw
that we had gone against his wishes. One look was all it took to
see the expression I had been hoping for. Patrick was furious, and
when he looked at John, John knew it to. They didn’t realise it
then, but that was the moment that their relationship changed
forever.

Of course,
nobody would ever suspect me of anything untoward. For the six
months after I first met Patrick I was sweetness personified.
Nothing was too much trouble for me when he was around. ‘Patrick
love, let me get you another drink.’ Patrick love, leave that to
me,’ ‘Patrick love, of course I don’t mind.’ I wouldn’t be
surprised if they thought I loved them. Then again, Patrick
probably thought that everybody loved him. Well not for
long.

Whilst
spending time with Patrick and the snivelling brats I was quietly
going about my business, gathering bits of information that might
come in useful. Before long I knew that Charlie had swimming
lessons on a Tuesday night, Emily had playgroup on Saturday
mornings and every other Sunday was family time when they would go
on a family day out.

Using the information
that I had gathered I started inviting them over at times when I
knew they couldn’t make it. I knew John would never remember things
such as the schedule of the children as he didn’t pay much
attention to these things. Every time I invited them over and they
said they couldn’t make it I would pretend to be really
disappointed and upset. Every time I invited them over and they
said they couldn’t make it I would, ever so gently, plant the seed
in John’s head that they were avoiding me because they didn’t like
me.

Aware of the
times when they could come over I would make sure I had plans and
was out of the house. Then, when they refused the invite and
suggested another time, it would be when I was out and I would
claim that this was further proof that they had an issue with me.
If I played this right, I could come out of this looking like the
victim.

‘You see
John, don’t you? Every time we invite them here they refuse and
then they always offer to come over when they know I will not be
here. It is so upsetting for me John. You don’t know how it feels.
I just don’t know what I have done wrong.’

Every time
John told me it was not like that and everything would be OK. He
told me they were just a busy family and I was making too much of
it. I kept on plugging away waiting for the right time to up the
ante.

‘So I tried so hard
Louise. Time after time I invited them over or tried to arrange
days out together, but it was always Charlie’s swimming lesson or
Emily’s play group. So time after time they didn’t come and I just
started to feel more and more rejected. I even started to believe
that I wasn’t worthy of John and that I should be the one to walk
away, you know?

‘What an asshole. I can’t
believe that somebody like that could ever be related to John. What
happened’?

It was a
surprise event on the day of my 60
^th
birthday that made me realise that I needed to take action
and make mine and John’s happiness my only priority. I knew that he
loved his family, but they didn’t deserve him and if I didn’t get
in there first they would convince John that he was better off
without me.

‘So tell me about your
birthday Mich, what did you do?

‘Oh Louise, it was
perfect. We decided to go to a country house in Devon for the
weekend to celebrate my birthday. Just me and John for three whole
days. I couldn’t wait. John spoilt me rotten and we had a lovely
time. Then on the last night we were walking through the gardens
when he suddenly stopped. At first I started to freak out. I really
thought that he was going to tell me that it wasn’t working out.
Before I could speak I realised that he was getting down on one
knee and he was getting a ring box out of his pocket.’

‘Oh Michelle,
it sounds amazing.’

‘Oh it was. I was so
happy and I couldn’t wait to start planning the
wedding.’

That was true
at first. When John proposed I was so happy I cried. But, every
time I thought about the wedding I started to get upset. I didn’t
want Patrick there. I knew he didn’t like me and that he thought I
wasn’t good enough for his dad. On top of that, this was my big
day, mine. I didn’t want any reminders of his past marriages there.
I wouldn’t have it. I just wouldn’t.

After the
proposal, we started to plan the wedding, but every time we talked
about it I would get upset and list all the things that showed that
Patrick didn’t like me. Every time we had the conversation I
suggested that we should leave getting married but still he told me
that I had got it all wrong and it was all in my head.

This just
made me more and more frustrated, which rapidly turned to more and
more anger. I suppose it was inevitable really but eventually it
all got too much and our small disagreements about Patrick evolved
into something a lot more explosive. I couldn’t take it anymore and
in a fit of anger I gave him a choice, Patrick or me. I will never
forget the look he gave me as he slammed the door behind him. I had
never thought that his explosive anger would have been turned
against me. I loved him and just wanted him to be happy. Why
couldn’t he see that?

One thing I
learnt about John in the two months that followed that night was
just how stubborn he was. I phoned him and left messages but he
never got back to me. In the end I was forced to go to his flat. I
had to see him. I had to make him realise that he loved me and
needed me, but it was hard work.

For two
months we argued over and over about Patrick. He insisted it was
all in my head and I insisted it wasn’t. However, I started to
realise that John hated being on his own but didn’t want to lose
face. We compromised. I told him that I could give everything
another chance if he spoke to Patrick and asked him to apologise
for the way that I had been treated.

I could tell that John
wasn’t entirely happy with this but I also knew that being on his
own was starting to take its toll so he emailed Patrick and
arranged to meet him in the local pub.

The meeting
went the way I expected it to and the way I had been hoping it
would. Patrick had insisted that he didn’t have an issue with me
and that he hadn’t done anything wrong. John begged him to just
apologise and then everything would be ok. Patrick was as proud and
stubborn as John, and the thought of apologising for something he
hadn’t done was too much for him. He told John to stick his apology
before storming out the pub, leaving John and what remained of
their relationship behind.

I had already discovered
to my own cost how stubborn John could be. Now, I just had to hope
that this was another personality trait that he shared with his
son. When a month went by with neither man making contact with the
other it was confirmed. Neither man was willing to back
down.

Another month went by and
I focused on planning my wedding. Now I was going to have the
wedding that I wanted. Just me and John. It was my day and I wasn’t
going to share him. There would be nobody there that could ever
come between us.

The day had
been perfect. We had gone to the registry office and then to our
favourite restaurant for a romantic meal. As we sat gazing into
each other’s eyes I couldn’t believe how lucky I was. I had done
it. I had him to myself. He was all mine. My dream was complete. I
had everything I wanted, didn’t I?

When we came
back from honeymoon John seemed a bit distant and I knew that the
anger he felt towards Patrick had gone and he was missing his son
and grandchildren. I knew I had to do something. If John allowed
them back into his life, they would just hurt him again and then
they would try to come between me and John. I couldn’t allow it. I
needed to reignite the argument.